Room to Spare

A Naruto oneshot

By

EvilFuzzy9

Rating: T

Genre: Humor

Characters/Pairings: Naruto, Gaara, Killer Bee, Fuu; [mostly just the canon-ish shipteases]

Summary: Jinchuuriki sharing an apartment. A long-requested spiritual successor to three separate one shots over two years old. [drabbles, crack]

"Hey, Gaara, have you seen the remote?"

This was the first thing Naruto Uzumaki said to his fellow jinchuuriki one fine morning.

Gaara of the Cascading Sands, who had been in the middle pouring himself out a hot cup of joe, blinked and looked up at his friend and flatmate. He stared at Naruto for three seconds.

"I have not," he said blandly, before turning to Roshi, who was in the middle of ruefully sipping at his own coffee (as black as tar, and about as palatable) and perusing the morning paper. "Roshi, have you seen the remote?"

The old man wrinkled his nose, setting down his mug. He looked up from the paper, and glanced around the table.

"No," he grunted, before returning to checking on the sports section. A moment later, he called out to a certain armored steam-user. "HAN!" Roshi shouted. "Have you seen the remote?"

Han looked up from slapping a faintly excessive chunk of butter onto his toast.

"I think Bee had it last."

"BEE!" Roshi hollered. "WHERE'S THE GODDAMN REMOTE?!"

The jinchuuriki of the eight-tails walked into the kitchen wearing nothing but a bathrobe... and his sunglasses.

"Yo, old timer! Where could it be~?" he rapped in response. "That remote sure ain't on me! Last I saw, was on Yugito's lap~ Hot blonde mama was takin' a nap~"

Roshi huffed, muttering something under his breath about kids and their damn music.

Bee turned around, and hollered out to the bathroom.

"HEY, UP THERE! YO, YUGITO NI'I! WHEREVER COULD THAT LI'L REMOTE BE~?"

"HOW THE HELL SHOULD I KNOW?" was Yugito's irritably shouted response – the woman was not a morning person. "FUU HAD IT LAST!"

"UTAKATA HAD IT AFTER ME," came Fuu's bellowed interjection. "HE AND HOTARU WERE WATCHING SOME LATE NIGHT MUSH-FEST."

"DAMMIT, UTAKATA!" Yugito snapped from the bathroom. "THAT BETTER NOT HAVE BEEN PAY-PER-VIEW, YOU SON OF A BITCH! YOU STILL OWE ME YOUR SHARE OF THE RENT!"

"I ALREADY PAID YOU BACK, WOMAN!" Utakata snapped. "BESIDES, NARUTO USED IT AFTER WE DID!"

"GODDAMMIT, NARUTO!"

A/N: You know, humor is actually one of the hardest things to write, especially with my present default style. And that sort of challenge is exactly the kind of thing a writer should relish.

Hence, this.

The three fics this is a spiritual successor to, by the by, are TOTALLY Less Than Threatening, No More Moon's Eye Plan, and OneTailed Brat. The first two moreso than the latter.

Updated: 10-25-14

TTFN and R&R!

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