Hello again! First off, I apologize for any and all grammar mistakes, I usually read through a couple of times but it never gets completely fixed... *sigh*. Second off, tada; part 2! Third off; thank you to our first reviewer! Muchly appreciated and as an answer to your question: I will reveal nothing for my plot plans but this chapter may give you a pretty good idea as to the coming events. Finally thanks again and do enjoy, this one took a little longer than normal and a lot of edits, thanks to Vendelyn Silverhawk btws for that! So enjoy and R&R!

Chapter 2- Howling Commandos... and a Dame

Pepper sat on her bed, an angry expression reigning on her face.

"So you're leaving me?"

"No, I'm going to help Steve. There's a difference, in one scenario I get killed, in the other I save Steve from getting killed," Toni answered. Pepper pursed her lips.

"But you're leaving camp to go take down a HYDRA base. Does Steve know?"

"Not yet, but look at it this way; if Bucky has a gun to his head I can save him," Toni retorted, stuffing something in a bag.

"Steve can do that." Toni looked back at Pepper and then returned to the mattress she was pushing up. Underneath the foam was an array of handgun and two rifles. She grabbed the rifles and two handguns. Pepper pursed her lips. "So when you're dad comes to me raging up a storm, I'm gonna catch the shit and you're gonna be out fighting?" Toni glanced back at her.

"Come on Peps, I'll be fine. This is important to me." Pepper sighed and then tossed Toni a leather jacket.

"Bucky gave that to me, you ruin it and I kill you. Especially since I know where you keep you gun stash now," she breathed, resigning. Toni smiled, flashing her bright white teeth, and stood. She pulled the jacket on, tucked her pant legs into her boot and grabbed her bag. All that was left were her weapons. She slung the rifles onto her back and tucked the handguns in the back of her pants.

"I'll be back soon, and so will this coat," she assured. Pepper sighed and watched Toni run out the tent.

She loved the freedom that the pants gave her, allowing her to run. Staying low to the ground, she made her way for the supply truck that would take the Howling Commandos a third of the way. It wouldn't be an enjoyable ride but there was a small nook in the undercarriage of the truck which she crawled up into and hung.

When the truck finally eased to a stop and she heard the Commandos climbing out, she waited till the truck started to back up to drop off. The truck drove harmlessly over her, the tires missing her, and then she rolled off to behind a tree. So far so good. She would go from tree to tree and peek out to see the boys trudging around, it made her snicker slightly; what part of 'behind enemy lines' do you now understand boys?

Then they stopped and Toni's heart skipped a beat.

A hand clamped around Toni's shoulder and swung her around the right side of the tree. In front of her, Falsworth was holding her against the tree. She reached behind her and put a hand on her Nagant.

"James wait!" Steve cried. Toni looked over at him, a mix of confusion, panic and rage was written on his face. "Toni?" He demanded. Toni shot him a sneer.

"Don't look at me like that, I told you yesterday that I was itching to fight," she spat. Steve stormed over, grabbed Toni by the arm and pulled her away from the Commandos. Toni could see Bucky from the corner of her eye smirking up a storm.

"What are you doing here?" He hissed. Toni ripped her arm free.

"I wanted to help, is there anything wrong with that?"

"Excluding the fact that you could get yourself killed?" He snapped back.

"So it's okay if you risk your life but when I do it it's suddenly a very horrible thing? This is ridiculous Steve! You already knew I wanted this, you should've known I'd try and come. You can't take this away from me." Steve stared at her. There was silence as they stared at each other, Toni's eyes challenging him to counter her. He stepped back, crossing his arms.

"Do those weapons of yours have ammo?" She nodded

"And a silencer for the Nagant M1895," she replied, pulling the revolver out. Steve sighed and scanned her face.

"Your parents are going to be so pissed," he breathed. She smirked.

"Come on Private, we've got a HYDRA base to destroy."

...

Steve had been completely accurate; the battle was an adrenaline-fueled blur. It all meshed together, she realized. From the fight she could pick out shooting a 'bad guy' before he could shoot Morita, ramming into Bucky and going on a shooting rampage back-to-back, and leaping off a truck over Steve to kick a guy in the face. All in all, she thought afterwards, a good fight. And it ended with a light show; Dernier and Jones went running from the munitions factory screaming something and pointing towards the forest. Toni grabbed Dernier's shoulder.

"What is wrong with you two?" She demanded over the battle's noise.

"Nous avons truqué u-"

"We rigged a bomb Agent, let's move!" Jones finished. Bucky went barreling past, a wild grin on his face and a gun raging in his hand.

"Let's go boys!" He yelled over the gunfire. Toni just smiled and ran after him, Steve pulling up behind. As they gained distance the factory exploded. Even from the distance they'd reached, the explosion threw Toni back slightly and lit up the evening sky. Falsworth, Bucky and Dernier were all grinning like idiots. Toni looked over at Steve.

"What'dya think Private?" She asked. He looked at her with pursed lips, still upset over her joining them.

"I think that we still have two more locations to be at and when we get back if you're still alive then I won't be when your dad sees me," Steve grumbled. Toni chuckled to herself.

"There is a reason they gave me the title of Agent, Private. I can fire a weapon, I'm pretty sure that fight can testify to that. Now if you wanna keep griping like a baby then that's fine. Or you can get over it and we can blow up two more factories, call it a day and get back to base." Steve gave her a look and then sighed.

"Alright fine. Come on, we've got half a day of walking to get over with."

...

The next to factories went by just like the first, but Toni insisted on helping to blow up the third. So Steve insisted Bucky take her in.

"Why'd you wanna do this?" He shouted, shooting a HYDRA grunt. Toni flashed him a knowing smile.

"Magicians never reveal their secrets," she replied. He rolled his eyes.

"Fucking seriously Toni!"

"Fine! I wanted-" she shot another grunt that was aiming for Bucky's head and hiding in a dark corner. Bucky spun around and nodded at her, acknowledging her aim. "I wanted to check the lab before we rig the bomb, there's probably some plans and designs in it, gimme ten minutes then we can blow it," Bucky shrugged.

"Lead the way Agent."

The lab was much farther back than she had planned and took a fair amount of ammo to get to but it did allow them to set more RDX at key points in the factories structure. Bucky swore to her that when- if- they got out Steve was going to have both their asses. He was probably right, but at least she was having fun. And when they got to the lab Bucky had to wait outside because he couldn't look at the strapped operating table and not freeze up. But the lab was full of missile designs and several blaster designs along with a map containing the entirety of the underground HYDRA ops in Austria and Belgium. She stuffed them in her rucksack and ran out, grabbing Bucky's shoulder on the way out.

"Got what you wanted Agent?" He cried over the gunfire.

"Yep! Come on there's a side door, signal Steve and then we can blow this puppy!" Bucky slammed his fist into a box labeled Einbruchemelde. A bell started ringing shrilly and Bucky figured that would do the trick.

Outside, Toni could Steve's star spangled uniform running for the woods so she and Bucky made for the same direction, waiting for explosives to go off. Bucky looked back at the factory and started grinning as the initial explosion went off.

"Fuck yes!" He screamed. "FUCK YOU SCHMIDT!" Toni grinned.

"Fucking tell 'em Buck!" She called back to him. And then they regrouped with Steve and the others. They were all taking a breather; Morita was bent over, resting his elbows on his knees and panting hard and Dugan was leaning on a tree trying to catch his breath. Toni came jogging to a stop, still smiling from Bucky's outburst.

"What took you guys so long?" Steve panted.

"We stopped in the lab... important documents..." She huffed back.

"That was a damn fine explosion, better than the ones you rigged Jones," Bucky teased. Gabe sneered at him.

"At least we were fast Barnes, you guys took your fucking time. You should try to fist fight one of those huge ass HYDRA guys, it's fucking hard!" He snapped back, Bucky ignored him.

Steve pulled Toni off to the side.

"Toni you risked both of your lives, that was-"

"You told me in the car on the way to your procedure that you're 'just passionate' like me. I've got two things I can do right, Steve, science and shooting. I knew what I was doing and I knew what I was looking for. We're fine," she snapped.

"But you're not!" He shouted. Quiet fell and Toni could feel the eyes of the rest of the Commandos watching them. "Look at you Toni! You're bleeding and filthy and I know you broke your left middle and pointer fingers when you missed that HYDRA lackey's face yesterday! I wouldn't be surprised if you broke a rib yesterday too..."

There was a long pause as they stared each other down.

"What's the plan Captain?" She growled, finally breaking the deafening quiet.

"Head west-southwest for three miles then we'll set up camp and wait for Phillips to send his truck. Dernier, wanna radio him and tell him we're ready for pickup at the checkpoint?" Dernier nodded and Toni started walking, putting some distance between herself and Steve.

A pang of dismay fell on Steve as he realized what she'd called him.

...

Bucky walked over to Toni, slicing a wedge off an apple he'd nabbed from Falsworth. He offered the wedge to her which she took, grumbling a thank you. He stayed quiet for a moment and then sat down next to her. They were out of hearing distance from the others.

"If you two keep up like that then they're gonna think you guys are an old married couple," He said, glancing at her.

"Doesn't matter, I'm obviously not coming back out with you," she mumbled. He sighed, she was acting like tiny Steve when he had to bail the little twerp out of a fight.

"Fuck that, of course you're coming back out. Steve being protective over you doesn't mean he doesn't want you here, it just means he wants you safe Toni. Why wouldn't he? I mean just by the way he looks at you you can tell the punk likes you." Toni kept her head down but gave Bucky a fleeting look from the corner of her eyes.

"It's so aggravating though. I've spent most of my life fighting against the constrains that society set for me and here I am and even Steve- who I thought would understand the most- is fighting me," she spat. Bucky looked over and sighed.

"Well you can't go down this road like you're driving a truck. You're going down this road on your own two feet, Toni, and it's a long road." There was a pause as she took in what he was saying with a begrudging 'humph'. "At least, though, you know how to shoot a gun. Of course I still don't know why you're using the suppressor. It's knocking your aim off." She gave him a wry grin.

"Nah, I'm just aiming for you. Always miss though..."

"Fuck you," he chuckled. Then Steve walked over.

"Can we talk?" He muttered, rubbing the back of his neck. Toni stood and shot Bucky one more teasing look then followed Steve.

He led her a couple hundred feet away from the others and then they stopped. She leaned back against a tree and watched him, waiting for him to say something. He had taken off his helmet and donned his air force sheepskin jacket. Toni found it unfair that he got to look so good when she was supposed to be angry at him.

"I'm sorry," he murmured. Toni just stared with blank eyes and a set jaw. "I shouldn't have-"

"Damn straight you shouldn't have, Steve. If you think you know me even a little then you'll know that every day of my life has been 'no, you're a girl' or 'you can't, you're a lady'. I'm so fucking fed up with it Steve! I'm sorry I fucked up your mission but I can't stay in that camp anymore and watch those men go out and never come back. If you're gonna die then so am I because-" her voice caught, stopping before she could finish. It occurred to her it might have sounded like she was going to say 'because I love you'. She didn't- that was something women said to their men when they wanted something. It was something bigger than that. She trusted him, and he could never know how much that meant to her. "-I can't see you go and not come back. I can't see Bucky go and never return, Steve. I know you know what I'm talking about because you lived it. It's not a feeling I like so put yourself back in the old Steve's shoes and remember that feeling of fear and anger and pain when you were told no." Steve's eyes hadn't left her face for one second, not even after she finished with creased brows and steeled eyes.

"Toni... old Steve never left, I still know that feeling," he whispered. He took a step forward and she stopped him, hand pressed against his chest.

"Then why are you so insistent on me staying at camp?"

"Because every time I lost sight of you in those fights my heart fell, my mind was on overdrive wondering where you went or what happened to you. I still know that feeling because of you, Toni." She let her arm fall limp and drop off his chest. He closed the gap between them and wrapped his arms around her. She pushed herself up and met his lips with hers.

He was right; she'd definitely broken a rib.

...

"Your father, Agent Stark, is going to cook you up and serve you your high and mighty ass on a very silver platter," Phillips grumbled at the sight of Toni. She flashed him an irritated grin.

"Good, I'm hungry," she shot back. Bucky and Dugan snickered and Steve snorted behind her. Phillips sighed.

"Get in boys... and miss." She glared at him on her way into the back of the truck.

It was about an hour and a half long ride back to camp and Toni spent it sleeping, conked out next to Steve with her head on his shoulder. She hadn't meant to but once the truck started going and Morita, Jones and Falsworth all fell asleep Toni did too. And upon arrival- and a rather rude awakening- at camp, her father was bat shit crazy with anger.

"We couldn't find you! We didn't know if you were dead or alive! Virginia had to lie for you! You put your life at risk and not to mention Steve's and the other Commandos! You were not authorized and I needed you here! Your mother and I are so far beyond disappointed- furious! I'm revoking your right to study with me and you and Virginia are flying home tomo-"

"Howard wait!" Steve called, he'd been the last out of the truck so he was standing behind the rest of the Commandos. Howard's eyes shot to Steve, Peggy's too. "I asked her to come, I thought her knowledge would be valuable in the-"

"Shut up Steve! No he didn't dad. I asked Pepper to keep it quiet and I stowed away in the undercarriage of their transport truck. It was all my idea and any and all punishments should be deferred to me." Howard shot Steve a look and turned back to Toni.

"Go get your things packed, I'm sending you home," He huffed. Bucky stepped forward.

"She saved my life a multitude of times, she helped me rig a factory to explode efficiently, she found designs, plans and maps of HYDRA bunkers- something I would've looked at and ignored- she's an amazing shot and Steve would probably have more than a couple gun wounds without her, I'm pretty sure every man in the Commandos can attest to that," he said. Howard glared at him.

"It doesn't change anything. She's going home."

"Monsieur, she eez zhe best exploseeves coordinator I know now. And she saved my life twice. Gabe et moi owe her a debt, it vould be wrong to not stend oop fur her." Beside the Frenchman, Jones nodded. Peggy grabbed Howard by the arm and pulled him away. Toni turned and mouthed a thank you to the boys then pushed through to Steve.

She looked up at him, sad eyes and dirty face staring at his mutual expression. He chewed the inside of his lip, brow creased over hardened eyes. Toni gave him a weak smile, right corner of her mouth curling up just slightly. The Commandos looked away from them, blocking her from Howard's view should he turn around.

"I'm sorry I jeopardized your mission, but thank you for letting me stay for it," she mumbled quietly. "You'll be alive when this is over right? You'll bring me the Luger when we win?" He didn't know what to say, she would undoubtedly have had to move on from him and even if she hadn't; him returning would mean he'd survived-which he wasn't sure if he would. He nodded weakly.

"Definitely."

"That's your word isn't it, definitely? You use it a lot when you're unsure or excited," she said, trying to laugh a little. "You'll write to me right? Tell me how things are over here. I heard Phillips mention that camp's moving to Belgium soon. Middle of winter and that place is cold as shit so dress warmly and give the Germans hell, right?" He nodded again and then reached out. He froze for a minute and then continued on, running his hand down her hair to her cheek.

"I'll take you to diner when this is all over, a proper dinner in a proper restaurant and then we'll walk through Central Park."
"Why?"

"I owe you one, remember? I took you to a lake instead of dinner." She smiled half-heartedly.

"Alright, it's a plan." Then she stood up on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek.

She took the first six steps hesitantly then the next three slowly. She was stopped on her tenth step by Peggy- or by Steve grabbing her arm to spin her around so Peggy could talk to her.

"Antonia!" Her mother called from the front of the gathering. Toni looked over at her, tearing away from Steve's gaze. "Go get cleaned up and then wait for us in your tent. Captain Rogers- Howard, myself and the Colonel would like a mission report please," she instructed. Toni let her hand slide out of Steve's and she walked back to her tent, heart heavy.

...

"Can I say good-bye do you think?" Pepper sighed. Toni shrugged and Pepper bit her lip. "I'm sorry Toni, I know what being here meant to you. And you and Steve were just-" the tent flaps were parted, Peggy and Howard walked in. Howard still looked ticked but Peggy was wearing a soft, weary expression.

"You realize what you did is not only punishable by us but also by a Court Martial and you can be sentenced to death by shooting?" Peggy gave Toni a stern look as she spoke, making Pepper curl her legs up and wrap her arms around them. Toni nodded warily. "And you understand that covering it up could put us in danger of Courts Martial as well?" Toni nodded again. "Good, next mission you are to accompany Captain Rogers as an intelligence officer. No questions," Howard raised an eyebrow slowly as Toni rose.

"You aren't joking are you?" Peggy shook her head and then Toni straightened into a salute. "Thank you Agent," she breathed. Peggy nodded.

"That's all, now go relay that to Rogers, you owe him," Peggy finished, turning and ushering Howard out.

Toni turned to Pepper who had a look of disbelief. The two broke out in laughter, Toni doubling over.

"We shouldn't be laughing!" Toni cried. Pepper shook her head.

"Probably not," she laughed back. "You gonna go talk to Steve?" Toni took a breath and nodded. She smiled at Pepper and then exited the tent.

She found Steve out in the woods, in the same place she always laid in when she had nothing else to do. He looked peaceful as he looked up at the branches above. She wandered over to him, being careful not to disturb him. Quietly, she sat down beside him, alerting him to her presence. He looked over.

"Toni?" She nodded, smiling a little.

"Mom talked dad into letting me stay. She said I owe you, what'd you risk to keep me here?" She replied. He stared at her for a moment then sighed and looked back up at the branches.

"I didn't think it would work. I had a whole schpeel about if they sent you home then Howard wouldn't have your balancing mind and the Howling Commandos would be missing their Captain and blah blah blah... it doesn't really matter because you're still here," he said. She curled her lips into each other, trying to force down a far too loving smile.

"Thanks," she murmured, brushing a stray curl of hair off his forehead. He nodded, watching her with warm eyes. He pushed himself forward a little, enough so he could press his lips against hers. She leaned into him, sliding her hand onto the base of his neck and breathing him in. She pushed on him a little and he fell back to the ground, easing herself down with him. Her hair fell around their right side, thick curls cascading down. She pulled up slightly, a smile wide on her face. "Is it bad that you're the first person I've ever really liked to kiss?" She hummed. He cracked a grin and shook his head.

"Only if it's bad that you're the first person I've ever kissed," he replied. She eased back down and they kissed again.

"Think we should get back? I can't have two strikes in one day with my parents," she whispered between kisses. He sighed.

"Alright." Slowly she pulled herself to her feet. She reached out a hand for Steve which he took but avoided putting a lot of pressure on her for fear of flipping her over.

...

It was one mission after another. One factory after another. One bunker after another. She barely had time to relax between helping her father and helping the Commandos, and she almost never had time to see Steve outside of combat. On missions, however, she would pin him against a tree, kissing him hard and fast if the adrenaline hadn't yet worn off or slow and deliberate if it had. And if the mission had gone really well Toni would insist on downtime with the Commandos as a group. They'd set up camp and either wait for pick-up or prepare to head out later. Toni especially enjoyed the raunchy comments Bucky would spew or the excited French from Dernier- something she found herself replying to, after four years with a French tutor- or even the annoyingly endearing teases about Toni and Steve.

Although, if the mission did not go well Toni would get a reprimanding from Steve to which she would snap back with angry one-liners or critiques on his fighting. The others would merely watch; Falsworth, Dernier and Jones with an eyebrow raised and Dugan, Morita and Bucky with smirks. Near the end of a fight Bucky would pipe up with "are mommy and daddy getting a divorce?" or something along those lines and Dugan might say something like "okay, well if Captain Angry Dad and Agent Pissy Mom are done, we've got important shooty-boom-boom things to do." It was the latter that always got Toni fired up. ("Pissy Mom? Do you even want me to start with you, Dipshit Dugan?")

But no matter how much they fought or how much they kissed, he always took her out to the lake on the clear nights at camp. And Pepper and Bucky found plenty of time to go dancing, picnicking, enjoy a dinner or just walk together.

On their last mission, Toni found information on a large HYDRA arms and ammunition factory which they would need to take out. It was just north of Bastogne, a location of which the 506th had just faced hell in. Phillips ordered the camp to pack up, they were heading to Belgium. So Toni and Pepper packed their belongings and Toni grabbed her guns. In one solid move the 107th Infantry, the Howling Commandos and the Stark family flew to Belgium on twenty C-47s. They flew south through France and looped back up to their final destination.

Getting off the plane, Toni decided Belgium was not her country. The freezing ice and thick snow repelled her and the prospect of never-ending mud and cold angered her. Steve, Pepper and Bucky heard all about it.

...

"Fuck it's cold out," Bucky puffed, rubbing his hands up and down his arms. Morita shot him a look.

"Shut the fuck up man, you didn't spend six weeks taking shit from Nazi assholes."

"Neither did you Jim!" Bucky countered. Dugan rolled his eyes.

"Girls, girls, both of you are pretty, but neither of you are getting fucked tonight so quit," he snapped, pushing the two apart.

"I beg to differ Dum Dum; we're about to go infiltrate and destroy a HYDRA bunker filled with hundreds of raging Germans. There are seven of us. I'm pretty sure we're getting fucked tonight," Toni piped up with. Bucky gave her a grin which she returned. Dugan gave her a look and sighed.

"Steve, your girl's getting worse than Barnes himself," he called up. Steve chuckled at the head of the group.

"'Your girl?' I'm sorry, who the fuck do you think I am?" She snapped. Dugan turned his head a little and smirked. She smiled.

"Truth be told Toni, I think it's the Germans that are getting fucked tonight," Jones said from the back. Toni was surprised; he never usually got involved with the front's banter, seemed that him and Dernier were slightly quieter than Bucky and herself.

"Shut up, all of you. Down now. We're here, bunker's a hundred yards ahead. We ready?" Steve hissed back at them. They were all low to the ground, watching as armed HYDRA soldiers stood watch by the doors. "Alright; Bucky, Toni you two are first in, get the intel, rig the explosives and get out. Morita, Dugan and Falsworth you're on the three big guys and tanks. And Jones and Dernier, you're with me, there's a house around back with twelve American POWs, we're gonna get them. We all meet up two hundred yards directly behind us. Got it? Good, let's go," Steve instructed. Toni felt an odd sense of excitement every time he gave the order.

Right before they all burst out, as Falsworth and Morita were launching forward, Toni grabbed Steve by the neck of his uniform. She kissed him on the cheek and pushed him back a little.

"No losing that Luger," she murmured and bolted.

None of them made it ten feet before the guards were screaming a command that Toni barely made out.

"Blow it! Light it up!" She wished she didn't know German. There was something valuable inside and they were going to blow up the entire bunker, every living soul inside along with it, to keep the intel away from them.

"Kapitän verdammt Amerika Arschlöcher HYDRA," she breathed and picked up her pace. They blew it before she could stop them. And, in horror, she realized she was in the blast radius. Well within it.

She felt the explosion in her bones, the fire licking up her arms. It was a haze really, the blast and the moments leading up to her black out. Bliss settled in her mind, surprisingly, before her eyes slid closed; she was thinking of Pepper and Steve and her parents and Bucky and everything that she'd accomplished. You'll be in the history books one day, her mind purred as she faded.

But she was still there. Just a little. She was barely there enough to see a blurry Bucky hovering over her, scooping her up. Her hearing was awful, a ringing in her ears loud enough to break all the windows in Notre Dame. Somehow through the ringing she heard Morita screaming something into the radio they'd dropped a little ways back. He had an arm on the giant box and was screaming words, things she could barely make out, into it.

"NO! WE'RE FACING ENEMY FIRE AND THE FUCKING BUNKER EXPLODED! I DON'T FUCKING CARE, JUST GET US A RIDE OUT, WE HAVE A SEVERE INJURY!" Toni blinked slowly. Was the sky spinning or was that just her? She hadn't even noticed, until she barely made out Morita screaming it, the enemy fire but as Bucky leapt over a log and took cover she noticed it. She heard Steve's voice. Was he screaming her name? What was that? Then his face swam into view.

"Toni! Fucking shit! Morita is the truck on its way?" There was a pause as he looked away. "Then let's go! Come on!" He yelled, picking Toni up. She realized that she'd never heard Steve swear and it was a little shocking. They were running, Bucky tailing closely. She couldn't stop staring at Steve. Was she worrying them, being blank like she was? Should she be screaming? She opened her mouth to speak.

"Priva-" and then the screams came. The pain flooded over her like the ocean tides. Something in her chest was burning and it hurt like hell. Anything that could stop it, death even, would have been okay with her. If it made the pain go away then it'd all be okay.

"Toni! Toni hold on!" She heard Rogers shout over her wailing. She tried to force back the pain, clamping down on her tongue but she only recognized that she bit a hole in it from the blood that filled her mouth. She was moaning now, attempting to keep from screaming more. Tears were trailing down her cheek and she hated it, hated that she was being a burden. Her job was to be a Commando, not to be their luggage. She let out another scream as Steve leapt over a fallen tree. The landing hurt like fuck.

This wasn't dying; dying was supposed to be easy, like slipping into a pool. No, this was torture. Even if it ended in death, it wouldn't ever be death because she was still there, consciously delirious and in pain beyond anything she'd ever known. Maybe equal to that that Steve faced in his procedure. Probably worse.

"Steve!" She heard Bucky cry. Then there was a prick in her arm which she didn't notice.

She blacked out slowly, put to sleep by a syrette and a half of morphine. Her last image was Steve and Bucky hovering over her as they were loading into the truck. She wanted to smile, now that pain was subsiding and calm was filling her up.

The serenity was broken when she woke up moaning and groaning. She vaguely recognized that they were in the back of the truck still but they weren't moving, it hurt too much to notice anything else. She gasped and clawed at her chest, a sharp, angry and very acute pain centered by her sternum taunted her. She thought she heard Steve shout something in the distance.

It felt like hours, days, of screaming and clawing before she could scream out the word 'morphine' and thrust a jerky hand out at Jones. She screamed the word one more time before Morita fumbled to pull out a syrette and slide it into her arm. The red in her vision faded to the edges and she took a painful, shaky breath that made her gasp and then grit her teeth.

"Another," she growled.

"Toni, a grown man can barely take two but you, you're-"

"Do it!" She barked. Morita pulled out his last syrette and administered its dose. She took a more even, numbed breath and felt her brain, fuzzy as it now was, kick into overdrive. Suddenly there was a low yelp and Steve's face was hovering over hers.

"Did you dislocate my arm you asshole?! Nevermind, is Toni okay?" She heard Bucky cry. Toni's eyes took a moment to focus on Steve's.

"Are you okay? You shouldn't have taken that much morphine. Do you know what happened?" He breathed. Jones, Morita and Dernier hopped out the truck. She shook her head. "You were caught in an explosion, I think the factory contained some important information and they blew it before we could get in. Except for you, somehow you got close. We think some shrapnel from a tank got imbedded in your chest. They're going to fly you back to England and have surgeons remove it," he told her. She shook her head.

"Not enough time. They won't be able to get me on- gah!- a plane soon enough to get me into..." she trailed off, clutching at her chest again to find purchase. She felt the rough weave of bandaging around her torso. "Did you have to...?" She mumbled, flicking her gaze down to her chest. His blue eyes widened and his cheeks reddened.

"No one else... I didn't even really..." he muttered. She shook her head, wanting to laugh if the situation was different.

"Can you pick me up? I don't think I can walk," she continued after a pause. He nodded. "Take me to the lab. Bucky!" She paused, cringing as pain washed over her. A third morphine syrette would probably make that go away but she couldn't risk the loss of her mind. "Bucky, I need you too." Bucky fell in beside the two as Toni murmured a thank you to the other Commandos.

"What'dya need Stark?" He asked, supporting his left arm. She took a breath, shaky and sounding desperate for air.

"I need... I need you to go to my quarters. In the upper l-left drawer of my dresser is some tools and little parts. I need them all. And get me another morphine syrette, I want another half," she instructed.

"Toni we can't risk giving you that much morphine," Steve interrupted.

"Shut up Steve! I know what I can take!" She cried, feeling the pain take control of her emotions. She felt slightly guilty at his kicked puppy look. "Just take me to the lab quickly."

Bucky split off and went to the house that the Starks and Commandos had taken up residence in. Steve and herself continued on to the expansive German bunker that had now become H.Q. and the lab space. Steve kicked up the door and rushed past the confused onlookers. Then Peggy looked up from the radio that she was sending a press speech on. She dropped the speaker and shot to her feet.

"Toni!" She shouted. Howard's head poked out from the labs.

"Toni!" He echoed. Steve pushed past Peggy and set Toni down in a chair by a work bench.

"What happened? Are you alright?" Peggy questioned. Toni waved her off.

"An... explosion... nothing to... worry about..." she felt like her lungs were shriveling up and dying. "Dad, the plans for the... that arc reactor we... we were planning. I need it..." she wheezed. Howard, understanding the severity of the situation, rushed off to the corner of the lab and searched through the blueprints.

"Captain Rogers, mission report now," Peggy ordered, pulling Steve aside.

"Not now mother... I need you both... too much. Steve, where's Bucky? Mother, I need those soldering tools... over there and- FUCK WHERE IS JAMES?!" She screamed, feeling another wave of sharp, spasming pain.

"Right here," he answered, turning the corner and dropping the stuff on the table. Toni took a breath and tried to calm herself.

"Alright, mother, the prototype ring for the reactor. Can you get... get on putting together the outer ring? Bucky... Bucky put... put... morphine..." she felt herself slipping. Whatever was in her chest had nicked her lungs and she knew it. It burned. He nodded and uncapped another syrette. He squeezed half its contents into her arm. "All of it," she breathed in relief.

"NO! Toni that will kill you!" Steve intervened, slamming his hand down on the worktable.

"FUCK OFF! I NEED THIS STEVE! I FUCKING NEED THIS!" She screamed back. Howard and Peggy glanced at Toni but neither said anything. "Father... dad..." She huffed, realizing she was clawing at her chest again. Howard was by the worktable in an instant, prototype reactor ring in his hand. "I need you to... I'll start on the reactor and I need you to make the magnetic casing that will hold it in... in my chest," she continued. He nodded.

"You and I agreed last time we tried this that it's impossible Toni. I want it to work as much as you do but we can't rely on this. We should get you on a plane," he said, grabbing a spool of copper coils and a blow torch.

"No, I trust this. Bucky finish the morphine. Steve, trust me please. I need you to trust me. Will you go find Pepper? I need her too," she breathed. Steve sighed and turned without a word.

...

A medic was at her side, fussing over her burns with a paste from a white tube and furrowed brows. Every so often she'd wince and jerk away, feeling the paste making the stinging worse. It aggravated her that the medic was trying to fix her with at that exact moment

At the other work table was her father assembling the last bits of the reactor. Her hands had started to grow numb, numb enough that she'd had to push herself away from the work and let Pepper hold her hand. She could feel her fingers shaking as the pain traced its way through her chest.

The medic did something, she didn't know what, to the oozing burns on her arm and neck that made the burn flare with a new wave of pain. She jerked completely away.

"I'm doing fine with morphine!" She snapped. The boy shrunk back and Pepper gave Toni a look.

"We really need to-"

"Stop fucking with my injuries, I'll be fine," she finished, shooing him.

Toni looked back up at her father, who was watching her with furrowed brows and an upset expression.

Her father had been an advisor in the Manhattan Project, his knowledge of the nuclear machine was unparalleled and every bit of it Toni was grateful for. She was grateful for his knowledge, for his application, for his drive. She hadn't realized it before, when they'd originally planned the reactor, but the machine would have been impossible if Howard had walked away for a split second.

The machine couldn't be impossible anymore. It had to be real.

...

"The casing's done? Any headway on the reactor?" Her father nodded so Toni reached over to pick up the brightly glowing blue topped cylinder, a complicated mess of wires and light. Pepper, Bucky and Peggy stood nervously around the girl genius.

"I think..." she couldn't finish, glancing to see if any of the syrettes on the table would maybe have any numbing agent left in them. "Are the surgeons ready?" Bucky nodded. "Get Steve. And the rest of you, go get the medics please." Pepper furrowed her brow and ran a hand over Toni's shoulders as she left.

Steve walked into the lab room, warily. Toni found herself grateful that even her father respected her subtle cue for a moment with Steve. He looked miserable.

"I'll be fine right... just invented a feat of science so even if I won't be, at least history will... remember me," she murmured. Steve shook his head.

"Stop. You're going to be fine," he snapped. She raised an eyebrow.

"I'm a realist Steve. Did I have any chance at all? From the very beginning you should've been anticipating my death." He shook his head again, almost childlike. She felt her chest burning, more than ever and it made her suddenly very aware of her state. She was clammy, covered in sweat from her injury, and there were dark bags under her eyes. "Why not?" She shouted, feeling something warm and wet trail down her cheek. Was she crying?

"Because you're Toni, you've saved me dozens of times. You can't die." The two paused, her heart beating weakly as she took shallow, forced breaths.

"I'm about... about to go into surgery that might kill me, can you... do one thing for me?" He nodded reluctantly. "Be a pessimist," she whispered. He gave her a look, pained and almost angry.

"That work wasn't for nothing Toni. You built a nuclear power plant for your heart. I can't be a pessimist when I know you're going to come out of the room alive and better than ever." He turned and left the room with a moment's hesitation, glancing back at her from the doors.

...

As she surfaced, groggy and feeling a tightness in her chest, she realized something was gripping her hand. She looked over to see a sleeping Steve. Somehow through the blurriness, she made out the bags under his eyes and the grease in his hair- obviously he hadn't left her side since she exited the procedure. Not wanting to stir him from his clearly needed sleep, she just laid as she was and watched him.

Toni discovered, then, that Steve Rogers was the lightest sleeper she'd met. She'd adjusted herself slightly which somehow woke the super soldier. With a sharp intake of breath, Steve's eyes opened and he looked over. It took him a quick moment to realize that Toni was staring back at him with an apologetic expression. He leaned forward.

"Hey," he murmured. Toni closed her eyes at his voice. Suddenly his hand was on her cheek. "Hey, are you okay? What's wrong?" She shook her head and gripped his hand tighter. She could feel the burns throbbing and she wanted to smother herself.

"Nothing..." Steve took up his seat once more and let her gather her thoughts. "I just didn't think..." She paused once more. She wanted to say she didn't think the surgery would work. She wanted to say that she wished the surgery hadn't worked so her pain would go away. She wanted to say she thought the surgery would fail and she'd drift off- with plenty of morphine running through her- into a blissful never-ending sleep. But she didn't, because Steve was Steve and he wouldn't want to hear that. "...That the plan would actually work," she finished. He gave her a small smile.

"You're a genius. Your father said he doesn't know how you did it," he whispered. Toni glanced down at her chest, underneath a large PT t-shirt was a glowing blue wheel of light. A gasp hitched in her throat. "Hey, really Toni... are you sure that everything's fine? You seem off," he murmured. She shook her head but it was unconvincing. For her, the only thing that was pushing her forwards was Steve. His smile, the curve of his eyebrows when he looked concerned and admittedly his muscles. There wasn't much between her and the slip into a painless end. And God did she want painless.

"I'm really okay," she whispered back. He slipped his hand from hers and laid it gently on her cheek, running his thumb back and forth.

The curtain to the corner of the lab flew open and Bucky came over, making Steve jump away from Toni. Toni looked up at the sergeant with a tired smile. He flashed her a grin and dropped onto the foot of her cot. Carefully, he slapped a hand down on her blanket-covered ankle.

"Still alive, Stark?" He questioned. No. Toni slipped her hand back into Steve's and nodded. Bucky. She'd forgotten she had friends, someone other than Steve and Pepper who genuinely liked her.

"Unfortunately. I mean, if I hadn't then I'd be abandoning Steve to dealing with you... alone," she teased. Bucky's grin grew, and then he glanced at Toni and Steve's hands.

"Was I interrupting a moment?" Toni sneered.

"Not that you'd know what those are, Jerk." Bucky looked over to Steve and smirked. Toni pushed herself forward, to which Steve practically leapt out of his seat at.

"Toni, are you sure you should be doing that?" He blurted. She gave him a wry grin and glanced at Bucky, a spark in her eye.

"Where's Pepper? And my parents?" She asked, after briefly running a finger over the reactor in her chest. Bucky nodded towards the curtain.

"Pepper's asleep on your pencil-pusher desk and your mother's out on a mission-"

"She didn't want to leave but Phillips really needed her to run the mission, so your father's out manning the radio. He asked us to be here for when you woke up," Steve finished.

"Can you go get Peps, I want to see her," Toni mumbled. Bucky gave her a small smile and left. She turned to Steve who was still holding her hand- on the verge of crushing it. His grip on her hand took away from the pain her burns slightly.

"Toni, I don't think you should push yourself. Honestly, I think you should just stay here today and relax." She nodded, again running her finger around the rim of her feat of science. Steve gave her a moment, just watching her, to think and process. Finally she let her hand fall back to her side and he tilted his head a little. "What are you thinking?" She shrugged half-heartedly and ran a hand through her matted hair.

"How disgusting my hair is," she murmured. Steve smirked and reached out for a strand. The singed ends made him sigh.

"Well, Pepper got most off the blood out last night while you were still unconscious but it's still pretty greasy," he replied, twirling the piece between his fingers. She smiled at him; at least he could tell her that truth.

Even though his hair was as greasy as hers- if not more- carding her hand up through the back of his hair felt calming... felt natural. And when she kissed him it felt even more calming.

The curtains opened so quietly, that neither heard it and only parted when Toni gently pulled away a few seconds later. When she looked up, she was met with the face of someone she hadn't seen since the war began. He was tall, dark skinned and had a friendly expression. Rhodey.

There was a momentary pause as she processed that her childhood friend had just seen her kiss Steve Rogers. The man whom she'd once told when she was a teen that if she had to marry someone she'd marry herself or him. Her finger was suddenly back to circling the rim of the reactor.

"What are you doing here Rhodey?" She asked, staring at him wide-eyed.

"I got news that some dame had gone off and crashed a Howling Commandos mission. Obviously I knew it was you, but when I heard you... Well I had a forty-eight hour pass so I thought I'd come check on you," he answered, a kind smile spreading across his lips. Toni gathered herself and nodded.

"You know I appreciate it," she replied. She cleared her throat and glanced at Steve. "This is Steven Rogers, Captain America. He and Sergeant Barnes were there- along with the other Commandos- when I got caught in the explosion." Rhodes's expression momentarily faded into shock and confusion but almost immediately after returned to normal. He outstretched a hand to shake, cap under his arm.

"Captain Rogers, it's an honor to meet you," Rhodes said. Toni looked over at Steve, smiling.

"Steve, this is Colonel James Rhodes. I met him years ago when he and his father became the weapons liaison between Stark Industries and the Air Force." The words came as naturally to Toni as ever, which surprised her.

Rhodey stepped back and leaned back against the wall, swinging his cap back on.

"Where's Pepper?" He asked, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"On her way. Buck went to go get her. Bucky's the Sergeant that Steve risked his scrawny little Private butt to go rescue." Steve tipped his head.

"And yet she constantly risks her life to get maps from a bunker. I question your argument daily," Steve grumbled. The curtain opened then and Toni remembered that Bucky had said she'd been at Toni's desk... she found herself questioning what took so long.

Pepper's flashy orange hair caught the light as she spun to see Rhodes standing across from herself and next to her ailed friend. Shock was written across her face. Bucky's hand slid onto her shoulder.

"Peps?" He murmured. She shook her head, reassuring Bucky that she was fine.

"James Rhodes? Is that you?" She asked. Bucky's hand eased off her shoulder and he moved over behind Steve. The Colonel nodded.

"It's really been a while hasn't it?" He replied. Pepper nodded and she slipped over to Toni, resting a hand on her friend's ankles.

The pained jerked at her again and she wanted to grab at something and break it or dig her nails into her palms, but doing so would alert Steve, so instead she tried for humor

"Quite the reunion. Touching really, but seriously guys... I have a nuclear power plant in my chest. I'm a machine now. Can I be Agent Robot? Or maybe The Robot Commando?" She interjected. Rhodey cracked a smile and Pepper just rolled her eyes.

"I dunno, The Howling Robot sounds better to me, but that's just a personal opinion," Bucky muttered. Toni snickered.

"Looks like I'll be needing a new uniform; Antonia 'Howling Robot' Stark." Pepper hopped up on the foot of the cot and reached out for Bucky's hand, which he walked over to take. There was a moment of silence as Pepper and Bucky gave each other an affectionate look and Toni and Steve ended up glancing at each other, laughing quietly to themselves. The Colonel cleared his throat.

"To be honest, I knew you'd find someone eventually, Toni, but I never would've guessed that Captain America would be that someone." Pepper laughed loudly to which both Steve and Bucky jumped at, eyes like startled house cats'.

"You should've seen her in the beginning. Never expect a Stark to be romantic, it's all 'I hate him!' and then 'dance with me?' and then 'yeah, we kissed in the woods last night'," Pepper cackled. Bucky glanced at Steve and Toni.

"In the woods? Steven Rogers, you have truly shown your colors!" Bucky cried. Steve's smile faded, his face turning pink and let his face fall into the covers by Toni's hip. She let her hand fall onto the back of his head and for once all the pain disappeared. Steve's face buried in her covers and the silence of the room and her hand in his hair made everything go away. It was like she was in a half-conscious world.

Pepper sighed and stood.

"We'll let you rest, come on Rhodey, we can show you around. Don't worry, the Stark's not going anywhere for a while."

...

Steve's voice was like a dose of morphine. Every word he said, especially when he let her name roll of his tongue, was like having a half syrette shot up her arm. His hand in hers kept her grounded and the way the skin around his eyes crinkled when he smiled was a five hundred pound anchor.

"The doctor said the burns shouldn't leave too big of a mark," he murmured. It was out of the left field. So much so that she was visibly shocked. He gave her a weak smile. "You've been in and out of your personality all afternoon Toni. You may think I wouldn't notice but I caught it right away." She stared blankly at him.

"Every second is like a knife digging at my skin. The reactor hurts and the area that the casing replaced feels wrong. I keep feeling like my lungs are filling with fluid and I can feel the path that the shrapnel cut, Steve," She breathed. He sighed and tilted his head a little, a pained expression washing across his features. Emotions started bubbling over and she felt her fists clenching. Why is it I can't do anything right? I finally get what I want and it practically kills me. "I don't want to live my life in pain. I hate myself for being so stupid and I don't want to be like this," she mumbled. Steve slipped his hand back into hers and she felt rage surface. Why did I get punished for trying to help my country? Why am I burned for trying to save lives? Tears streaked their way down her cheeks.

Surprise fell over Steve Roger's face. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his embrace.

For the first time, crying felt right. The tears and the pain and the anger and the fear felt real and she wanted to harbor them and nurture them. What should've made her want to rip her very being apart, now made her feel like a normal human being. Steve's arms around her, holding her good cheek to his shoulder, was like a breath of fresh air and the tears came freely. Her fears rolling off her tongue faster than ever. And Steve listened.

I don't want to be in pain. But you'll never have to because he'll be there. But why would you? We're already in the ring of fire, why not dance further? Can I just die? Will life give me a break? Be a realist? Let him learn from you, you'll live on. Why stay with me? Why love me if I just hurt you all? "Because we're stupid. Because we're passionate. Maybe because we're crazy, but we love you."

But we love you.

His voice cut at her. Cut at her in a good way. It dug into her brain and made itself a home. Her last question was swallowed back. How can you love me? He loved her and that's all she needed. Her tears subsided and she closed her eyes.

After a time, she scooted to the edge of her cot and popped the rail down so she was hanging off the edge slightly, then pulled Steve up beside her.

"I'm tired and I don't know why. Sleep here please," she mumbled. He nodded.

"I need a wall for my demons, and so do you," he replied. She curled up into his side, feeling weak but complete.

"Then be mine and I'll be yours."