AN: So, this is probably going to be a kind of cracky fic that gets updated every once in awhile. It mainly arose from a post on tumblr, the speculated about having Nygma, Oswald, and Scarecrow as roommates. I thought it would be funny if they got a fresh out of college student who has absolutely no idea what's been going on in Gotham and is quite content to stay that way, thank you very much.

Thanks to the lovely SpikeDraft for encouraging me to write this.

She should have known something would be off about this place. It was all too good, straight from the start. A nice five story brownstone, three guys looking for another person to help with the rent, and it was just down the street from the museum where she was working. Plus she was out of the dorms in a week, and she needed a place to stay. So, Lynn Matthews, possessor of a shiny new Masters in History thanks to Gotham University, climbed the steps and rung the bell.

The guy who opened it was dressed in an impeccable suit, almost punk hair slicked down over his forehead. He had a fine boned look to him, more delicate than rugged. It frankly worked for him. "Miss Matthews?"

"Yeah, you must be Oswald. Right?" She stuck out her hand, feeling like an idiot for a minute. Of course he had to be gorgeous, she should have figured that out from the brief phone conversation she'd had with him to set up the meeting.

"Oh, y-yes." He stammered, pumping her hand up and down. "Come in, I'll show you the room." He quickly ushered her in, the door closing behind him. Lynn's hand clenched around her purse. She'd lived in Gotham for awhile, but being alone except for someone she just met always made her jumpy. But Oswald seemed to be fine, gesturing for her to follow him up the spiral staircase. "There's four floors of rooms. They're not very big, but you'd get a whole floor to yourself. Edward's usually out working late, so he's on the first so he doesn't wake us up, and Jonathan is on the second. He's usually not around. I've got the fourth, and the fifth would be yours. It's a little drafty so no one's been keen on it."

"Wow, a whole floor." Lynn nodded her appreciation. Oswald walked past the fourth floor, then reached out and ripped a post-it from his door. She couldn't make out exactly what was on it, but it looked like a drawing of a penguin. He quickly ripped it in half and shoved it down into his pocket. At the fifth floor, he opened the door. Her possible floor was already furnished, which was great because she only owned a suitcase and a few cardboard boxes. A huge bay of windows overlooked a nearby park, a little terrace outside. Not enough to put a table and chairs on, but there was a little planter to grow something. She could see a bathroom, and there were a few chairs and a desk scattered around.

Oswald walked past her into the room. "Like I said, it gets cold but other than that it's fine. The rent's five hundred a month, plus utilities."

"That's pretty low for this part of town."

"I made the owner a very good offer." He smiled, and Lynn almost gulped. In Gotham a very good offer could mean a few million dollars or the promise of a knife in the back. She wasn't going to ask which one.

Lynn looked at the bare bed, and then took in the whole room. "I'll take it."

"Congratulations, I hope you'll be happy." Oswald shook her hand again, then led her downstairs to sign some papers on the kitchen table. she tried to read through them as best as she could, but she wasn't fluent in legalese. She was pretty sure she didn't sign away her soul, and the agreement mainly consisted of not damaging the building or bring large parties around. After she finished signing, it was quickly snatched away into a leather portfolio. Oswald smiled again. "You'll be in by next week?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I get out of my old place on Friday." Her fingers combed through her slightly curly black hair, a nervous habit.

"I'll make sure one of the others is around to help you in."

"Thanks."

He walked her to the door, then quickly grasped her hand. He actually kissed it, like something you'd see in an old black and white movie. "I'm sure we'll become quite good friends."

Considering that the extent of male contact she had in her life was mainly restricted to her father and brothers, Lynn was surprised she was still breathing. She slowly pulled her hand back, she could feel her cheeks burning. She made some comment, then took off back to the dorms. Great, she'd just made herself a fool in front of this guy. Why did good looks and manners disarm her like that?

All she could do was pray that the other two were at least a little lower on the attractiveness scale.

Of course, life hated her so they weren't.