ATTENTION!

I updated twice today. If you went straight to this chapter, go back one

McCoy grumbled as he made his way through the overly crowded San Francisco streets. He wanted to go to the bar, but no, it was a nice day so everyone else wanted to get together before shore leave ended the next day by having a picnic. He was happy to spend time with his daughter for majority of the leave, and the thought of being shoved back into that tin can they called a starship was not appealing. Why did he sign up for this again?

His comm beeped for the thousandth time during shore leave. Flipping it open he answered the question before he could even be asked, "No, I don't know where he is. I am not his babysitter. Stop calling me," and hung up.

"Wow, should I even ask?" Uhura asked. She was wearing a yellow sundress that showed off her legs and arms nicely, gaining the attention of everyone else who decided to go to the park that day. Scotty also looked up with mild curiosity from the picnic table, in the middle of downing a glass of home made scotch.

"Jim's psychologist keeps calling. Apparently, Jim deemed himself too important to actually go to more than one session. For some reason, that meant harassing me with phone calls, asking me about where he is all month. I know they say it isn't mandatory, but you know when they tell you to go and assign you one, they want you to actually go."

"Do you know where they are?" Hikaru asked, grabbing a hot dog from the pile of food spread out.

"After leaving the embassy, they supposedly went around the world doing stuff. All I know for sure was that Jim went rock climbing in Yellowstone two weeks ago and Spock sent a photo me of them in Tokyo from the Up and Coming Technology Convention. Jim kept talking about some game called ShiKahr in his messages for two days after that."

"Are they back yet?"

"Don't know, don't care. I don't even want to hear their names until I have to report in tomorrow. I swear they managed to ruin a perfectly good leave without even being here," the doctor continued to grumble.

"I think it's sweet," Uhura chimed in, sitting next to Scotty and stealing one of his fries. "Maybe they'll actually stop arguing on the bridge after this."

The doctor snorted. "Not likely. They both get off on it."

Sulu choked on his drink at the comment.

"All right. 'Nough talking about the keptin. The wolleyball court is set up," Chekov announced, carry the volleyball under his arm. "You know, wolleyball was invented in Moscow in the 17th century."

Everyone proceeded to roll their eyes. Earning a confused, "Vhat" from the young Russian.

Jim leaned back at his computer, smiling at the document he had just finished typing up.

"Is it done?"

The sound of Spock's voice made Jim smile brighter and swirled around in his chair to get a better look at his lover. Spock was sitting in the arm chair inside the office; body curled around his lyre as he slowly picked at the string and adjusted the tuning knob. He was looking at Jim with curiosity and genuine interest.

"Yeah. Just wrote the last bit. All it needs left is to be edited."

"I will do it before the night is over," Spock replied, returning focus to his lyre, plucking away clumsily. The sight was cute. It had been a while since Jim had seen Spock so focused on a task. Not since they left the ship.

His computer pinged, alerting him to a message. Turning back to the device, he opened the message. His expression softened.

"Did Luca send a reply?" Spock asked, placing the instrument down gently to walk over to read the letter for himself.

"Yeah. He says he's still having nightmares, but they're getting better. He also says his sister is a pain and his foster mom isn't too bad, but he'd rather be with us. He asked if we can take him to Disney World the next time we visit Earth. He says that he's slowly getting over the panic attacks and by the time we get back, he promises he'll be able to do it. He also wants to thank us for giving him a tour of the academy and taking him out for ice cream." Jim grinned. "He claims he wants to be like me when he grows up."

"Obviously, the child is not aware of how bad of an influence you are."

"Talking about personal experience, Spock?" Jim extended his two fingers.

"Undoubtedly." Spock gave him a soft smile and returned the Vulcan kiss as well as bending down to give Jim a chaste human one.

Jim took a quick look around at their temporary housing. It was a small apartment, one bedroom with an office, kitchen, and living space. Despite having been traveling around the world, it looked lived in, Spock's things mixing with his. Spock's order and Jim's chaos. They could have stayed at the embassy with a much bigger living space, but they both liked being secluded while they both took time to heal. Tomorrow, they would be back on the ship, running things as usual, but returning stronger and more themselves then they had ever been before.

The door bell rang, and Jim took a deep breath, getting up from his chair to answer it. Spock followed behind, keeping a respectable distance to give Jim space for what he was about to do.

Opening the door, relief and calm flooded through Jim. Seeing the woman in front of him, watching her nervous shifts and uncertain blue eyes at the sight of him, Jim knew for the first time since Tarsus IV that it was possible. He would heal. He would be okay.

"Hi, mom."

Living is more difficult than dying. Very few truly understand the gravity that statement holds. Some people will stop at nothing to ensure their survival. Others would rather die than hurt someone they care about. Society teaches us that no life is worth more than another's, and while we will agree when asked, rarely does it hold when society is no longer there to watch us. If you must choose between starving or stealing food from someone to survive, most would steal. But what if you knew that stealing would make that person starve to death? You admit that then your life becomes more important. The same holds true if you were to kill another, whether in self defense or with a preplanned murder. You believe that you deserve to live while that other dies. It then becomes a much more difficult decision. What do you value more? The piece of bread that may or may not save your life? Or your moral integrity?

Instead, I rather focus on what my life shows about me as a person. I am not a saint. I want to survive just like everyone else, and if it came down to it, I'd kill someone for that piece of bread. There is no compensating for the life I took, but I won't let it define me either. What I choose to do with the life I kept close and dear is what is important. I live to protect those who need me, for those who love me. And while I may not believe I am worthy to walk beside them, I would fight until my last breath to ensure that they do. This is the role I choose to give my life and follow through on.

Some will choose to starve; giving up their life so another can live. Even then, choosing how to die can define your life as well. To soothe the heart of those you leave behind with a letter, to give your already short life by saving the person you love. To leave a mark on each person you touched and give them hope even after your passing. In this way, you can still be worth something, maybe more than you ever could have in life.

For those who have to choose neither, those who have the luxury to complain about the day to day, who worry whether or not their significant other is cheating or if you can pay the bills, I have a word of advice for you, embrace what you do have. Life is short. So disgustingly short. You never know when you might die or even if you'll have a choice whether to fight for your survival or not. You could die in a hovercar accident or even an allergic reaction without a moment's notice. Those bridges you burned, those times you say you'll get to it later, it's not worth it. Embrace the people who love you whether they are friends, lovers, or family members. Even when you feel that no one cares, I can almost guarantee that someone does, you just have to look. Leave a mark of who you are on them and on the people around you, so if you do have to choose one day, you can choose without regrets.

Living is hard. You may find darkness in the life, in people, but look for things worth living for. If you're a slave, hope for freedom. If you have everything, give love. Living is hard, but death is forever.

Live life. Love life. And live a life worth living.

So that's the end. Yup. All done. No more. I am both thinking, thank god, and aww, at the same time. I now have time for the other Star Trek story that hasn't been updated in months. Still thinking of doing a Mirrorverse fic, but perhaps I should wait a while. My Naruto fic will be updated whenever cause no one reads it but me. My only story with a complicated plot and no one reads. The irony.

Well, comment. And thanks for those who stuck it out until the end.