Yes, I know. This took way longer than it should have. *sigh* Well, whatever. Nothing I can do to change that now, so just go ahead and enjoy reading about Dusty's continued gradual descent into insanity ;]

A couple weeks later…

Dusty was genuinely starting to feel better. The nightmares were still there, but were not nearly as intrusive as they had been before. He had returned to a generally healthy sleep pattern, and didn't feel so depressed anymore. Everything was coming back to normal for him. The past was in the past.

However, Skipper was still concerned. He had been paying closer attention to Dusty's behavior since the day he had found out about his nightmares, and he noticed that he wasn't entirely acting like himself. It was pretty subtle, but he seemed more on edge most of the time, especially in small spaces. Had he always been claustrophobic, and Skipper had just not noticed before? Seemed unlikely, considering he had chosen to fly through a tunnel that barely fit his wingspan during his first race.

As much as he wanted to believe that whatever had happened to Dusty 'wasn't that bad', he knew deep down that it wasn't true. Dusty was a bad liar, and had always had a tendency to hide his problems from everyone else.

He tried to tell himself that he was just being paranoid, that Dusty really was okay. But he still couldn't help but feel nervous about letting Dusty leave his side. Dusty was preparing to leave Propwash Junction to visit his friends at Piston Peak. He was really excited to see them again; it had been so long.

"Dusty, are you sure you're okay to go by yourself?" Skipper asked him. "I can come with you, if you want." Dusty smirked.

"Heh, Skipper, I appreciate your concern, but…I'm nineteen years old. I don't need a babysitter." Skipper chuckled.

"Okay, fair enough. Just… take care of yourself, kid."

"Of course."

Skipper still could not fight the dread that something bad was about to happen as he watched Dusty fly off into the distance.

When Dusty arrived at Piston Peak, he was immediately greeted by an ecstatic Dipper.

"Dustmuffin!" she said excitedly. "How are you, sweetie?"

"Heh, I'm fine, Dipper," Dusty said sheepishly. It still made him pretty uncomfortable when she talked to him that way.

"Hey! Dusty's here, everyone!" Dipper called out.

"Ah, good to see you, Dusty," Blade Ranger said with a bit of a grin.

"Yeah, it's been forever since we heard from you," Maru added. "Nice to see that you're still alive!" Dusty laughed awkwardly. That comment made him even more uncomfortable.

"Ah, yeah, ehehe…so, anyway, what's been going on here? Any crazy fires this year?"

"Nothing huge like last year, since new regulations have been put up to prevent something like that from happening again," Blade replied.

"Yeah, thank goodness Cad was fired!" said Maru.

"Fired just as much as the woods were that year!" Dipper chimed in. Dusty snorted.

"Pfffft, yes!"

"Dusty, no!" Cabbie shouted. "Don't laugh at that joke! It was terrible!" Dipper, Dusty, and Maru just cracked up. Blade grinned again.

Dusty looked around. "So, where are the smokejumpers?" he asked.

"Small wildfire this morning," Blade said. "They're finishing it off. Should be back here soon.

"Gotcha," Dusty said, nodding. They chatted for a while, and then, sure enough, the smokejumpers came to greet him.

"Well, look who it is!" said Dynamite.

"IT'S DUSTY!" Avalanche shouted unnecessarily loudly, like he always did.

"Hey guys! What's up?" Dusty said.

"Same as usual, dude!" Drip replied. "How about you?"

"I…uh…ehe…ehehe…" Dusty's eyes locked onto Blackout.

"Um…hi?" Blackout said awkwardly. "Why are you looking at me like that? You remember me, don't you?" Dusty continued to stare at him, looking inexplicably disturbed—perhaps even frightened.

"Are you okay, Dusty?" Pinecone asked. "Is there something wrong?"

Then suddenly, Dusty aggressively rammed himself into Blackout, knocking him down on his back.

"Agh! What are you doing?! Stop!" Blackout yelled as Dusty viciously beat him into the ground. Shocked by what they were seeing, Dipper and Blade Ranger quickly rushed at Dusty and held him down to prevent him from attacking again.

"Get off of me! GET OFF OF ME! LET ME GO!" Dusty shouted, struggling violently. Blade was taken aback by the intense, almost murderous, rage in his eyes. He just didn't look like himself with that expression, though he sure wasn't acting like himself either.

"Dusty, stop it!" Dipper cried. "What has gotten into you?"

"LET. ME. GO!" he shouted again, but then eventually gave up on struggling, looking defeated. "Let…me…go…p-please…d-don't hurt me…"

"Wha—we're not going to hurt you!" said Dipper, somewhat offended. Then Dusty made eye contact with her. He didn't look furious anymore; he just looked terrified and helpless, and it made her feel so bad. Though she didn't understand why he was behaving this way, she still felt that she should comfort him. "Dusty…it's okay. You're going to be okay."

"Hhhgghgh…hghhhh…D…Dipper…?" he stammered, panting, as if he had just woken up from a nightmare.

"Yes. It's me."

"Make it stop…make it st-stop…" It was strange, watching her idol have such a sudden meltdown in front of her. She wasn't sure how to respond to it. And neither was Blade. They both just waited, hoping that Dusty would come back to his senses. And thankfully, he did.

"What just…what just happened?" he said. Everyone was staring at him in shock. He looked at Blackout, who appeared to be afraid of him now. "Wait, did I just…? Oh my God…I'm so sorry, I…" Seeing that he had regained his sanity, Dipper and Blade released their hold on him, albeit cautiously.

"Are you okay?" Blade asked, though he already knew the answer.

"No!" Dusty yelled. "J-just stay away from me!" He backed away, starting to hyperventilate again.

"Okay, okay, no need to get hysterical—"

"I just hurt someone!"

"No, no, no!" Dipper said. "Everyone's fine! I mean, sure, you did kinda punch Blackout in the face and all, but he's alright!" She looked over uncertainly. "Wait, is he?" Not wanting to cause any more trouble, Dusty quickly drove away to somewhere he could be alone, ignoring the calls from behind him that were yelling at him to come back.

What is wrong with me?

"Dusty did WHAT?" Mayday exclaimed, when Blade radioed him and explained what had just happened. "But…are you sure it was him? That doesn't sound like something he'd do at all!"

"I know it doesn't, but I saw it with my own eyes."

"Hold on a minute, I'll be right back," Mayday said, then drove outside. "Skipper!" he called. He had promised Skipper that he would tell him immediately if something went wrong with Dusty. He had never thought he'd actually have to do so, though.

"What is it, Mayday?" Skipper answered. "Is something wrong?" "Blade just called. It's Dusty. He…" Mayday trailed off, not sure how to say this. Skipper's heart dropped. He shouldn't have let Dusty go alone. He had known there was something wrong. He should have trusted his own intuition.

"Oh god, what happened? Is he hurt? Is he… oh god, please tell me he's okay!"

"Well, I…I'm pretty sure he's okay…but, he apparently attacked one of the smokejumpers."

"What?! Why?"

"I don't know! Blade Ranger's on the radio right now. Come on in; he'll tell us all about it." Skipper's head was swimming as they went inside. This all just didn't seem right; Dusty seemed like the last person who would ever get violent, especially towards a friend. What could have possibly caused him to do that?

"Okay, Blade, I'm back," Mayday said.

"Is everyone okay?" Skipper asked anxiously.

"Dusty and Blackout are fine; both just a little shaken. We were able to break it up before either of them actually got hurt." Skipper sighed in relief.

"Oh, thank goodness…but why did Dusty attack him? What happened?"

"I don't really know. It didn't appear that he had any reason to do it. He just… I guess he had some kind of panic attack or something as soon as he saw Blackout. It was really weird."

"Well, did you ask Dusty why he did it?" Mayday asked.

"The thing is, even he didn't seem to know what happened. He acted all confused right afterwards. Then…he got pretty upset after he realized what he had just done. I'm not sure what's wrong with him."

"Huh, that is weird," Mayday said. "I'm not sure either." Then Skipper thought of something.

"Hey, wait a minute," he said. "Which one is Blackout?"

"He's the smokejumper with the saw," Mayday replied. "Why?"

"A saw? Oh geez… I really hope I'm wrong about this…" Skipper said uneasily.

"What do you mean?" Mayday asked, confused.

"I don't know what you're talking about, either," Blade said. "Blackout only uses his saw for trees. He'd never—"

"Oh, no, no, that's not what I meant. It's just, Dusty's been through a lot lately, and…he refuses to tell anyone what happened…he said that it wasn't really that bad, but…I don't know. Just, Blade, get him to a doctor as soon as possible. I'll be stopping by."

"Okay."

"Just tell me, what was going through your head when it happened? What were you feeling?"

"I mean, I don't know, I guess I was…scared?"

"You were scared."

"Well, yeah?"

"Scared of what?"

"I…I'm not sure…"

"Has this happened before?"

"N-no?"

"You don't sound very sure about that."

"I'm not so sure of anything anymore." The doctor sighed exasperatedly.

"You do realize that you're lucky you're not in jail right now, don't you?" he said sternly. Dusty winced. Then he heard a familiar voice from behind him.

"Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa! Don't talk to him like that!"

"Skipper?" Dusty was shocked to see him. He had come all this way because of the incident with Blackout? Now he felt even more guilty. Why couldn't he have just controlled himself?

(why am I not dead already?)

"What the hell is your problem, being such a bully to your own patient?" Skipper snarled.

"Well, I—"

"You're supposed to be helping him, but instead you're telling him shit like that! I mean, come on, you're a doctor, not an interrogator!" "Okay! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" The doctor held up his arms, looking genuinely intimidated.

"Yeah, you better be, asshole!"

"Skipper…calm down…" Skipper turned to Dusty. He looked like he was on the verge of tears.

"Are you okay?"

(I should be dead)

"I'm sorry…I thought I was fine but I lost control I don't know what it was I promise I didn't mean to—"

"No. Stop," Skipper said firmly. "It's not your fault."

"I hurt someone…"

"Blackout is fine, Dusty. It's okay."

"But it's not okay! If I can't even control myself anymore, then what if I…what if I end up…" He trailed off, horrified by the thought.

"It's going to be okay." Dusty was just staring down at the floor, appearing to be avoiding eye contact. "I just want to ask…do you think this possibly had something to do with the saw that's attached to Blackout?" Dusty's eyes darted back up at him.

"What?" he said. Then he winced as if someone had just smacked him. "I don't…I don't know what you're talking about."

(make it stop make it stop make it stop make it STOP. MAKE. IT. STOP.)

"Hm," Skipper said. "Is that really so?"

"Stop."

"Look, Dusty, there's nothing you need to hide—"

"STOP IT!" Dusty couldn't hold back his tears any longer, and they started trickling down his face. In spite of how much it tore him apart inside to see Dusty like this, Skipper kept his composure.

"Dusty…when you told me that whatever happened while you were missing wasn't that bad, was that true?" Dusty knew at this point that Skipper had him backed into a corner.

"Hehehe…hehehehehe…ahahahahahahahahahahaha!" Dusty responded with sudden laughter. Not the sweet, happy kind of laughter that the old corsair was used to hearing from Dusty, but rather a convulsive, neurotic kind of laughter. It was not at all what Skipper had expected, and it actually scared him a little.

"A-are you…okay?"

"No I'm not okay! And no, it wasn't true! It wasn't true at all! I was lying to your face, alright? I admit it!" he snapped. Skipper was starting to feel rather intimidated by him, which was alarming in itself.

"Whoa, hey, don't take it the wrong way! I'm not angry with you, I just—"

"You just want to hear about how they chained me up in a dark room and that all I could do was sit while they cut up my sides with a chainsaw? And stabbed me more times than I can remember? Beat me senseless? Ripped me apart? And how they laughed like it was some harmless game? Is that it?" Skipper stared at him, wide-eyed.

"Wh-what?" he said. "They…they actually…did that to you?" Dusty's bitterness dissolved when he saw the horrified look on Skipper's face and he berated himself internally. Why did he have to go and say that? Skipper had already flown hundreds of miles to see him, simply because he was unable to control himself, and now he had just made it worse.

Because he was too weak to deal with his own problems that were supposed to have ended long ago.

(or maybe I should have died long ago)

He turned to face away from Skipper, too ashamed to look him in the eye.

"I'm sorry…" he said weakly. "Just— forget I said anything."

(I'm not worth it)

"What? Do you really expect me to forget hearing that?" Skipper's tone wasn't mean-spirited in any way, of course, but those words still hurt. Dusty burst into sobs.

"I'm sorry!" he cried out. Skipper was shocked. He had not imagined that Dusty was even capable of crying so hard. Come to think of it, he had never seen Dusty cry at all before that summer.

"Oh, gee, Dusty! It's okay, just calm down!"

"I'm…s-sorry…" Dusty repeated again.

"Sorry for what?" Skipper finally asked.

"I've already put you through so much misery, and now… I can't…I can't even…"

"Stop," Skipper cut him off. "Okay, just take a moment to think about how ridiculous that is." Dusty just stared at him blankly. Skipper sighed. "Okay, look. Yes, it was a terrible experience for all of us. But, please explain to me how any of it was your fault."

"I…" Dusty started, and then realized that he had no answer for that.

"Hehe, that's what I thought. Besides, what you went through was clearly much worse than what any of us experienced." Skipper dwelt on what Dusty had said about what his kidnappers had done to him, and the thought made him sick. He resisted the urge to start crying. "A-and yet here you are, saying sorry to me?"

The two of them had completely forgotten that the doctor was still in the room, and they both jumped when he finally spoke up.

"Hey, um…" he said to Skipper. "Can I talk to you for a moment in the next room? About your son?"

"My…son?" Skipper replied, confused. "What are you talking about? I…don't have any children…?" Then he noticed Dusty giggling, and he realized what was going on. "Oh! Uh, he's not my son." "I'm his sister!" Dusty chimed in.

"Oh, okay—wait, what?" the doctor said. Dusty cracked up, clearly proud of himself.

"Hehe, we're actually not related," Skipper explained. "He's just being the dork that he is."

"Hey!" Dusty jabbed him in the side playfully. Skipper chuckled. It was comforting to see Dusty just being himself, after all of that.

"You two are ridiculous," the doctor said, sighing. "Anyway…"

"Oh, yeah. Right," Skipper said. He followed the doctor through the door into the next room.

The doctor asked him a few questions about Dusty, like how long it had been since the event and how he had been behaving since. Skipper thought it odd that the doctor wasn't asking Dusty himself about all of this, but he answered to the best of his ability. The diagnosis was exactly what Skipper had suspected: post traumatic stress disorder. The only thing that had shocked him was just how severe it was, though it wouldn't have if he had known what the poor kid had been through. He couldn't even imagine what that must have been like.

When he went back into the previous room, Dusty was just staring at a wall.

"Heh…heh…guess now you know how broken I am, huh?" he said pitifully. This, along with the look on Dusty's face, was enough to finally bring Skipper to tears. He rushed at the smaller plane and pulled him in close under his wing, as if he were protecting a child from danger. So close that he could feel his uneven, pained breaths.

All this time, he had been suffering in silence, denying himself of the help he needed, because he didn't want to bother his friends? Because he didn't think he was worth their trouble?

Did he really hate himself that much?

"D-Dusty…" he said. "Please, listen to me. You're n-not a burden to any of us. Don't believe for a second that you are. We…we all love you, kiddo!" Dusty didn't say anything in response; he just leaned into Skipper, sobbing. It made Skipper incredibly angry that anyone would do such a thing to anyone, but especially Dusty of all people. To someone so innocent and selfless. He deserved so much better than that.

"I-I'm so sorry, Dusty…"

Welp! I'm just gonna wrap this one up with a fun fact: I've been doing a stupid amount of research on psychology to write Dusty's behavior since chapter 13. I wanted him to be believable :P