"What Else?"

Author: AmandasArmada

Author's Note: This is my first fanfiction in about 7 years, and since I was 13-15 when I used to write that fic, it was all awful of course and I'm anxious about writing again so BE NICE MISSIES.

Summary: CJ/Danny, picks up from the cliffhanger at "Institutional Memory."

Rating: T, eventually M because I'm a giant pervert.

Tuesday, January 9th, 2007

It was a moment for brave gestures.

Over the past 8 years especially, C.J. Cregg had become a connoisseur at faking bravery. She was bold and strong and when someone threw something at her, she caught it deftly and hurled it right back at them. That was who she'd become.

C.J. would have thought she'd feel steadier, flanked by multiple secret service agents and armed with the ability to make grown men cry, but mostly she just felt anxious and embarrassed and ashamed. Which was stupid, of course, because she was brave goddamnit, and Danny was a puppy who gazed at her adoringly and wanted to jump off a cliff with her – but it was also emphatically not stupid, because her prancing around trying to be the Tough Unshakable C.J. Cregg, the one always calling the shots, had backfired phenomenally and she wouldn't really blame him for closing the door on her.

She could feel the tears forming, and she hugged her arms closer, emotionally exhausted by the day's events. She was terrified, and she was tired, and all she wanted was to fix this. A wave of nausea ran over her.

She didn't know what Danny was going to say, or even what exactly she was going to say, and she was preparing herself for the worst. Because really, what were the chances? Seven years of waiting just to have to put up with her mess? She was good at an enormous variety of things, but she was not good at this – she could flirt and laugh and feel good with the best of them, but she hadn't been able to trust herself to succumb to this out-of-control serious commitment he wanted from her. She was cranky and stressed and she didn't know how to do it. No, she was not good at this, not at all, and Danny should pick up and deal with it, because he deserved better and she wasn't going to give it.

She was being an idiot.

C.J. took a deep breath, and knocked.

The disappointed, hurt look on Danny's face when he opened the door was enough to make her want to curl up into a ball.

She had to face this, because if there was even a chance of making this work, she had to jump on it.

She had no idea how to fix this.

All she could do was try.

"What else?"

C.J. looked at him, her mind darting – as it always seemed to do, whenever she was near him, and he was looking at her like that – trying to find something tangible she knew how to deal with. "The typo's a comma. Or maybe a smudge. It changes the meaning," she said in a weak bid for time to gather her thoughts.

"C.J." Danny was patient, but he was tired, and he was scared, even if she knew he was trying to be brave for her.

"Okay." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. This was it. Soul-baring time. Future-deciding time.

"I'm not very good at this. We covered that. And I didn't really, truly, let myself prepare for it, or anything beyond telling you 'I'm not good at this', because I didn't want to think you were going to want me to keep going – and then if you didn't - " C.J. stopped. "I didn't prepare for this."

Danny continued to gaze at her steadily. "I think you'll find I'm a pretty patient guy," he quipped. C.J. allowed him a small smile.

"I know this is a time for - heroic postures," C.J. quoted. "But this isn't my forte, so I'm going to babble here for a bit, because that's something I have a lot of experience with. And you have – a habit of knocking me off my feet, as it is, so that's not really helping things. So – God." She wiped a tear from her cheek, and Danny took a step towards her, but she raised a hand to stop him. "I need a minute," she said urgently. "Just a moment, of - comfortable familiarity with the awkwardness that is my brain, before I jump into the deep end and say what I want to say." Danny sighed, but he was smiling. It steadied her.

"Listen – C.J...I know we have a lot to figure out. But I'm not looking for us to come up with a five-year game plan on the future of our relationship here. You can breathe."

"I know," C.J. said softly.

"We're gonna work it all out, and I'm not worried. I just need to know what's going on in that head of yours. I have to know that this isn't one-sided here - that this means something to you, because it means a hell of a lot to me. Just talk to me. We'll build from there." Danny reached forward, taking her hand, and C.J. found she'd gotten some of her footing back. "We're going to be okay. Just breathe."

C.J. sighed. "Here, why don't we sit down?" She looked around, feeling her heartbeat settling back to normal a little. She could do this. He'd waited for her. She could give something back. She had a lot of love to give, even if she didn't quite know how to give it. "If we're going to have some big heart-to-heart, we should probably be-"

Danny cut her off, nodding, and led her over to his couch, where they sat facing each other, knees touching. Danny leaned forward, and she felt a painful throb in her chest at the memory of the look he'd had on his face that afternoon. It'd been her fault. She'd almost fucked up everything, and the ball was in her court to fix it. Danny was being patient with her, but this was her time to show him she could play for real, if she could just get her head in the game.

"So what's in that gorgeous head of yours, C.J.?" Danny rasped. She could smell a trace of scotch on his breath, but his gaze was steady.

C.J. looked at him, straight in the eye. "I'm crazy about you, Danny."

Danny's face broke into what was possibly the most genuine smile she had ever seen. She pressed on, not wanting to get distracted.

"Stupid crazy. Absolutely gaga. But you know that. You know that, because I've been in your bed more nights than not these past few months, including the nights I got three hours sleep the night before but all I wanted was to look into your face before I fell asleep. You know it from the way I look at you, and the way I stumble when you're near me, and drop things, and when you smile I smile back even when I'm so annoyed with you, and you make me crazy. And I want to be with you. I do."

Danny was grinning, his teeth shining through under his soft lips.

"But here's the thing. Sometimes I feel like I can do this, and it's great. You smile at me, and we hold hands, and I'm C.J. and I'm steady and everything's good. But then – you look at me – like THAT-" C.J. snapped, "and it's so much and it's overwhelming, and my stomach clenches and I get so incredibly nervous, and I'm a mess. And I'm trying to get myself together, I am - because I want it all with you," she paused. "I really do, and I think we could have it all, but I have no idea how to even begin getting from here to there."

"C.J." He took her hand. "We're gonna figure this out. We don't have to resolve everything this second. Just breathe." C.J. sighed, looking up at him from under her long lashes. "Literally all you have to say is – ALL you have to say – is that you'll let me in. Just be OPEN to the idea of being open with me."

C.J. laughed a little. "I can do that," she breathed. She took a deep breath to steady herself. Danny's scotch was looking mighty tempting right now. She could have used a little liquid courage. She could do what he was asking, though. She could do more than that.

"I know ya can." Danny smiled.

"Danny," she said, trying to keep her voice from cracking. He touched her cheek. "You asked the wrong question." He waited patiently for her to explain, seeing the tears build in her eyes before she pushed them back.

"You asked me if I saw you in my future. Not if I wanted you there." She took a deep breath, trying to find the words. "I haven't been able to picture myself with a future outside spending all my time at the White House for a long time. And I froze. It was stupid, and pathetic, and it was my fault, and I'm sorry." She pushed a tear away, managing a fearful smile smile. "But please don't think it meant I don't care for you. I want you there, I just need you to hang out and hold my hand or whatever while I figure out how to make it happen."

She was staring at him with such intensity. Before he knew what he was doing, he was leaning in, and when their lips touched something inside him broke. Her kisses were urgent and he felt himself responding, leaning her back onto the couch.

Her hands were traveling up his back, and he let out a low groan. She ran one of her hands through his curly hair, using her lips to nip gently at his tongue. Suddenly her coat was on the floor, and he was pushing her deeper into the couch, both of them desperate and hurt and scared.

He wanted to tell her, now, but he was scared of overwhelming her, of pushing her away. He settled for letting his eyes probe hers, and something inside him told him she knew anyway.

Half an hour later C.J. lay sprawled against Danny's naked chest, her face buried in his neck.

"You're beautiful, C.J.," Danny murmured quietly, running his hand over her hair with one hand, and stroking her back with the other. C.J. smiled, her eyes closed, and kissed his neck.

"We should talk more about what's gonna happen," C.J. murmured, pulling her head up to look at him.

"We should. I had a thought on that."

"Oh yeah?" C.J. yawned.

"Yeah. Well - and cut me off if you think I'm off track here," Danny paused. "But you've got some time. You don't have to jump into Franklin Hollis's project the moment you take your last step out of the White House." He traced a finger along her face, gazing at her. "So I say you stick around – take some time. Try to take it easy. Consult with Santos's team when you have to, I'm sure they'll need you - probably more frequently and for longer then I'd like - but that's what I signed up for. But for the most part, we use that time to just – work on getting to be with each other. No pressure. But I'll take you on dates – make dinner for you – just...work on catching up on eight years' worth of wanting to dote on you. And you let me." Danny took a deep breath. "Whadya think?"

"Hmm," C.J. said noncommittally.

"You don't like it?"

"The thing is – I'm not sure that plan is going to work for me," C.J. said quietly, looking up at him from under her long lashes, and he had to take a second to catch his breath.

"Why? What are you thinking?"

"Well, here's the thing," C.J. said, and the nervousness in her voice faltered as she gained confidence. "I have a feeling that if I turn down Santos, but stay in D.C. for so much as a day longer than I need to, I'm going to find myself sitting in the Oval Office on a consultation January 21st whether I want to or not. Before we know it they'll be daily, and I'll end up working there unofficially, conned into some deep involvement in ongoing situations that will take months to resolve themselves."

Danny bit his lip, the truth of her words hitting him. He started stroking her hair, the look on his face concerned. He wanted so much to do this thing for real.

"You got any ideas?"

C.J. stroked his chest absentmindedly, not meeting his gaze. "One. It's kinda bold though, on your end."

"I can do bold," Danny said, smiling.

"'Kinda' was kind of an understatement."

"C.J., nothing is too bold. Dignity isn't my forte, remember?"

C.J. met his eyes. "Did you mean what you said? About not being sure about what you wanted to do with your life?"

Danny watched her, curious. "Yeah. Although I think I've got some idea, on the personal end at least."

C.J. smiled as Danny kissed her forehead.

"How do you feel about L.A.?"

Danny grinned widely at her. "You asking me to move to L.A. with you?"

"Do you want to?" C.J. asked.

"Yeah," Danny breathed, smiling. C.J. grinned.

"You sure?"

"Yeah," Danny repeated, grinning, then laughed. "Although getting set up in L.A. in under two weeks is going to be a challenge, even for me." He didn't seem worried though, and in fact he was smiling as he leaned in for another kiss.

"Sam has an empty condo. He was talking about wanting to lease it out. I'm sure I can get him to let us stay there for awhile, give us time to settle in."

Danny's hands started wandering as the implication of what she was saying started to sink in, his lips traveling down her neck.

CJ took a deep breath, grinning broadly and laughing again, almost giddy. She was getting it. Everything she wanted. He was going to put up with her – he'd committed himself, he was stuck with her. And she owed him more than what he'd been getting. It hadn't been her fault, at least not entirely, but she could have done better, and as she stood there looking into his face, the memory of his stricken face that afternoon resurfaced again, and C.J. Cregg made her decision for good.

Danny watched her, a little smile growing across his features as her words continued to click in his brain.

She was already sorting out the details in her head. "I could hire some movers for us, they could take care of the packing while I finish up these next couple weeks. That is, if you don't mind sitting up by the fire for a little while longer, waiting for my-" she smirked at him. "Booty calls, as you so charmingly put it this morning." He leaned in, kissing her seductively. "You could go a little early, get things set up. If you wanted to, I mean – I know you've got a job too-" she started to sound nervous again, and Danny cut her off, his hands on her face as he swept her into a kiss, deep and passionate and leaving her with butterflies flapping away inside her stomach.

C.J. smiled at him when they finally pulled away, giggling a little in her excitement. "Does that mean you wanna run away together?" she joked happily.

Danny grinned, wrapping his arms around her. "I really, really do."