*A/N You guys asked for it! Here it is! The new and improved That Damn Antivan! Here's how this will work. Every Monday I will have put up another edited chapter, starting from the beginning. That way the story reflects how I originally imagined it. It'll mostly be technical changes, dialogue enhancements, new descriptors.. That sort of stuff. The story will remain the same, but it will be gradually improved :)

If I CAN'T put up an edited chapter by Monday, I have someone interested in doing for me because they're awesome :) They will, of course, get credit!

I just feel like I owe it to you guys. Almost 60 followers on this, nearly 14,000 views and rising. Because you guys don't know when give up XD AND NOW, WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, THE STORY!

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It was in Laeti's most knowledgeable opinion that that damn Antivan was going to drive her insane FAR faster than any Fade Demon could.

As a Dalish, sex had never, NEVER pressed on her mind, and temptation had never placed its tempting self right before her innocent gaze. Now, here it was, temptation incarnate, in the smirking flesh, striding along exactly three and a half paces behind her with that confident swagger of his. Living Lust's blonde hair rustled softly in the damp, Fereldon wind in its meticulous braidings from his charming, tattooed features. His dual daggers glimmering with an exotic poison from their perches upon his back with every wide step the elf took.

And the Hero of Fereldon knew all this without turning her green eyed gaze to the three and a half step gap lurking just behind her cloaked back.

In her expert opinion as the 'We've Got No One Else' Hero of Fereldon, Laeti was going insane, she really was.

The Blight itself, the ruination of the world, the haunting abomination controlling it all, The Archdemon.. Such thoughts of a dark, terrifying, yet utterly important nature were terribly absent. And, alarmingly, however much she attempted to revive the dire topic.. Certain, un-blight like thoughts kept wandering in.

As they were, just this moment.

Hot hands pressed against her hips, calloused, tough fingertips gently dug into the flesh sternly as-

Humming loudly to dismiss the steamed thoughts, Laeti's steps suddenly halted, bringing the group of odd misfits at her heels to a stumbling, confused stop as she swung her pack off of her back and slammed it into the damp soil of the trail before opening it with a slender hand, and rifling through the many contents in the pursuit of a folded up and wrinkled map. Heaving it out, Laeti narrowed her drifting eyes sternly to the withered paper in an attempt to actually pay attention to the trails and routes on the map, instead of drifting into nonsense land and daydreaming about, well..

'Move here, hold still..' Zevran murmered softly, his handsome voice laced with lust.

Oh damn. Now she was day dreaming, about her daydreams. Raising her humming to an even louder volume, Laeti drowned out such carnal thoughts. Managing to raise quite a degree of bemused bewilderment in her travelling companions as she did so. Laeti crumpled the page before shoving it back into the pouch at the side of the backpack as her travelling companions shifted and glanced about the trail restlessly.

"Ooh!" Leliana cooed with a wide grin, "I love that song! However did you hear of it? That tune, I've only heard it in Orlais!"

"Hmm?" Laeti blinked in surprise, lifting her hooded features from behind the bag with a stubborn blush settled sternly across her elven features, "Oh! I had a friend, she used to travel quite a lot, for trading, you see.. Anyway, she travelled to Orlais, and returned, and claimed that the song was cursed- She couldn't stop humming it!"

Leliana chuckled softly, "Ah, but that's not the cursed song.. I could teach it to you, you know.. Of course, after I sing it for you, you'll be completely unable to stop flirting with me.." Leliana teased gently with a warm, slightly flirtacious grin across her features.

Laeti blinked slowly, "What an odd curse!" She grinned innocently.

Leliana breathed out in exasperation.

Zevran grinned warmly as he crossed his arms over his chest with a fond look towards Laeti before directing a cocky grin to Leliana, "And you say you're so innocent.." He scolded flirtaciously with a suggestive grin across his elven features.

Alistair frowned thoughtfully in puzzlement, his brow furrowing in confusion as he crouched to the ground beside Laeti's form. Hooking a hand on the leather pack, Alistair stood and swung the overflowing bag onto his back easily with a helpful smile across his adorable features. "Oof, is all this stuff in here really necessary?" He teased with a sweet smile.

Laeti rose indignantly, "Of course! There's just spare clothes, bedrolls, food, and important potions in there!"

"And about fifty herbs you have no idea what they do." Alistair returned with a charming grin.

"Morrigan is a potion brewer! She'll be able to use them-"

"I'm not such an advanced potion brewer that I can create healing potions from weeds." Morrigan argued from the back of the group with a cross look.

"You'll be able to eventually! And then you'll be pleased I took them along!"

Oghren huffed drunkenly, "I don't see why she's gotta hum so blighting loud, givin' everyone a poudin' headache.."

"Just your hungover head." Wynne informed bluntly with a derisive look downward to the drunken dwarf. "As for the humming, well- The apprentices used to do it to focus their minds-" Wynne smiled knowingly, "Though I believe demons are not what our leader is avoiding."

OoOoOoOoOoOoOo

That Antivan was a curse on her mind, a plague on her thoughts, Laeti considered as she led the way down yet another trail winding through yet another abandoned town, all of it lost to the blight. And it seemed that every time Laeti could haul her mind back on track, Zevran went and said something like-

"Has anyone told you what marvelous eyes you possess, my dear?" A voice three and a half paces behind her purred with desire. That. Everytime she got her mind on track, he said something like that and set every nerve in her body aflame. For one heart stopping moment, Laeti couldn't tell who he was speaking to. Reaching up a hand, she pulled her green hued hood lower over her eyes, her cheeks burning so brightly red that they could start the night's campfire easily. Nervously, her fingers twitched and fidgeted with the rim of the hood as her mouth gaped open with a dumb, stammering response.

Luckily, Laeti was in the lead, and thus no one saw her foolishness in the time that lapsed between the suave, charming comment, and the proper woman answering.

"Again with the flattery? Do you not tire from these pointless exercises?" Morrigan rolled her eyes unamusedly. Not that Laeti could tell, being in front and all. It just seemed like something Morrigan was bound to do.

Leati's brow furrowed in bafflement, Zevran was.. Confusing.

Any Dalish knew that two adult elves, each with their blood writing, picked their wives, their husbands but once in their lives, and remained loyal to them throughout all of their lives. They flirted with none other than their lovers, and since everyone in the Clan grew up together- It was often close childhood friends that were wed. Flirting before marriage was an awkward, awkward ordeal that rarely happened.

But yet, Zevran flirted with anything that, well.. Moved.

"In Antiva, women are accustomed to being showered with the praise they deserve. Men should worship you at your feet as you pass." Zevran continued charmingly, no doubt wearing that smug grin of his. Yes, Laeti didn't even have to turn around.

Ba-dump, Ba-dump, Ba-dump.. She could feel her own heartbeat intermingled with his as her arms tangled lustfully around his chest.. A shy grin placing itself across her features as she-

What was that damn antivan DOING to her? Laeti thought in disgust as she tugged her green hood further over her raging red features with a drawn, miserable wince.

"They don't find that incredibly annoying?" Morrigan lustfully purred back, imittating the tone in which Zevran had started the annoying exchange. Laeti removed her fidgeting hands from the rim of the hood, dropping her hands to her sides as she strictly forced her gaze on the road ahead. The last time she took her gaze off the bushes that lined the path- A blonde Antivan assassin had an entire ambush set up.

Besides that, she considered sternly, it provided a distraction. No witty humans, no distractions, and absolutly NO Zevran related thoughts were allowed to linger- Her mind must remain solely upon the path ahead.

"They are goddesses receiving their subjects, just as you should be. Whatever would be annoying about that?" Zevran continued easily, the words coming slick and smooth.

Laeti gave up, she really did and covered her tired eyes with an exasperated sigh.

Damn those Antivans.

"I have no wish to be placed upon a pedestal." Morrigan replied boredly.

"But you deserve no less! You should be admired by painters, copied by sculptors, exalted by poets! Surely you know that yours is a beauty so exotic it- it would turn the eye of the Maker himself!" Zevran continued, his tone lustful, adoring and in that delicious- er.. Exotic accent of his, it was hard to ignore.

"Well, I suppose I..." Morrigan mumbled, weary, but flattered.

Laeti couldn't help but respect how long Morrigan held out. As a rule, when Zevran started his attention on herself, Laeti would turn tail, come up with some bumbling excuse, and go hunting.

She swore that he survived on the ordeal, getting younger, and brighter every time he did it.

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"And there we go." He replied shortly with a cocky grin and a bored, suddenly uninterested look towards the dark mage.

Another challenge conquered, Zevran thought smugly with a charmingly cocky grin falling across his handsome features. Honestly, he'd been offended when- Ah, screw it, Zevran thought with an exasperated sigh. He could get anyone he wanted- there was no secret of it.

But he couldn't get her.

It was just his luck that the one woman in Thedas who held his attention didn't desire him in the slightest. Well, that was perhaps why she held it. Little teasing minx, Zevran thought to himself as a fond smile fell over his features as his gaze settled on Laeti's cloaked back. Ah, I wonder what that heavy cloak hides.. Zevran's grin turned dream like and his eyes faded into another- Steamier world.

"By the Maker! You were right! You win, I guess.." Alistair blinked slowly in reluctantly impressed shock.

Zevran smirked, snapping out of his dirty, yet oddly creative thoughts and threw a confident look towards the chantry boy. "Thank you, ser. I expect payment forthwith" Zevran remarked arrogantly.

"I hate you all." Morrigan snapped sharply, imagining a thousand different ways to rid herself of the pesky Antivan. None of course, being particularly pleasant.

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Laeti slipped a hand beneath the hood, rubbing the base of her neck nervously as she confusedly pondered the puzzle that was Zevran.

The Dalish pulled her hood down lower, lightly pulling her lip between her teeth and nipping it in thought. It must be a city elf thing.

There was a reason Dalish and City Elves didn't...

Fingernails grazed over the inside of her sensitive thighs-

But it did make some pretty visual daydreams! Laeti thought in exasperation as she took to humming twice as loud as ever before.