Well, hello to everyone who knows me, and to those who don't too! Here I'm, having decided to bring you all this little one-shot collection, composed of some that I originally posted in the Mechanics of In Flight Forum and maybe another one. I decided to post them like this after editing and fixing most of the grammar errors and rethinking some of their plots just so that they may entertain a little, and maybe even inspire someone to write his/her own story too OwO We will basically explore the vastness of the Multiverse to see some other 'Super-Shirous' ideas that passed my head and I deemed worthy/crazy enough to be wrote.

These will basically be ideas of some future stories, that I'm not sure if I will ever write, but if I do it will be after finishing with the Emerald Blade XP I will also publish them in order from the most crack-ish/absurd (This one, which is also the shortest), to the most dark-serious one (The last).

So, for now, on with the show!

Warning: The thing you're about to read is total CRACK. It was written purely for fun, shits and giggles. Its purpose is to take away practically ALL the seriousness of our beloved/hated Nasuverse, and promises a lot of absurdity and OOC from our main character, who will talk A LOT. Please, lovers of pointing out how the universe works and how things should always respect certain points of cannon, refrain from reading this, you will be severely displeased. To everyone else, I hope you get a little laugh out of it. That's all!

Mission 00: All the Wars need a Hero. None of them needs THIS one.

A beautiful day was coming to an end in the pacific and perfectly normal city of Fuyuki. The sun was happily setting without a care in the world, and even with the unusual and mysterious 'gas leaks' that were occurring recently no one really seemed worried about anything abnormal happening in the city.

Maybe that was the reason why, in the middle of the Archery Club's building, a certain young red-head was swinging a broom around while making sword sounds, as if rehearsing an imaginary battle, without a care in the world.

Well, it wasn't as if anyone could blame him. After all, he had just finished cleaning said practice building alone after his 'friend', Matou Shinji, had kindly asked him to do it in his place, and the bored Emiya Shirou had decided to kill the boredom a little before going home.

"Great job, Shirou!" an apparently disembodied voice resounded out of nowhere. "A True Hero has to keep doing all type of training at every moment!"

"Yeah, I know." smiled the young boy while looking at an apparently empty space at his side. If the fact that the voice apparently didn't have an owner or that he was just talking to thin air bothered him, he didn't show it. "You never know when someone will need help, be it to fight against an evil demon-army or just to fix a bicycle!"

"Exactly! You have to be prepared to face any trouble!" there was a moment of silence while Shirou seemed to decide that the darkness of the night was as good moment as any to stop fooling around and finally go back home. "By the way, did you find some clue about, you know, a method to send me back?"

"Sorry, still no luck." sighed the last Emiya while putting away the broom and going for his shoes. "I don't understand, I'm sure that the number is correct, but every time I call and try to ask if someone knows how to contact Zelretch all I receive is a scream and the sound of someone running away from the phone." the red-head shook his head, grabbing his things and starting to get out of the Archery Club. "And after all the effort it took me to get the number of one of the only Magus in London that uses a phone…"

"Damn that old man! Don't get me wrong, Shirou, living with you is great and all, but I should be back there, enjoying my well-earned rest after we saved the world from the absolute-worst-apocalyptic disaster ever known! Not here looking at you going to school!"

"Yeah, I know how you feel about that, Pirohiko." muttered Shirou while starting to walk towards the school gate. "After all we went through, just coming back here to my normal life and realizing that not even an hour had passed was more than a little shocking and… boring. Also, I sort of miss Etranger…" the Magus sighed once again, apparently not noticing the sound of weapons clashing that resounded very loudly in the background. "Is not that I want for something bad to happen, but I wish there was at least something here that justified me using the powers of…"

"Hey Shirou." suddenly interrupted the disembodied voice, making the red-head pause and look questioningly at the empty space at his side. "It's normal for the School's Idol to be just standing there while two obviously super-powered beings with human appearance have a battle of epical proportions in the middle of said school's grounds?"

"What?" blinked the Magus, turning around to see an unusual sight.

There were two guys, one in some sort of blue jumpsuit and the other in red-black clothes-armor, clashing their spear/twin swords with brutal power and inhuman ability.

Normal people, hell, even most Magi, would have frozen on the spot, entranced by the display of awesomeness and epicness in extreme of the two clashing Servants, unable to notice anything else.

Shirou didn't even bat and eyebrow. Compared to some of the shit he had seen in his 'training', the battle between the swordsman and the spearman was perfectly normal. His eyes, however, immediately fixed upon the sight of the enraptured Tohsaka Rin, School Idol and someone that the young Magus admired in secret.

"Well, this certainly seems like something worthy of the intervention of the Ultimate Hero!" proclaimed the disembodied voice while Shirou suddenly let go of his backpack and, as if it was the most normal thing in the world, jumped upon the metal fence that separated him from the strange battle, ending impossibly standing with his two feet balanced upon the tiny metal of the fence's wide.

The Magus deeply inhaled, almost as if preparing for something, and…

"Hey, you two! What the hell do you think you are doing?!" he shouted with all his might, making everyone froze and sharply turn towards him, Tohsaka's eyes widened with shock upon seeing him and where he was standing. "Fighting with real weapons in the middle of the night inside a High School is clearly against the law!"

There was a moment of silence while everyone blinked, trying to comprehend what the boy had just said.

"…you are kidding." muttered Archer aloud, eyeing his younger self with absolute incredulity.

"I'm being very serious here, you mysterious guy that I can't help but dislike for some unknown and mysterious reason!" added Shirou while 'cooly' crossing his arms, making Archer's eyes widen and Rin to finally snap out of her shock.

"Emiya-kun?! What are you still doing here so late?!" she cried, a spiral of emotions running through her head. Shirou had witnessed a battle between Servants, so she would have to quickly put him out of the way and erase his memories, especially before the bloodthirsty Lancer or his Master decided that killing him would be the easiest solution. But more importantly… "And how the hell are you standing there without falling?!"

"Oh please, standing without effort in supposedly impossibly to stand places is an ABSOLUTELY basic ability that any hero worth the title should have!" answered the Magus while clossing his eyes and nodding, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

More awkward silence and 'Are you serious?' faces followed.

"…well, it looks like we have an undesirable witness, Archer. Don't worry; I will dealt with it so that we can continue fighting." declared Lancer, the first in snapping out of the second wave of absurdity that seemed to arrive with the red-head, before turning towards him, Gae Bolg at the ready. "Sorry kid, it's nothing personal, but you were in the wrong place at the wrong time, and my 'Master' is not a very friendly person. Prepare to die." without adding more, the Servant of the Lance jumped through the air like a bullet, his spear ready to impale the Emiya through the heart.

"NO! ARCHER, STOP…!" even if her Servant would have been 'willing' to follow the order, Rin's cry arrived too late, as Lancer was already barely a meter in front of the still unflinching Shirou, the idiot just standing there and welcoming his dead as if it was nothing…

…before a giant and gleaming blue blade, easily as long and wide as the boy and filled with strange red inscriptions, appeared out of nowhere in his hand, the red-head's eyes shining as he released a mighty shout and slammed the weapon's flat side against the stunned Servant (Who wasn't really expecting any resistance and as such was using the minimum of his speed and strength), sending him flying halfway back through the school grounds, leaving a brutal scar in the earth in his way.

Rin's and Archer's jaws dropped, none of them believing the absurdity that had just taken place before their eyes.

"What the hell?!" shouted Lancer while shooting to his feet, stunned but uninjured, glaring angrily at the boy, who was now pointing at him.

"You… are obviously a battle-maniac type of character, who probably would entertain people by the mere fact of dying repeatedly in absurd and comical manners!" declared Shirou with absolute certainty, making Lancer's eyes start to twitch and Rin to look at him as if he was crazy. "This is… certainly some sort of magical-super-secret battle, right?" the young man smirked upon the looks of incredulity of the other three. "I knew it! It was all so obvious! A guy dressed in red and other in blue, fighting in the middle of the night in a place that is normally full of people during the day, doing an absurdly exaggerated battle sequence even though there was only one witness… it all make sense now!

"Indeed, Shirou!" shouted a disembodied voice at the Magus' side, making everyone to blink and look around, confused. "Just as expected of the one who inherited my title, you sure know how to identify a potential hero-requiring-crisis on the spot!"

"Another Servant?!" questioned Lancer while raising his spear, making Rin's eyes go wide. No, it wasn't possible that Emiya was a Magus; a genius like her would have noticed it after all these years…Right?

Then, she remembered that he had just summoned a sword out of nowhere. A part of the Tohsaka's pride died.

"Hey! Who are you calling a servant?!" growled the voice before, to everyone's surprise, the ghostly image of a man with spiky brown hair, yellow clothes with flame designs, a strange red scarf-cape and some sort of 'angel-halo' upon his head appeared floating at Shirou's side. "I'm the great Pirohiko Ichimonji, the guardian spirit of this fellow here!"

"A ghost?!" shouted the three of them, Archer's mind spiraling into chaos.

He had been certain that this wasn't his timeline the moment that idiot had appeared shouting atop of the fence, but seriously, what the hell? First a high level Tracing of a sword that for some reason his Marble refused to analyze and then the ghost of someone he had never seen presenting himself as his spirit guardian?! What in Alaya's name had happened in the life of this Emiya Shirou?!

"Thanks for the introduction, Pirohiko, but I think that it wasn't needed." offhandedly commented Shirou before dismissing his blade, looking towards Lancer. "You just threatened to kill me when I was just stating the obvious, so you are clearly a really bad villain or a poor luckless super-guy who has fallen in the control of the true mysterious villain who doesn't show his face, probably manipulating everything from the shadows." seeing the shock in the spearman eyes seemed to enough confirmation for Shirou. "I knew it…again! Well, now you have two options my friend: One, you can just tell me where I can find this 'Master' of yours so I can go to face the Final Boss right away and spare us a lot of unnecessary dramatic development, or Two, the most normal, you're not going to do it and I'm going to be forced to fight against you in an amazing and probably left-unfinished battle that will mark the start of a great adventure probably full of dramatic events, comical moments and awesomely epical fights." Shirou looked towards the still stunned Lancer, pointedly ignoring Rin's and Archer's attempts to understand what the hell was going on. "So, which one is going to be?"

"Lancer, kill him." ordered a certain fake priest through the mental link with his stolen Servant.

Even if he, apparently, knew about the existence of Magecraft and was a Magus, the strange boy had managed the impossibility to unnerve him with that strange ability of his to deduct things in the most absurd way.

"…Sigh, why is that they never choose option one?" muttered Shirou aloud upon seeing Lancer once again raising his spear and look at him with narrowed eyes.

"Well, it's never that easy. Besides, weren't you complaining of how boring things were?! Now it's finally time for your world to know the might of the Ultimate Hero!" cried Pirohiko with a raised fist, making Rin shot and incredulous glare his way.

"Are you out of your mind?! Get out of here, idiot, even if you had luck before you cannot hope to fight against a Servant! Lancer will kill you!" the girl's shout managed to make Shirou take his eyes from Lancer and look at her, surprising Rin with the determined smile in his face.

"Don't worry Tohsaka!" he declared while putting his hands in a strange position around his hips. "I'm not exactly sure of what's going on, but that doesn't matter when there's someone or something that needs a Hero's help! I can't die, because, for the sake of the world…!" he moved his hands once again, reveling how a strange belt had appeared around his pants out of nowhere. "…I can only UNLOSE!"

The strange instrument seemed like a futuristic belt, the only noticeable features in it being the white, rectangle-shaped center and the awesome red letter 'V' upon it, two yellow spikes rising out of its inferior diagonals.

The moment his eyes settled upon the belt, Archer knew that there was something WRONG with that thing.

He couldn't analyze what it was, and it seemed as if its mere existence was making Gaia to SCREAM in pain, as if the consciousness of the planet was sensing that there was something that shouldn't belong to this plane of existence but was unable erase it…

Or maybe because it knew the walking calamity that the boy wearing that belt signified for this reality.

"What the hell… is that supposed to be?" asked Cu Chulain with a raised eyebrow, not knowing why his battles instincts were screaming at him to get out of there if he wanted to conserve his sanity intact.

…they were being oddly specific today.

"That's not the question you should be asking, Lancer!" mighty proclaimed Shirou while pointing to the sky with a finger. "What you should be asking is: 'Who do you think you are?!' And the answer to that…" the boy SMILED, the V in the belt starting to shine. "…is this."

Z.H.P. READY! UNLOSING POWER, ACTIVATE!

"What the hell?!" cried Archer as a brilliant light enveloped Shirou, making Lancer raise his spear in preparation for an attack that did not come, before the sound of something make his eyebrow twitch. "Wait, is that..?"

"… Music?" finished Rin while looking around, trying to find the origin of the heroic and awesome music that had started to sound out of nowhere.

"Fools, that's HIS theme-song!" proudly declared Pirohiko while the light died down, making everyone eyes widen and Rin's jaw to drop. "And you should have started running the moment you heard it, blue guy!"

A glorious being looked down upon them, his eyes hidden behind the opaque crystal of a strange helmet. Red and white cladded his form, the shape of a golden V standing proudly upon his chest and shoulders, just under his neck. Black glove-gauntlets, with yellow decorations, and black-red boots that went until his knees shined proudly against the moonlight. A glorious red cape, ending in three separated ends, flapped heroically in a non-existent wind, which also moved a little his exposed red hair. Exposed because the 'helmet' of the costume only covered his head just until the ears, leaving all the top of it totally exposed, some sort of angular orange glass, with the amazing ability of being totally transparent or awesomely opaque when needed, covering his face.

Emiya Shirou raised a closed fist, and SPOKE.

"I'm the Ultimate Hero! I'm He Who Fights Against All That's Unfair And Evil! I'm the Great Warrior of Love and Justice! Listen well, evildoers, because your days of bringing darkness upon this world have ended!" the hero pointed his hands towards his sides, a glorious explosion occurring behind him while the glorious symbol of the red V upon a golden background appeared at the same time, just when the song arrived at his peak. "Emiya Shirou! Absolute Victory… Unlosing Ranger!"

"That's the spirit!" cheered Pirohiko while also posing at his side

And all the while, he somehow didn't fell off the fence.

While everyone present, or that had witnessed the scene from a distance (Like a certain priest, witch and Worm-Magus) was trying to reboot their brains, Gaia started to weep.

Now, they were all doomed.

SaintInfernalNeos presents…

A Fate/Stay Night X Z.H.P Crossover…

All the Worlds need a hero, no matter what everyone says…

But there are some heroes that some worlds REALLY don't need.

And when a situation like that happens, well… all can we do is pray.

Because no-one is safe, when the True Ultimate Hero decides…

To Unlose.

Fate: Unlosing Blades.

Oh yeah XD I still laugh maniacally myself every time I remember this one…ok, some explanations are in order!

This crossover idea comes from a game that I played not long ago, its complete name being: Z.H.P (Zettai Hero Project): Unlosing Ranger vs. Darkdeath Evilman, for PSP, a really difficult but entertaining game created by Nippon Ichi, also the creators of the much more known Disgaea games. As with the majority of their games, this one combines hours of battles and training, dungeons and items without end, a lot of colorful-funny-crazy characters and an story that borders in the absurd, filled with almost 4th wall breaking jokes and comical hilarity, but also maintaining a touch of seriousness that hooks you to the game.

This one, which I didn't even knew about until a little time back, is probably one of the most difficult ones they ever created, because you only have one character and also the strange feature of returning to level 1 every time you clear a dungeon/die, and also being unable to have more than one save-data at the same time XD Of course, you become a little stronger every time you return to level one, but that aside is still a very weird and difficult setting.

The absurd story of the game really got my attention, though: One day, the world is about to end because the ultimate villain Darkdeath Evilman (LOL), the ultimate super-evil Final Boss, has kidnapped the Super Baby, the last hope for the future of the planet, and it's going to kill her. But everyone has hope, because the most awesome superhero and defender of the world, Pirohiko Ichimonji, the 'Absolute Victory Unlosing Ranger!' is going to come to fight against the bad guy to save the world, a battle that all the televisions in the world are going to cover, viewed by all the world.

Said hero was currently running like hell because he had fallen sleep and was late to the battle that was going to decide the destiny of the world. So focused in his monologue was that he didn't saw the car drove by an uncaring and boring couple until it was too late. In his last and agonizing moments, Pirohiko spots a random guy who was just returning from shopping, the typical mute and no-name character, and pleads to him to save the world, giving him his 'Unlosing Belt' which allowed anyone who wore it to become the Unlosing Ranger!

Then, he died. The poor main character is then forced to go and fight against the ultimate evil being. Like all level 1 losers who try to fight against a Final Boss, he loses, and seemingly dies. While the entire world enters in chaos upon the apparent defeat of their last hope and Evilman starts to fight against the Super Baby to kill her, the main character was actually not dead, but transported to the other side of the galaxy, to some sort of weird parallel planet Earth called Bizarro Earth, by a mysterious girl called Etranger, who told him that he needed and urgent last minute training to go back and defeat Darkdeath (Even if he was the first hero who actually needed such a thing in the middle of the fight with the Final Boss). And so, with Etranger by his side and guided by the suddenly appeared ghost of Pirohiko claiming to be his spirit guardian0, the poor loser has to go and train like a maniac with an absurdly little quantity of time to save the world, in an adventure filled with friendship, explosions, and weapons and armors that give him strange superpowers.

This story basically is born of the idea that, a week before the Grail War, a certain accident involving Zelretch, a package sent to the wrong house, and Kaleidostick Ruby being accidentally blow up, sends our beloved red-head to this crazy world just in time to see poor Pirohiko getting run over by a car.

Cue, Shirou going to help the poor man. Cue, Shirou being asked to become a superhero and save the world from the ultimate evil. Cue…

Well, it's Shirou. You can imagine the rest XD

Then, after all the craziness and saving the other world, Shirou is pulled back to the Nasuverse by Zelretch, who leaves the confused Magus without a word, 'not noticing' how Shirou still had the Unlosing Belt with him. Or, that, for some reason, Pirohiko's ghost got dragged back with him. And with a Shirou that had been EVEN MORE distorted (In a bizarrely different way) by the Nippon Ichi-verse, and also stored a lot of its incredibly absurd weapons-items in his Marble…

The Masters and Servants of the Grail War should better be prepared to fight not for his lives, but to conserve their sanity. Because when Unlosing!Shirou is unleashed upon them, most are going to regret a LOT having entered this shit =D

Well, see you all later, I hope you enjoyed the read or at least got a little laugh out of it, I will be back soon with another of this one-shots (Which thankfully I only need to correct, so they would not delay me with writing the next chapter of the Emerald Blade XP).

Till next time, this is Saint, signing off!