Hey, guys! Long time no see! Seriously, though. It's been forever since we've met here over a new chapter of YOPS. You know, it's been so long that I had to look back a few chapters and remind myself why Astrid was mad at Hiccup. I swear that I have a plan for this story, but that plot point kind of appeared out of nowhere and I never added it to the plot outline.

Well, I won't keep you all waiting any longer. You've all waited patiently long enough. Anonymous review replies are below. All others, check your PMs!

Review Replies:

Curryboh (anonymous): I never even thought about April Fool's Day when I posted the chapter! Besides, I'd never do that to my readers! I love you guys and you all totally deserve every update I can give to you!

Noctus Fury (anonymous): Amen to that. Love is stupid. Haha.

Nowplayer (anonymous): Will bad things happen to Astrid? Isn't that like...a motif in this story? Bad things always happen to Astrid. I mean...probably.

Chapter 54: I Need To Talk With You

Astrid stared out into the night. Gods, I'm so stupid! I was the one who told Hiccup that I wanted nothing to do with him, so why is it also me that is so torn up about seeing him in a relationship? She gripped her covers in tight fists. Is it just because I hate seeing him with Heather…or…why do I feel this way? Why can't I stop thinking about this?

It was late and Astrid knew that she should be sleeping, but she just could not bring herself to close her eyes and relax. This had been her norm for the last couple of nights…ever since she had first seen Hiccup and Heather together. She knew that her lack of sleep would affect her performance in class which could affect her grade which could affect her already-strained relationship with her mother, but there was nothing that Astrid could do; it was impossible to force sleep when sleep just refused to come.

Instead, she continued to stare out into the night. The campus was quiet and deserted; any normal student was asleep, resting up for another day of classes. What am I supposed to do? Astrid wondered silently. I can't keep doing this. Still…Hiccup's made his choice and…it wasn't as if I…liked him that way or anything, right? Astrid knew that she could keep telling herself that, but her reactions conveyed a different story.

Tomorrow, Astrid had English class. She had not made it to her previous English class a couple days ago because she could not bear to see Hiccup after having noticed him walking hand-in-hand with Heather. I have to go to English class tomorrow if at all possible. If I skip again…no, I can't think about that. I already know what will happen if my grades slip.

Just the thought of facing her mother again had Astrid reaching for the razorblade on her nightstand. Her fingers glazed over the smooth surface of her iPhone as she gripped the razor in her hand. She picked up both the iPhone and the razor. In her left hand, Astrid held her iPhone and in her right was the razorblade.

Astrid weighed both objects. Both had the power to calm her nerves and ease the stress associated with her depression. The sting of the blade would do well tonight, but Astrid was tired and did not feel like spending time bandaging up the wounds that would result from those cuts. She looked down at the silent iPhone in her left hand. Its calming power was much different than the razorblade. There was no sting (other than the one within Astrid's heart at the thought of Hiccup and Heather together). With her iPhone, there would be no blood and no bandages, but it would be no better. Not tonight.

Setting both items aside on her bed, Astrid rolled back over to quietly open the drawer in her nightstand. Rummaging around inside the drawer, Astrid finally found what she was looking for and pulled them out. A couple pieces of "fun-sized" candy bars were what she had sought. In one of her more recent sessions with Dr. Haddock-Hiccup's mother, she remembered again the argument that had set this whole thing in motion—Astrid had learned that chocolate (in small quantities) could help boost moods. Astrid had never before thought of chocolate and candy as an alternative to her razorblade in calming her depression, but it was worth a try. As quietly as she could, Astrid unwrapped one of the fun-sized Three Musketeers bars and took a bite. The smooth chocolate was delicious as she slowly chewed it and swallowed.

When she had finished both Three Musketeers bars, Astrid balled up the wrappers and tossed them in the general area of her small trashcan. She was not too worried about whether the wrappers had actually made it into the trashcan. It was dark right now and she did not want to turn on the light and hurt her adjusted eyes. She'd pick the wrappers up later in the morning.

The chocolate had helped to comfort Astrid a little. She set her iPhone and her razorblade back on top of her nightstand; she wouldn't need either of them tonight. Lying back down, Astrid resumed staring at her dark ceiling. Though she was tired, sleep still would not come easily.

As much as it will hurt, Astrid knew, I really should try to talk to Hiccup tomorrow. Maybe if there's some closure to our brief friendship, I'll be able to relax and finally move on.

888

Somehow Astrid had managed to fall asleep. The blaring of her iPhone alarm woke her and she quickly shut it off. Sluggishly, she pulled herself out of bed and over to the closet to find something to wear to class. Not in the mood for anything elaborate, Astrid pulled out her usual outfit and threw it on quickly.

She grabbed her backpack and left her room. The dorm common areas were quiet and Astrid heard no sounds from Heather's room. Of course, she's probably already out on campus with Hiccup. Astrid felt her mood dip again, threatening to sink her back into the depression that often plagued her. No! she reminded herself. I will not allow myself to be depressed over this anymore. If I do, then I'll be allowing Heather to win. I can't let that happen.

With renewed vigor, Astrid left the dorm, slamming the door behind her. Astrid took a different path to class today in hopes that she would not have to see Hiccup and Heather together. The walk to class would take longer, but the result should make it worth the extra time. Along the way, Astrid kept her head down. There was a much less chance that she would see Hiccup and Heather if she wasn't looking around. She placed her earbuds into her ears and turned on her iPod, raising the volume enough so that she would not hear any laughter. That should do it, she told herself. If I can't see or hear them, then my walk to class will be much less…depressing.

Astrid arrived to the Humanities building where her English class was held. So far so good. No sight of Hiccup or Heather. She walked to the classroom door which was open already. When Astrid stepped into the classroom, she saw that there were already a few students there, including Hiccup. Freezing just slightly in the door, Astrid's eyes met Hiccup's as he glanced up and over at the door.

The unspoken words hung in the air between them and, surprisingly, none of the other students noticed the air of tension between the two classmates. Astrid pushed aside every instinct that told her to turn right around and walk out of the classroom. If she kept avoiding Hiccup, she'd never make it to another English class. Astrid did not want to skip English class; she could not afford to fail. Without looking back at Hiccup, Astrid took a seat in the back on the opposite side of the room away from Hiccup. She tried so hard not to glance his way, but it was hard to keep her eyes from straying as he sat closer to the front of the room than she. Hiccup seemed to be doing the same as Astrid caught some glances of him looking her way. He was always quick to cover it up by shifting to dig through his backpack on the floor.

The glances lessened once their English professor arrived and started class, talking about some reading that Astrid had forgotten about. Shouldn't she get a pass since she wasn't in class last time? Apparently not, it seemed, as their English teacher finished her lecture and then spoke two words that made Astrid's heart clench.

"Pop quiz."

Pop quiz? On this reading that I didn't do? You have got to be kidding me! Again, Astrid quickly found that it wasn't a joke as their English teacher told the class one more time to clear their desks and pull out their pencils. As Astrid waited for the blank quiz paper to be passed back to her, she thought back to everything she knew about the story…which was pretty much just the title and the mini-lecture that their teacher had given during the first half of the class period. She's just trying to make sure we paid attention to her mini-lecture, right? I mean…I listened to it, so I should do okay, right?

Again, Astrid found herself seriously underestimating her competency on taking this pop quiz. Her English professor was not stupid; there was no way that she would give her students any free answers. No, the quiz questions based on that mini-lecture would come up again on some test later in a few weeks. Today's quiz didn't even feel like a quiz. It was more like a list of discussion questions that required writing several paragraphs to completely answer them. Astrid glanced down the questions, silently reading them all to herself. These questions are asking us to think about themes from the story…and symbolism…and…I can't answer these! I never read the story!

Astrid felt herself beginning to panic again. The last thing she needed was another panic attack; there had to be something she could do to alleviate the stress. Lifting her head, Astrid caught a glimpse of her English professor sitting at the front table. Her gaze was unwavering as she looked out over the students who (other than Astrid, of course) were all working diligently on answering the quiz questions. Sighing quietly to herself, Astrid stood up and began to walk up toward the front of the room. This is never going to work, she already knew, but still she had to try.

"Miss Hofferson, is there a problem?" Astrid's English professor addressed her as she approached the table.

Astrid cringed a little at the volume of her English professor's voice; the woman was not even trying to keep their conversation private. "Um…I was just wondering…" Astrid started quietly. "Well, I wasn't here last class, so I…"

"You wanted to know if you can take the quiz at a later date, is that right?"

Astrid was taken aback. She probably should have suspected that her English professor would know the type of question that she, Astrid, had approached to ask. "Uh…yeah," Astrid answered, her volume still much softer than that of the professor's voice.

"Well, what I would like to know, Miss Hofferson, is if you have the class syllabus that I handed out on the first day of classes."

"Um…yes, I have it," Astrid quickly stuttered. "It's…in the front of my English binder."

"Good. That means you should have known exactly what needed to be read for today and have come to class prepared. This is college, Miss Hofferson. We do not give 'make up tests' like they do in high school. Now, please, go finish your quiz."

Without another word, Astrid turned and returned back to her seat. She could feel the flush of bright red on her face. All she had managed to succeed in doing was to embarrass herself further. She could tell that the others, though they were working hard on their quizzes, were stealing glances at her. Astrid did notice, though, that Hiccup never turned around. No looks of sympathy. No looks of pity. Nothing.

Over the next several minutes, many of the students in the class finished up their quizzes, turned them in, and left for the day. Astrid continued to stress and struggle over the unanswered questions on her quiz paper. Even Hiccup finished up his quiz and silently got up to turn it in and head out. The room was quickly emptying out and Astrid definitely did not want to be the last student to leave…especially after the conversation she had just had with her English professor.

Finally giving up, Astrid scrawled random answers down because that, at least, looked better than simply writing "I don't know" under each question. Knowing that there was no chance in hell of getting anything higher than a failing grade on this quiz, Astrid finally stood up, gathered her backpack, and turned her quiz in, facedown, to the pile on the front table.

It took every ounce of Astrid's willpower to not cry as she exited the English classroom. Deep down she knew how close she was to forcing a withdrawal from the English class and just suffering the repercussions from her mother for doing so. That would probably be better than staying in this class.

That's it. That's what I'm going to do, Astrid decided. I'm going to go to my advisor right now. He'll know what I can do and who I'll need to talk to about… As Astrid thought about talking with her advisor, she realized who it was that she'd wanted to talk with today…and had not gotten a chance to. I wasn't even able to talk with Hiccup today.

Resigned to the miserable fate that was this day so far, Astrid started walking toward her advisor's office. She was not sure what his office hours were, so she hoped that he would be there when she arrived.

However, she never made it to her advisor's office. A short distance away from her English classroom, Astrid noticed Hiccup sitting on a bench. He was kicking his feet a little as if waiting for something. Or someone, Astrid reminded herself. He's waiting for Heather.

A battle waged inside Astrid's head. She needed to talk with Hiccup, but the best option would be to quickly get out of there before she had to see more PDA from Hiccup and Heather. If she slipped quietly away, Astrid could go to her advisor's office and drop that English class AND she wouldn't have to see Hiccup with Heather. That was definitely the better option…but that option would not resolve anything; in a way, it would just make everything worse.

Well, it's not like this day can get any worse, Astrid finally decided. Slowly, Astrid walked up to the bench. As she approached, Hiccup raised his head quickly, obviously hearing her footsteps. He jumped up from the bench and they were face-to-face, silent, neither knowing what to say to the other.

Finally, at the same time, they spoke. "I need to talk with you," they both told the other in unison.

Wow…this chapter took forever to write, but it's longer than usual, so I hope that everyone likes that. So…we know what Astrid needs to talk to Hiccup about, but…what does he need to say to Astrid? I guess we shall find out in the next chapter…which, as a heads up, probably won't be until August at the earliest. I'm going on vacation next week and July is Camp Nanowrimo month, so I've been focusing more on that story. I promise, though, that I will write and post the next chapter as soon as I can!

Thank you all for reading and supporting Your Own Personal Savior!

Posted: July 14, 2017