CHAPTER 1 - FRACTURED FAIRY TALES

AN: So excited to have Arrow back but I already need a bit of therapy! ;) This is just my take on the S3 premiere as I try to keep my own Team Arrow/ Olicity fairy tale alive – all Team Arrow POVs are included (1st person). BTW, many thanks to all who chatted with me after the show as you did help me work through my own thoughts! Sorry I dropped out of the conversations but I started writing this obsessively and needed to see it through!

AN2: As this my personal therapy, no beta was used! Pls try to ignore the mistakes and be kind if you review! ;)

DISCLAIMER – Nope, still no claim on CW's Arrow!

I. Oliver

Like the eye of a hurricane, for just a few moments everything was calm. I was able to be Oliver Queen and be the Arrow. We were making the city safer, QC was almost within my grasp, my friends were happy and healthy, Thea had been in contact, Diggle was even going to be a father. It seemed all the pieces were finally in place and that I was whole...but it was only for a moment.

Now, Diggle chose to walk away from what we do. It was the choice I had already made for him but it still hurt to see him make it too.

Now, Felicity chose to walk away...from me. Not what we do but me. I kissed her and basically told her that I love her, but she told me that we were over. It was the choice I had already made, but it still hurt to see her make it too.

Now Sara is dead, Laurel and her father are heartbroken.

Now there's a new threat, unknown but deadly. Someone good enough to take out Sara. I don't ever know why Sara was here – I should have known, but I failed her. I've been distracted by the calm, by the perfection that my life was for just that moment.

I was so focused on the mere possibility of a life with Felicity that I ignored everything else. I was just fooling myself though that I could have it all. Seeing Felicity with Diggle's new baby shattered even the possibility of that fairy tale. The hero is supposed to get the girl, save her. Instead I almost killed Felicity.

I know they want me to be that hero. I know Felicity wants me to be that hero and the man that loves her. I can't be both. I'm either the Arrow or I'm Oliver Queen.

As Oliver Queen, I always hurt the people that I cared about. I lied and cheated. I didn't care.

As the Arrow, I still hurt the people that I care about. I still lie and cheat. The difference is that now I care. I care about those close to me. I care about the city. I care about making the world a better place for Diggle's daughter.

They are better off if I am the Arrow and not Oliver Queen.

"A man cannot live by two names."

I wasn't lying when I told Felicity that I had been thinking about Hong Kong. I remember those words now and I remember not truly understanding them then. Looking back, I couldn't be Oliver Queen then. I can't be Oliver Queen now either. I didn't have a choice then and I don't have one now.

I can only be the Arrow. My friends need me, the city needs me...but as the Arrow. I thought being someone different was difficult during those five years away. Now I see everything I could ever have dreamed of within my grasp but I can't have it. I have to keep wearing the mask even with my friends, even with Felicity.

She really was the first one I saw as a person. She was also the first one to see me as a person, the first person to see the man behind the mask. Now I need her to only see the mask, not the man. I will always be the man who loves her but I can't let her see that again. I can't keep hurting her with my own doubts, fears.

I need to learn to wear the mask all the time now. If that mask slips then they could get hurt, they could get killed...because of Oliver Queen. He is too weak, too self-involved to protect and love them as they deserve. The Arrow will do what's right for them though, what is right for the city.

I am the Arrow and I won't fail, I can't. I will protect this city, I will lead my team, and I will let the woman I love walk away from me.

II. Felicity

For just a moment, my life, our lives were nearly perfect. Team Arrow was rocking through the bad guys and I even got a date with the hero. He's no Prince Charming but I love him and he is my hero. Then everything changed.

Diggle walked away from our crusade (Oliver may want to claim it is his crusade but the Arrow belongs to all of us). Sara was murdered. Another threat brought back the darkness and destroyed the fairy tale. Worst of all in so many ways, Oliver turned away. Yes, he gave me the words and a kiss but he had already walked away before I made that choice to do the same.

We share the burden and we share the blame. We really are partners.

We had found a new rhythm over the summer and things were really good. We might have learned to handle us too if he would have given us time. He didn't though - he ran, scared. I know he blames himself for the fact that I got hurt. He blames himself for failing the city, for failing Sara. He blames himself for being distracted and he ran.

I should probably be flattered that I can scare the Arrow, but I only got angry. He is scared of being Oliver Queen, the man, not the hero.

He admitted how hard it was to see others as people but he doesn't seem to realize that he still doesn't see himself as a person. He wore masks long before Barry made him one but I don't even think he knows that.

It's easier for him to choose to wear the Arrow mask now. It is easier for him to be the Arrow than for him to look deeper and see just who Oliver Queen is. I can see the man behind the mask now. I didn't see him at first - the scars, the muscles, the rare smiles, all distracted me. I got to know him though as a friend. I fell in love with him as my best friend, my partner. Stubborn and scarred, moody and brooding, and sometimes just plain stupid but he is the man I love.

I could have fought him on us but I wanted him to be the one fighting for us. I want him to fight for me just as he fights for the city.

I didn't say he was the only stupid one, did I? We are definitely a matched pair. Anyway...

I don't blame him but I do blame me.

I accused him of dangling future possibilities in front of me, but those thoughts have always been in my head and heart. I thought I was strong enough to be more than his partner but I was the one distracted.

I don't care that Ray Palmer said he didn't need my help hacking into QC. I was still off my game enough to unintentionally help. I helped him take QC from Oliver. That was my fault, not Oliver's. I am the one that failed, not Oliver.

Oliver knew he wasn't ready for us but now I know I'm not ready either. I'm not giving up on us though. We might not be ready yet but the story isn't over. It would probably be easier to have the fairy tale ending with someone else but it's the man that I want, not the fairy tale.

I gave him what he wanted though – or what he thinks he wanted anyway. I told him we were over and I walked away even though it broke my heart. However, I refuse to walk away completely. I can't walk away completely, not from what we do, not from Oliver, not from my feelings. Not now.

Now Sara is gone, Diggle is out. Now we are hurting, the city is hurting. There's a new threat out there. Now is the time to stick together, now is the time to make a difference. We are partners and we do a lot so save Starling City...I refuse to call it Star City simply on principle. We need to focus on our jobs, focus on creating a happy ending for others at least.

Very few people know how to be a real hero but Oliver does. Very few people know how to really love not just the hero but the man behind the mask but I do.

Now I'll put my own mask on and stand beside him as I always have. I won't be as obvious as Oliver donning the green leather, but I have been around him enough to know how to do this. I can get Oliver only to see the mask - IT genius, crime fighting partner, the girl who's always ready to talk.

Together we can save the city…and later we can try again for our own happy ending.

III. Roy

I can see why Oliver likes to do the patrols. There is something calming about standing on the roof and overlooking the entire city. A city I've sworn to protect with my life.

It wasn't much of a life before Thea, before the Vigilante. It has gotten much better than I expected though. Even without Thea. I still can't think about her without getting angry, but it is getting easier to bury those feelings.

It's even easier to focus on the fact that there's a new threat in our city. A threat that Sara didn't recognize but that was strong enough to take her life. That's something I can do something about - I can't do anything about Thea, not yet anyway.

I've spent the last several months training to handle threats though. Oliver, Diggle, Felicity – they've trained me to do just that. They've given me not just the ability to fight and to make a difference but the inspiration to do it and to do it right.

Oliver calls it his crusade but we are all in this together. Last time, I didn't feel like part of anything – the Mirakuru was all I could focus on as it took over my body and mind. This time, I get the hero thing. Not the glory and fame, but the work and responsibility. I get that we are the good guys and we have a job do.

We've been doing it well – it almost became too easy to mark the names off the board. Then the board changed and now there's a new threat. That really isn't surprising, but what is surprising is that Diggle is out and Felicity and Oliver only made it through one date. I don't know what's happened but I know we are now broken somehow and I think it's only going to get worse before it gets better.

It's instinctive now to look to them to lead me. I count on them but they count on me too. They count on me for back-up and they all need back-up now and not just on missions and patrols.

Oliver seems to have shut down – losing QC was rough, losing Felicity was too much. He's strong but that strength seems more like a mask than anything else right now.

Felicity isn't much better – she's no longer yelling and losing her cool but she's less…Felicity. She's darker, quieter now. She's still always here but it's not the same.

Diggle has walked away completely and not just because Oliver forced his hand but because he wants to be a father to his new daughter. He has a life that doesn't include us.

Felicity still calls us Team Arrow even though Oliver doesn't like it. Right now we aren't acting like a team. I have to believe we still are though. I have to believe that we all still want the same thing. We all want to do what's right and to protect the city. We all still want to fight even if we aren't sure how to do that right now.

I'm just going to keep doing what they've taught me to do. I'm going to keep fighting. I'm going to keep counting on them and I'm going to keep being here for them to count on me too. We've already been through rough times before and I think we can make it through this too.

No one ever said being a hero was easy, but it is our job.

IV. Diggle

Holding my baby daughter and staring into her eyes, it's hard to think of anything that could be more important than her. I didn't lie to Oliver, my whole view did change when I first saw her beautiful face. It's all about her now. She's the center of my life, my home.

Her room is filled with bright colors, soft toys, bows and lace, games and books. Felicity even bought her a collection of fairy tales and laughed about it being good for her to know now that there are villains in the world but that there are also heroes and happy endings. My baby daughter is a fairy tale princess – she is everything that is good, light, beautiful.

I want my daughter to have her own fairy tale life but there are monsters in fairy tales. Monsters that can only be defeated by a hero.

I can't help but look at the mobile hanging over her crib. The arrow charm that Oliver made her is hanging there. The silver catches the moonlight and sparkles. Right now, this room seems worlds apart from the Arrow and the dregs of society that I once fought with him, with our team.

Right now, I want nothing more than to keep holding my daughter forever but the silver arrow keeps pulling my focus. It reminds me of the Team I just walked away from, the crusade I just turned my back on. I know what's out there, I know what kind of world she's been born into. It's a world I previously tried to make better – a world I did make better.

I walked away when things were still good and now things have gotten worse. I know my friends need me and not just for the crusade. Sara is dead, Oliver and Felicity are broken, Roy is still trying to fight the good fight even though he misses Thea. They need me. Tightening my grip slightly around my sleeping daughter, I look up to meet her mother's eyes.

"I have to go and help them." I know she's going to argue the point. She is a soldier too, but we both agreed that our lives have changed now. We both agreed that our lives had to change for our daughter's sake.

"I know." Lyla's voice is surprisingly calm considering her words. My shock must show as she smiles and walks toward me as she continues.

"Our daughter needs to live in a world with heroes…she needs her dad to be her hero."

Her words change everything and it all becomes clear. The best soldiers are the ones with a faith in something greater than themselves, the ones with something more to fight for. I have more reason than ever to fight now, more reason than ever to make the city better.

I need to help my daughter find her own happy ending. I need to make the world a place where monsters can be defeated by heroes. Luckily I know a team of heroes because there is still a lot of work to be done.

I still hold my daughter close though and hug her to me. There is work to be done but for this moment, I am going to hold the reason that makes the fight worth it.

AN3: I now have 4 options for S3 episode tags and I'm just going to pick the one(s) that work for me each week. I will use Roy and his Lessons Learned to find some humor hopefully. I will use A Woman of Distinction to focus on Felicity. I will use my OC Charlie and his Team Arrow: Front Row Seat for QC scenes. I'm always open to ideas so pls just let me know if there's something you'd like to see!