A/N: How long of an absence from this have I had? Too long? Too long. Oops. Well I'm back now with a long awaited chapter 5 to please my hungry hungry hippos/readers. Not that you guys are actually hippos or that I'm comparing you to them. I mean you all are fabulous and- you know what I'm just gonna shut up now and let you read. Once again, sorry for…you know disappearing for three months.

Disclaimer: My advisers and assistants were busy helping with a storyboard so I'll just read these. Ok. Indiana Jones and its franchise is copyrighted to its original owners of Paramount Pictures and George Lucas and Steven Spielberg. Gravity Falls is owned by Alex Hirsch and Walt Disney Animation Studios. The author, write name here, does not claim ownership of any of the material in this literary work.

Chapter 5: Assassin's Creed: Tomb Raider

To say whether or not Dipper Pines was enjoying himself was up for debate. Many times he liked crawling through ancient temples, seeing old carvings and words of dead languages, even the occasional booby trap. Though on the other hand there were the times when he was nearly being skewered by ceiling spikes, or surrounded by snakes (why did have to be snakes). Those times he did not particularly remember fondly. Particularly the snakes. Quite a few people would tell Dipper that he was like a cat with nine lives. Dipper was actually convinced his nine lives had run out decades ago and was now just living off of dumb luck.

Convincing Pacifica to hand him the cigarette lighter, he led the way through the old catacombs. The walls on either side of them were ancient and slippery with water and other foul smelling liquids. Eventually their path became even less dry and the two found themselves walking through a foot of water. Pacifica barely kept herself from grimacing with every step that she took, her hand on Dipper's shoulder in case she stumbled on something. She hid her disgust well however, not wanting Dipper to think she couldn't handle something like an old church catacomb.

The flame of the lighter lit up the dark and wet catacombs, revealing a myriad of symbols and carving in the walls. Dipper and Pacifica inspected a few, recognizing some of them to be from the time of the Crusades, where their mysterious knight heralded from. Pacifica brushed away some cobwebs from the wall, inspecting one of the carvings with interest. She called Dipper back to get better lighting.

"I don't recognize this one," she said, mostly to herself. Dipper looked at it from over her shoulder, and the carving of a frighteningly familiar ornate coffin-like container met his gaze. He didn't need long to realize what it was.

"Ark of the Covenant," he responded quickly. Without really thinking he grabbed Pacifica's hand and pulled her along, away from it. She took a backwards glance at it as they continued on, curious to how Dipper would know that.

"Are you sure?" She asked.

"Pretty sure."

Cigarette lighter held up like a torch, the two stopped short at a wall in front of them. Dipper brushed aside the cobwebs on it to reveal another "x" on written across the bricks. He pushed against it with his hand, testing the strength of the old stones. The man knew there was more to the catacombs behind the wall. The big X was a surefire giveaway after all. Dipper handed Pacifica the lighter and motioned for her to back up a bit. Inwardly he groaned. He had just gotten back from a brawl in the middle of the ocean and was honestly still sore in certain areas. Like his shoulders. He really wasn't looking forward to busting down a wall.

"This will end well," he muttered. Dipper squared his shoulders and threw the side of his body against the center point of the wall. And it hurt like hell. The bricks collapsed on impact around him, some of the upper ones threatening to hit him in the head as he fell forward into a new corridor of the underground. His body landed harshly against more stone and Dipper winced, taking in a sharp breath. Which he regretted as a strong smell hit him. Pacifica helped him to his feet and he brushed himself off, inspecting the liquid that was in this new chamber. The bubbling green and foul smelling liquid stretched further on into the chamber, and Dipper could also spot small niches were skeletons rested.

"That's petroleum isn't it?" Pacifica was inspecting it closer, making sure to keep the lighter at a safe distance from it. Dipper hid his initial surprise with a small nod and allowed a light chuckle as a thought struck him.

"Heh, I could sink a well down here and retire early," he said, smiling to himself. Honestly he couldn't imagine himself retired.

"Maybe you should plan for retirement at a time when we're not in a skeleton filled mausoleum," Pacifica suggested dryly.

"…Right." He grabbed one of the bones from a niche as well as a scrap of cloth. After dipping the cloth in petroleum he wrapped it around the bone, creating a makeshift torch. Once it was lit, the room flooded with more light than a small lighter could provide, burning brightly and enabling them to take in more of their surroundings. Dipper figured the water in front of them was only partially petroleum, therefore at least somewhat safe to walk through. They began following the passageway, Pacifica once again somewhat hesitantly as they waded through half water and half petrol.

It wasn't long before they had to halt again however. Well rather Pacifica halted, and halted might not have been the right word to describe it either. More like she let out a terrified shriek and proceeded to use Dipper as a barrier between herself and the dark wriggling mass of small creatures in their path. The man winced at the loud sound, then in minor distaste at the path ahead.

"Rats," he muttered. Not attractive. And yet somehow better than snakes. He could handle rats. Pacifica however was another matter. The woman had her hands firmly on his shoulders, head ducked behind him to avoid looking at the thrashing and scurrying rodents. Dipper almost rolled his eyes. Really it was just rats after all. He and Mabel had chased plenty out of the house by age ten.

"Come on, it's just rats," Dipper reasoned. Pacifica's grip tightened on his shoulders and she took a deep breath.

"I know. It's just…ugh they're just so repulsive. All dark and those naked tails. Ech," Pacifica shuddered. Dipper decided not to push the issue. Grunkle Stan had a dislike of rats as well, so he couldn't really blame her for her sudden hesitation. She took a few more deep breaths to compose herself, finally nodding at Dipper that they could continue. They made their way through the passage somewhat slower than before, avoiding the rats as best they could. They quickly figured out that they were not very friendly which left Dipper trying to shoo them away with his foot and keep them from trying to crawl up his pant leg.

Still better than snakes, Dipper thought.

The pale haired man shone a flashlight into the passage, noticing with interest that a hole in the wall ahead had been recently created. Both Northwest and the other Pines had to be further ahead of them, probably even at the end of the mausoleum. The man frowned in thought. There had to be a way to stop them from progressing further or from getting out alive. Behind him followed two more of his associates, also with flashlights. Walking towards the hole, the leader of the men sniffed the air and detected the unmistakable smell of petroleum. A grin slowly stretched across his face. He hadn't had a good pyro fix in a while. Oh how he missed the smell of a good fire. The man turned to face his companions, grin still present.

"Any of you boys got a set of matches?"

The passage that Dipper and Pacifica followed eventually opened up into a chamber. The niches in the walls had also become more numerous and thankfully the rats less so. Dipper lifted the torch higher and saw that on the opposite wall of the room was an altar. Set on it were solid stone coffins, some carved with symbols and images, and other not. Dipper led the way to it and both he and Pacifica inspected each one with curiosity.

"It's one of these," Dipper said as they moved around the coffins. Pacifica placed a hand on one, tracing over the symbols gently. She couldn't help but be impressed.

"Just look at the artistry on these," she whispered. Raising her head she noticed one of the coffins situated on a higher platform than the rest. With a trained mind she knew instantly that whoever had been placed in it had to be of higher authority than the rest of the remains in the chamber. Pacifica made her way over to it, giving the stonework more study than the previous. Eventually she knew she was right. This was the coffin of the knight they were searching for.

"Over here!" She beckoned to Dipper. He immediately came over and inspected it but came to the same conclusion as the blonde. This was the one.

"Alright. Let's open her up," Dipper said and began to push on the lid. Pacifica did the same. Slowly the lid slid further and further until they successfully opened the coffin. The slab slid off with a large thud, echoing slightly within the chamber. Both of them looked inside and Pacifica let out a gasp. Inside was the remains of what was certainly a knight. Covering the bones was very old armor, and a shield was placed on top of the torso. At seeing the shield Dipper smiled in excitement.

"This is it! We found it! Look," he pointed out the shield, "the engraving on the shield. It's the same as on the Grail Tablet!"

"That means this is the second marker," Pacifica added. Dipper reached into his jacket, finding one of his many hidden pockets, and pulled out a scrap of paper. He unfolded it and lined it up on the shield, Pacifica watching with interest.

"What is that?" She asked.

"Rubbing of the Grail Tablet. Look, it lines up perfectly!" He pulled out a small pencil and began finishing the rubbing on the paper. Dipper did not tell her however was that the rubbing was from his Great Uncle's notes. The image complete and with crystal clarity, Dipper began laughing happily, energy coursing through him with the thrill of discovery. Oh how he lived for this! Pacifica gave him an amused look.

"Just like your Great Uncle," she told him. "Giddy as a school boy." Dipper snorted at that. He couldn't imagine Stan being as giddy as anything under his age, let alone a schoolboy.

"Wouldn't it be wonderful if he were here to see this?" Pacifica continued, indicating the chamber and knight.

"He never would have made it past the rats," Dipper told her, grinning. "He hates them too much."

Oh, he did love matches. So small, yet so delightfully entertaining. The dark eyed man held a matchbox in one of his hands, and an unlit match in the other. He eyed the object with an odd affection, turning it between his thumb and forefinger. It was a shame really. He had hoped that either Pines would have made this job more entertaining. The female Pines had only been a small entertainment. But perhaps Dipper Pines would prove himself more resilient to something as trivial as a fiery death. He certainly hoped so.

In one swift motion he brought the match against its box, igniting it and producing a small orange flame. Its light reflected in the man's obsidian eyes with a frightening clarity. Almost as though the irises themselves were the fire, and not just reflecting them. The small light was satisfying, but not enough so. That would soon be remedied.

"Arrivederci, Doctor Pines," he said lightly. With a flick of his hand he tossed the match into the oil-slicked water.

Something was wrong. Very, very wrong. One moment Dipper was giddy and laughing with Pacifica in a catacomb underneath a Venetian library, and the next his ears picked up a distant roaring sound which was slowly growing louder. His head snapped up to the passage where they came in. Light was flickering against the walls, growing brighter and brighter. A feeling of dread made Dipper's stomach clench, and suddenly the chamber was filled with flames, the oil from the water making them stronger.

"Get back!" He shouted, grabbing Pacifica and pulling her to the wall. The flames were burning more powerfully. Bracing himself against the wall Dipper toppled the coffin of the Crusades knight with his feet. It slid and fell into the water with a splash, the fire edging towards it.

"Under it, quick!" Dipper commanded. Pacifica only briefly gave a look of disgust before jumping into the water, overturning the coffin which was bobbing in the water. Dipper followed suit and both took quick breaths before slipping under the dark water, surfacing underneath the coffin and a temporary air pocket. This was bad. He briefly wondered how in the heck the flames had started even before shaking his head. This was not the time. He needed an escape plan.

Pacifica was trying to keep calm, though that became much harder as she realized that the rats from the passage had fled into the current chamber to escape the blaze, and were currently trying to get into their air pocket. She suppressed a scream as one clambered onto her, but Dipper had reached over and tore it off her.

"Don't wander off," he briefly instructed.

"What?" But without giving her an answer the man took another deep breath and submerged himself again, leaving her alone in the overturned coffin to fend off rats. Her panic was getting harder and harder to fend off at this rate. She briefly considered looking for an exit, or at least peeking out of the coffin. The air was beginning to lessen inside, though she did her best to try and make it last. Just as the woman was feeling light headed however, Dipper surfaced again, coughing out a small amount of water- that couldn't be healthy- and pulling more air into his deprived lungs.

"Found a way out," he coughed, and grabbed her hand. "Take a deep breath."

A/N: This was originally going to be much longer (by another 2,000 words exactly) but I can't figure out action scenes so it's very slow going. I'll do my best to write it and update, but for now here's this! Reviews are helpful and greatly appreciated (especially if you see mistakes that I've made. Special thanks to my eagle-eyed readers!)