Summary:

Wherein Maria makes the mistake of believing she can finally have a personal life.

Notes:

So, I FINALLY rewrote this chapter. Sigh. This has been far more difficult than I had even imagined. The other stories were only mostly written, this one was done, and I had only wanted to edit it a bit more before posting the week after Captain Hill Week, when I lost everything. :/ I'm not entirely as pleased with it as I was the first, but I hate unfinished projects. (Says the woman who avoids her HIMYM cross-over like the plague.)

The next parts of this story will be quite some time coming because I was so happy with what I'd written previously, that I just hate whatever I write now. So, since the next part of the series was supposed to occur a year later, maybe I'll be happy with something by then. ;)

Other things: This is not a Captain Hill ship, yet. That's in the very last story of this series...if I ever get there. This was somewhat an experiment to see if I could ship Maria with someone else. I'd say Steve as well, but he plays a very small part in the next two parts of this series.

A question for readers at FFN: Should I make this all one complete, bazillion chapter story, or should I split it up as I do over at AO3? I'm leaning toward the former to avoid any confusion, though the "ship" changes by the end of the story. Anyway, let me know what you think. Thanks.

Think that's all. I hope it at least brings part of this story to a somewhat acceptable conclusion.

Please R&R.

Maria stared across the room as she sat on her sofa. She was trying to wind down after her day. The mess in Kazakhstan was just the sort of thing that could blow up in Stark's face. She'd spent the afternoon arguing that point with him. She wanted to take these sort of ops deeper underground so there was more of a buffer, less chance of the company facing any sort of problems as a result of her trying to take out the rest of HYDRA.

Tony, not surprisingly, had been particularly stubborn and had even had the nerve to pull Steve's old quote out of his bag telling her he hated bullies.

Maria sighed and closed her eyes. She wondered if she should rethink this plan. Finally she shook her head and willed herself to mentally set it aside. She'd think more along those lines when she spoke with Fury again. That probably wouldn't be for at least another month, though.

She had almost decided to get up and start a hot bath when her phone rang. She tried to fight the smile that automatically came to her face at the sound of the ringtone. Marvin Gaye could only mean one person.

"Sam," she said as she answered the phone.

"Hey, how's my favorite Stark Industries executive this evening?"

Maria laughed.

"You only know three SI exec's personally," she said.

"I don't see your point," he replied, and Maria allowed herself to enjoy the flirtation when she never would if he was actually in her presence.

"How's DC?" she asked.

"It was fine when I left it," he said.

"Are you back in New York now?" she asked.

"Yeah, just touched down at La Guardia," he told her. "I'm gonna catch a cab and wanted to drop by on my way to the Tower."

Maria blanched at his words. If he was dropping by her place it was certainly not on the way to the Tower.

"Sam, maybe it's been a while since you've been here," she joked. "My apartment is nowhere near any path to the Tower."

"Sure it is," he said and she could hear him go through the doors of the airport and the echoing noises of the tall ceilings turned into the motors of the road outside. "It's called 'the Sam path.'"

"'The Sam path?'" she asked doubtfully.

"Yep," he said. "Your place is on it."

"You're ridiculous," Maria managed as she reminded herself that Sam was just, well, being Sam. He was nice to everyone and when he talked to her like this it didn't mean anything more than it would to any other friend.

"So, are you home? Can I stop by?" he asked.

"Yeah," she said. "How long until you're here?"

"Well, I'm gonna guess an hour, maybe less, depending on if I can get the cabbie to take the sidewalk for part of the way," he said, and Maria could hear the smile in his voice.

"Don't kill yourself to get here," she said. "I'm not going anywhere."

They said their goodbyes and as Maria hung up she found her second wind and walked quickly to the bathroom. She hadn't even had time for a shower that morning, she'd been called into work so early. As she showered and dressed, she ran through her mantra of how Sam only saw her as a friend and he was only stopping by because, well, because they hadn't seen each other in a while. She ignored the fact that he could see her in the morning when she got to the Tower for work. She ignored the way he looked at her the last time they'd seen each other. And definitely the way that look had made her feel. She was a practical person who had no time for romance or romantic entanglements.

She stared at herself in the mirror after she was finished getting ready and realized that her hair was the way she'd worn it the last time Sam had complimented it, and her clothes were the same type that seemed to draw his attention.

"Damn, Maria, you are such a fool," she said. Then she pulled her hair back out of her face with a hairband.

The apartment phone rang, the concierge informing Maria she had a guest. She had him send Sam up and opened the door to lean casually against the doorjamb.

A moment later the elevator dinged and the doors slid open to reveal Sam. He thanked the lift operator then rolled his suitcase toward her. Maria ignored the way his eyes traveled quickly down her body and returned to hold her gaze. His always warm and friendly smile was just that, always and for everyone.

"Moving in?" she joked as he approached her.

Sam averted his eyes and cleared his throat nervously as he followed her into her apartment. Maria pretended it meant nothing.

Then she froze mid-step and Sam nearly knocked into her.

"What?" he asked, and his voice sounded suddenly on alert.

Maria sighed.

"I forgot I have nothing in the fridge but some sparkling soda," she said.

"Are you not taking care of yourself like I told you?" he asked.

He left his suitcase in the living room and walked into the small kitchen to give it an inspection. Maria followed him and watched him as he opened the fridge, then the pantry, all the while clucking his tongue and shaking his head. Maria had a difficult time keeping a smile off her face.

"How long have you lived here?" he asked, then continued without waiting for a response.

"You have not lived here long enough to own expired canned soup," he admonished, turning to her with the offending object in his hand. "Unless you have some sort of emotional attachment to it. Did you move it with the rest of your stuff?"

Maria laughed at his display and shook her head.

"Do you want burgers or pizza?" she asked. "There are two delivery places close by and they can have it here quickly."

"Burgers," he answered. "But don't think this conversation is finished."

"Alright, Dad."

Maria playfully slapped at his hand when he pointed his finger at her, then pulled out her phone.

They placed their order and sat down on the sofa to talk while they waited. Sam had been visiting his family and Maria always loved to hear his stories. They were so normal compared to what she had known that even their off-kilter arguments about things she'd usually consider petty made her laugh.

The food finally arrived and the concierge sent it up with the elevator attendant. Sam gave him a tip and brought the bags and drinks into the kitchen where Maria was pulling out plates and utensils.

"How is it that you are so formal in the way you eat, yet you never have anything around to eat?" he joked with her as he pulled a fry out of one of the bags.

He began to eat as Maria set out the plates, she was about to comment that she wasn't going to transfer the malts into glass cups when Sam let out a strangled noise and began to gasp for breath. Maria's first instinct was that he was choking, but then his skin began to change color and he fell to his knees before he completely collapsed.

She pulled out her phone and called 911, then pulled out Sam's phone to call Tony. Tony beat the ambulance by a minute. She could hear him flying up the stairs before he walked through the door she'd opened to be ready for the EMTs.

"Dammit, Hill," he started as he flipped up his visor. "I told you to move into the Tower. Far less chance of someone fulfilling one of the death threats there."

He might have wanted to say more but Maria looked up at him and whatever was on her face, abject terror most likely, she thought, caused him to stop.

"What was it?" he asked.

"It was a French fry," she said, forcing her voice to remain calm. "But I wouldn't be surprised if it's in everything."

Tony grabbed a handful of the fries from the top of the bag and put them into a plastic zippy bag he pulled from a compartment in his suit.

The elevator dinged and Stark looked as if he was ready for the defense.

"It's the EMTs," Maria told him. She could hear the equipment being rolled down the hall.

Once they stabilized Sam, they lifted him onto the gurney.

"She goes with him," Tony told the EMTs.

"Yes, Mr. Stark," one of the techs replied.

Maria would have rolled her eyes if the situation hadn't been so dire.

On the way to the hospital, Maria looked on as the EMT continued to monitor Sam. Her stoic outward demeanor belied the fear and dread that had taken root. Tony was right. She should have moved when this mess had started, but she hadn't wanted to give her enemies that sort of power. Now her pride might kill Sam, and all because he had gone out of his way to visit her.

Once at the hospital, Maria jumped out of the back of the ambulance. Stark was already there and with him, Steve Rogers. Seeing him reminded her that Sam was one of the few friends Rogers had, and now…but she couldn't finish the thought.

Sam was wheeled in right away and the three followed into the waiting area. They found three chairs together and sat and waited. After ten minutes an employee came out to ask if any of them could sign the medical papers for Sam, which Steve could, and he followed her to her office. Maria sat beside Tony and focused on a spot on the far wall.

"I'm sorry about earlier," Tony said.

Maria didn't reply, she couldn't trust her voice.

They were silent for a few moments before Tony continued.

"What was Sam doing at your apartment?" he asked.

Maria still refused to respond.

"Steve told me he had no idea Sam was even back in New York," Tony continued.

It was only her years of SHIELD training that kept the surprise off her face. Sam hadn't even called Steve. In the privacy of her mind, Maria couldn't deny what this meant.

"And here we all thought it was Steve you were pining after," Tony said by way of attempting a joke.

Maria turned to glare at him.

"How far along is this relationship?" Tony continued, unabated. "It must be pretty serious if you're the first person he calls when he gets into town, the first person he goes to see."

Maria closed her eyes.

"I don't want to talk about this right now," she said quietly.

Tony was silent for a moment.

"Fine," he said.

The silence stretched on for far too long for Tony's liking, Maria could tell. The man was beginning to fidget. A fidgeting Tony was never a good Tony, was what Pepper had told her, and Maria had observed the truth of the woman's words.

She put a hand over his to try to get him to stop before something bad happened she couldn't deal with at the moment. She was surprised when he took her hand in his.

"Maria, I know you like to pretend you are completely immune to feelings of this nature," he said as he stared at their joined hands. "And I understand your reasons."

Maria looked sharply at him.

"Hey, I know I'm not the only one with 'daddy' issues," he said.

Maria glared at him and pulled her hand from his.

"Don't kill the messenger," he said. "Especially when you already know the truth of the message."

She stood to move away from him but, not surprisingly, he followed her. He watched her as she gazed out the window.

"He's gonna be OK," Tony assured her. "And when he is, you need to realize that maybe this is a sign."

She looked at him and raised an eyebrow.

"Life's short," he said. "The way we live, well, it's best not to let things go unsaid."

"And just what would I say to him?" she asked harshly.

"Tell him how you feel," Tony told her.

She scoffed aloud and turned away from him.

"I promise you there is no risk involved," Tony said. "It's obvious he has feelings for you."

Maria felt herself still as his words sank in. Had Sam said something to Stark?

"Oh, my g-d," he groaned dramatically. "Did they make you Deputy Director because you sucked at being a spy?"

Maria opened her mouth to respond, but Tony went on.

"Aren't you supposed to learn how to read people?" he asked. "Don't they teach you how to read tells when you are in spy school?"

Maria turned away once more, this time to hide the flush she felt coming to her face. She could read the tells, she just didn't want to admit it. She didn't want to admit that Sam had the same feelings as she. And now…

"It doesn't matter, now," she said.

And she knew it couldn't. She had jeopardized the life of someone she claimed to care for because, in her pride, she had refused safety for herself and left him vulnerable.

Steve returned at that point and Maria hoped Tony wouldn't speak of it in front of Sam's friend.

"They, uh, they're working on him," he said. "I went back for a minute and the doctor is hopeful."

Maria looked at Steve and was moved by the distress on his face. This man had already lost so much in his life and now he stood to lose one of his closest friends. Maria felt guiltier.

Maria and Steve sat side-by-side as Tony began to pace. It was several hours later before anyone approached them and by then, even Steve had begun to pace.

"Mr. Wilson is in a recovery room now and we are going to move him into a regular room," the nurse said. "He's doing extraordinarily well, all things considered. The doctor will be in his room in several minutes if Mr. Rogers would like to come up and speak with him."

Steve nodded and followed the nurse back through the emergency room doors. Maria relaxed back into her seat and let out a long breath then she looked up at Tony.

"Well, I think I'll be going, now that I know he's OK," she said and shouldered her purse. "Keep me updated if there's any change."

Tony gaped at her.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"Home," she told him, though she thought she might also stop by the liquor store along the way. Food wasn't the only thing she was short on at her apartment.

"He's going to want to see you," Tony said.

Maria felt her jaw clench. She didn't want to think about that right now, didn't want to admit that there really had been the potential for something, didn't want to admit that she had really wanted that something.

"Well, I have to pack if I'm going to move into the Tower, don't I?" she used his wish in an attempt to distract him.

But Tony wouldn't have it.

"Nice try, Hill," he said. "Running away from this isn't going to change things."

They held each other's stares for several heartbeats before Maria turned to head to the door.

"You're making a mistake, Maria," Tony called after her.

"No, I'm not, Stark," she said. Then added under her breath, "First right thing I've done in a long time."

Sam was another three days in the hospital before he was released. Maria didn't go to visit him, though Tony and Steve both told her he'd asked after her. She also didn't return his calls he made to her from the hospital, nor when he returned to the Tower to stay with Steve for the remainder of his recovery.

Tony had flown in Sam's family to visit and there were several occasions when Maria shared an elevator with them, but she had remained silent. What could she say to them? That she was sorry she nearly got her son killed because she'd decided to be stubborn about the death threats against her?

Finally, the inevitable occurred, Sam showed up at her office. He walked right past Kate, though Maria thought that the woman might have just waved him in, and sat down across the desk from her. The hurt look on his face met the stoic one on Maria's and Sam shook his head.

"I don't blame you for what happened, Maria," he told her. "It wasn't your fault."

"I know it wasn't my fault," she lied.

"Then why are you avoiding me?" he asked.

Maria regarded him coolly, as if it was a bother to have to speak with him.

"I've been really busy, Sam," she said.

He looked at her in disbelief.

"Maria," he started, but she couldn't let him keep talking, she might be persuaded to let him close again.

"In fact, I'm probably going to have to fly out to California tonight," she said. "I really need to get some work done before I leave."

"Sure," he nodded, but it was obvious her words had affected him. "When you get back maybe we could take in a movie."

"I really don't think that's a good idea," she said, and though it was the truth, she knew she didn't have to make it sound so final.

Sam, who was as terrible a liar as Steve, showed the pain on his face at her words. But he nodded, then stood and left her office, closing the door behind him.

Maria allowed herself a moment of obvious outward emotion at the guilt she felt for the pain she'd caused him before she took a deep breath and returned to her work.

The whole thing had been a rookie mistake. She should have been more cautious about the death threats, and she never should have entertained the idea of a personal life. If she'd still been in SHIELD, none of this would have happened. She would have remembered the rules, she would have heeded her own warnings. How she thought life in the private sector gave her the right to a normal life, she wasn't sure, but she wasn't going to let it happen again.