A Different Change of Heart

by Ginomo

As a Worf/Dax fan I have watched "Change of Heart" more times than I can count. It wasn't until reading a review of it that this idea came to me… what if the pivotal decision had been Jadzia's to make instead of Worf's? This story takes place during that episode, at the moment the Jem'Hadar discover Worf and Dax.

Chapter 3

Life began to take on its familiar routine, but even as the days and duty shifts passed, there was something unsaid between Worf and Jadzia. They had been back from their failed mission to rescue Lasaran for 10 days and they had yet to really talk about what happened. They'd both given statements and written official reports, but they had not addressed it as husband and wife. Something had been building inside of Worf every since he realized what Jadzia had done. She knew it and so did he, yet getting him to open up about it was impossible. There was really only one way to get Worf to drop his guard, and it was when he was fighting to keep that guard up.

Worf was sitting at the table in their quarters going over reports from the day and drinking a glass of prune juice. Jadzia wordlessly dropped his mek'leth onto the table in front of him.

"Are you meaning to challenge me to a fight?" he asked without looking up.

"It's been a long time since we crossed blades."

He sighed, "I have much to do," still not looking up.

"You can take a break to go to the holosuite with me," Jadzia placed her hand on his, "We've hardly spent any time together since we've been back."

She was right. Worf nodded, "Alright."

They walked to the holosuite in relative silence, engaging in the uncomfortable small talk that had been filling their days lately. Once they were there, Jadzia chose one of his favorite simulations, the caves of B'Moth. They began as they always did, with a slow volley that gradually built. Jadzia tried to engage in the playful banter that usually filled their workouts, but Worf wasn't responding like he usually did.

Dax decided instead to make the most of it and focus on her form. It didn't take her long to realize that something was different. Worf was coming at her harder, faster and fiercer than he ever had before. His blade crashed down on hers with such force that she could barely hold him off. His parries were coming faster than she could keep up with. Jadzia was barely able to duck away from a swipe that could have sliced her face open had it made contact. She stumbled backwards and onto the ground, and for once she was genuinely afraid of her husband.

"Worf, stop!"

Jadzia crouched on the ground, her hands held defensively up over her head. Her eyes were filled with fear; the sight instantly snapped Worf out of the trance-like state he'd been in. He hurled his bat'leth to the floor of the holosuite as if to get as as far away from himself as he could. He stepped backwards a few steps. "I… I do not know what came over me. I am sorry Jadzia," Worf looked toward the door as if wanting to escape the holosuite. He'd always been able to control himself when he sparred with his wife, but tonight his focus was gone and his mind was far away.

Jadzia was panting heavily, "It's okay," slowly her composure was returning as well, "I'm okay, just help me up."

Dax extended her hand to Worf but he shrank away from it, "I should go..." he looked toward the door again.

"Help me up," she repeated, this time her voice was firm.

Worf obeyed and reach out to pull Jadzia to her feet. He had yet to allow his eyes to meet hers, "I do not know what came over me."

"You've never done that before," Jadzia whispered. Her heart was still racing, "I guess all this time you really have been holding back with me."

Worf was silent, still looking down.

"You've got to talk to me, Worf, please."

Worf repeatedly clenched and released his fists, trying to focus what he was feeling elsewhere. He wanted to hit something- hard. And he'd never forgive himself if that something was his wife, "I have to go," before she was able to object, Worf disappeared from the holosuite.

Jadzia took both their weapons back to their quarters, but Worf was nowhere to be found. She didn't need to use the comm system to locate him, Dax knew exactly where her husband had gone. She also knew that she had to confront him about this, whatever it was, or it would just get worse.

The interior lights on the Defiant were at minimum levels, as they always were when it was docked and out of service. Memories of coming onto the ship to see Worf before they were married put a smile on her face. They'd have dinner together in the mess hall- their own private dining room. Then there was that time in the captain's chair on the bridge…

The bridge is where she headed. As the turbolift door slid open, she could hear the music blasting loudly, Shevok'tah gish filled the air. Worf was in the captain's chair, his head back, eyes closed and lips quietly whispering the lyrics to one of the more depressing Klingon operas. Jadzia headed towards her pilots chair and sat in it. She swiveled it to face him.

"Not exactly 'feel good' music."

Worf didn't open his eyes, "I do not feel good," he said matter of factly, as if he knew she'd been there the whole time. The truth was, he knew she'd come.

"You've got to talk to me, Worf," she repeated.

A pause, then, "I am sorry about tonight. I do not know what came over me, but perhaps we should take a break from training together for awhile."

"That's bullshit."

That got Worf's attention. His eyes snapped open and he finally looked at her, "Excuse me?"

"You heard me. We've been walking on eggshells with one another ever since the mission and we can't do this forever."

Worf sighed, "You disobeyed a direct order."

Jadzia folded her arms across her chest and sat back in her chair, "Is that what this is about? The fact that I didn't do what you told me to?"

"It is more than that. Here," he motioned to the bridge around them, "Here we are not husband and wife. Here we are officers. Here we have a duty to uphold."

She rolled her eyes, "I know all about duty, Worf."

He shook his head, "Do not give me any of your 350 year old smugness. If you knew about duty then you would have completed the mission."

"So you've been mad at me all this time for saving your life? Is it because I robbed you of an honorable death or something?"

"You and I both took an oath when we joined Starfleet. How can I sit in this chair with you at the helm ever again? How can I know that you will do whatever it is you feel without a regard to my authority?

"My first duty isn't to this ship. It isn't to Starfleet, the Federation or any orders of any kind. I took an oath the day I married you- a blood oath to stand with you above all else. That is more sacred to me than any duty I have to Starfleet," she shook her head, her eyes looking dejected, "The fact that you don't realize that…" Jadzia's voice trailed off. She was hurt.

"That is what has been weighing on me," Worf's voice was low again as he wearily sank down further into the captain's chair, "I do not know that I would have done the same thing."

His words hung in the air for an uncomfortable amount of time, "What?" was all Jadzia could muster.

"You were right. You did what was right. If we were serving on a Klingon ship, this would not even be a question- nothing comes between the bonds of a marriage."

"Then I don't understand."

He looked at the floor as he spoke, "If it had been you that was hurt and I had that choice between my duty as a Starfleet Officer and my duty as your parmackai…" Worf slowly shook his head, "I would have chosen the mission. And you would have died."

They were both silent. At first, Jadzia thought he was reprimanding her for not continuing on. But as she studied her husband's face all of a sudden it made sense. He wasn't angry with her, he was angry with himself. He doubted whether or not he could have done what she did and he felt ashamed.

Worf's heavy voice broke the silence, "I thought I was ready to sacrifice my life for Starfleet, I always have been. As we were walking, you were ahead and I was barely keeping my footing, I knew I had to stop and let you go on. And that… that scared me."

To anyone else, Dax would have said how normal fear in that moment was. To her husband, a sentiment like that would not be appreciated, "I knew you were doing your best to be strong."

"I have never feared death. I have never hesitated in the face of it. There have even been times when I welcomed it. But that day, I was keenly aware that every step I took brought me closer to death," Worf finally looked up at his wife, his face filled with a mix of emotion she wasn't used to seeing, "And farther away from you."

"Oh Worf," Jadzia rose from her chair and kneeled next to him in his. She took his hands in hers, "There is a difference between being afraid to die and not wanting to leave your wife. You are still and will always be the bravest man I have ever known. When the time came you knew when to stop and let me go on. You ordered me to continue knowing it meant you'd die."

Worf shook his head, "No. I knew you'd find a way. I do not know why but in my heart I knew you'd come back."

"Just as in my heart I know you would have done the same thing," she reached up and stroked his face, "If anyone had asked me what I would have done before I was in that moment my answer would have been obvious. Complete the mission, duty comes first. But then, standing in that clearing, the mission in one direction and your life in the other… there was no choice. And I know has you been faced with that, had you felt your heart pounding in your chest the way I did, you would have carried me out of that jungle on your back without hesitation."

"Why did we not think of this before?" he asked.

Dax smirked, "Because you and I have always been so damned invincible. We have never considered the possibility that one of us wouldn't make it."

"We have always been able to do both- protect each other and get the job done. This time we could not."

"And there won't be a next time," she reminded him of Captain Sisko's new order.

"Which means we cannot protect each other. Something could happen to you and I will not be there to-"

"Shh," Jadzia silenced him, "We can't worry about that. If death comes to us- when death comes to us- we will face it with honor. And whoever is still alive will go on."

"I do not know that I could bear it."

"Well, if I go first I'll come back and find you and make you fall in love with me all over again," she said with a smirk.

"Isn't that against the rules?"

Jadzia winked, "You're worth it."

It was Worf's turn to tease, "I do not think I could handle another one of you."

Jadzia stood from where she'd been kneeling and slowly lowered herself onto her husband's lap, "You know, I kind of miss you living here on the Defiant."

"Why is that?"

"I miss having this place all to ourselves," she said with a whisper.

Worf knew exactly what she meant by that, "Jadzia, the last thing we need is to get into anymore trouble."

"Computer," Jadzia said into the air, "Secure the Defiant's DS9 airlock and notify the bridge if anyone attempts to access it. Authorization Dax 8-9-Beta."

"Airlock secured."

"Now, if I recall," Jadzia continued, slowly wrapping her arms around her husband's shoulders, "The last time we were alone like this you did some serious commanding from this chair."

"If I recall, you gave your fair share of orders as well," Worf teased.

"Well, you know me, I like to do my own thing."

"I do. Indeed, I do."

~finis

May 11, 2015

Please review! Reviews give me the motivation to keep writing and keep Worf and Jadzia alive.