A/N: This is very silly. Frequent cartoonish violence. (Written during 4B, hence the reference to Caleb being in Ravenswood.)
"Paige, you don't have to worry about anything," Emily said.
Paige continued looking out the front window, nervously scrutinising the street outside.
"Alison is different now," Emily assured her.
"Yes, she's alive," Paige responded. "That's much different, and not in a good way."
"I think you two should meet," Emily suggested.
Paige spun around, her eyes wide with fear.
"What?" she asked.
"I think you two should meet," Emily repeated. "You'll see she's just a person. It will do you good."
Paige stared at Emily, her face awash with confusion.
"OK," she said, "and maybe afterwards I can go play in the lion enclosure at the zoo. Or get a job as a human cannonball."
"Please," begged Emily. "I just think if you two met each other we could resolve all of this, and it would be over for good. You'd feel so much better getting closure."
For a moment Paige just looked on Emily in puzzlement, but then a smile slowly spread over her face.
"You're right," Paige said. "This could all be over. Permanently."
Emily, Hanna, Spencer and Aria were sitting around a table at the brew. Emily was quiet, just looking down at her coffee, slowly stirring it.
"Em, you don't have to do this if you don't want," said Aria.
"Yeah," added Hanna. "If you're nervous they won't get along…"
"They will," said Emily. "It just might be a little awkward."
"It could be more than awkward," Spencer suggested.
"It will be fine," insisted Emily. "Let's talk about something else."
It was silent around the table for a moment.
"I've broken up with Caleb," Hanna announced.
Emily was shocked.
"Why?" she asked.
"He went to Ravenswood," Hanna replied.
Aria and Spencer nodded their heads in agreement.
"But, we've got no idea how long that will last," Emily protested. "It might not even make it until the end of January. What if he wants to come back?"
Hanna shrugged her shoulders.
"His choice," she said.
The bell rang at the front door and they all turned around. It was Alison.
When Emily turned back the others were all gone, and the back door of the Brew was swinging shut.
"And how is my beautiful, sweet Emily?" Alison asked as she approached.
"I'm good," replied Emily.
Just as Alison drew near she tripped on the floor, fell and landed in Emily's lap.
"Oh, I'm sorry," Alison said, throwing her arms around Emily.
"Are you hurt?" asked Emily.
"I'm fine," Alison said, gazing into Emily's eyes. "Perfectly fine."
"Would you like me to get you a coffee?" Emily asked.
"No need to get up," Alison replied.
"It probably would be better if you, um… sat on another seat," Emily suggested.
Alison just raised an eyebrow.
"Please," added Emily.
"Oh OK," said Alison, moving to the adjacent seat.
"Thank you," said Emily. "And thank you for coming."
"That's fine," said Alison. "If you need help breaking up with Paige I'm more than happy to support you."
"I'm not breaking up with Paige," Emily replied.
"Sure," said Alison, rolling her eyes.
"I was hoping you to could make up," Emily explained. "And maybe try to get along."
"Get along?" Alison asked.
"Yes," Emily confirmed.
"Me and Pigskin?" Alison asked.
"Ah, she would probably like it if you didn't call her that," Emily said
"I'm sure she would," Alison responded.
Paige and Alison sat on opposite sides of the table, eyes fixed on each other.
"So, been up to much?" Paige asked.
"Not really," replied Alison. "You?"
"I've just been doing some shopping," Paige said. "I got a new shovel today. It's really good. I mean, it's good for digging, but also just feels good in my hands. It has a nice swing to it."
"So," interrupted Emily. "I should go get those coffees."
"It's OK Em, I'll get them," said Paige.
As Paige went over to the counter, Emily gave Alison an encouraging look.
"I think it's going well," Emily said.
Paige returned soon after with the drinks.
"One Americano for my girl…" she said, giving Emily hers.
"And one vanilla with two sugars for you," she said, handing Alison a cup from which a thick white smoke was pouring. "That's the vanilla… and extra milk froth."
Alison carefully put the cup down on the table, but as she reached for the spoon she knocked it over, spilling her drink onto the table. The surface of the table began to fizz and acrid fumes rose up.
"Oops, sorry," said Alison.
It was morning and Paige was ready for school.
"Bye everyone!" she called as she want out the front door.
As she approached her bike, she noticed a small package sitting on the seat. It was a present, in bright wrapping paper. Paige tentatively picked it up and read the message on the card
"Dear Paige,
No hard feelings,
Love Alison xoxoxo"
Paige held it to her ear. There was a faint ticking sound.
She dropped the present and ran to the door. Just as she made it there was a loud explosion behind her. She looked back and saw her bike lying in a pile of twisted, smoking metal.
Damn! How was she going to get to school now?
It was lunchtime at Rosewood High, and the four of them were sitting in the cafeteria.
"It wasn't going to happen straight away, I suppose," Emily said.
"You just have to keep trying," said Hanna.
"Or give up," suggested Aria.
Spencer laughed.
"What's so funny?" Emily asked.
"I'm sorry, I'm just feeling very happy today," replied Spencer.
"Why?" asked Emily.
"I dumped Toby," Spencer explained.
"What?" asked Emily, now shocked.
"He was annoying me," Spencer elaborated. "Every time he gave me that puppy dog look and cried, I just wanted to slap him."
Aria and Hanna nodded in agreement.
It was after school, and Emily and Alison were in the living room of the DiLaurentis house.
"Alison, it's great to have you back, but you have to realise I'm with Paige now," Emily explained. "I'm sure we can all be friends though."
"Don't worry," Alison said. "We won't need to worry about Paige for much longer. Anyway, you have to try on your present."
"Um, it's a very nice bikini," Emily replied, "but it's quite small."
"I can put mine on too if you like," Alison suggested. "You know I don't mind."
"Thank you, but…" Emily began.
"Great," said Alison, heading towards the stairs.
As she did, a gunshot went off outside and a bullet flew through the window, passing by where Alison had just stood.
"Damn!" came a voice from outside.
Emily rushed to the window to see who was out there, but only caught a glimpse of a car screeching off down the street.
Paige decided she had had enough. She was going to go over to Emily's house and convince her to stop seeing Alison.
She marched out of the house with grim determination and got into her car. As she turned the key, however, nothing happened. She tried it a few times but there was only a slight clicking noise, with no response from the engine.
She needed to see what was wrong.
She tried to open the door, but it was stuck. She pulled on the handle and tried to force the door open, but to no avail. She was starting to get alarmed now.
Then she heard it. A humming noise, getting louder.
She looked in her rear view mirror.
What?
A giant monster truck was coming up the street towards her.
"You've got to be fucking kidding me," she muttered to herself as the enormous vehicle came nearer.
She grabbed her crowbar from under the seat and smashed the passenger side window out. She hit it again, and then once more, to clear away all the glass, then lept out. She landed on the grass and rolled forward. As she looked back to her car the monster truck was now crushing it under its wheels, and a familiar laughter was coming from the cabin.
"I'll get you, DiLaurentis," Paige yelled. "I'll get you soon."
As Alison sipped her coffee out the front of the Brew she had two questions on her mind. She needed to think of a grand romantic gesture to win Emily over, and a way to finish off McCullers for good.
Maybe she could combine the two? No, Emily seemed strangely attached to that psycho. Weird. Still, she knew that she would win out in the end. She was much prettier than Paige.
There was nothing else to do now though, so when she finished her coffee she headed off.
As she walked home she noticed something on the sidewalk. An 'X', written in chalk. That's all is was. She stood over it for a minute, looking down, then around her, then up…
She jumped out of the way just as a falling anvil hit the 'X', making a massive thud on impact that shook the ground around her.
"Damn!" came a familiar voice from above.
Ali took a moment to compose herself. The huge metal anvil had buried itself halfway into the concrete just where she had been standing moments before. That could have been her.
She stood and stared at it. She couldn't help but imagine what would have happened if she had been under that. It looked so heavy, and hard. And why was there a rapidly growing shadow around it?
She looked up.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" she screamed, again diving for safety.
A piano hit the ground where she had just been standing. She pulled her red coat over her face to protect herself from the chunks of wood, ivory and wire which were flying on all directions.
"Damn!" came the voice again.
"Please Paige, I just want you to try to be friends with her," Emily pleaded. "This means a lot to me."
"It's not going to work, Em," Paige responded.
"It can if you try," Emily insisted.
"I've tried several times," Paige replied. "But she keeps getting away. No, I mean, she keeps, um, like… You're really beautiful."
Just then the doorbell rang.
"I'll get it," announced Paige, eagerly.
Paige opened the front door just as the cannon went off.
She instinctively dropped to the ground and the cannonball flew over her head, down the passageway, crashing through the back door and landing in the pool.
Paige sprang up and charged at Alison before she could get another shot off. Ali ran, leaving the cannon in the middle of the road.
"A ha!" Paige exclaimed gleefully, aiming the cannon at her fleeing nemesis.
She lit the fuse.
Paige thought it was strange though that the fuse led to some sticks of dynamite strapped to the outside of the cannon, rather than…
"Oh shiiiiiiiiiiiiit!" she screamed, leaping away.
The explosion went off while she was still in midair, with the blast picking her up and throwing her into the neighbour's hedges.
"Damn you DiLaurentis!" she cried.
She looked up and saw Emily standing in the doorway of Paige's house house, arms crossed, shaking her head in disappointment.