Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns twilight.

~ 42

I run through the forest, my heart pounding. As my foot gets caught in raised tree root I crash to the ground. My palms sting. I get up and keep on going. I can't stop. My lungs are burning and the harsh cold air drys out my throat. I wheeze trying to take in precious oxygen, I doesn't work but I don't stop. I have to keep running, it has to work this time.

I feel a sharp sting at the side of my head where a chunk of my hair has gotten caught in a branch and has been ripped out as I've ran past. The chestnut strands blow like a flag in the breeze. I'm almost there, I can hear the thundering crashes that signify two vampires colliding. I can hear the roars and the growls of fury both wolven and vampire alike.

As I scramble over the last few rocks in order to get to the clearing I slip and tumble back down to the bottom, my bloodied hands making it hard to grip the smooth solid rock. I had told Edward that I would be fine up the mountain with just Seth, I hadn't tried to dissuade him when he wanted to fight with his family. It hadn't been that hard then to convince Seth to leave before the battle started and that I didn't need baby sitting. Content that I'd be fine he ran back down the mountain to help out his brothers. Admittedly he did it and lot faster and a lot more gracefully than I'm doing now.

When I finally make it over the rocks I sprint down the last slope through the trees and in to the clearing. There are vampires everywhere.

It's hard to distinguish where everyone is or what's happening because everything is moving so fast. It hurts my eyes to look.

Screech!

I whip my head around at the noise to see Emmet rip the arms off a bleach blonde female vampire, her pale marble face contorted with rage.

I reach in to my pocket and pull out the small pocket knife I brought for this very moment. I lift it to my wrist and barely wince as the blade cuts in to my skin and I drag it backwards across the vein. Hot scarlet red blood gushes from the cut and it seems as though every single vampires attention is suddenly on me. There's a fraction of stillness where I hold my breath and then everything starts up again but only twice as frantic and brutal than before.

The newborns attention is only on me and they don't pay attention to the Cullen's or the wolves, making them easy pickings. It's seems as though jaspers idea is working, my blood is driving them crazy. The newborns can't focus and are being killed before they can reach me. Only a few vampires are now left and I can already see we've clearly won. The wolves converge on a solitary vampire who's trying to escape back through the trees and as they rip his head off I sigh in relief. It seems that everything going to be fine, until it isn't.

A small girl bursts out of the bushes to the right and lunges at me. I remember her name is Bree. How could I forget, how could I not remember something so important as her hiding out in the bushes trying to retreat at the last moment? I look around for the nearest Cullen and lock on to Edwards eyes. He looks at me with a mixture of immense love, hunger, panic and betrayal. They're all to far away, they won't reach me in time. This wasn't supposed to happen. I was supposed to get roughed up a bit and then they would turn me before anything else happened. Now it too late.

My breath comes out in a gush as her cold unyielding dead body crashes in to my soft human form and we're sent flying across the clearing. I feel the sharpness of her claws as they dig in to my arms and shred the skin. My bones creak and shatter under her grip and I feel the skin on my back rip off layer by layer as we slide across the grass me underneath her, my back to the earth. The sheer agony makes me cry out silently as my back arches under the unbearable storm of pain.

As we come to a stop she growls feraly, her eyes wild with hunger and she pushes my head to the side causing a large snap and I join the familiar blackness of death as she snaps my neck and lunges for my throat.

~ 43

BEEP BEEP BEEP! BEEP BEEP BEEP!

I roll over and hit my alarm. Sighing deeply I open my eyes to the all to familiar sight of my bedroom ceiling. Back again.

I was sure that this time I would be able to do it, that this time I wouldn't die. But it seems as though the universe is conspiring against me, I always die, every time.

I remember the first time I died and woke back up. I thought it was all a dream, just my mind playing tricks on me during the change, maybe a side affect of the morphine Edward gave me to help with the pain. My mum thought I was on drugs when I started asking about Edward and my baby and started running over the house looking for them. It wasn't until Renee said about me being nervous about going to live in forks that I started to act rationally and started to play along, that was great if I could get to forks I could get to the Cullen's. They would be able to fix this.

I reassured Renee by telling her it was just a really vivid dream I'd had and that I'd been married with a child and it was just hard to shake it off when I woke up. She laughed as if it was perfectly normal and started telling me about some of her wacky dreams that she'd had. I wasn't really listening though, my mind was already in forks. I was really hoping Carlisle would be able to fix this and send me back to where I came from, or that I would eventually wake up.

Poor Charlie. As soon as I got to the house I hardly paid him any attention, too eager to get him out the way so that I could sneak off to the Cullen mansion. I knew the way there like the back of my hand hand so it wasn't hard to get there even in the dark.

To say they were surprised at seeing me would be an understatement. Carlisle was fascinated at the possibility of me coming from a different dimension and vowed to research everything he could about alternate dimensions until he could get me home. I was relieved and the rest of the family were excited though still slightly cautious after what I'd told them.

As I went to sleep that night I'd been reassured that even if everything wasn't a dream I would still be able to get home.

Because of my prior knowledge of James and the nomads appearing at the game, I hadn't been invited to the baseball match and was stuck at home with Edward guarding me. For the next couple of days he barely let me out of his sight. After a week though he became more relaxed and with some convincing I managed to get him to go hunting with his brothers.

This turned out to be the first of many mistakes. The nomads curious at smelling vampires around my house had hung around for a few more days to see the reason for it. When James had seen how Edward acted around me he saw me as a most treasured prize he just had to have.

It wasn't until I woke the next morning in my bed back in Phoenix that I realised I wasn't dimension hopping, I was going back in time, doing things over again like in those action films, but they were all trying to stop something, trying to save someone. Why was I doing this, how was I doing this? People die everyday, what was special about me? How was I different?

It was something I'd pondered for many nights for many years but never been able to figure out, or maybe I had known but had been unable to admit it. Now as I'm laying here after waking up for the 43rd time in my room in Phoenix, its hard to hide from the answer thats staring me in the face, and has been for the last ten times I've done this.

The person I was trying to save was my self.

I'd tried everything. Falling in love with Edward, not falling in love with Edward, falling in love with jake, not getting pregnant, telling the Cullen's the truth, getting changed during the James incident, getting turned in Italy by the volturi, nothing seemed to work. The farthest I'd ever gotten was on my 19th attempt when I'd lived past the birth of Renesme but only to be killed by the volturi for creating an immortal child.

I think the universe was trying to tell me something, maybe I'm not supposed to be a vampire, maybe I'm not supposed to go to forks and fall in love with Edward, maybe fate has other plans.

It seems that every time that I go to forks every decision, every possible possible path I take I always end up dead and right back where I started. Even if I've never met the Cullen's I always die, like the time I decided to skip the first day of school where I meet Edward and instead I was ploughed in to by a logging truck that had swerved out of the path of a deer that had suddenly darted across the road. I remember being thrown from the cab of the truck and bleeding out by the side of the road.

I took a deep and weary breath strengthening my resolve. As much as it would hurt me, as much as it would kill me never to see Alice again or hear the sound Edwards sweet honey like voice, I would do this, I would let go. For the first time since this had started happening, I wouldn't go to Forks, I wouldn't meet the Cullen's, and I wouldn't fall in love with Edward.

I would never see or hear of Edward Cullen again, and it broke my heart.