A/N: Hello? Anyone out there still reading GG fics?

So, I started writing Gilmore Girls fanfiction in 2008. I had several stories posted on a GG fanfic site called Black & White & Read. Unfortunately, BWR is no longer, and I lost most of my fics (My beta, Jewels, saved me! She's wonderful!). It's all written except for the last chapter. I thought posting here would motivate me to finally finish it. My awesome beta, Jewels, and my beloved Mags have bugged me for years for that last chapter. As you wish…

Many thanks to Jewels for all her amazing beta-ing skills over the years!

Xxxxxx

Lorelai stood outside of Patty's studio, studying the collage of Rory and Lane pictures that captured their friendship over the years. She sighed softly as she thought about how fast time had gone. One minute she was holding a newborn Rory in her arms at sixteen, and the next moment she would be watching her baby graduate from Yale at thirty-something, alone again. That happily-ever-after ending eluded her still. She fought to find it, but didn't fight hard enough to keep the one that would give it to her.

"Seems like yesterday she was taking up three tables at the diner with those giant books of hers."

Lorelai turned around to face the speaker. "Mhmm." Standing before her in all his flannel and denim clad glory was the one. The only one that she ever saw a future with.

"Yep. She was something. Is something," Luke said with genuine affection.

Lorelai flashed a small grin at Luke, turning around briefly to glance at the pictures again before looking back his way. As the awkwardness of the situation swamped them, her mind raced trying to find an appropriate subject to talk about. Kirk's face came into view somewhere in the dark recesses of her brain. Kirk. Boat. Kirk buying Luke's boat.

"So, uh, what's this I hear about Kirk buying your boat?"

"Oh, well... I just realized I was never gonna take that thing out. I mean, all that time I spent trying to fix it up... so I bought a new one."

"Wha, ah, when?" Lorelai asked, confusion clouding her mind.

"Today - got the idea in my head a couple hours ago, went down to the shipyard in Bridgeport, and just did it."

"You just bought a boat," she stated incredulously.

"Yeah, yeah, and it's even bigger and better than the old one. I mean, it's got everything. It's got a little kitchen, a bathroom, even a place to sleep."

"Wow."

"I'm just gonna keep it in the marina, you know, and then when April comes to visit in the summer, you know, I'll take it out on little trips, you know, go away for a few weeks." He stuttered through the explanation.

"Luke, that sounds really nice." Her words came out more sincere than she felt.

"Right?"

"God, I can't believe you bought a boat in a day. It used to take you a week to buy a t-shirt." It took you years to ask me out.

"Yeah, well, things change."

They studied each other for a few moments, trying to read the other's thoughts. Neither one was sure of where they stood with the other. There were so many words left unsaid, so many things not made right.

"I'll see you inside?" Luke asked, breaking the mounting tension.

"Mm-hmm."

Things change. Things change? What the heck does that mean? His words triggered a rapid fire of questions in her mind. But one question stood out in big bold letters. She needed to know. Now. Before she could think about the consequences of asking this question, the words were flowing freely from her mouth. "You didn't love me enough to change things for me?" She blurted just loud enough for him to hear.

Luke paused in his ascent up the stairs and slowly turned around to face Lorelai. His jaw was clenched tight, his hands balled into fists and his eyes were ablaze with long-suppressed anger. In two steps he was back in front of Lorelai, clutching her shoulders in his hands.

"Never, ever, question how much I loved you," he stated with force. "If anything, I'm the one that should question your love for me. Did you even love me a little bit, Lorelai? Or was I just a stand in until someone better came along?"

Lorelai's head reared back as if slapped. "Luke."

Luke dropped his grip on her shoulders. "No, you know what? This isn't the time or the place to talk about this. I'm going inside." With those parting words, he went back into Patty's and left her standing and staring at the empty spot he had just occupied.

After several seconds, Lorelai felt her lungs fill with air again. Defeated, she walked up the steps with her shoulders hunched, tugging her jacket tightly around her body to ward off the frost that permeated her being from Luke's words.

Lorelai trudged over to a corner of the room, observing the festivities, the celebration of life and love. Swallowing the lump that collected in her throat, she tried to force the tears back as she attempted to stomp down the regrets rising in her heart. Regret over things said and things not said. Regret for losing herself and the only man she really, truly loved. So many regrets.

Paramount on the regret scale was sleeping with Christopher. She knew in her heart that going to him would not end well for anyone, but her state of mind was not stable. She allowed him to weaken her already low resistance, and he took advantage of the situation. The consequences of that action were still sending shockwaves throughout her life. Because sleeping with him wasn't enough of a mistake; she had to go and marry him on top of that.

Lorelai watched as Luke greeted Rory, Lane and Zach, thumping Zach on the back and offering an awkward hug to each of the girls. Luke's smile was bright, but she could see a fire smoldering in his eyes from their encounter. His body was still tense from the anger, yet he willingly chatted with the girls and seemed in no hurry to leave. She found it ironic that she could read him now when there was barely a friendship between them, but she couldn't read him those last few months they were together. He closed himself off to her, and in turn, she did the same thing to him.

She regretted not sitting Luke down and talking about how unhappy she was, how much it hurt that he was shutting her out of his life. They could have talked out their problems and avoided the ultimatum altogether. Although, the few times she attempted to discuss things with him, he was either defensive, or too quick to appease her, never really listening to her. Nothing ever changed. She still walked around hurt and confused, void of the security she always felt in their relationship.

So, with every passing day, Lorelai became a shell of her former self. The once independent and energetic woman changed into a weak and listless pod. She clammed up tighter and avoided Luke until that one fateful night she stood before him like a raving lunatic. She should have never issued that ultimatum. She knew in her heart that Luke would not respond well. And he didn't. He stood there, staring at her as if she had lost her mind and allowed her to walk away, crushed and depleted of all hope.

With the accumulation of many bad choices on both of their parts, the friendship that was shared over the years, disappeared. All the love and laughter that filled their lives, vanished like a puff of smoke. The destruction of their relationship was swift and powerful; neither were aware of the tidal wave on their heels that swept them away from each other.

Lorelai's attention snapped from her internal musings to a scene across the room. She saw Patty ask Kirk something, and he pointed in her direction. Patty began weaving herself through the throng, making her way to Lorelai's hiding place.

I have to get back in there, she thought. I need to pretend like everything is okay. I can do this. I'm a master at pretending. I've been doing it for over a year now. She took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. With the tips of her index fingers, she swiped at the wetness that collected under her eyes. Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out a lip gloss and quickly applied it to her lips, rubbing them together and dropping the tube back into her pocket. She plastered a smile on her face that didn't quite reach her eyes, and moved out into the crowd, keeping Luke in her sights.

Xxxxxx

Once the final townie had departed, the after party clean up began in earnest. Trash was picked up from every nook and cranny in the studio. Gifts were collected and neatly piled by the door, ready to be carried to the Jeep. Crumbs were swept into small piles and decorations were removed from the walls.

"All in all, I think that was a very successful baby shower. Lane and Zach had a great time, despite the bed rest. And even Luke came out. But I'm exhausted," Rory said, slumping against the wall.

"Yeah, it was a great night. I think the highlight of the night was the onesie Kirk made," Lorelai said, giggling as the image formed in her mind. "I take it back. There are some things that don't even look cute on a onesie."

"Kirk needs help. Why on earth would he advertise for babysitting services on the back of a onesie? Not to mention the picture of his face on the front. I certainly wouldn't want to put Kirk's face on my kid."

"I want to know where he got a stencil of himself," Lorelai said as she grabbed a couple of garbage sacks. She looked around at the clean room, making sure that all the clean up was finished and all the gifts were ready to go. "Why don't you start loading the gifts, and I'll start taking garbage bags to the dumpster over at Doose's."

"Okay, but why Doose's?"

"It will make Taylor mad when he finds his dumpster full. And I live to make the blood vessels along his neck pop out."

"You are a sick, sick woman, and I gotta tell you, I love it," Rory said, picking up a stack of gifts. "Man, look at this loot."

"Yeah, they made out like bandits. I'm happy for them. I'll see you in a few," Lorelai said, walking down the steps.

Struggling with her load, Lorelai walked across the street toward the diner, and peered into the window. Luke was standing at the counter, looking over his receipts. He must have felt her eyes on him, because his head jerked up, meeting her eyes. She spun her head away from his gaze, quickening her pace when she heard the clang of the bells. Her escape wasn't quick enough. She heard the thump of his work boots on the sidewalk as he swiftly caught up with her, and removed the sacks from her hands. She scoffed in outrage at his sneaky maneuver. Luke held the bags at his sides and started walking around her.

"You need to ask for help sometimes, Lorelai. You can't do everything yourself. These are heavy."

"I didn't want to bug anyone." Especially not you, she thought. She turned and fell into step behind him.

"I can take care of this. I'm sure you have other things to do."

Lorelai stopped walking, and asked softly, "How could I not question your love for me, Luke? Your actions were telling me a different story."

"Lorelai," he growled, pausing in his steps. "Do we have to talk about this now?"

"If we don't talk about this now, then when are we going to talk about it? Things need to be said. This talk is long overdue. Please, Luke," Lorelai implored. She stared at his tense back, waiting for his response, scared of his response.

He sighed in defeat. "Let me get these bags to the dumpster, and I'll help you with whatever else needs to be done. Then we can go to the diner, and I'll pour you a cup of coffee, and we'll talk."

"No, no diner," she said, emphatically shaking her head. "We can sit out on a bench and talk. It would be better that way."

Before Luke could question her refusal to go to the diner, Lorelai turned around and started her journey back to the studio. She glanced back over her shoulder and saw Luke shake his head, continuing on his way to Doose's.

Oh, boy. What am I doing?