title: horizon.
summary: Even now, Canary thought, even now the legacy of her hometown stayed faithful in her veins.
pairing: canary x killua
chapter: 11. overcast skies
disclaimer: I do not own Hunter x Hunter.
interlude.
They are very dramatic, this Zoldyck family.
But they do not know. They do not know that Killua's escape was her fault; that she had the opportunity to stop him and chose not to. They do not know the seeds of rebellion that remain buried deep inside her chest; about the moments when she stares up at the night sky filled with stars and does not consider Kukuroo Mountain her true home.
She is an anomaly in the butler system; an apprentice butler who was not born and bred and trained since birth to serve the Zoldycks. An outsider who carries no indoctrination to keep her loyal, no bedtime stories and lessons of obedience beaten into her. Instead, she is the result of a desperate measure to fill the loss of dozens of up-and-coming butlers, killed by a thoughtless experiment and a wish-granter. Someone handpicked from the slums of Meteor City, with all the talent and capability to become a butler but none of the blind devotion.
She keeps quiet. She bows and recites lessons taught to her too late, rehearses lines of proper etiquette until they are branded into her memory. She devotes herself wholeheartedly to her training. She cleans bins when ordered to, runs when ordered to, breaks hands when ordered to.
But beneath that, she is wild. Meteor City hums in her veins and sings in her blood. She is flesh made out of shooting stars, bones made out of abandoned waste, skin of cracked earth and piercing blue sky.
She hides it well. But this wildness.
This starving.
They cannot crush it out of her.
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.
.
.
Nen floods her body and her body sings. It sings in the way it used to, back in the bitter cold of Meteor City nights, where the stars were brilliant and beautiful against the dark dark sky, and there was nothing in her way except the freezing thrilling feeling of freedom.
Canary is shaking. She shakes and shivers and she doesn't know if it is out of pain or pleasure, love or hate, joy or anger. All she knows is that some part of her is complete and the world has suddenly become a puzzle that has been completed and she is in love, in love, in love -
"Canary," Gotoh's voice pierces her thoughts, "Canary. Focus. You need to stop your aura from leaking outwards. Get into whatever position you find most comfortable -"
- and it is so warm, so unbelievably warm, flowing across her skin like water, like steam, and she is lost, lost in that beautiful warmth of freedom, that hungry aching dichotomy of freedom, and she is everything and nothing and she is -
"- and focus on pulling it back to you. Rather than letting it leak out, let it flow around you instead."
- in love, in love, in love -
"Canary. You will die, if you do not manage to control your Nen."
- and she is -
"Canary!"
- starving.
Canary opened her eyes and gasped for air. The world unfolded around her in dizzying clarity; sky too blue, sunlight too bright. And everyone around her - she could feel everyone -
fox teeth between crisp linen and pumpkins on a rainy day with corpses and poppies and gleaming steel beneath polished marble with frosted glass and rough sandpaper edges between glittering icicles and a slimy eel wriggling beneath the fierce claws of a dragon and a MONSTER -
She recoiled so hard the world tilted sideways. Trembling, she touched her cheeks; they were wet with tears.
A warm hand on her shoulder. Gotoh's grim expression.
"Good," Gotoh said. "Congratulations, Canary."
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.
.
.
"So this is the little butler from the City of Shooting Stars, is she?"
Canary snapped into a bow, still half-reeling from the sudden initiation of this Nen thing that Gotoh has forced into her, this sudden rush of warmth and clarity and power. Nervousness curled in her stomach, and she tugged at her uniform to straighten it.
The older lady, who had watched Canary's initiation in silence, seemed familiar. Canary kept her gaze lowered respectfully, while subconsciously reaching out to try and figure out the old woman's presence. It was...there, but she couldn't quite grasp hold of it.
"Cute," the old woman smiled, the wrinkles around her eyes and mouth creasing. "Unfortunately, my dear, I am not as lenient as Gotoh here nor as clueless as the other servants. You will not be able to find me with your little aura-seeking gimmick, I'm afraid."
Canary smiled back at her, a little sheepishly. I've been caught.
"Canary-chan, this is Tsubone-sensei," Gotoh stepped in smoothly, sweeping a hand through his slicked back hair. "She is a direct butler under Silva-sama himself, and as such is present at the Nen initiation of every butler."
"A mere formality," Tsubone waved a hand dismissively. "Although, of course, I was looking forward to this one. Canary, was it? Our youngest recruit, you have made quite the ripples since you've gotten here."
Canary glanced at Gotoh, but his face was smooth and impassive, and completely unreadable. She turned back to Tsubone, and bowed again. "You think too highly of me, Tsubone-sensei," she said mildly. "It is an honor to serve the great Zoldyck family."
Tsubone let out a warm gravelly chuckle, but her dark eyes were sharp behind thin wire-rimmed glasses. "No, it is my pleasure to meet you after so long. But I suppose our meeting was inevitable. After all, it's rare for an apprentice butler to reach a full butler status after merely three and a half years, and gain Nen, especially one so young. Gotoh here has a good eye."
"Hishita will be in charge of most of your Nen training," the tall butler continued, "but Tsubone-sensei her will be overseeing you as well. Due to both of our other duties, we will not be able to accompany you at all times. However, Nen is still a skill that must be mastered without exception, especially among the butlers of the Zoldyck household."
Canary inhaled deeply. "I understand, Gotoh-san. I will not disappoint you."
"Very well," Gotoh replied, a hint of warmth entering his voice. "Now I do believe it is time to return to the main household. You will begin Nen training tomorrow morning, in addition to your current duties..."
.
.
.
Ten. Zetsu. Ren. Hatsu.
"You're not focusing, Canary-chan," Hishita reprimanded her. Canary twitched, and then opened her eyes, frowning.
"How can you even tell?" she grumbled under her breath. Hishita gave her a short glare. With a huff, he sat down in front of her.
"Your breathing is irregular," he said, crossing his arms at her. "What is on your mind, Canary?"
Canary frowned deeper. She hadn't thought to control her breathing. Chewing the inside of her cheek, she finally sighed.
"Was it Nen all along?" she asked Hishita. This time it was he who frowned at her.
"You know," Canary continued, feeling awkward. "My...'aura-seeking gimmick'." At least, that was what Tsubone had called it.
"Every living creature has a Nen signature," Hishita replied, "and in fact, even inanimate objects can retain Nen. But yes. Even before you knew what Nen was, you could pick up on people's presence or Nen signature without using it yourself. It's a valuable skill to have, and also why former residents of Meteor City often enter...more dangerous businesses."
The City of Shooting Stars. Even now, Canary thought, even now the legacy of her hometown stayed faithful in her veins.
It wasn't a genetic quirk, or a matter of biology. Just like how the Zoldycks were born and bred as assassins, and certain tribes in uncivilized areas of the country were often claimed to be more animal than human, originatng from Meteor City made you different. You were stronger, tougher, more durable. You had to be, when you lived in a world where everything and everything was abandoned and the weak were picked off quickly.
In the world of Meteor City, the Nen quality she now knew as Zetsu was a natural state of being.
Canary exhaled. She didn't quite know if she was surprised, or upset, or happy, that her inexplicable ability to be aware of the existence of others and to hide her own presence was not special only to her or to those from her city but in fact was a learnable skill.
"Now get back to meditating. Ten is the first skill you must master and is amplified by controlling your breathing and heartbeat."
Canary sighed, and closed her eyes again.
.
.
.
"Gotoh," she asked, "how long did it take for you to learn Nen?"
He frowned at her over thin-rimmed glasses. "Mastering Nen takes years and years of practice. Do not be hasty in your training."
"How long?"
"To learn?" He seemed to stare at her, calculating the amount of resolve from her body posture. "A year."
A year, huh?
Canary cracked her knuckles. I'll do it in six months. She didn't say anything out loud, but Gotoh caught the message anyway.
"You never did enjoy following orders," Gotoh sighed.
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.
.
"An Enhancer."
Hishita scratched the back of his head, looking at the glass of water Canary had channeled. "Well, that wasn't quite what I was expecting, but it's good. Enhancers are the best fighters - the most well-rounded, if you would say. Very well. We'll start from there..."
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.
As always, the butler manor was pleasantly cool compared to the outside heat. Canary swiped a hand against her brow, and opened the door to Gotoh's study.
"You asked for me, Gotoh-san?" she said, tapping her staff lightly against her calf, almost like a nervous tick.
"Canary-chan," Gotoh looked up. "Come in."
.
"...We rarely allow butlers to leave the Zoldyck premises," Gotoh told her. "And yet, as I'm sure you are aware of, it happens. There are only so many members of the Zoldyck family, after all. Assassination requests only increase in volume, although the family charges hefty prices. I'm sure you're aware of the current state of things, Canary."
"Yes," she responded. Despite the rumors about the family, there were really several levels to assassinations. The easy ones were done by the children - Killua, for instance, or Kalluto. The targets who had Nen protection or could use Nen themselves were usually delegated to Illumi. And the proficient Nen-users, the truly dangerous targets, were relegated to Silva or Zeno. Milluki and Kikyo were in charge of information gathering.
"Good," Gotoh folded his white gloved hands together in front of him. "Although Silva-sama and Zeno-sama do not require transportation or butlers to accompany them on assassinations, butlers are frequently required to assist in handling the assassination cases relegated to the children. You have assisted in such cases before, have you not?"
"Only twice. Once with Killua-sama, once with Kalluto-sama."
"Do you not find it unusual for you, an apprentice butler, to be given such an role?"
No. She had not found it unusual. She had thought that it was her simply filling in a role; making up for a deficit of butlers. But the more she thought about it, the odder it seemed. She was merely an apprentice butler under the tutelage of Gotoh and Hishita, and yet bizarrely enough she had never seen Gotoh assist in an assassination.
"So," she drew out her words, slowly. "It is not a job...meant for anyone."
Gotoh smiled again, but there was a knife-sharp quality to the glint of his eyes behind his glasses. "You are right. I am sure you understand that every butler has a job here. Some are cooks, cleaners, or in charge of household chores. Some are guards of the gate. Some are in charge of managing the main household; some are in charge of training new butlers. All of us are strong. But only a few of us know Nen."
And yet once again; she, an apprentice butler barely older than the middle child of the Zoldyck family, had undergone initiation for Nen.
"Assassinations are the only source of income for the Zoldyck family. And so for a select number of butlers, their purpose is to ensure that these assassinations are successful. Milluki-sama is in charge of gathering intelligence on a target, yes, but it is the butlers' job to determine how to use that information. To plan an entrance route, the best moment for an assassination to occur, and the retrieval. You remember, don't you?"
"Yes." She remembered. Driving into an abandoned alleyway. Killua jumping down into the car roof opening in a flurry of blood and sharpened fingernails. The persistent quietness of her body as she made it so no one would notice her.
Understanding dawned on her.
"...I am from Meteor City," she said.
Gotoh nodded. "Correct. You, Canary-chan, are from Meteor City. Where Hishita and other butlers must learn Nen and master Zetsu to conceal themselves, you have learned the concealment of your presence naturally. To you, even those who have hidden with Zetsu will be noticeable. Do you see how valuable this is?"
"I am glad for it. It makes me useful." She had said so to Killua. And yet she had underestimated it. There were only so many inhabitants of Meteor City, after all, only so many who were brave enough to leave the city. Only so many.
"Yes," Canary replied, feeling like the world around her had shifted in a single blink, in a single breath. Someone like her, who found it easy to hide from others, was a natural information gatherer.
"So." Gotoh unfolded his hands. "Will you?"
His question took her off-guard. "Will I?"
"Will you accept your new job? You have begun learning Nen; after you have developed your Hatsu, you will be considered a full-fledged butler, and as such will no longer require training. Instead, you will be under the sole employment of the Zoldycks as a handler of assassinations, if you choose."
She blinked, the words catching in her throat. "I...I have a choice? I can refuse?"
Gotoh paused. Deliberating.
Then he said, "We are employees, not slaves. We value loyalty, but that loyalty is bred, not demanded. If you should choose to refuse, so be it."
There was a brief soaring feeling in her gut, a mixture of shock and elation. She could refuse. Gotoh's words made it sound like she did not have to take this new position. Like she could make choices for herself.
Like she was the same as the Zoldycks who employed her.
Like she could have been Killua's friend, and suffered no repercussions.
Canary squeezed her eyes shut. Breathed in. Breathed out.
"Don't lie to me," she said tightly. "Not you."
There was no such thing as free will when one was a butler in the Zoldyck household.
Canary forced her body to relax, her breathing to slow, for her fingers to stop gripping her weapon so hard, to stop trembling. How could she have forgotten?
Even more absurd was the irrational surge of anger she felt toward Gotoh, for almost convincing her. Of all the butlers in the household that she knew, Gotoh was the only one she trusted, the only one who she held onto with any sort of conviction. And yet before he was her mentor and her friend he was still a loyal butler first.
Just like you should be, she thought. But she wasn't. Because a loyal butler would accept the farce of freedom and agree anyway. A loyal butler would bow and apologize and perform their duties in silence. And everything she had just done - everything she had just betrayed to Gotoh - could very well signal the end of her life, because the only Zoldyck butlers alive were loyal and unquestioning.
She opened her eyes, and schooled her expression into passiveness, avoiding looking at Gotoh's face. She stood. She bowed.
"I will be honored to accept this new position, Gotoh-san," she said. "When do I start?"
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notes:
- HUNTER X HUNTER UPDATED! in my glee, I decided to update as well, if only a week after...haha, sorry guys.
- Thank you so so so much to everyone who has reviewed so far. I've sort of slacked on responding to reviews but I will do my best to respond to everyone from now on. Your support has touched me and encouraged me in more ways than you probably know - thank you all so much!
- Things are sort of ...choppy. I didn't quite know how to include Canary's Nen training without going over what we learned in the manga/anime, so I sort of started scenes, and never ended them. I am really sorry about that - I guess I'm still growing as a writer, and I'll try to figure out how to introduce old information more naturally.
- next up: Canary in her new position, sassy Zoldycks, and some good old fashioned bloody murder.