.

I do not own TMNT.

Characters based in the 2K14 universe.

"I have been and still am a seeker, but I have ceased to question stars and books; I have begun to listen to the teaching my blood whispers to me."
― Hermann Hesse, Demian

Was it me?

~o~o~

A brief week after the attempted undertaking of New York by the Shredder and Sacks, everything started to fall back into the conformity that the turtles were so used too – with the addition of Ms. O'Neil of course. Despite her recurring presence in the lair throughout the past several weeks, the boys went about their days as they usually would. Training, eating, video games, pizza, sleeping repeat. Though none of them would deny that April brought some light into the lair – she quickly became their little ray of sunshine that they never knew they needed.

April took about a week after the events to reflect and come to terms with what occurred. She spent a lot of time sitting on her balcony over looking New York, simply enjoying being alive. She received nightly visits from the boys; sometimes not from all of them but at least one would show up after they finished their daily patrol. Taking that time off was nice, but she needed money and something to occupy her time, the following Monday she began searching for jobs with a bounce in her step. Feeling livelier and happier than she had in years. Not only had she made the boys lives a little brighter, they, as well as their master, had made her life a little brighter too.

Master Splinter welcomed her into their home as if she were his long last daughter, he quickly became a father figure of sorts to her. Questioning her about her day, always greeting her with the warmest of smiles. They grew close immediately. Mikey, without missing a beat, continued to hit on her in his charming, playful way that never failed to make her giggle; under a week they had become best friends. Though despite his constant playful flirting, under the appropriate circumstances Mikey became serious and composed - only when she absolutely needed him to be. This was a quality about him that April believed she would never get used to. Leonardo filled in the spot of the overprotective older brother she never had. He constantly needed to know where she was and how long she was there and who she was with– but April didn't mind. In fact, she loved the protectiveness. Raphael was like an older brother as well but in more of an easy going, laid back sort of way. He would worry when it was called for but he never overreacted when she went phone silent for an afternoon like Leo did. And finally Donatello; he was the one she liked to spend most of her time with. She loved watching him work, she would swear at times that she could actually hear the gears turning in his head and he never turned down any of her questions – no matter how stupid. She was forever intrigued by his beautiful mind. Everything seemed perfect, she finally felt like she had a family again.

They proved they were there for her when her roommate Taylor abandoned her a week earlier without a words notice. They all were at her wake, waiting for anything and everything that she needed. She couldn't ask for a better life at that moment.

Problems started to occur about a month post the Shredder/Sacks incident. The Sacks trial had ended with him paying a hefty fine, but he was given no jail time – for lack of evidence is what they claimed on the news. April, stunned and horrified spent a full week down in the lair sharing Mikey's bed with him. She could not seem to wrap her mind around the fact that that maniac was back on the streets. She would never admit it to the boys, knowing they would overreact, that she was afraid to go home in fear that Sacks would come after her. And to make matters worse the Shredder was AWOl, which was never good news.

She got a job at a local news station, she worked behind the scenes as a promotion producer. This new distraction was able to keep her uneasy mind at bay, though the thought of Sack's being around every corner still gnawed at the back of her mind daily.

Things took a turn for the worse a few days later when Leo had abruptly called April in the middle of work and told her she couldn't visit for a while, they would let her know when she could again – and without giving her an explanation he hung up and he hasn't answered her calls since. Three days later, there were still no calls, texts or anything from any one of the boys. April swears if she knew how to get to the lair she would have been there in a second yelling at them until her face was red.

"Who the hell do they think they are!?" April yelled to no one as she paced her kitchen angrily. She held her phone in one hand and she was prepared to call each one of them for the seventh time that day and demand an explanation. After all the time they spent together, after going through so much together, how could they do this to her!? She had pondered on this for hours already, she was at a complete loss as to why they would do this. Naturally her mind thought up the worst possibilty.

Perhaps they didn't want anything to do with her anymore.

She collapsed into one of her wooden kitchen chairs with a tearful sigh – the creak it admitted reminding her she needed to replace them. If that was the case, she didn't know what she would do. In the short month and a bit she had known them they had become her everything, her family. Her heart ached at the thought of such an outcome, something in the back of her mind screamed at her that that was an impossibility – they saved her life, they would never hurt her!

Right?

She rested her head in her hands tiredly, she was emotionally drained and had no one to talk to.

Tears prickled her eyes and she sniffed heavily, willing herself not to break down. With Taylor now moved across the city and the boys not talking to her, she felt so alone. She contemplating going to visit her parents graves but she dismissed the thought, knowing that it would only result in making her even more aggrieved; she knew she needed to be around other people, no matter how much she didn't want to.

April choked on a sob when she realized that Donnie had told her that. About a week ago April had caught Donnie in the middle of one of his intensive Emotional Response research projects. This one he had actually initiated because of the incident between her and Taylor, Donnie hadn't known what to do and now he was determined to know for next time. God forbid there will be a next time.

"People can distract, take you away from the dejection you are feeling. April please, if there ever comes a time when you are hurting, promise me you will interact with other people. Being alone when despondent leads to depression, which leads to chronic depression which leads to suicide. If there ever comes a time, however unlikely, that we aren't available, April ple-"

April had interrupted him by attacking him in a bear hug. He was sitting in his computer chair so it ended up with her straddling him with her arms around his neck. April felt so blessed to have someone like Donnie in her life who would spend all this time focusing on ways to make her life easier and better.

The impact nearly threw the two of them off the chair; nevertheless she squeezed him as hard as she could, hoping she would never have to let go.

"Thank you Donnie!" April exclaimed, happily absorbing the fact that Donnie was starting to relax against her. She was certain he was about to hug her back, when Mikey came in and witnessed April straddling a flustered and incoherent Donatello. April still remembers the exact expressions on both the boys faces when she had turned around winked at Mikey and then kissed Donnie noisily on the cheek. She couldn't decide which was funnier Mikey's mock-hurt, stunned expression, or Donnie's completely dazed, disjointed one.

She couldn't help but giggle at the memory; there were so many good memories of them together, why would they all of the sudden shut her out; was it something she did? Said? April could rack her brain for hours more but she knew she would come up empty. Her fingers pulled at her hair as she sighed. She would never know unless they told her themselves. There was no other way for her to know for certain.

Unless of course she suddenly was granted the ability to read minds. She chuckled sadly at the thought.

What a mess.

One more time, she thought. She'll try to contact them just once more and then she'll leave them alone. She picked up her phone and scrolled through the names. Mikey's phone was off, she knew because every time she called it would go right to voice mail. Raph and Leo had their phones on which meant that they were ignoring her. She finally scrolled down to Donnie's name. April had texted/called him the least out of the four of them and out of all of them Donnie seemed the most likely to answer. Though he wasn't as protective as Leo, he was the type of person that felt guilty about this sort of thing. The fact that he hadn't answered at this point nearly deterred her to point of giving up, but instead she continued opening their conversation. Honestly April actually felt bad for texting/calling him knowing she was probably prompting him to feel more guilty. She scoffed at the thought, he had a damn good reason to feel guilty. She would make the bastard feel so guilty he would have no choice but to answer her! April wondered why she hadn't thought of this earlier.

She had sent him three texts today:

DONNIE WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?

ANSWER ME GODDAMNIT

DONNIE!

Now she had to approach this in a different way.

Donnie, please, answer me. I really need to hear from you. Not hearing from you guys is killing me. If you don't want me in your lives anymore please just tell me.

Then as a heinous second thought added:

I haven't interacted with people in days.

It was short and honest. As evil as it seemed to say she really hadn't been around people for days, the past two days she had called in sick and now it was the weekend, meaning the next two days would follow the same pattern as the previous. Wake up, cry, try to contact them, cry, try to sleep.

She set her phone down with another sigh, maybe she did need to interact with people. Get out of the house and just, do something; get her mind off of all this. Whether it was because Donnie had scared her with his depression statistics or April was sick of being around her out-of-date thrift shop furniture all day she stood with a huff and began towards her bedroom. She glanced at the microwave clock as she walked by: 5:46 PM. Maybe she would grab some dinner, she hadn't eaten yet. She threw on a pair of old sweatpants that had a large coffee stain on the right leg and a sweater, who would she be trying to impress anyways? She was way to stressed to worry about looking attractive right now.

She walked back into the kitchen and her eyes immediately landed on her phone, the top wasn't blinking purple – meaning, no messages from Donnie. It wasn't blinking any colours – no messages. Her heart ached and she tore her eyes away from it and walked over to the counter where her purse was. Spending money really didn't appeal to her, money was hard ever since Taylor left and she had to pick up the whole rent; but she really wasn't eating all that much lately so she could skip the grocery trip this week.

She tried to think of something she wanted to eat, but her stomach screamed for anything, how long had it been since she had eaten? April didn't even try to remember.

With her coat over her arm she exited her apartment and locked it with the decision that she would walk around until she found somewhere that caught her attention.

She nodded to her doorman as she exited out into the cold November air, pulling her coat tighter around her.

April aimlessly wandered the streets not even glancing at the stores or the people walking by. For once the cold November air didn't bother her, it actually kinda soothed her. She was starting to feel better already. The cold air seemed to not only numb her externally but also internally.

Subconsciously she entered a restaurant and sat herself at the bar at the back of the building. She didn't even realize she had entered the restaurant until the bartender/waitress set a menu down in front of her.

"Hello, my name is Andrea I'll be your waitress tonight, may I get you something to drink to get you started?" The overly happy waitress made April want to throw up or punch someone, either one.

"A long island ice tea please." April bit out the 'please', convincing herself that just because she was having a bad day, a bad week, she didn't need to take it out on anyone else. Especially not someone who was just doing their job.

"You got it!" Andrea exclaimed cheerfully before sauntering to the other end of the bar where the bottles of alcohol were.

April groaned quietly in frustration and flipped open the menu. She groaned louder when she realized where she was. She was at a pub style pizzeria. Out of all the places she could've ended up.

She rested her head on her folded arms and she resisted the urge to cry.

The entire world was against her, now she was convinced.

Ice in a glass clinked as it was set down in front of her.

"Rough night?"

April turned her head sideways and she eyed Andrea suspiciously. She expected to see false sincerity just as the cheerfulness had been but she saw whole hearted concern and understanding.

April scoffed and sat back in her seat, "More like a rough week." She said humorlessly.

"I hear ya." Andrea replied sympathetically. April eyed her wearily again for a moment, she looked to be about the same age as April, maybe a little younger. Tapping the stool beside her April said:

"Let's talk."

It wasn't like April to start personal conversations with strangers but she wasn't really being herself right now. Andrea looked around for a long moment before shrugging and moving around the bar to sit down with April.

"So what's going on with you?"

"Well," April began after taking a long swig of her drink, "I had these friends right? Really close friends, like, I was always around them." Andrea nodded, "And then out of the blue the jackasses cut me out! Completely out! I haven't heard from them in days and it just..." She paused holding back tears, she took a deep breath before continuing, "...hurts."

She swallowed that word with the last of her drink. Andrea patted her shoulder and chuckled dryly.

"Sounds like you need new friends."

"That's just it though!" April started again slamming her glass down, alerting some of the other costumers, but neither April nor Andrea seemed to notice nor care. "Friends like these guys come around once in a life time...maybe!" April stressed the word maybe, were there any other mutants like the boys? "Probably not even that!"

The night continued in this fashion, both girls complained back and forth about all their problems and feelings, even when Andrea's shift ended at seven she stayed and split a pizza with April. By ten April was knee deep in four long island ice teas, two medium pizzas and the two girls knew each other inside and out.

"I told him he better get his ass out of my house before I burn his shit, but he still stayed!" Andrea noisily explained around a bite of pizza. April gasped:

"No fucking way! What an ass!"

"I shit you not! I had to call the cops to get him out!" Andrea exclaimed throwing her arms in the air. April shook her head.

"Some people."

Andrea nodded in agreement and yawn, pulling her arms above her head in a stretch. She pulled out her phone and checked the time.

"Well sweetie, I gotta get up early tomorrow for the morning shift, want a ride home?" Andrea asked standing up and pulling a twenty from her purse and throwing it on the bar. April shook her head, sucking in a breath as she stood and took out the rest of the bill from her wallet and joined it with the twenty.

"No, no I think I'll be OK, I just live a little bit," she threw her hand behind her head and jabbed her finger in that direction. "that way." Andrea smiled and embraced April, who happily embraced her back.

"Be careful OK, I think you've had a little too much to drink." Andrea said laughing. April laughed too and nodded her head.

"I think so too."

"Here," Andrea jotted down her number on a napkin and handing it to April, "text me anytime." April nodded and the girls went their separate ways. After a fantastic night with a new friend April was feeling almost normal. Though it was probably mostly due to the alcohol.

April reached into her purse to get her phone so she could punch the number in, but she couldn't find it. Realization dawned on her that she had left her phone on the kitchen table before she left. She felt a serge of urgency for a moment before she realized that no one probably called or texted her anyways; well at least the certain four people she wanted to. She relaxed, glancing around her, just enjoying the night – despite it being absolutely freezing.

She slowly made her way up to her apartment, her mind set on immediately going to sleep when she got there. April now realized how much she missed having a female friend she could talk to, the boys were wonderful and very supportive but there were certain things she would never talk to them about. She smiled, hoping that her relationship with Andrea would only grow.

Her building was quiet as she entered it and made her way up to her apartment. She opened her door and locked it behind her, she threw her purse on the kitchen counter, not caring when several items from it spilled everywhere. Humming a random tune she sauntered over to her phone on the table and lifted it to her face, napkin in hand ready to add her new friend.

April stood frozen for a moment staring down at the bright screen, not really comprehending what she read on the screen:

Donatello : 8 missed calls

Donatello : 5 messages.

"Donnie" She whispered under her breath. Holy shit it worked!

"April!" She nearly jumped out of her skin when her name was called from behind her. She whipped around ready to fight whoever dared to break into her apartment. She froze when she was met with soft, concerned, heartwarmingly beautiful golden eyes.

"Donnie?"

He lifted his hands in front of him to show he meant no harm.

"What are you-?"

"I apologize for barging into your residence uninvited but your last text message was startling." He explained, his arms still held up. April blinked a few times, before lunging forward taking him around the torso.

"You idiot! Where the hell have you been?" Tears flowed from her eyes without her permission, maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was just from seeing him. It was suddenly painfully obvious just how much she had missed him.

Not five seconds later, even in her slightly drunken state April realized something was wrong. Donnie didn't hug her back, in fact, he tensed harder than concrete. April pulled back and looked up at him. His face was turned away and it was painted with a pained expression. Donatello wasn't really one for affection, but he would usually lift a hand and place in between her shoulder blades when she hugged him. He was more tense now than he had been the first time she had hugged him weeks ago.

"Donnie?" She whispered stepping back from him.

"Please refrain from physical contact." He whispered back shortly, still not looking at her.

"What the fuck is going on!?" April yelled tearfully, still backing up. He looked up at her with sad, contemplating eyes. "Why are you guys not answering me!? Why did you flinch when I touched you!? What Donatello!? Why!?" She reached the wall opposite him and she slid down it, breaking into sobs. Donnie didn't approach her or try to comfort her, making her heart ache even more.

"April." Donnie's voice was coated in nervousness and concern.

"Why Donnie?" She whimpered rubbing her palms into her eyes. He cleared his throat nervously before choking out:

"We-we are in heat."

x

"The turtles may have escaped, but that was because of my own foolishness; I should have never underestimated the power of the mutagen running through their veins. I won't make that mistake again."

"Ow that hurts!" A small voice whimpered.

"Hush my beautiful little princess, soon the pain will end," despite his soothing words the young woman continued to cry out and wiggle about against her wrist and ankle restraints. "for the both of us."

~o~o~

OMG suspense!

Reviews encourage me to update faster! ;)

Let me know what you think and what I can improve on (P.S, I didn't edit the last little bit of the story, I was too anxious to get it out. :3)

Until next time beautiful people! ;*