I really wanted to take a break from "Big, bad wolf" and write something fluffy and about little Peter. To be fair, I'm still considering writting a de-agingfic, but for now we have something from Yondu's perspective (since last two "X times... and one time" were from Peter's perspective).

Three times Yondu acted like a parent

One

Quill really had it coming. It was his damn idea and he had to put into consideration that it could have ended that way. Why he did it, Yondu didn't know, but he suspected that kid wanted to be the guy, who, for once, scares shitless the Ravagers (and not the other way around). How else the Centaurian could explain that kid was nagging everybody to join this stupid Spooky Night thing, until he found at least four guys, who agreed to do it? It's not that he had nothing to be scared of and needed adrenaline, that's for sure.

Either way, Peter and four other Ravagers (Kraglin too; he actually thought that it would be fun to mess with Quill) gathered in Peter's quarters, sat in the circle on the floor and – with no light whatsoever, besides the flashlight the kid was holding – started to tell each other scary stories.

Now, according to Kraglin, it went like this:

Peter decided to be first. He told the others a story about some guy with a hack instead of hand, who attacked a couple of teenagers in the car. The male teen has been hanged by the hacked man on the tree, while the female teen ran away with screaming. The end. Peter tried to act spooky, so he was talking with deeper voice, few times he was stopping and looking at his listeners with wide grin, and for some reason he also thought that holding the flashlight below his chin, will make him scary. Nevertheless, he didn't get the results he hoped for, because the Ravagers only chuckled and asked questions like: "Why the hell the boyfriend didn't take any weapons with him, when he heard something?", or: "Why they were even there, when they've heard about a maniac running away from mental hospital? They should go back to their homes and wait for any information about him being arrested or something."

Unpleased, Peter gave the flashlight to the Ravager sitting on his left and waited for the guy's spooky story, then it was Kraglin's turn and that's how it went, until the flashlight returned to Quill. Frankly, they weren't very gruesome stories (at least not by Ravagers' standards), nevertheless they were about: a tentacle beast on Sakaar the Ravagers encountered once and had to fight with because it almost swallowed Horuz; a ghost starship they searched for loot but only found twisted corpses and creepy echoes coming from the captain's log; a story about some insane asylum on Halfworld where creepy experiments has been performed on both patients and animals kept there (the Ravagers weren't there; they only heard the rumors about it); and some murderous maniac, who really liked to kidnap and then kill little kids on Krelar. According to Kraglin, the more Peter was listening, the more nervous he looked and when he finally got his flashlight back, his hand was shaking… as was voice, while he was saying:

"Well, I g-guess, it's time to end the Spooky Night."

The Ravagers were protesting, because they only started to warm up and already prepared another stories to scare Peter shitless. However, Kraglin, seeing Peter's distress and realizing that the kid might spend this night listening to this stupid walkman of his (as he was used to during every sleepless night), decided that kid had enough stories for one time, and told the others to come back to their beds.

But the damage was done. Peter couldn't sleep anyway, so he was listening to the walkman, with lights on. And since he was listening to walkman, he was also singing. Moreover – he was singing loudly. And in the middle of the night, when the Ravagers in this part of ship were preparing themselves to slumber, they couldn't sleep, because they were still hearing Peter' singing. Of course, they tried to make him shut up and sleep already, but when they were entering his room and seeing Peter hidden under his blankets, scared as hell, they were amused. Some of them were even kind enough to tell him another scary story or say in falsely afraid tone: "Did you hear that? I think there is something in the pipes and it wants to eat you. Gah!"

Idiots.

After enough time Peter was so scared that he refused to go to sleep and was clinging to fellow Ravagers, even when Kraglin ordered others to go back to their quarters. No matter what the second in command said, the kid just didn't want to slumber and let off of him, scared that if he had been left alone, the murderous pipe monster was going to eat him. It was kind of weird to see that Peter, who not so long time ago was terrified of the Ravagers, now was seeking protection in them.

Either way, at some point Kraglin couldn't take it anymore and called for Yondu as his last resort. The Centaurian was hesitant at first, after all he was the captain of the Ravagers, not a babysitter, but if Kraglin wasn't able to calm the brat down, then Yondu had to come in. And they couldn't just leave Peter be like that for the rest of the night, the next day he would be completely useless.

So Yondu entered Peter's quarters and kneeled in front of the scared kid. The Ravagers' captain had serious expression and he could see that it made Peter put the headphones down and turn his full attention on him.

"Well," Yondu began. "I've heard you're scared."

"No, I'm not scared. Not at all." Peter tried to act tough in front of Yondu, but the Centaurian has seen through his pathetic attempts.

Yondu sighed.

"Quill, all of this wouldn't happen if you didn't organize the Spooky Night."

"Yeah, I know." Peter looked down, then gazed once again at his captain. "But I thought it would be fun."

He still seemed to be scared. Yondu sighed once again and sat next to kid.

"Do you really think that hiding under a blanket and at the same time singing loudly, will save you from anyone or anything that would like to attack you?"

Peter shook his head. He looked embarrassed by this whole situation. The realization of stupidity of his actions fell on him. But suddenly they've heard a loud thud in the corridor, and the embarrassment on Quill's face was changed back into fear, as he flinched.

Kraglin stood up to check what was that and after a short glance on the hallway, he closed the door, turned to Peter and Yondu, and said:

"Horuz fell on his ass."

Peter gave a sigh of relief, but Yondu could see that the kid was still tense. The Centaurian decided to go the other way.

"You know, Quill, you're not on some lousy ship. " He began. "Do you really think that if there was a monster here, we would be sitting here and doing nothing, waiting for the beast to attack us?"

Peter looked at him, rising his eyebrows. For a moment he seemed to think about the response.

"No." He said a bit hesitantly.

"Right, because we will be fighting this bastard." Yondu added and turned to the kid. "Besides, I was fighting with things that were worse than all the stories you've heard tonight. Trust me: if you'll be doing what I'm telling you to do, you'll be fine."

Peter seemed to calm down after these words, or at least not as tense as earlier. For a moment Yondu wasn't saying anything, he just observed the boy. Then he suddenly stood up and crossed his arms.

"So, will you go to sleep already?"

Peter nodded and even hummed with agreement.

Yondu smiled and exited the room with Kraglin. But before they closed the door behind themselves, Yondu left the lights on, just in case.

Two

In retrospect, it was kind of a dumb move from Yondu's part. Quill would be better off with someone, who would take him to "arcades" or something. However, Yondu decided that it would be a great idea to take kid with him to town. The Centaurian thought that maybe Peter will learn something useful (or even practice his pickpocket skills, if he found something he would like). What really happened was a disaster. But, honestly, Yondu should have expected that, when he took a little kid with him.

So Yondu was talking with some salesman about weapons, while Peter wandered around the guy's shop. The captain of Ravagers was preoccupied by purchasing some really nice blaster (it was the right time, his old one was evaporated during their latest mission), so he didn't pay attention to what Quill was doing. At least not, until he heard the sound of blaster being fired. Then both Yondu and the salesman looked in kid's direction and saw him holding a blaster too big for him, while staring at the giant hole in the wall, he probably had caused.

"You little brat!" The gun salesman went to stunned Peter and stopped right in front of him, nearing his face to kid's. "You could have killed us!"

"I-I'm sorry, sir!" Peter cried out. "I only wanted to see it!"

"Look what you did to my shop! Do you have any idea how much repairs costs these days?!"

Yondu was observing from the distance as the salesman was scolding the youngest member of his crew, who was more and more scared with every harsh word. The Centaurian turned his eyes on the hole. The repairs really will be expensive, at least 2000 units, if not more… The salesman could afford it, yes, but it was still a big weight for his budget.

Then Yondu looked at scolded Peter again and felt sorry for him. He hated that feeling, it was stupid and wasn't right for him. But, oh well – part of the blame had to be put on the Ravagers, because the kid wasn't trained with gun safety (Yondu thought that Peter was too young to carry a gun, yet alone a blaster, and that's why they were mostly keeping the guns away from Peter's reach), so he didn't know any better. Besides, if anybody was going to scold Quill for being stupid, it was going to be Yondu.

The Ravagers' captain came to the salesman and patted him on the shoulder. The guy stopped his rant and abruptly turned his gaze on Yondu. It was clear that he suddenly got nervous. He probably thought that Yondu was going to get mad for screaming at one of the Ravagers in his presence, but the Centaurian remained calm and handed the gun salesman the cash, he earlier wanted to spend on the new blaster.

"I hope it will cover the repairs." He said shortly giving his interlocutor emotionless look. "And leave scolding my men to me."

"Y-yes, mister Udonta." Replied the salesman and instinctively moved aside. "You're very kind, thank you."

Without further ado, Yondu came to Peter, took him by the hand and led him out of the shop. They were going to have a really long conversation about gun safety, when they would come back on the ship.

Three

Yondu kind of dreaded that day. Mostly because he knew shit about Terran biology and he wasn't sure if Peter's adolescence was going according to the same rules as any other sentient race in the universe. But the kid was growing up and he had to be enlightened about basic truth of where babies come from. And since Yondu couldn't trust that rest of his crew will be tactful and wise enough to inform Peter about sex, without confusing him or leaving the wrong impression, Yondu decided that he should be the one, who will bring the news to the kid (but he still brought Kraglin for assistance and moral support).

So he gave his crew directions as to where they were going to and told them to inform him about everything wrong (with a little bit of luck, someone will attack their ship, before Yondu will get into the most uncomfortable part of "the talk"), then he, Peter and Kraglin went to captain's quarters and after an awkward moment of silence, began their little conversation.

"You probably wonder, Quill, why are you here." Yondu started.

"Well, yeah." Peter shrugged. "I didn't do anything wrong this time, and you don't have a proof."

"Relax, kid." Kraglin smiled to him. "We just wanted to give you a little talk."

Peter raised his eyebrows.

"What kind of talk?"

Yondu took a deep breath. Here goes nothing!

"You see," He began. "In most parts of the galaxy, when two members of the same species really like each other…" He took another deep breath, not sure how to continue.

"Good start, Yondu." Kraglin patted him on the shoulder. "Keep going."

Peter was observing his captain with interest and suddenly Yondu found it hard to stand kid's gaze.

"Well, when they like each other," The Centaurian felt how his cheeks were burning. "they do things like…" He rolled his eyes on the ceiling to not see kid's watchful eyes. "hanging out with each other… and when they get to know each other very well…" He really hoped that he wasn't blushing, because he would be a total fool in front of that brat and what then? "And after some time they decide to do a certain thing…"

"What thing?" Peter asked abruptly. And was this Yondu's imagination, or was Quill actually amused by this whole situation?

"I was going to get to that part." The blue alien explained. "It's a thing called sexual intercourse."

"Sexual intercourse?" Peter raised his eyebrows again.

"Yes." Kraglin replied. "We wanted to inform you on where babies come from."

"Oh…" The kid said and smiled widely. "So where are they coming from?"

And this was the tricky part. Yondu was actually praying for something, anything to come out – Nova Corps, space pirates, asteroid – and save him from this stupid predicament. The fact that Quill seemed to enjoy himself so much, only made it worse. Damn brat…

"Well, as I was saying," Yondu began once again. "when two members of the same species likes each other very much, they decide to…" he started to snap his fingers repeatedly, searching for the right word.

"Have sex." Kraglin prompted.

"Oh, yes! Have sex, right." Yondu exclaimed triumphantly.

This was going to be a long talk.

"You see, Quill, females and males have things called genitalia…"

And it really was a long talk. For about forty minutes Yondu was explaining to Peter how genitalia work, how the process of prenatal phase looks like, and what might be the potential dangers of sexual intercourse – from diseases to angry fathers and brothers of the girl Peter might in future sleep with. With every passing minute Yondu tried to remain calm and professional, and Kraglin was helping him as much as he could, but in the end the Centaurian was more and more uncomfortable with the fact that he has to explain such subject to the thirteen-year-old Peter.

"And that will be all." Yondu said, exhaling with relief. Then he looked at Peter. "Any questions?"

"Yes." Yondu didn't like the way the boy was smiling. "The next lesson will be about the G point?"

"What?!" Both Ravagers exclaimed.

Peter sat up.

"Horuz already told me about sex." He explained, still smiling. "But I appreciate your effort, really. Your faces were priceless."

"You do realize that you shouldn't say it?" Kraglin said.

"Because now we are pissed off." Yondu added.

Peter's smile dropped.

This day ended with him cleaning the toilet. And this time Yondu was the one, who was laughing at the kid.

And one time when he realized he is one.

It was almost a month after the Guardians of the Galaxy were formed and Yondu still felt weird. His ship was full of people as usual, but the Centaurian couldn't stop thinking that there was somebody missing. Of course, he knew who was that – Quill – but Yondu thought it was stupid. After all, Peter was doing solo missions on his own starship for quite some time and back then the Ravagers' captain didn't feel that way at all. So why he was feeling that way right now? Why he was suffering of the empty nest syndrome now and not back then?

Sitting in his quarters, Yondu kept thinking about this. From time to time his mind was bringing up old memories of scared, clueless eight-year-old boy and of that boy growing up, causing mayhem and constantly getting into trouble. Without his awareness, the Centaurian smiled to his thoughts. The kid was sometimes pain in the ass and he knew it, but at the same time there was something endearing about raising him up; something that was making Yondu smile, whenever he was looking at the troll doll Peter gave him instead of the Infinity Stone. It certainly took a long way to transform that helpless little Terran into Star-Lord – legendary outlaw and savor of the galaxy. And now his boy was all grown up and had his own crew…

Yondu stopped smiling. Did he just called Quill "his boy"? Oh, this was ridiculous! He was never thinking that way about Quill. The kid was always a crewmember, a Ravager-in-training, a pain in the ass and…

And the closest thing to a son he ever had. It was always somewhere in the back of Yondu's head and now, after all those years it came out on the surface of his consciousness. For the most of his life Yondu thought that he wasn't destined to be a father, but now it turned out that he actually was. Because by agreeing on keeping Quill on his ship, he became sort of a father figure for that kid. He learned how to take care of him, how to worry about him and how to be proud of him. All of this, while this little brat was giving him headaches and heart attacks.

And now Quill was gone and suddenly the Ravagers' ship seemed to be oddly empty. Yondu decided that they should meet with the kid someday soon. Just to check how he's doing on his own. After all, his boy had a remarkable talent of getting into trouble.