Disclaimer: I do not own Highschool DxD or its characters. It belongs to Ichiei Ishibumi.

Babes and Babies.

Issei sighed as he walked home, passing by the overpass over the streets below. Today just wasn't his day. He and his buddies had went and (tried) peeped on the Kendo Club just as they were changing. Issei, in his selfishness, decided to hog the scene all to himself. His friends reacted the only way perverts do when they were excluded from getting their daily dose. Violence.

They had tricked Issei into looking away and shoved their fingers into his eyes. Issei's screams of pain, along wit the two's banging on the walls, quickly alerted the girls and rushed out to catch Issei clutching his eyes in pain, rolling on the ground. Suffice to say, they didn't take kindly to his peeking.

He stopped to lean on the railing, looking out into the horizon, watching the sun slowly descend in a beautiful, picturesque painting. He felt himself smile in spite of himself. It was sights like these that calmed him. He didn't know why, but there was something about sunsets that always calmed him down.

Cawwwwwwwww!

Issei snapped out of his daze and looked up to find the biggest-ass bird he had ever seen in his life. It's wingspan was twenty feet long from tip to tip. It had a huge beak, much like a stork. There was something white tied in it, and quite heavy too, if the lump was any indication. Strangest of all, it decided to dive bomb him, heading straight in his direction.

"SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!?" Issei quickly let go of the railing and quickly backpedaled to the other side. He watched the stork-thing approach and held up his hands defensively. When there was no sudden flash of pain, he hesitantly opened one eye to see the bird standing in front of him, laying down it's load and then tilting his head curiously.

"Um..." Issei really didn't know how to react.

The bird nudged the package closer to him.

"I-is this for me?" He asked slowly. The bird nodded, pushing it till the package touched his shoes. "O-okay?" He leaned down and moved to untie the package. When he finally finished, he unfurled it and revealed... a baby.

"Da."

Issei stared at it. Yep, it was a baby. It was naked, tiny, honest-to-gods baby, with green hair, green eyes and a golden pacifier in it's mouth.

"Da."

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!" Issei roared. He turned and pointed at the bird, who simply began to clean it's own feathers. "WHY THE HELL DID YOU BRING ME A BABY!?"

It simply blinked at him before flying away. "Oi! What the hell am I supposed to do with this!" He glanced down and saw that the baby had crawled out from the piece of cloth and was tugging at the hem of his jeans. It was naked, Issei noted. Well fuck.

"Yep, it's a boy alright." Issei sighed and picked up the baby. It stared at him, wide-eyed and innocent. "Well, I have two choices. One, I could leave him here and wait until his family comes to find him, and two, I could bring him with me and take care of him until his family comes to take him away." He paused for a moment and let his thoughts run around.

"That should be obvious." He leaned down and put the kid on the road. "I don't have anything to do with this shit. I've seen enough horror movies to know that a baby appearing in the middle of nowhere is bad news."

Issei turned around, putting his back to the baby.

"WAH!" The kid began to cry, tears and snot running down his face, waving his tiny little limbs in the air.

Issei took a step forward. The boy stopped crying.

Satisfied, Issei began to walk away, not noticing that the boy's arms began to clench.

"DAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

A motherfucking lightning bolt appeared in the clear-ass sky and hit Issei exactly where he stood.

"You know, I think I'll take the kid with me." He coughed.

()()()()()()()()()

"Hyoudou, what's with that kid?"

"Did Hyoudou finally get someone pregnant?"

"Oi, I know you're perverted, but this is just going too far."

Issei twitched at the last one. At his shoulders, the naked baby began to stare delightedly at everyone and everything. "Da..." He cooed and the girls went 'aww' at the sight.

"Oi Issei, what's up with that?"

"Yeah, where'd he come from?"

Matsuda and Motohama, two of Issei's (only) friends came up to him, asking the question that was on everyone's minds. Matsuda was a bald former jock in middle school but joined the Photography Club in High School and was also a self-proclaimed lolicon. Motohama, a short guy with glasses that had the unique ability to be able to see the measurements of any women just by looking at them.

"Ha." Issei sighed. "I found him at the overpass yesterday. I didn't see anyone else walking around, so I picked him up and went to the police station. They said that no one was missing a baby, and this guy had no birth certificate records or something, and I had to bring him home. My mom's actually planning on adopting it. Says that it's a good influence on me."

Matsuda blinked. "Then why'd you bring him here? Couldn't you leave him at your parent's house?"

"I did." Issei informed them. "But he doesn't want to stay away from me. Everytime I try he just follows me around."

"Okay."

Suddenly the baby perked up and crawled from Issei's shoulders and into his head. He struck a pose, one hand on his hip, the other pointed at the sun. "Da!" He peed on Issei.

"What the hell!"

()()()()()()()()()

Issei was lucky that he brought some spare clothes. He had to put his urine-stained jacket inside his school bag. Yep, he had to wash those the moment he came back home.

He sighed and opened his lunch his mother made for him. He, along with Matsuda and Motohama, was sitting down underneath the shade of a tree.

"Da."

Issei shot an annoyed look at the little kid eagerly eyeing his lunch. This little brat had already caused trouble for him.

"Da." Issei twitched but he relented, picking up a piece of scrambled egg and feeding it to the baby. It opened it's mouth which was, oddly enough, filled with razor sharp teeth. He chewed it blissfully, putting his hands on his cheeks as he danced around in place. The girls in the courtyard 'aww'd' and pointed at him.

Issei sighed. How the hell was he supposed to take care of this kid?

"Da!" The baby exclaimed, and pointed at somewhere in the middle of the school grounds. He turned in the direction and saw a beautiful figure. Crimson-red hair flowing down like a river, a voluptuous, seductive body that most men would kill to have for a night and high, aristocratic features that was breathtaking to behold. Blue eyes shined with curiosity as she tilted her head at his direction.

Beside her stood another female, just as beautiful as her. She had long black hair tied up into a ponytail by an orange ribbon. Her body was curved and buxom like the incarnation of female sexuality. Her violet eyes were trained on the little kid sitting on Issei's lap, staring back at the two of them.

They were Rias Gremory and Akeno Himejima, the Two Great Onee-samas of Kuoh High.

"Da, da!" The baby bounced eagerly, looking back and forth between him and the two beauties.

"What are you talking about? Do you know them?"

The baby shook his head, pointing harder at their direction. "Da!"

"What?" He looked up and found that the two where gone with barely a whisper. "Huh?"

()()()()()()()()()

The bell rang, signifying the end of classes for the day. The room was full of noises as chairs scraped the floor, student's discussed plans, and the green-haired baby singing what sounded suspiciously like a heavy metal song.

Issei sighed, packing up his things in his bag, swinging it on his bag.

"Hey Issei!" he turned around and saw Matsuda and Motohama approach him. "Would you like to join us? We managed to find a 'special place' that's just perfect for us!"

"Yeah, Motohama found it just now! What say you?"

On any other day, Issei would have leapt at the opportunity faster than you could say 'Boobs.' Unfortunately, this wasn't actually an ordinary day. This day, he had a freakin' infant to bring back to his family. Damn his morals. "Sorry guys, but I have to take care of this guy. My parents asked me to buy some milk and diapers. Good luck not getting caught though." He waved at them goodbye.

He passed through the main doors, maneuvering through all the people rushing past him, mindful of the baby on his shoulder. He was just near the gate when the baby began to cry out. "Da! Da!"

Issei sighed. "What is it this time?"

The baby clamped on Issei's head and forcibly turned it to the right with surprising strength for an infant. He looked and saw Rias Gremory walking along with Akeno Himejima, no doubt to their clubroom.

"Da, DA!" The baby said insistently, tugging on his hair and pointing at the two.

"You want me to go to them?" He asked.

"Da!" He confirmed. He had a surprising grasp on the language, considering that he looked no older than a year old.

"Why? They're the two onee-samas. One doesn't just walk up to them and tal-!" The baby, tired of Issei's reluctance, jumped off and landed to the ground on unsteady legs. He stood up, displaying his naked baby form to the world and ran up to them himself.

"Oi, what are you doing!" Issei stammered, losing a second or two from the absurdity of the situation. He ran fast, but the baby was faster(Seriously, a frickin' infant ran faster than him).

"Da!" With a cry, he threw himself upward just in time for a startled Rias to catch him in her arms.

"Ara?" Akeno put her hands on her cheek. "Buchou, isn't that-"

"Gremory-senpai!" Issei yelled, finally catching up to him. "I'm sorry. But he just ran away and-"

"Oh I understand." She smiled at him understandingly, patting the baby's head. "He just wanted to play is all."

"Ah, yeah." Issei finished lamely. He held up his hand to the baby. "C'mere little guy."

The baby refused, burying further into Rias' chest. "C'mon."

Rias laughed. "Ufufufu. He seems to be attached to me." Her eyes gained a mischievous glint. "We look almost like his parents don't you think."

Something clicked in Issei's mind. Could it be? Did he manage to find a way out of this?

He stood up stiffly, back ramrod straight. Then he bowed, keeping his body parallel to the ground. "Rias Gremory-senpai! Please be this child's mother!"

Even as he said it, his brain decided just now to make an appearance. His mind caught up to his words and analyze what it just meant for him.

'Di-did I just propose to the school's most popular girl?'

"Hyoudou, how dare you!"

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING!"

"I'M GONNA MURDER YOU IN YOUR SLEEP!"

"HOW DARE YOU EVEN THINK OF DOING THAT WITH ONEE-SAMA!"

"NO! HYOUDOU-KUN IS NOW UNAVAILABLE!"

'Yes, I just di- wait, what was the last one again?'

Rias froze at the sheer audacity of what the boy in front of him just said. Then she laughed, high and melodious. "My, my. Hyoudou-kun, we've just met and already you're thinking so far ahead?"

Issei burned bright red, stammering. "Oh, um, ah, well-"

'He's so cute.' Rias thought. Still, the baby she held was obviously a devil and quite a powerful one too. He needed to contact her brother and ask him who's was this. "Hyoudou-kun, if you don't mind, may I bring this child to the clubroom? I may know someone who is related to this child."

"Really? Sure, go ahead."

Rias beamed at him. "Thank you." She turned and began to walk to the Old School Building, Akeno at her heels. She stopped a little ways away. "Aren't you coming?"

"Me?" Issei asked, pointing at his chest. "But, I'm not really concerned about the issue right?"

"Ara, but you are the one who found him yes?" Akeno asked, peering at him curiously. "It's your responsibility to see things through. It's your obligation as a man."

Issei gave up. Yeah, he was concerned with this, one way or another.

()()()()()()()()()

"Hyoudou-kun, are you sure that you want to know the truth?" Rias asked seriously, staring straight into his eyes.

Her tone, along with the general atmosphere of the room(Candlelight? Seriously? It was the 21st century) made Issei gulp in nervousness.

"Y-yes. I do." He held the baby close to him, whether to comfort or to seek comfort, he wasn't really sure.

Everyone in the clubroom, Rias, Akeno, Kiba and Koneko nodded at each other before turning their gazes on him.

"Hyoudou-kun, all of us here are devils."

They stood up and suddenly, they sprouted wings, black and bat-like. They came from their lower backs, and spread out behind them, catching the flames and flicking their shadows into the walls.

Issei's jaw dropped, pupils dilating, face paling and cold sweat pouring down his face.

This wasn't real, was it? Could the most famous students in the school really be devils?

"H-hahahaha. Yo-you're joking right? T-this is just a prank for the pervert in school? You had me. This is all so funny." Issei laughed nervously, refusing to believe what was going on in front of him.

Kiba shook his head.

"No Issei-kun. We really are devils. All of us, even that kid you hold in your hand."

"Yo-you're kidding me." Issei was close to having a panic attack, eyes wildly flicking from one corner to the next, trying to find the best way to run away.

"Hyoudou-san, we're not here to hurt you." Akeno said gently. She reached across the table and took his hand in hers. Issei felt himself relax, just a little bit. "We're all honestly worried for the little baby. We're trying to find his parents."

Issei swallowed. Hard. "Promise?"

She smiled, looking straight into his eyes. "Promise."

Issei's whole body relaxed, believing Akeno's word.

A symbol appeared in the middle of the room, red and glowing ominously. Three figures appeared, all of them hidden by the light shining behind them.

Rias stood up as well as all the people there. "Hello onii-sama."

The first figure stepped forward, smiling. "Hello Rias." He was young man, around in early 20's or so, with a handsome face and crimson-red hair just like his sister. He was quite tall and was wearing a black suit that seemed to suit him perfectly.

At his right was a beautiful woman, with long silver hair tied into two braids that fell across both her shoulders and eyes of the same color. She had a severe expression on her face as she stared around the room. She was also dressed as a maid.

The last figure was man, a couple inches taller than the first one and was a handsome young man with a mysterious aura surrounding him. He was the first to speak.

"Baby Beel!" He cried out, reaching out to Issei with two hands spread apart. Issei reacted naturally. He stood up and placed as much distance between him and this weird little freak.

"What the hell!?"

Yeah, he was staying away from this dude as much as possible.

"Beelzebub-sama, please behave as your station indicates." The maid said formally.

The man, Beelzebub, coughed awkwardly, picking himself up from the ground. "Ah, right."

The red-haired man laughed. "Forgive him Grayfia. He was just excited that he found his brother again. He's been worried sick for him you know?"

The maid, Grayfia, leveled a glare at him. "Sirzechs-sama, he, along with you, is one of the four Maous of the underworld. You two must act with proper decorum at all times."

"Fine." Sirzechs sighed. He muttered under his breath. "You act so differently when we're in bed. You're surprisingly submissive for- OW!" He clutched his head, where the slightly red-faced maid had hit him with a paper fan. (Where did it come from? Issei wondered.)

"Sirzechs!"

Issei sweatdropped at the scene. In his hands, the baby followed his example.

"Onii-sama!" Rias said, pouting.

"Oh right." Sirzechs remembered. He cleared his throat and turned to Issei. "Hello, my name is Sirzechs Lucifer, pleasure to make your acquaintance." He held his hand out for a handshake.

"Um, Issei Hyoudou. Likewise." He shook his hand with the one unoccupied by 'Baby Beel.'

"Issei-kun, may I call you Issei-kun?" At his nod, Sirzechs continued. "Issei-kun, the baby you hold is the little brother of my friend, Ajuka Beelzebub."

The man in question waved at him awkwardly.

"You have found him and we're willing to give you a reward as thanks for taking care of him."

"Really? What's the catch?" Issei asked suspiciously. He knew to never take what a devils says for granted. He was perverted, not stupid.

Sirzechs smiled and shook his head, knowing what Issei was thinking. "Nothing. We are just really thankful that someone as helpful as you were the one to find him."

"C'mere Baby Beel." Ajuka said, holding up his hands.

Baby Beel squirmed in Issei's chest, trying to get away from his older brother.

"There we go!" Ajuka cried, finally getting Baby Beel in his hands, lifting him up high. "Welcome back! How'd you manage to get away from the house huh?"

Issei blinked. Just how did a little baby get out the house and cross what he assumed was hell and into the human world?

"Uuu-"

Uuu?

"UWA!" Baby Beel wailed , struggling in Ajuka's hands, trying to go back to Issei. "UWAAAAAA!"

"Uh, that's not good." Issei said as the infant began to glow, remembering how he was struck by lightning the last time he cried. "I better go."

The baby, if it was possible, cried even louder as Issei began to get further away.

"DAA!" He abruptly stopped crying and with tears in his eyes, shouted. "DAAAAA!"

The world exploded with power, covering it with light.

Issei closed his eyes and shielded himself with his arms, as futile as it was.

A moment passed.

'I'm still alive?' He wondered. He glanced around and saw that the room was a mess, most of it destroyed by the blast. The occupants in the room though, were mostly unharmed except for the odd smudge here and there.

"Issei-kun, you're hand." Akeno pointed at him.

"My hand?" Issei asked, turning to look. He froze. His left arm had changed. It was covered by a red gauntlet, his fingers covered by black points and a large green gem set in the back of his wrist. It covered his hand until his elbow, two yellow spikes jutting out from his forearms. It looked almost like what he imagined a dragon's hand to look like.

"So that's what I felt in this room." Grayfia muttered, staring at his hand as was everyone else.

Sirzechs laughed. "Hahahaha! So that's what it was! Ajuka, I think I know why little Baby Beel was so attached to Issei-kun here! He's a dragon!"

Issei looked up in shock. "I'm a what?"

Ajuka tilted his head at him in contemplation. "You're a dragon and not only that, you wield one of the most powerful Sacred Gears there are."

"W-what?"

"You're the Red Dragon Emperor of this generation."

()()()()()()()()()

Sirzechs, Ajuka and Grayfia all left soon after, leaving Issei with the Occult Research Club as well as Baby Beel.

"Da." He reached up and began his herculean task of climbing up into Issei's shoulder.

"So Issei-kun, you're the Sekiryuutei huh?" Akeno began, sitting right at Issei's side.

"Uh, I guess...?" Issei was still confused. He was still reeling from the fact that the most popular students in the school were devils and a new bombshell was dropped on him. (A dragon? Seriously?)

"I'm wondering-" Kiba spoke up. "-how did Issei-kun manage to block the child's magic? Didn't he not know anything about magic before this?"

Issei shook his head. "N-no. I didn't know about anything like this before now."

"I see." Rias suddenly gained a calculating gleam in her eye. "Issei-kun, would you like to join my peerage?"

Issei noted on how she switched from 'Hyoudou-kun' to 'Issei-kun.'

"Uh, peerage?" He asked, not familiar with the term.

"This." She took out something from under the desk, and held up a single, crimson Pawn piece.

"Uh, is it chess?"

"Partly. A peerage lets us devils resurrect anyone into our servants."

"Um, I don't think I want that." Issei said, not sure if he should just run away and pretend this never happened.

"If you become a devil then you can have your own harem."

"Where do I sign up?" Issei asked, every other though going out the window.

Rias smirked. "Well-"

"Da!" Baby Beel interrupted. He glared up at Issei and slapped his cheeks.

"Ow! Baby Beel, what was that for!"

"DA!" He pointed at the Pawn piece and shook his hands.

"Y-you don't want me to be a devil, is that it?" He asked.

"Da!" The baby nodded and shook his head.

"What? You're confusing me."

"Da!" Baby Beel began to dance a series of symbols that looked like a retarded chipmunk being tasered.

"You don't want me to be a devil yet?" Issei tried. To his surprise, the baby nodded furiously and began to gesture like he was flying and fighting imaginary opponents.

"You want me to be fight?"

"DA!" He nodded again. Two for two, Issei was getting good at this.

"Ah, sorry Gremory-senpai, but maybe another time. Baby Beel has other plans I guess."

"Would you reconsider?" Rias asked hopefully.

Issei looked at Baby Beel who met his glaze, determined.

"Maybe in the future. For now, Baby Beel and I have something else to do."

"...What is it?" Koneko asked, speaking for the first time.

"Well, I don't know about you but Baby Beel wants me to fight someone, something I don't know."

"Da!"

"Hey Baby Beel, do you want to know about the wonders of the female body?" Issei suddenly asked, walking out the door with the baby around his shoulder.

Rias shook her head. "I don't believe it, the Sekiryuutei raising a Maou's brother."

Kiba smiled. "Well, at least we know that things are going to get interesting from now on."

()()()()(Ten Years Later.)()()()()

"AHAHAHAHAHAH! SHOW ME MY NEXT PREY!" Kaiser de Emperana Beelzebub IV laughed maniacally as he began to hit the buttons on the controller furiously.

"Beel, what the hell are you doing!?" Issei roared, coming down from his room blearily. "Shut that thing up!"

"But, but I'm nearly finished!" Beel cried as he paused the game. It was just getting good! He wanted to know what was going to happen to Aerith dammit!

"I don't care! Rias and the others are all coming by tomorrow and I want to get some sleep!"

"Bleh!" Beel stuck his tongue out at him. "You just want to get laid tomorrow!"

"Exactly!" Issei yelled, absolutely no shame coming from him at all. "And I'm going to be too tired to do that if you DON'T QUIT THAT STUPID VIDEO GAME!"

"WHY SHOULD I CARE WHETHER OR NOT YOU GET LAID!?"

"WHY YOU-" Issei glanced at what he was playing. "AERITH DIES IN THE NEXT SCENE YOU TWAT!"

"WHAT!?" Beel cried, jumping to his feet. "You're kidding me! You lie!"

"Sephiroth jumps down and stabs Aerith right in her and your chest!"

Beel glared. "I have some Phoenix dow-"

"It's a cutscene death." Issei folded his arms across his chest smugly. "You can't do anything about it."

"No." Beel whispered. Tears began to form in the 11 year old's eye. "NO! WHY AERITH WHY!?" He turned around and ran up the stairs, wailing and crying out.

"Oi, shut off your game system you twit!" Issei roared, coming up to chase him.

"Um, I think he didn't get the message." Akeno said, speaking up from the open door of Issei's house.

"You think?" Rias asked, quirking an eyebrow at her queen.

"Still, to think that Issei-kun's resting up for our visit. It makes me want to give him some... 'special services' for his thoughtfulness." Akeno said suggestively.

"Akeno!" Rias snapped. "Issei's mine for tomorrow! You can have him the day after."

"EH! But I was supposed to be with Issei-sama that day!" Ravel cried out in dismay.

"Don't worry Ravel. We can share him." Koneko patted her friend on the shoulder.

"Eh? When do I spend time with him?" Gasper asked, looking back and forth between all of them.

Rossweisse laid a hand on his and Asia's shoulder. "Be patient. I'm sure Issei-kun would enjoy your time together."

Ophis passed by and picked up the game console, plopping down on the couch. "I, like games."

Kiba smiled awkwardly. Yeah, called it.

A.N.

Okay, I admit, not my best work, but I had nothing to do. I was bored and inspiration struck, but hear me out okay?

This was just a random oneshot I thought of while reading the Beelzebub manga. I saw Beel's giant-ass transformation and I thought 'Holy crap that's a big baby.' Then, I remembered Issei doing the same because of Great Red. I noticed that Beelzebub and DxD both had devils, they both had Beelzbub, so I thought, 'Why not? This is Fanfiction isn't it? A place for imagination to run free.' And thus, The Dragon and the Emperor was born.

...How in God's name do I get shit done with all the shit I read? To this day, I'm still wondering how I managed to pass all my subjects.

P.S.

Does anyone know what volume it was where Cao Cao summoned the 7 balls? I'm going to read it for reference but I don't really want to reread all of it. I still have shit to do in High School. (as if that ever stopped me.)

P.P.S.

Does anyone know a good physics project?(Damn I'm clutching at straws.) Preferably the easy-to-do ones.