Hatred

Disclaimer: Nope, still not mine.

Summary: The Doctor said he hated the architect, but he never told Clara who the architect was. Clara suspects she knows the answer.

Accomplices dropped off, Chinese food eaten; everything had turned out all right. There was just one thing that bugged Clara.

"How come you hated the architect when you didn't even know who he was?" She asked the Doctor.

Almost automatically, the Doctor answered "It was an emotion that was far too deeply rooted in my psyche to remove." Then he winced, he was clearly uncomfortable with this line of questioning.

"But wasn't he a good person in the end? He helped Psi remember his family and helped Saibra suppress her mutation. Not to mention saving Madam Karabraxos and freeing the Tellers."

"I suppose so, yes." The Doctor admitted grudgingly.

"So, who was he then?" Clara suspected who the architect really was (and her suspicions regarding the Doctor were generally correct). It was the only possibility that made sense. She just didn't want to believe that he hated himself that much.

The Doctor opened his mouth, and upon finding nothing to say, closed it again.

As the Doctor continued to grapple for an answer, Clara saddened. "Do you really hate yourself that much?" Her voice wavered sadly.

The Doctor looked down, avoiding her eyes, and finally said. "2000 years, Clara. That is a very long time to accumulate a long list of regrets."

Clara blinked several times, willing tears to not appear. For a second, she was indecisive, but then she saw the Doctor's eyes. They were normally so hard because he tried to hide what he felt, but she could always see through him.

The Doctor didn't have any time to react as Clara threw herself at him. He let out a soft 'oof!' in surprise at Clara's tight embrace.

"Clara." He managed softly, his arms hanging awkwardly at her sides. "Still not a hugging person."

"Shut up." She retorted wetly.

"Yes Ma'am."

Clara sad laugh was muffled by the Doctor's shoulder. "I wish you could see yourself how I see you, but I know that there's nothing I can say that can change your mind."

Clara looked up at him with an equal measure of sorrow and love "So just be kind to yourself sometimes."

"Clara-" The Doctor started, but Clara cut him off.

"For me?"

The Doctor was silent for a moment, before sighing "I'll try, Clara."

Clara pulled away from him and smiled sadly. "Thank you Doctor."

"Fancy another trip?"

Clara paused. Normally she didn't like to go on extended 'vacations', but she had the suspicion (and, as previously mentioned, she was generally right about matters concerning the Doctor) that this was the Doctor trying to be kind to himself.

How could she resist?

A/N: I watched Time Heist and the Doctor's speech about how much he hated the architect really struck me. It's hardly the first time the Doctor's said (either directly or indirectly) that he hates himself, and it won't be the last. I'd like one of his companions address this eventually, and so I wrote this fic.