HOVA

Into the endless…

In this world, the unknown is plentiful. We may know where we are but we can never know where we're going or how we'll get there. All we know for certain is that we will get there, wherever that is, and we will learn to cope with our existence in that location.

I, for one, have never meddled in the affairs of fate. I've never considered myself a particularly superstitious person either but I also have an understanding of the universe. That understanding is that I don't understand it at all and therefor will stay the hell out of its way.

I was preparing the board The Nova Sagittarius that fall with mild excitement tremoring through my fingers. You see, I had never been on a starship before. It had been so recently that humans were introduced to luxury space travel, we had shied from that frontier for lack of experience. Still, a few lucky ducks could afford a spot on the ship and spend a month touring around our beautiful galaxy.

I was not one of those lucky ducks, though. I was there on business, catering meals for the passengers and earning a crumb of a wage for it. I may not have been enthusiastic to jump aboard a cramped and sweaty space-kitchen but there were other things to look forward to. Like, for example, the view. Nothing was more beautiful than a glide-bye shot of milky-blue tidal waves cascading into an all but endless sea of diamond stars.

When I was first offered the gig, I was hesitant. The technology was not our own, it was introduced to us by some of our interstellar alliances, species of sentient life with gears that ticked just a minute faster than our own. Everybody had assumed that humans would be the ones roaming the void and discovering new planets but the opposite was true. They strolled up in their fantasy vessels and offered us gifts of friendship, including insight on how they constructed their massive ships.

Humans may have been able to build ships but the whole business was a matter of quantum physics that we just didn't grip. No matter how hard we tried, we couldn't wrap our brains around it. So, to solve this little dilemma, we asked our alliances to help us with the programming and teach the ships how to fly themselves. They map a course, they steer, they accelerate and decelerate just like they're supposed to. Humans need not lay a hand on the wheel.

With one last lucky pat to Earth's soil, I headed into my terminal, suitcase rolling along obediently in my shadow. The terminal would take me to the boarding dock and then into the awaiting ship. The suitcase was one the company had lent me so naturally, it was a smart and expensive little contraption. It was a square-shaped and pocket-filled only, it scooted along without me even looking back at it. It sensed my movement and stayed close, it would even sound alarms if someone were able to snatch it.

There were many reasons I liked it but also one huge reason I hated it. People stared. I had to walk all the way to my damn terminal with children squealing and parents pointing. "He's not even touching it." They gawked, making me blush and walk faster. I didn't like attention being drawn to me, to my messy mop of brown hair, to my untidy blue uniform complete with apron and "Big Dish International" printed across my uniform cap.

"Lovino." I looked up when I heard my name called and found one of my supervisors waving me over to her. Her name was Julia, she was nice but much more hardworking than I was and therefor our shifts together often ended in conflict. Still, she smiled and touched my arm briefly.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Jay wants us to wait here for Nora, it's her first flight. Your's too, right?" I nodded. Was it obvious? Was I shaking as bad as I thought I was. "It'll be fine," she reassured, "Nova Sagittarius is a good ship, she's been out a few times before with no problems. It's Nora you should worry about. God help us if she doesn't have a panic attack."

"Who else are we waiting for?"

"Most everyone from teams A through F are already aboard, Jay's bringing a couple more. He'll be here soon."

"What about Bella?"

"She's staying on Nova Taurus with Feliciano."

"When do they leave?" I glanced down at my wrist to check my watch. I called it a watch but it did so much more than tell the time. It could read me the temperature and the altitude, it could take calls, alert me of radiation or an appending natural disaster, it even beeped when my heart rate got too high! Its little blue screen blinked to life as I tapped it, showing that my brother had not called me.

"They're the last out of here. Let's see… Nova Virgo leaves at eight so they must leave at nine." She took notice of the way I verified over and over that I hadn't missed a call. "Relax, Lovino. You can call him once all three ships have synchronized. He's fine."

"I hope so-" I was interrupted by a hard shove against my back, making me jerk forward and catch myself.

"Sorry! Oh, gosh, sorry." He said, trying to rearrange the massive load in his arms. "I didn't hurt you, did I?" He asked playfully. Upon closer investigation, I discovered that this stranger had the most beautiful green eyes I had ever seen. They weren't bright and sparking like emeralds, they were dull and lively like grass. I couldn't help but stare back at them.

Then a the box at the top of his heap began to slide.

"Oh! Got it." I called and grabbed it before it could fall, earning a dumb smile from the stranger who thanked me briefly. I took a couple more boxes, anything to hide the rising embarrassment and declared to Julia that I was going to help him take them in.

"You have to check in, it's pretty confusing." She protested. Julia was the motherly type or at least, the type that likes to feel depended on by the smaller and weaker.

"This your first time?" The man butted in. I nodded. I didn't feel like saying much, maybe because my stomach was getting ill with anxiety or maybe I was feeling a bit threatened by his good looks. He wasn't handsome per say but he was charming in an approachable way. He had evenly-tanned Hispanic skin, curly chocolate hair, and surprisingly enough, bright, grass green eyes. "I can show him, it's fine. Don't worry, these trips are really fun. Well, I've always had fun but maybe because I always go with friends." He laughed. His smile was too big and too bright for someone entering a month-long work trip.

"Okay, but be careful, Vargas. Don't get lost." The supervisor sent me a small smile before tapping her watch, presumable to notify Jay of the change in schedule.

"I'll watch out for him~" The tan boy chirped before leading me further into the terminal. His excitement carried him far on those long legs and left me trotting behind him and panting as quietly as I could. "Don't forget your- oh! How neat! Does it follow you all the time?" He asked, looking back at the navy-blue luggage that I had come to call Fidelito.

"Yeah."

"It's like a puppy!"

"What's in the boxes?" I interrupted.

"Well, what you have there is a water filtering system and here in these boxes we have some mineralizers."

"For what?"

"Seaweed harvesting." I had heard about that. Seaweed is rich in vitamins, they use it as fertilizer for the on board plants and lunch for the employees.

"So how long have you been in the seaweed harvesting business?"

"I'm just a technician. I'm here for the free ride. How about you? Big Dish International? That must be a fun job."

I groaned aloud. "It's a joy ride."

"It can't be all too terrible. After all, you're here now and that makes it worth it! You're going to love it."

"How many times have you been out?"

"Two other times. Once on this same ship."

"Were you harvesting seaweed?"

"No, not that time. I was actually helping with the language neutrality systems and the auto navigation."

"You can work the navigation system!?"

"No! Of course not! I was just there to repair circuits or oil leaks. That machine is out of our league by a long shot."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, there's a reason it drives itself. That technology is centuries above our time. No human brain could control much less create a piece of equipment fine as that."

"What about meteors? What's to keep it from colliding with a hunk of space dirt and totaling itself?"

"Oh, that's no problem. The ship has a course and once it's set, it won't change for the world. It must use radar or something because it goes right around obstacles and keeps on going till it gets where it wants to get."

Our discussion was interrupted when Antonio took notice of a tall, odd looking creature approaching us in the terminal. "Hey, Mr.J!" He called out, singing the words so that they rhymed.

The creature looked at us with obvious annoyance. "I've told you before, Antonio. I wish you would call me Mr. Jaro. Full names are considered a formality on your planet, are they not?" He was probably seven foot tall and wore what appeared to be traditional clothing from his native culture, a clean and pressed robe tied around his waist by a sash. As for his appearance, he was relatively hairless with a human like facial structure and rough, dark, taupe skin. His species was more common on Earth because, like humans, they breathed oxygen with the assistance of inhalers that provided higher levels of sulfur. They were much like us except that they were more skilled philosophers and physiologists than we.

"What ship are you on?" The boy, whose name was revealed to be Antonio, asked.

"Sagittarius. And yourself?" He was awful polite. He said everything with this grand, foreseeing tone and made soft gestures when he spoke.

"Sagittarius. Hey, meet my friend…damn! I forgot to even ask your name!" He realized.

"Lovino." I introduced myself and balanced the boxes on my hip so that I could shake the long, slender hand that was offered to me.

"That's a nice name." Antonio butted in, forcing his hand into mine at the next opportune moment. So far, I was unsure of my fondness for Antonio. He was more talkative and friendly than someone ought to be to a stranger. Mr. Jaro picked up on this like a physic.

"Antonio, why don't you take it easy on your new friend? This is his first trip after all, he must be nervous enough without your badgering."

"You're right! Sorry, Lovi!"

Mr. Jaro took one look at my face of disgust before proclaiming, "He doesn't like that nickname. Honestly, Antonio, you'll never be able to develop any sort of intimate relationship with this boy if you can't learn to read even the most obvious body language." And with that, he excused himself and left.

"Don't mind him, he's a regular wise guy. Hey, I think they open the café early for staff, let's get a coffee or something. That'll calm your nerves."

"I'm not nervous, I'm just slightly… cautious."

"Why? The ships have never crashed and there's no room for human error."

"My brother was supposed to be on Sagittarius with me but last week they changed his schedule to even out the personalities and have a better work environment."

"Once the ships are synchronized, you'll be able to communicate with him and there'll be nothing to worry about!"

"Yeah, I know."

"But that doesn't ease your worrying? Don't you trust him to take care of himself?"

"Of course I do! Or… I don't know. It's none of your business, okay?"

"Tell me what still worries you. I'm one of the most experienced people on this ship, I can make it better." I glanced up into those curious green orbs and found myself wanting to trust him. I hadn't known him longer than a few minutes yet I felt like I could sit down with him and let the load fall off my chest. I carried with me pounds of anxiety and stress and they only accumulated more weight as we approached departure.

"I just… I keep having a feeling that this time, there's going to be a mistake on one of the ships and I'm going to lose my brother."

"That won't happen. Like I said, when a ship has a course, it won't lose it for the world. No matter what, we'll all meet back up on Earth in just a month. Even if we lose synchronization, you'll only have to wait a matter of days till you see him next. Besides, what can happen in space?"

"We could hit a meteor."

"Auto-pilot."

"We could be swallowed by a giant space monster."

"Come on, now you're just creating scenarios. You need some coffee."

"What about the space monster? Isn't that possible?"

"They've used this route a hundred times, if there's a giant monster-infested planet nearby, well, then we're probably almost home."

"Hey, do you have a cigarette on you?"

"You smoke?"

"No, but I'm thinking about taking it up."

"No, sorry. My lungs have enough to worry about with my asthma."

"Yeah, I figured. I couldn't afford the hobby anyways."

"It does get expensive. Yearly pollution tax, public smoking tax, unrecyclable waste tax, and add on top the cash you'd dish out just for a carton. It's not a poor man's game."

"I never said I was poor." I snarled.

"Nobody has much money now-a-days. All the people boarding today are just about all the people who can afford an extravagance like that."

I didn't feel like arguing. I was preoccupied glancing around at the unusual and unwelcoming atmosphere. They designed the ship and its terminals to look like they came right out of a retro-science fiction story. Chrome clung against the interior of the long, dome-like hallway. On the rubber-matted floor was printed a line to separate the two lanes. In our lane it read "Boarding" ever couple yards. In the other lane was printed "Returning". I glanced out the window to were Earthian soil was still visible from our height of fourty-one stories in the air. I wondered what it would be like when I returned to it again. Would I feel like a hero? Would I miss it immensely? I didn't want to leave it at all. I wanted more time, just a little bit.

Antonio woke me up from my day dreaming as the check-in area came into view. "Do you want to sit down for a while?" He asked kindly. "I know that, at least on my first trip, it was hard to say goodbye to this place. I mean, we've grown up here, right? Boarding kind of feels like the –point-of-no-turning-back."

That's exactly what it felt like. I grunted in agreement before taping my calf twice, the signal for Fidelito to come close enough for me to sit on him. Antonio did the same on his manual rolling luggage. "So," He began, "When you're ready, we'll get checked in, find our rooms and grab a cup of coffee. Sound good?"

"Yeah, that's fine." The low, almost inaudible hum of white noise echoed through the terminal, probably a result of the ship's mammoth engines. It was both extremely comforting and unsettling. People of all ages, colors, and species busily bustled by as if this were the most normal thing to them. It was mostly humans, seeing as this was a trip to and from our planets but every once in a while a family like would stroll by, chatting and scolding the children. They called themselves Autrias but nobody ever bothered with specie names.

Midounians were the only other prevalent species roaming through the terminal but they were only there as a novelty. Midounians were another human-resembling species with no purpose on the ship besides being a tourist attraction. They were beautiful, gelatinous creatures who loved to do tricks for an interested audience so naturally, they were hired to tend the bar. They would pour drinks and make good tips by playing with bubbles of water like limp balloons.

I looked over at Antonio who was watching as passengers went in and out of the check-in. Feeling my eyes on him, he turned to me and smiled. "It's great, isn't it? It's like a completely different world."

"It's different."

He let out a breathy laugh. "It's Lovino, right? I like you."

I tightened my jaw as I felt the heat inching up my skin. "You caught me in an especially quite mood. You won't like me tomorrow."

"I don't think that's true. I'm a very good judge of character." A part of me wanted to bitterly suggest that he change ships and spend the month with my brother instead but I repressed that urge. I settled with just scoffing at him and giving my attention back to the walk way of strangers.

"I take it you're trying to ignore me now. I will make you like me, Lovino Vargas."

"What's with all the informality? You just assume you know people."

"No, knowing somebody takes more time. I guess it's intuition."

"I think I'm ready to get that drink know." I announced, hoping to shift the attention.

"We've only just sat down." He mentioned but rose anyway. "You're quite the trooper. My first flight, I stared out the window for a good long time." He grabbed his suitcase and started rolling, I followed at his side. "But, you know, it figures. I've always been a bit shy to new things but you look like a real tough cookie."

"You don't look shy at all." I protested.

"I disguise it well."

So we had more in common than I thought. We were both scared and we both piled on layer after layer of shells until our fear was masked as confidence. The check-in booth was manned by a broad, strong-looking woman with a thick Southern American accent. Antonio did all the work for me. He would talk to her, turn to me, ask for a card or slip of some sort and present it to the woman. This process was repeated until everything I had was stamped, clipped or signed and we could pass through to the second bag check.

I wasn't allowed to bring uncertified weapons, nonprescription drugs, or foreign plant matter onto the ship. The drug one was a give or take. I had heard that if you had just a bit of dope they would probably let you slip by but that was another hobby I couldn't afford. Our bags were fed into a rotating belt and into an x-ray machine. On the screen appeared an image of the bag's contents along with a list of each item. Antonio's went through fine (with the exception of the boxes which would be scanned separately and delivered to the plant later in the day) When it was my turn, both the monitor and my face became a bright shade of red.

One screen displayed a bird's-eye-view of my open suitcase, in which four shapes were outlined in red. The other screen had a written-out grocery list of each of my belongings, the last three lines spelled out:
51-COUNT PILLS
29-COUNT PILLS
10-COUNT PILLS

All in red, all in caps. The security man asked me if he could open my bag and I complied, withering in embarrassment. He pulled out one of the bottles and asked me to identify it. "Zimiplex." I mumbled, cursing him in my head. I hated being the subject of a scene. To make it worse, he turned to the computer and manually typed in:
29-COUNT ANTI-DEPRESSANT ZIMIPLEX

He then had me identify the other two bottles, one of which was an anxiety reducer and the other was a panic solution. It allowed me to escape into unconsciousness if my mental situation became life-threatening. I had never used them but I liked to have them. When he was done entering them into the computer, he packed the antidepressants and anxiety medications back into my bag but moved the panic pills on a counter behind him.

"What are you doing with those?" Antonio barked just as I opened my mouth to do the same.

"I have a prescription for them." I added just to feel like I had done something.

"Relax. They'll be moved to the medical center for safety. If you need them, you can pick them up. Can I see your room key?"

I dug the card out of my wallet and handed it to him despite my protests. "I want to have them with me. If I need them, they need to be with me."

"I'm sorry, but distribution of this medication could have serious consequences."

"Look, if you can't abide by the medication rules, maybe you're too sick to take a trip like this right now."

"I'm not sick!" I hissed.

"There's nothing I can do for you, I'm sorry."

At that point, Antonio took my shoulders and rushed me through before I could let out a string of frustrated curse words. He grabbed our approved bags and my room key, which had been marked to allow me my medication. We sat down on the closest bench where he retrieved an antianxiety pill from my bag and I wiped at the little bit of wetness around my eyes. I always cried out of frustration, it was a terrible trait but with the mix of stress and fear, it was inevitable.

Antonio put the pill in my palm, I tossed it into my mouth, he offered me his water bottle, I took a swig and swallowed. "You really are a trooper." He remarked.

I didn't say anything even though I wanted to. I wanted to say that a trooper doesn't need don't-kill-yourself pills in the first place, a trooper doesn't start crying over a disagreement, and a trooper isn't completely pathetic.

"Don't worry, I've got your back now. If anything goes wrong, I'll be there."

"What makes you think I want your help?"

"I can tell." He said with a smile. "We're already friends."

"Can you just mind your own god damn business?" I growled. I had used that line on so many people and it always succeeded in making them leave me alone. Well… most always.

"Oh, you're just saying that. You don't mean it." He said and he was right.

"Fuck off! You don't know me!" I countered.

"Why are you so desperate to make me leave you? You could run, I wouldn't chase you. Yet you stay… why do you need me to reject you?" I clenched my teeth together tight, feeling the tears bubble up again. What right did he have to say that!? He didn't even know me yet he was making assumptions about me that were so painfully true. I hated him yet… I wanted to be with him for a reason that I could not understand. He looked me over and his expression turned into one of guilt. "I'm sorry, Lovino. I shouldn't have said that. Let's go, let's get that drink we were talking about." He helped me up and led me along.

Just like he had predicted, I wouldn't run or fight. I had nothing to say. I thought I had understood Antonio when I met him, a happy-go-lucky idiot who skips around hugging puppies and giving change to the poor. But what else was he? He had more than just a couple pieces. I suddenly felt compelled to satisfy both the curiosity and awe I had for him.

Before I could ask anything, the hall opened up into the body of the ship. It was massive. Everything was covered in chrome, glass, or polished tile. It was so clean-looking, the image of everything science fiction books promised. What drew the most attention was the large, round window on the far wall of the courtyard. I imagined what it would look like when it faced out into the endless void of stars and planets. Antonio handed me an open map from a nearby brochure trolley.

"This is how it is. Right now, we're in the courtyard. This is where people come to talk and eat. All the restaurants, like yours, are in here. There are two exits out of the courtyard. The left exist goes to the housing, the right goes to recreational activities. That's where the shops, the bar, the pool, the theatre and things like that are."

"Where's the seaweed plant?" I asked.

"Seaweed stinks pretty bad so they keep it tucked away in the back of the right wing. Oh, and the medical center will be right at the entrance of the left wing. Got it?"

"What are these?" I asked, running my finger over a string of three tumorous bulbs off the side of the courtyard.

"Those are pods."

"What are they for?" I prompted.

"I've never seen them used before. I think people could ride them out."

"But nobody does?"

"I've never seen it."

He walked me to Big Dish International which was a buffet style restaurant. Nobody was especially glad to see that I had made it safely. A couple of girls batted their lashes at Antonio and one person asked about Nora and Julia. I was glad to be out of there. Next, we went to my room. It was fairly plain, the bed was surprising large which I was glad for. I tapped a three digit code into Fidelito which told him to power down. The antianxiety pills had begun to take effect, I could breathe easier now and talk comfortably with Antonio.

"You're room is actually pretty close to mine." He mentioned. "You're 41120 and I'm in 41133. I'm just down the way a bit."

"Great." I grumbled sarcastically.

"We should go to dinner tonight. What's your schedule like?"

Normally, I would protest the idea all together but instead I answered with, "I won't know until we take off."

"Here." He pressed the face of his watch to mine and hit both of our connection buttons, allowing for us to receive each other's number. "Call me when you know and we'll figure something out. Free meal cards are a perk of working on the ship."

"What cards?"

"Free meal cards! Employees have a certain amount of credit they can use at the courtyard every day. It covers a meal as long as you don't order anything too fancy. All your other meals you get from the employee cafeteria. Employee food kind of sucks but the free meal makes up for it. It's in your room key."

"That's cool." I inspected the card as if it had some sort of hidden value other than being a slip of plastic. "When do we synchronize with Virgo and Taurus?"

"Once all three are in the air so nine-thirty probably. In fact…" He glanced at his watch, "We'll be out of here in fifteen minutes or so."

"Where are all the passengers?"

"There's a special take-off and landing area for them with seatbelts and all."

"What about the employees?"

"You hold on!" He cheered.

"Isn't that dangerous!?"

"No, it's a lot of fun, actually! Hey, we should go have that coffee now."

That didn't dismiss my fears of take-off but it set them aside for a minute as we sat down at Café Donde and ordered two coffees. Those were free for employees. Our order was taken by a little rolling humanoid robot they called Chacho. He was another novelty, meant to look cute and draw in customers. Antonio talked excitedly to the machine, asking it how it's day ways and shaking its hand.

We agreed to have a celebratory dinner that night and afterwards, he promised to give me a full tour of Sagittarius. The captain came over the speaker and told us that they were preparing for take-off, we should report to our work places, and to enjoy the trip.

At Big Dish international, I found that I only managed to get along with a handful of employees, Nora and Julia being two of them. Nora was a small Hispanic girl, very agile but also very friendly. Julia was from Massachusetts, she was helpful but also harbored a need to be the leader. It was her who had us all gather in the pantry and protect the shelves so that during take-off, nothing would slid off or break.

Take off was shaky but manageable. There was a haunting silence in the pantry, a shared uneasiness but once we were in the air, we all forced ourselves to get over it and cope with the fact that we were no longer on Earth bound. "All right, everybody! Good job!" Julia announced. "To your stations please, passengers will be released any time now."

Nobody had the heart to make shaken little Nora work so she sat in the pantry and composed herself while the others and myself stocked trays of food. Julia stopped me and asked to talk to me in the pantry. I obliged, worrying that they had grown tired of me and decided to shove me out without a suit. They wouldn't do that in front of Nora though, right.

"Lovino," she said, closing the door. Nora perked up and silently waved at us. Unexpectedly, Julia thrust something at me and I took it out of instinct. "It's the key to the freezer." She explained. "I'm entrusting it to you for the rest of the trip. Don't lose it, okay?"

"Wait, what freezer!?" I exclaimed and took a quick look around to assure myself that there was no freezer in the pantry. Unless she meant to two-foot-tall electric cooler that was tucked away in the corner next to Nora.

"It's in the employee cafeteria. You unlock it at five every morning and let the different restaurant representatives pick up what they need for the day then you lock it and don't open it again unless someone brings you and order form. Food is very strictly handled here, you always have to keep that freezer locked."

"Why me!? I don't want that responsibility!"

"Because you're not a very trusting person, Lovino. No one's going to bat their eyes at you and persuade you to give them the key. It's just not going to happen."

"Can I refuse?"

"You can but-"

"I refuse!"

"Jesus, Lovino! Will you just listen? If you do this, your free meal credit triples. It's worth it, isn't it?"

"If it's worth it, why don't you keep the key?"

"Because I honestly think you're the best one for the job. Besides, maybe I like seaweed salad and pork chunks." She joked before touching my arm in her motherly way again. "I know you can do it, no one's ever had a problem with it before. What do you say?"

I mauled it around in my head for a while. What I did next I would never admit to anyone. "Can the extra meal credit be split between two persons?"

Antonio and I met for dinner later that evening as planned. My shift didn't end until eight so by the time I was able to meet him outside Café Donde, he was starving. "You had lunch, didn't you?" I asked as he held his stomach and grumbled.

"I tried! I can only eat so much seaweed before I starts to taste like poison."

"Stop being such a baby! I thought it was fine."

"Wait until you're staring at it for hours. Those big, lumpy, paper weeds quickly become your least favorite thing in the world. But it's fine because now we're going to have some real food. Where do you want to go?"

"I don't know my options."

"Oh, right! Well, the café's got some sandwiches and biscuits but that's not much of a celebration dinner. We could go to a couple different places, actually. What kind of food do you like?"

"Italian." I answered decisively.

"I know where they have Italian food! Okay, follow me." He commanded and frolicked off with me trailing behind the best I could. He was so damn happy, I could never see why. We sat down and immediately had our orders taken do to the fact that there were not many people to wait on so late at night. Antonio asked me about my day and replied that it was better than I thought but pretty boring.

"But the sky~" he cooed as if reading poetry, "It's so beautiful."

"It is." I looked out the large courtyard window and saw a cloud of blue and pink stars bigger than anything I had ever known to exist. Clusters of white and metallics splattered in every emptiness. There was not an unfilled inch, the sky was an electric parade of color and excitement.

Our food came out soon after we ordered it. After Antonio saw the rolling robot waiter, humans paled in comparison. The food was good, not the best but good. "So, what did you do before Big Dish International?" He asked and shoveled another bite of lasagna into his mouth.

"A lot of stuff but nothing worth a dime. I thought I would be an artist one day but that dream's the definition of unrealistic."

"What kind of artist?"

"A couple kinds. I did a lot of painting when I was younger and then I decided I was a dancer. I wish my parents had burst that bubble when I was younger, it would have saved me a lot of time and money."

"Don't say that! It's a great dream!"

"See, the thing is, to me it was more than a dream. It was like a prophesy, I spent so much time living in this dream world and when it was time to wake up, I fell flat on my ass."

"You could still be an artist, you are so young."

I stared down into my cup of tea. It was so easy to fall back into that mentality, it was so easy to summon the dream back up until it overtook reality. I shook my head. "What about you? What did you do before the whole technician business?"

"Well, I was never as focused as you. I played a lot of sports in high school and I told everybody I was going to be a soccer star. Then this job came along my senior year, a couple other boys in the team were going to do it so I jumped on board. At the beginning, we were just sweeping floors in a car garage but eventually we were fixing the cars too and it just stuck."

"Why don't you go back to sports?"

He shrugged and sipped his coffee. "I never wanted my dream as bad as you did. I like this job though, I get to travel and meet all sorts of people and do a lot of different jobs."

"It's a steadier income too. You do soccer for a couple years then they knock you down and Wifey has to take a second job. It never works out well."

"I'm not married."

"No, I didn't think you were. You're not wearing a ring."

He laughed. "You looked?" I blushed. "I'd like to say I swing both ways but I've never found someone who really interests me."

It was obvious what we were doing now. It was obvious. I didn't know what to do other than be appalled and push him away, after all, that was my natural reaction. Something was different this time. I wanted to flirt back, I wanted to have more of his attention. "Yeah, I know what you mean." I mumbled, flickering my eyes up from my food briefly.

He pretended to be uninterested, picking at his plate and looking out the window. "Nothing seems like a challenge anymore, that's the problem. All the people I run into are the same. I can take a girl out for a date and know what she'll want tomorrow. I like puzzles, you know?"

"Yeah, I know." My behavior was extremely out of character and I wasn't sure why. Naturally, my move would be to pay as little attention to him as possible and retire to my room early. Now it was different. I was suddenly wondering if we would go back to his room. Lust is a natural feeling and plenty of people take strangers to bed but I had never considered myself one of those people. I didn't know what would become of us but for the first time ever, I didn't want it to be nothing. "Hey, Antonio…"

"Yeah?"

"What are we doing?" I asked, cutting down to the heart of the matter.

The boy sighed. "I don't know. I'm never this forward, I don't know what's wrong. I mean, I really like you."

"But are we…" We both knew that sentence ended in "going to bed together tonight?"

"No, I can't. I don't want to ruin this."

"Yeah, I mean, it's whatever." All at once, the awkwardness filled in between us.

"Let's get out of here. Are you done eating?" He offered, a big smile spread across his face.

I checked the mostly empty bowl of pasta. "Yeah, we can go."

"Great." He called for the check and we both gave our room keys. When the waiter returned, he handed us our keys back and stated what was left of today's balance. Antonio's expression became one of shock. "That's wrong. That's more than I had before the meal."

"No, sir, that's the correct amount." The waiter shyly replied.

"But-"

"Thanks." I interrupted, handing the check book back to the waiter who just nodded and left. The boy wouldn't stop making this ugly confused face.

"I got this temporary promotion at work, they said I could add extra meal credit to two employee accounts and you were the only person on the ship who I knew the account number of so…"

He stared at me, eyes wide and an undecipherable emotion painted across them. Before I could ask him what he was looking at, he reached over the table, grabbed my collar, and pulled my lips up to his. It only lasted a moment before he released me and covered his mouth as if he had just touched it to something disgusting. "Shit, sorry. I mean, thank you…" He rubbed his lips together, unsure of what to say. "Let's hit the bar, drinks on me? Okay? I need a drink. But first… first I need to change, god this uniform stinks like salt water and algae. I'm going to go change, okay?"

I nodded slowly, not sure what else to do. Nobody had ever kissed me so spontaneously nor had that look in their eyes when they did so. I though kisses were either pity pecks or the sloppy, lustful mashing of mouths. Antonio had given me neither. His was small but desperate, short but necessary.

"Twenty minutes okay? Meet me at the Jellyfish in twenty minutes. Oh, that's the name of the bar. Sorry, I forgot that you don't know these things. Sorry, I'll just leave now."

"Okay." I mumbled as he rushed away in the direction of his room. I ordered another tea and sat there, sipping it, thinking about the curly-headed boy who came into my life like a meteor. He was a flash of light followed by a catastrophe. I had taken strangers to my bed before out of loneliness and woken up loathing myself. Would that happen again? Would Antonio spend one sweaty, dirty night with me and roll his eyes at me the next? Would he need anything else? He didn't seem like that kind of person but how did I know what kind of person he was? He was a stranger to me.

I finished my tea and decided to go looking for a bathroom. They were simple enough to find, on the map they were marked by a yellow dot and in person, the frames of the doors were painted the same shade of yellow. Inside, I was greeted by fifteen or so stalls housing the specie-neutral waste basins. I had never seen one in person before so I was forced to read the small instruction plaque on the wall before using it. It seemed to be a simple, low, wide porcelain toilet and upon further instruction, I discovered that it was a simple, low, wide porcelain toilet. The instructions read:
Remove garments covering area of excretion, poise directly over (but not in) basin, expel waste, dispose of any disinfectant material in basin, step away from basin, press blue button, replace garments.

This embarrassing walk-though was repeated underneath in several different languages and was followed by a button for oral recitation of the instructions so that everyone in the universe could learn how to properly use a squatting hole. Call it stupid, but didn't want anyone to see me coming out of the stall. I felt an underlying sense of pervertedness after thinking about how every species would do their business. I opened the door a crack and peeked out. No one.

Breathing a sigh of relief, I walked up to the counter and held my hands under the faucet-like device without reading the instructional-plaque only to discover that it dispensed a disinfectant gel rather than water. "Surprised?" A voice asked smugly.

I almost died of a heart attack and without thinking, I cried, "Get out!"

The stranger's face shifted from a playful smile to a look of confusion. "The bathroom does not belong exclusively to you." She corrected. The was a woman of thirty or fourty, human, with dark skin and hair and a uniform that I couldn't quite place.

"Isn't this the men's restroom?" Thinking back, I didn't remember checking for the usual symbol.

"This is your first flight." She said, knowingly.

"Yes."

She sighed and turned back to her own sink, holding out her hands for the same green gel. "They don't separate the bathrooms by specie or gender or class. It's all the same for everyone except the disabled."

I watched her rub the gel between her palms then up and around her fingers. I did the same to avoid looking completely naïve. "You work on the ship?" I asked, hoping to divert the conversation.

"Capitan." I could tell that it was hard for her to say it so modestly and again, without thinking, I said something stupid.

"I didn't think the ships needed captains." I cringed and she scowled in return.

"Fine, community organizer, or whatever you want to call it. I know the ship flies itself but that's all it does. Being captain is still a very hard job."

"Sorry." I mumbled without actually being sorry.

I waited for her to say "It's fine" or start the conversation back up but I was answered with nothing. As more time passed in awkward silence, the more I contemplated just walking out the door."No, I'm sorry. I'm just stressed out, the first day is always hard. So much is going on."

"It's fine." Again, saying things without truly caring.

"Plans for the evening?"

"Oh, I'm meeting up with a friend at the bar in a little while."

"You'll like that. Have you ever met a Milounian before?"

I shook my head.

"We have a really good group this year. Y'know what? Ask for Ehinau, she's a nice girl, and tell her Beckie says you can have a free drink."

"Beckie?"

"That's me, I'm Beckie." She smiled and held out her hand which I took instinctually. "And when you see her, tell her thank you for the prayer charm." Before I could ask what a prayer charm was, she reached into her shirt and pulled her lanyard up through her collar. I noticed an odd, deep blue, human-like figurine strung by a keychain. "It's Doubai, their protector of travel."

"It's nice." I lied. She tucked the charm away again.

"I've got to be going now, see you round…"

"Lovino." I said, filling in the unknown.

"Lovino, okay, well, bye!"

We left the restroom and parted ways as awkward strangers. I didn't plan on using my free drink excuse because I wasn't especially fond of my new friend and didn't want to benefit from the situation. I went up to my room and changed into a different shirt before wandering around the courtyard again. I didn't know what to do. I'd admit a tiny twinge of excitement but I'd attributed it to the promise of intoxication.

Antonio was fun. He was nice to be around, despite the constant, low annoyance of his companionship much like a bug flying near my ear. Still, he had a good-natured personality and his appearance didn't hurt. But when he kissed me… I didn't know if I was uncomfortable or in the early stages of longing. Believe it or not, the two feeling are very similar. In the instant, it was longing but it soon became hesitance then insecurity and finally confusion. The boy was rambunctious, he was exciting and lively but he was also a whole different kind of person than I. It didn't seem right to be intermingling.

I sat down on a near bye bench and looked at my watch, seeing that I had a message waiting from my brother. I had contacted him earlier in the day, once the three ships were synchronized, but once I had heard that he was having lots of fun, I found other things to occupy my thoughts with.

"Hey, Lovi!" The watch recited in his voice, "My shift is over so I'm going to check out the ship and head to bed. Anyways, today's been a great day! Everyone at work has been really nice and I made some friends at the other restaurants too so…Night!"

The watch beeped, announcing the end of the message. I don't know why I wasted so much time and energy worrying about that bastard. Of course he was having a great time, he always did. Everyone always loved him, he was the precious Feliciano. All my life, all through our schooling and even at home, he was the favorite. Our parents were dying to hear about his latest art project and then they would politely ask how my grades were so I let them all drop. I used to be an A student but that was an excuse for people to not care so I stopped doing my homework and flunked every test until someone had to turn a head.

In high school, Feliciano would get a nice girl and as soon as that happened, the next in line would grab me just to get closer and spy on his relationships. Inevitably, Feliciano and the girl would part ways just in time for my girl to jump in and become Feli's knew fad. I hated my brother sometimes. I hated how he had all the best things, he had all the luck and all the attention and all the love he could ever want. I spotted the curly-headed Spanish boy walking up to me, looking like a million bucks with his pleated clothes and that radiant but contained smile. Not anymore, Feliciano.

"Hello, Lovino~" He greeted.

"Hey." I said, still feeling the red coals of envy and loneliness burning up inside of me. My brother always got to be happy, so why not me? I didn't deserve to be afraid of being taken advantage of or outshone all the time, I deserved to act on affection if I wanted to.

"Ready to go?"

"Yeah" I stood up and linked my arm with his. What did I have to be afraid of? With Feliciano being gone and no threat of him coming in to take Antonio away, I could make a move on the boy with confidence. I wrapped my hand around his arm, making it clear what I was doing.

He looked at our arms and then and me and at our arms again. "Are we going to go?" I prodded.

"Oh! Yeah, Let's go!" When he said that, he gave me a smile not of lust or power but of genuine happiness. He was happy because I was being affectionate, he was happy because he was with me. I had never know a better feeling. I smiled back.

So, from that moment on, we fell into an unannounced relationship. We didn't ask each other or exchange presents, we just knew.

The jellyfish was a completely foreign experience. It was dark except for the illumination of water, blue lights. I wasn't sure if the Milounians were blue or only appeared so in the light but none-the-less, they were beautiful creatures. I watched as one (I could not tell the gender) dripped alcohol into its hand and rolled it around as if it were a gelatinous mass of air-light bubbles rather than a liquid. The Milounian danced with the orb up and down its arms like a ballerina. The creature itself was a beautiful art form, a fluid, gentle, body comprised of interstellar material.

Antonio ordered two drinks for us, seeing as I was distracted by the dancer. "Beautiful, isn't she?"

I knew that my humanly form would never move with such elegance and grace. "Yeah." Was all I could say.

"That's Tif, I'll introduce you." He said, struggling to be heard over the smooth, electric beat.

"No, it's fine, I'll just-"

"Don't worry, she's a total sweetheart."

But that wasn't it, I didn't want plain, human me to be compared beside the water-dancing alien. She was sitting on the bar, laughing with the customers and performing tricks before sliding the orb off her hand and into the cup where it became a liquid again. Beside her, I was a grumpy Italian kid who bashed his own dreams in the head and didn't sleep enough. I was a mess, she was a novelty. It wasn't hard to see where the situation was headed. I wanted to trust Antonio more than my own unrequited insecurities but that dismal state of mind had made a home inside of me and I couldn't shake it. "Can we just stay here?" I asked.

He looked at me, smiling, and opened his mouth to easily blow off my worries but once we made full eye contact, his expression dropped. "What's wrong? Do you want to go somewhere else?"

"I don't know."

"Lovi?"

"No, let's stay."

"Is it the music? It's pretty loud huh?"

"No."

"The lights?"

"No, look, just, whatever. It doesn't matter." The minute I said that, I cursed myself under my breath. I hated the way I fell back into submissive behavior, it was that habit that had made it possible for so many people to take advantage of me. I should have said I wanted to leave, dammit!

"It does matter." He interjected before I could correct myself. "Common, we'll go somewhere else. Besides, I think the lights are giving me a headache so it's no fun for either of us." He grabbed my hand and led me out the crowds of people until we could stop in a well-lit clearing. Antonio had once again scrambled my brain into a state of confusion that I didn't know how to unknot. I knew what being respected was and it wasn't something anyone had ever reserved for me. "You okay?" He asked

"Why…"

"What?"

"Why'd we leave? I thought you liked that place."

"It's over rated." He said with a smile. "Where do you want to go? I mean, this is your tour after all. I've seen this all before."

"I don't know. Do you have a map?"

We looked at his map together and decided that we'd checkout some of the new features in the astronomy museum. The walk through museum was cluttered with artifacts and relics I had seen before in grade school. In the "Worlds Outside Our Own" exhibit, they showcased religious icons, entertainment devices and pieces of traditional clothing from all other species. Finally, we arrived at a dome-shaped room called "The Ultimate Masterpiece".

The Ultimate Masterpiece was a planetarium, though, I was sure they were referring to the universe rather than the planetarium itself (which was stunning). Inside the dome was an empty space filled with chairs that reclined to a one hundred-and-eighty-degree angle, facing up at the clear walls and ceiling. Antonio skidded off to read the plaque near the entry way while I stood entranced by the endless sea of molecules arranged into colors and patterns and contorted messes. The chaos only began to disassemble when little electronic worms of colored light ran across the glass to circle a star and print a name underneath. Once you read it, the worm would dash off and name a constellation or planet.

"Locate Neptune." Antonio ordered loudly. The worms listened and skipped off, gathering around a speck in the distance. Worms began printing off information in colorful text across the glass. Antonio, silently to not disturb the sleeping sky, tugged on my sleeve and we sat down in two of the recliners. "Can we see it closer?" Antonio asked.

Suddenly, we were looking real-time Neptune in the face as it expanded into a massive, blue marble before us. It's definition was perfect, as if we were preparing to land in its surface and go exploring. "Neptune is the farthest planet from the sun." A woman's voice like velvet began to read over the speaker. "Neptune is the fourth largest planet, having a radius nearly four times that of Earth. This planet is known as an ice giant because of its…" The voice continued to rattle on but I hardly cared. Antonio had shyly slipped his hand into mine and I had excepted it graciously. I took a deep breath, let the cool air relax my muscles and looked on at the clashing of red, orange, and purple as if the sky were on fire.

What had been a desired birthed from a need to prove self-worth dissipated. My painful lust dissipated. My confusion, my insecurity, my jealousy, all of it melted off me until it was just Antonio and myself and we were just people. I didn't want to take him to my bed, I wanted to be within his proximity, to feel his gravity dragging me in. I didn't want to claim him to prove that I was courageous, I wanted to be accepted my him for everything I was. I didn't want to take or win or conquer, I wanted to give. I was beginning to understand the sensation of unselfish love.

I felt warmth on my cheek and opened my eyes, not realizing that I had closed them. Antonio was closer now, smiling softly. "I thought you might be asleep." He said. "Sorry, I know you're not supposed to kiss a sleeping person."

"What about an awake person?" I asked, hearing a kindness I didn't know I had in my own voice.

His smile intensified. "You're supposed to ask."

"How would you do something like that?"

"Well, if it were me, I'd probably say something like…" His broad smile softened and he looked deeply into my eyes, "I've never known that anything in this universe could be significant when compared to anything else. I thought that everything was the same amount of nothing, there was nothing abnormally special. I thought that people were all the same when you peeled away enough layers, that I had learned all their tricks and that nothing would ever excite me but now, in the wake of life, I have learned differently. I know that you are here, that you are my one cure from indifference. I would like to know if you would allow me a kiss."

"I would." I mumbled, unsure of my ability to speak.

His hand cupped my cheek and he whispered, "Close your eyes." So I did, slowly, and soon felt lips brushing against mine sensually. At first, it was hesitant. Neither party would refrain from pulling away after a second or two but as comfort settled around us, the kisses became longer and more passionate. We had run hands through hair and across backs and for once, I wasn't afraid that I was making the wrong decision.

Being the more sensible of the two, I pulled away first. We lay there without saying a word, just watched the sky perform its obscure light show. I don't remember when we decided to retire for the night but it was late and I felt like shit when I had to unlock the freezer at five in the morning. Julia made me organize the pantry because she claimed my zombie face would scare away the costumers. When asked why I looked do tired, I replied with, "I have a hard time sleeping in unfamiliar beds."

The freezer duty wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I wore the key on a lanyard around my neck and three or four times a day, I would have to walk back to the storage room and retrieve whatever product the request form was filled out for. Then I would put the forms in a folder and bam, just like that, free food. Five days passed like a light minute, come and gone compared to the never-ending days of anxiety that lay await.

Antonio and I grew closer. We discussed more person things and we went places together after work. Time passed carelessly, like sand through an hourglass. In the morning of that day, there was a strong jolt on the ship that knocked a couple boxes off the pantry shelves but we were told it was just an unexpected turbulence. Then it happened. I was at work, preparing a tray of salad when Julia called us all to the pantry, saying that there would be an announcement from the captain. Judging by the way she walked and the little, strained words that come out of her mouth, I assumed she already knew.

The voice that crackled over the intercom was laced thick with weariness. "Attention, passengers, this is your captain speaking. Please cease your current activities for the duration of this announcement. I regret to inform you that The Nova Sagittarius is now declaring a state of HOVA."

A few gasped and others bit their lips. HOVA was the word that, in the native language of the ship builders, meant distress. It was like sending an SOS gram to Earth. "The Nova Sagittarius's crew please ask that you remain calm and comply will any requests made upon you. Passengers are asked to return to their individual rooms and wait to be addressed directly by a crew member. Staff, please report to the courtyard immediately and remain with your company. A briefing will be held at 1:20 sharp. That is all, Thank you."

The tension embedded in our silence was palpable. Julia was the first to move, grabbing the fragile Nora under one arm. "Okay, people, I'm going to give it to you straight." She summoned her most courageous face. "The ship's course has been reset. We don't know where it's going or how long it's going to take to get there. We don't know how it got reset, they think it may be a hacker but they're not sure of anything yet. I expect you all… you all…" She chocked back a sob and took a deep breath, pain beaten across her face, "I expect you all to compose yourself like the strong people I know you are."

Then they all looked at me. It took me a minute to understand why but when I did, the lanyard around my neck felt fifty pounds heavier. I had the key to the food supply, just me… five days slipped by like sand in an hourglass… then someone threw a rock at that hourglass and shattered the whole façade. Now, like the sand, we lay stranded and vulnerable in a vast nowhere.