Prompt: "Kaito/KID has to talk Shinichi down when he's holding a gun to Gin's head. Shinichi is torn between justice and revenge for losing years of his old life and his chances in that life, like Ran, his reputation in the police, his place in school. If he shoots Gin or not is up to you. But Kaito deals with Shinichi in either aftermath."

Requestor: Wordsorceress

Pairing: Kaito x Shinichi

Note(s): Gaaaaaaah. I totally failed at this prompt. I mean, I usually write sappy fluff, after all. Serious things aren't really my forte.

Anyway, um, writing style is a bit odd and... fragmented, I guess I'd call it.

Feel Something Again

Shinichi feels the floor of the warehouse beneath his feet. Shinichi feels the sunlight falling through the window. Shinichi feels the rubber grip beneath his fingers. Shinichi feels the weight of Gin's cold, inhuman stare on him. Shinichi feels Kid's presence somewhere to his left. Shinichi feels the memory of Ran's angry face, the gazes of the police force, the disbelief of his classmates. Shinichi feels himself trembling. Shinichi feels himself breaking.

Shinichi feels, and he doesn't want to.

Doesn't want to, really doesn't, not when he's got the muzzle of a gun pressed to the spot right between Gin's eyes, not when he's got his real body back in exchange for hope. That's what he had as Edogawa Conan – hope, and friends, and a place in the world.

What does he have as Kudou Shinichi, again?

His hope died when he lost his friends – Ran wouldn't have him, not anymore, not after he'd lied, and everyone he knew as Conan didn't know him as Shinichi – which left him nowhere.

Nowhere.

He realizes there are real tears, actual saline water, gathering at the corners of his eyes. He doesn't move to wipe them – his hands are otherwise occupied, holding the quivering gun to Gin's forehead.

"Shinichi," Kid calls, and it's jarringly not tantei-kun, not meitantei-kun, not even Kudou. It's Shinichi.

Shinichi shivers.

Gin's eyes are calm and cold and cruel, so cruel. "Can you do it, Great Detective?" he asks – challenges, really. His voice doesn't waver even in the slightest. "Do you have the courage to pull the trigger?"

"Courage?" Shinichi echoes faintly, and flicks the safety off. His thumb shakes. "It's not courage. It's never courage. It's…" What is it? If not courage, then what?

What is it called when you pull the trigger on the person who took everything from you?

"Shinichi," Kid repeats, and there's a hint of trepidation in his voice. "No. You don't want to do that. Remember? 'Murder is foul, without any excuse.' You told me about that. You said that. So please. Don't."

"Right," Shinichi whispers. He can't bring himself to move the gun away from Gin's head, though. Not when Gin is taunting him like this, with his eyes like twin silver bullets and a curve to his lips.

"Any time now would be appreciated, Great Detective," Gin says bitingly. "Do it."

"You don't get to decide that," Shinichi gets out, barely, just barely. His hands are now shaking so badly he narrowing avoids taking out one of Gin's eyes with the barrel of the gun every few seconds. "You don't get to decide anything."

"Really?" Gin smirks. "I think I've already decided a lot of your life." His teeth are bared. "What was it like, missing so much of your life? Does anyone still remember the ghost of Kudou Shinichi?" Smug, smug eyes. "Do you?"

Shinichi feels his chest constricting. Shinichi feels his heart quickening. Shinichi feels Ran slapping him. Shinichi feels Kid take a stammering step forward. Shinichi feels Gin laughing at him.

Shinichi feels his fingers tighten on the trigger.

"I do," Kid cuts in, and he's suddenly close, right at Shinichi's shoulder. "I remember Kudou Shinichi. I remember you. You remember you. That's what matters. You, me. We remember. Okay?"

"You're… you're right. That's right." Shinichi swallows hard. He's right, of course he is, Kid is always -

"But do you?" Gin asks lowly, and his grin mocks, mocks both of them. "Isn't he just lying to you? He only knew you before, right? He didn't know Kudou Shinichi."

"Shinichi," Kid says, and it's getting difficult to hear anything but the fear in his voice. "Shinichi, please."

Everything is going gray, from Gin to Kid to him. Gray, from Gin's eyes to Kid's suit to Shinichi's hands.

Shinichi feels a growl of frustration break free ("What will it be, Great Detective?" "Shinichi.") and he shoots.

Shoots the spot directly beside Gin's head.

And then he kicks Gin, hard, in the stomach and falls to the ground, all in one motion. Surprised, Gin gasps and falls backwards, unconscious. Kid kneels beside him and pries the gun from his hand, throwing it across the warehouse floor.

"You did it, Shinichi," he whispers, whispers into his ear, and holds Shinichi tight.

Shinichi stares at the unconscious man, the one who stole so many years of his life and everyone important to him, and lets himself break into three million pieces.

"It's okay, Shinichi," Kid says, pressing kisses to wherever he can reach. They land on Shinichi's ear, the side of his neck, his cheek, his jaw. "It's okay, it's okay, it's okay."

"I'm sorry," Shinichi chokes into his shoulder. "I actually – I hesitated, I would've done it, I was about to, I would've killed someone –"

"That's okay, Shinichi," Kid tells him, dropping a kiss on his temple. "That's okay. You didn't do it. You didn't. It's fine."

"But I considered it, and that's just as dangerous, I might've –"

"You're all right," Kid insists. "He's all right. We're all right. We're all alive. Don't worry."

Shinichi grips the back of Kid's suit and swallows hard. "I'm sorry," he cries.

"Don't be sorry. Don't apologize." Kid's gloved hand runs through his hair. "Don't. Please. You didn't do it."

Kid is just repeating himself over and over ("It's all right, you're all right, you didn't do it") by the time Shinichi manages to pull away. "Okay," he says, blinking rapidly. "Okay."

A hint of a smile on Kid's face as he strokes Shinichi's cheek. "You're okay?"

"Yes."

Shinichi casts one last glance at Gin and realizes that maybe he hasn't taken everything from him.

*laughs maniacally and runs away sobbing*

Yeah, um. I don't really know what to say, except I hope that was... er... acceptable, Wordsorceress (and everyone else)? And that I'll be back in a few more days with a Shinichi-and-Kaito-hide-from-their-friends fic that is quiiiite a bit less dark than this one. See you around~! - Luna