The discussion between Arthur and Merlin on the subject of magic had become an increasingly common one, it seemed to Arthur, and each time left him a mixture of more confused and something neither wanted to look too closely into. Well, that was how Arthur saw it, at least. Merlin on the other hand always seemed to press the issue with a hidden knowledge that was severely opposite of his normal carefree (In Arthur's opinion) demeanor. He sighed as Merlin went into yet another unorganized rant, who ignored said royal as he continued to make the bed.

"-Well, I can't really say I hate it when I have it and-"

Oh.

Oh no. That's not what he meant to say at all. He had meant to say that he didn't believe all people with magic were evil... Not That! He stood stiff at the foot of Arthur's bed, his hands in mid-air holding the crimson sheets in his suddenly stiff and slightly shaking fingers.

Even working on paperwork as he listened to Merlin talk, which normally came as an odd comfort, his hand stilled and he looked up at Merlin; surely he had heard wrong. "Sorry, what was that, Merlin?" he asked, his brow creased.

The man immediately dropped the bedding and scurried to the over side of the room and kept his back to his king. His heart was like a drum, an erratic, jerky drum that was pounding in his ears. "Umm... J-just joking...?" He squeaked out. He cursed his voice for cracking. He only prayed that Arthur wouldn't see through the lie, though really, when did he ever?

Now, If Merlin had managed to brush it off casually, Arthur might have put it from his mind, but of course the idiot had to go and act the fool about it. There was no way he could ignore that, so he set his quill down on the desk and stood, padding over to where Merlin was standing. The king could practically see the lines of Merlin's body vibrating with tension. "Did you just say you had magic?" he questioned.

Merlin once again cursed himself. He knew he was crap at lying, but this was not the time to stutter and sweat! He hastilly shook his head. "What if I did? It eouldn't matter... I'm just a servant- a very bad one, at that." he mumbled and went to picking up and tidying the room- for the second time. He really just needed something to distract him. "Don't you have a speech to memorize?"

"Merlin, look at me," Arthur demanded, not about to play with Merlin and suddenly not at all in the mood to. The other man could try all the avoidance tactics he wanted, but he'd been at Arthur's side for years now and he knew all his tricks. "Look at me and tell me the truth." He demanded, and if one were to listen in close enough, they could almost hear what could only be described as desperation in the young king's tone.

Merlin trembled in his place. He couldn't get out of this one. He couldn't avoid the question. Couldn't turn down the demand. He couldn't do anything except tell Arthur the truth, but could he really?

Wait- this was Arthur! The same Arthur who had saved a druid boy against his father's wishes. Who apologized and cried for the death of a Druid camp. He could trust Arthur with this. He knew he could! Or at least he hoped- no, he could trust Arthur. He could tell him.

With uneasy legs, he stood straight, turning to face his king. "I-I have magic." his voice cracked again, but he kept his eyes on his king, hoping his trust shown in his eyes.

Something, he didn't care to know what, crumpled in Arthur's chest as Merlin confessed, his shoulders slumping for a few moments before he forced himself to hold himself properly again, steeled. "No..." he said quietly. "You can't- You're going to betray me, too. Just like everyone else." It wasn't a question, he couldn't bring himself to add the infliction.

The raven stiffened. This wasn't supposed to happen, surely Arthur wouldn't believe him to be like Morgana. "I've been with you all these years, Arthur. I have never betrayed you once. I would not betray you now. You should know me better than that." he spoke just as softly, as if the world around them would shatter if they spoke any louder.

"I had thought I did know you better than that," Arthur said, still softly but with ice slowly creeping into his voice. "Then again, I thought I knew Morgana better than that, too. I suppose everyone's destined to betray me in the end." He screwed his eyes shut and clutched his hands into shaking fists. "Get out, Merlin." He spat.

Merlin's eyes widened at the command. This couldn't be happenibg. This could not be happening! He was supposed to stay by Arthur's side! "Arthur, please listen to me. I could never betray you. I may have magic, but I use it for you, Arthur, only for you!" he tried to explain himself, but the tears forming in his eyes only made things worse. He took a step forward, only to have the cause of his despair take a step back.

"You expect me to believe anything you say?" Arthur snapped, his fists beginning to shake (from anger orcomplete and utter sadness, he didn't know), feeling like his last crutch had just been snatched from underneath him. Merlin was all he truly had, and now... Now everything was different, and he couldn't trust a sorcerer. "I've heard the same from plenty of others who have turned around and used my trust against me. I won't let it happen again."

Merlin looked down. "Arthur... Please... I can't leave. Everything I have is here." he whispered. "Everything I love is here." You're here. he wanted to say, but knew he should hold his tongue.

Finally losing his composure, Arthur shot forward and Merlin by his goddamn neckerchief. "You should have thought of that before you came here, you worthless piece of trash." He seethed before tossing the man to the floor.

Just before Merlin's body made contact with the floor, his head collided with the corner of the table and he let out a small cry as the rest of him crumpled to the ground. He slowly raised the tips of his fingers to his forehead and instantly felt blood trickling down his face.

He whimpered slightly, but got up all the same, a single tear rolling down his cheek. "Alright... if that's what you want... Arthur." he choked out before starting for the door. He stumbled a few times, but Arthur didn't move. Didn't try to help. Only glared with absolute hatred and hurt.

"And Arthur... I just want you to know," Merlin said with his palms pressed to the door. "I will always only use my magic for you. That will never change... I just hope that one day you can forgive me... I really hoped you trusted me more than this." he then pushed open the door and walked out, tears streaming down his flushed cheeks.

He had never been able to stand seeing Merlin cry, it had always made him want to comfort and soothe him, but he couldn't, now. Arthur watched him go, not going after him, not sending anyone after him. His years in his service have earned him that much, at least. At least that was Arthur's view point. Merlin was just like everyone, lying and manipulating. "I did trust you. More than anyone else. A mistake, I see." He could hear the door shut, but didn't turn to see. The right thing to do would be to send knights after Merlin anyway, but he didn't go back on his word, and he was sure that even if he did, half his knights would leave at Merlin's side before they hunted him. Instead, he slumped back down at his desk, head in his hands.

~X~

Merlin had left that night, heartbroken. He couldn't face anyone, not even Gaius. He just left without a single goodbye. He packed whatever he could carry on a single horse and rode out of the gates of Camelot. He knew he couldn't trust himself to stay in Ealdor, so he just stopped there for one night to say goodbye to his mother and tell her he was sorry. Then he left the next morning, no longer having any home, he simply decided to stay in the rickety old shack where he had pretended to be Dragoon. It wasn't exactly nice, but it was someplace far from Camelot and farther away from heart ache.

~X~

It had been nearly a week and a half and Gwaine was the first to take notice his friends disappearence. It was never like Merlin ti simply up and leave without telling anyone for THIS long. Beibg the noble man he was, he asked around at the tavern and with the other servants, hoping that some of them had any inkling of Merlin's location. He walked down the winding halls until he found a handmaid who, if he remembered correctly, often gave Merlin towels for the king when he bathed.

He strode over with purpose and gently coaxed her into a chat in an alcove. "Hello, Miss..." He trailed off smoothly, but slightly urgently.

The maid blushed but quickly collected herself. "My name is Anna, Sir Gwaine." She said as she bowed. Gwaine smiled congenially at her and kissed her knuckle.

"My dear, I must ask a favor of you. A friend of mine, Merlin. I can't seem to find him. I was wondering if you had any idea where he could be, being the beautifully intelligent mistress you are." He grinned.

Anna blushed at the compliment, but her eyes suddenly widened. "Wait? Merlin? Tall, skinny, extremely large ears?" She asked and Gwaine nodded. "I remember! I saw him a little over a week ago! He came running out of the king's chambers. I tried to ask him what happened, but he just ran. I could have sworn I saw blood on his face! But I couldn't be sure. I haven't seen him since." He said, stuttering in some places.

'So Merlin had been with Arthur last.' Gwaine frowned, he should have known Arthur was a part of it.

~X~

Merlin's absence left a hole in his life Arthur could never have anticipated. He couldn't count how many times in just one week he'd turned to say something to Merlin just to find the space at his side depressingly empty. He often found himself reaching out his hand in a cold sweat, calling out for the man he had turned away when he woke up. He never told anyone, not Gaius, Gwen, no one. He kept to himself more often, trying ti rid himself of the goddamn memories to pale skin, dark hair, sky blue eyes and ear that just demanded to be teased. But it was impossible. He couldn't get the and out of his head, nor the fact that he would never see him again. That may have been the most painful part if it all, but he could not just invite Merlin back. He was a sorcerer. He was lucky to be alive. And to let him back would be like going against everything his father believed in and betraying his people. But he couldn't help but wonder if he could ever have Merlin come back or if Merlin would even want to come back.

It left him quiet, and to make up for it and try to stay in his chambers more often, he threw himself into the paperwork. He even did the paperwork that he never would have thought to work on. Anything that needed to be done that didn't involve human interaction, was done with vigor by the king.

He didn't enjoy visitors lately, but he couldn't ignore the knock on his door, calling out, "Come in," just loud enough to know his voice would carry.

Glancing up as the door opened, Arthur sighed inwardly, not thrilled to see Gwaine. The knight only served him because of Merlin, and now he'd sent Merlin away. "Gwaine," he acknowledged, setting his quill down and folding his hands together on the desk, giving the other man his attention but not about to open his mouth about anything before it was asked of him.

Gwaine scowled at his superior. "Merlin's been gone for nearly two weeks now. Gaius is extremely worried and no one's seen him- none but you. You saw him the day he disappeared. I hoped you would enlighten me on what happened." he said stiffly.

"Well, you can tell everyone not to worry," Arthur answered smoothly, not a hitch in his voice, despite how much it hurt to say. If Merlin had been there he'd probably have spouted some nonsense about his eyes revealing his true feelings... But Merlin wasn't there. And he wouldn't be again, he reminded himself. "Merlin's left Camelot, I assume to return to his mother. I doubt he will be back."

Gwaine's eye brows arched at the news. Instead of asking why, he went straight for the real reason. "What did you do?" he all but growled. The thought of Merlin willingly leaving Camelot was simply absurd! He knew first hand just how loyal Merlin was to Camelot and everyone in it. He would never just leave on a whim, especially not planning on coming back. The knight folded his arms over his chest, expectantly.

Sighing quietly, Arthur closed his eyes for a moment. This was the last thing he wanted to bring up. "Merlin is a sorcerer," he said, not opening his eyes for a few moments after saying it. When he did, he was able to look at Gwaine with a level gaze. "In return for his years in my service, he was given the chance to leave Camelot without any harm coming to him."

Gwaine barely gave the fact that Merlin wa a sorcerer a thought, though it did make sense. Ot actually made a lot if things come together. "So?" he asked bluntly. "Merlin is still Merlin whether he has magic or not." he said profusely. "And if you believe that to be mercy, you may as well have killed him." He spat. If Merlin was killed, the pain would have been over, but no. Now he was forced to live alone for the the rest of his days in shame and humiliation.

"I do believe that to be mercy," Arthur snarled, his temper flaring suddenly. It was not anyone's right to question him. "For the crime of being a sorcerer, by all rights, he should have been either beheaded or burned ten times over, thanks to all the lies that he must have made up in his time at my side. The magic- I have been betrayed one too many times. I will not trust anyone else with magic, especially not so near to me."

Gwaine scoffed. "You're an idiot." he said with a huff. It was obvious who's side he was on and just how much he felt for it. "Merlin? Betray you? He would rather be ripped apart limb from limb than betray you. Not to mention he trusted you. With his life and the lives of the kingdom, Arthur." he reminded. "He even trusted you enough to tell you his biggest secret, he believed in you, trusted you enough and what did you do? You banished him and left him to live the rest of his life in exile, shame, knowing it was really you who betrayed him."

"He didn't trust me, though," Arthur said, slamming his palms down on the desk and standing to glare at Gwaine. "It was a slip of his tongue which he proceeded to deny. With good reason, of course, but it doesn't change anything. It doesn't change that he has lied to me for close to ten years, and it doesn't change that I have been in this situation before. Except I welcomed Morgana back into my life, and everyone knows what that led to." He glared at his knight with fury.

Gwaine glared right back. "You truly think that Merlin is anything like Morgana? Do you really think so little of him?" he bit out.

"Remember your place, Sir Gwaine, before you throw accusations at me. I do what is best for this kingdom." Arthur warned, becoming far too defensive.

"I don't care what position I'm in. You need to hear this. You're just scared that you'll lose him, but instead of trying to keep him by your side, you push him away like you hate him and that's exactly what he thinks." He knew full well that Arthur didn't hate Merlin. No one could ever truly hate him. He was too good. Too kind and far too valuable to anyone he meets.

"Telling him to leave has nothing to do with a fear of losing him. I have nothing to lose. Everyone has left my side, and I will not allow it to happen again." He would have said more, but there was only so much time to say anything when his voice caught in his throat. Gwaine had no right accuse him of such a childish excuse for banishing Merlin.

Gwaine turned on his heels for the door. "You didn't deserve his love an loyalty. You really are just an ass, as bad as your father." He knew that was a bit harsh, but it had to be said. "I'm going after him."

"Ass or otherwise, at least I did not run away from the positions and responsibilities I was born into," Arthur snapped, then sat back down in his desk chair, running his hands up into his hair. Gwaine was one of his finest knights, and he was not a man Arthur could afford to let walk away, not truly.

It was obvious what had happened, even if no one said anything to him. He knew that Gwaine had told the other's. Percival's absence was not a surprise, since he'd known Gwaine was going, and though the looks and obvious discomfort from his other two close knights was wearing on him, there was nothing he could do but press forward. It was what his father would have done. To go back on a decision was to show that he was unsure of himself, and therefore weak. He couldn't afford that. Even so, he wondered if this wouldn't turn his knights against him, and he was not foolish enough to believe he could hold the throne without their loyalty and support.

He cut training short, unable to stand the looks, and retired to his chambers to go over the numbers of everything in storage, make sure they had enough for the coming winter. He needed this. This distraction. Anything to take his mind off of-

Leon and Elyan knocked on the door loudly before coming in. Arthur sighed.

~X~

Gwaine and Percival had travelled all the way to Ealdor in half the time it would have taken normally, being in the hurry that they were. Once they finally made it to the small village, they were greeted warmly by Hunith. It was to their complete dismay when they were told that Merlin was not there. They asked the woman where he had gone, but Hunith had as little idea as they did.

They left again that same day, set on finding the warlock. Gwaine knew Merlin better than anyone else, he knew that in the state Merlin was in, that last thing he needed to be was alone. They travelled for four days and three nights before they finally caught glimpse of a small tattered shack. Normally, they would have thought nothing of it. Gwaine even turnedj his horse in the opposite direction.

"Wait!" Percival reprimanded and pointed to a small clothes line behind the house. On the line?

A red Necherchief.

~X~ End Chapter 1