A/N: Hello everyone! I'm still a terrible updater, thanks for asking. But I am so grateful to everyone who's stuck with me throughout this. More to come! I'm not gonna give up on TTATT anytime soon.

I'm also beginning to rewrite Book 1 so I'll keep you posted on that. (It's gonna be SO. MUCH. BETTER. Promise. The stuff I've redone already makes me very, very happy. Teaser: more angst, more detail, longer chapters, AND a full fledged Loki escape attempt.)

Thanks to all my dear, dear reviewers who somehow manage to forgive me even when every chapter feels like it's come after the hiatus of a lifetime.

And without further ado...

BOOK THREE: stronger together

PART ONE

war games

CHAPTER ONE

Broken stones, broken lightning
This house of doubt is all we know
Chasing down the silver linings
Of wounded minds and wounded souls

- "Home II," Dotan

It was three days after what the Einherjar were now calling the skjotrdolg that Alana Cooper, Queen Sigyn of Asgard and the Nine Realms, sal-frelsa and healer, warrior and commander, woke up, feeling like absolute hell.

She had a pounding headache and her mouth tasted like something had died in it; she groaned faintly and rolled over, burying her face in her pillow.

There was a startled exclamation from somewhere to the left of her, the noise of a chair hastily pushed back, and then a cool hand stroking her hair.

"Alana?" a voice asked softly. "Are you awake, love?"

"No," she mumbled. "Go away."

"How are you feeling?" the voice asked. "You've been asleep for three days, you must be hungry – "

"Go away," she said more insistently. "I want to sleep for three more…"

There was a low chuckle and she felt the bed depress as he sat down next to her.

"I'm afraid that's impossible, darling, as we're leaving."

She groaned and reluctantly cracked open an eye to see Loki smiling down at her.

"We won, if you recall," he said.

"You're welcome," she said, and let her face drop into the pillow again.

She picked it up again, though, after a second. "I was really asleep for three days?"

The smile faded from Loki's face as he nodded. "I was expecting you to have a hard time, after – after the battle, but you were running a high fever until just this morning – though Eir thought you'd pull through fine."

"But three days?" she repeated. "Why are we still on Alfheim?"

Loki sighed deeply. "It appears that it is hard to convince ten thousand mostly drunk Einherjar that they should get packing. That was day one. Day two was packing. And day three was making arrangements for Alfheim's continuing protection…. So I am very glad that you're awake," he finished tiredly, and she suddenly realized that he looked completely exhausted. Clearly, she had been doing the sleeping for the two of them.

She pushed herself into a sitting position and rubbed her temples.

"How do you feel, love, really?" Loki asked softly. "What you did… I can barely imagine the energy it must have taken, or the strength."

She swallowed, the feeling of thousands of minds vanishing uncomfortably present in her own. "I'd rather not talk about it now."

He reached to touch her face, but she turned away, and he withdrew his hand.

She could feel the pain rolling off of him in waves, and bit down on her tongue, but after months of anguish and despair she could not touch him, not like that, not yet.

But his sadness still hurt her, so she conceded, "I am hungry, though…"

He cleared his throat and stood. "Of course. Shall – shall I bring you something, or – "

She shook her head. "I should probably try walking again," she said wryly, and swung her legs off the side of the bed.

He watched her carefully as she stood, half-afraid she would collapse again, but she stretched and winced and made her way over to the desk with its jug of water. She poured a glass and drank deeply, sighing in relief.

She pulled on a pair of clean breeches and the dark blue sleeveless shirt that went under her armor – he looked away as she changed, his heart still aching with the memory of how she had turned away from him – but as she ran her fingers through her hair, he was reminded forcibly of the night before he had left for Alfheim, of his hands in her hair as he kissed her fiercely –

Suddenly she gasped and shot upright and the image was broken. "The Einherjar!" she exclaimed. "The rest of them - I never went back to the tents – gods, I need to get there now –" but he raised his hands to placate her.

"They are already on Asgard, being cared for by all the healers we have, and their wounds are minor, darling."

She exhaled in relief. "Thank goodness."

"So many Einherjar are alive now because of you, Alana," he said softly. "You should be proud."

Her face tightened. "There could have been more," she said, and pushed her way out of the tent.

He sighed deeply. Something deep inside him had hoped that when she awakened, she would kiss him, and all would be forgiven – an idiotic thought, but her words from five days ago echoed in his mind – it'll be a memory… in time.

Clearly time had not made a memory of it yet, though.

And though he ached, he could not fault her for her response.

If there was such a thing as respectful smothering, the Einherjar had it down to an exact science.

The moment she emerged from the tent she had been spotted, and they had come and bowed to her – as word traveled more pressed in, to touch her shoulder, to ask questions or give thanks, and she tried to talk to as many as she could, but gods, they were everywhere –

"Let her breathe," a voice boomed, and the crowd stepped back a bit, murmuring apologies as Thor strode through the crowd.

"Sister!" he exclaimed and enfolded her in his arms; despite herself she smiled – it was hard not to with Thor's infectious enthusiasm. "You must be starving – let us through," he said sharply and the Einherjar fell away, apologetically.

He took her to the mess tent and set her up at a table while systematically throwing out every Einherjar in the vicinity, though she protested.

But when the food arrived, she forgot about the slighted Einherjar and relished the meal.

Thor watched her with amusement but began telling her what had transpired over the past few days.

"The Einherjar have coined a name for the fight on Alfheim – they are calling it the skjotrdolg, that means "quick battle" – "

She rolled her eyes. "That's ironic, considering they've been here for months."

Thor nodded, the glint of amusement in his eyes dropping. "Alana – no one could have foreseen how fast you stopped them, not Loki or I or any of the commanders here."

She swallowed again. "Neither could I," she said. "But I had to, I had to stop them, it had gone on too long already –"

She looked down, occupying herself with her meal, fighting back the hot tears in her eyes.

"They weren't good," she said softly. "But they shouldn't have had to die. So I – I tried to make it quick, at least."

She shook her head slightly. "It's over now, it doesn't matter – "

Thor's hand closed over hers. "It does, Alana. You were forced to make a terrible choice, and it will affect you. Don't keep your feelings locked away; they will fester."

She sighed. "I know," she whispered. "It's just – hard."

Thor's eyes were gentle. "I know, sister."

Two legions of Einherjar would be staying on Alfheim for the next three weeks to protect the newly appointed ministers, the people, and the planet.

If remaining on Alfheim for a while longer frustrated them, it did not show in their faces as Alana walked among them, shaking hands and smiling, and protesting as they bowed to her.

Loki, ten feet behind her, watched her easy laughter, her smiles, and the fervent respect on the soldiers' faces, and knew that they would follow her to Hel, if she but asked.

Gods, he had forgotten the full force of those smiles, bright like the sun, like she was looking right into your soul and loved every corner of it –

And then they had reached their horses, and as they mounted the Einherjar legions fell to one knee and clasped their fists to their chests.

And the Bifrost erupted around them, the sweet rush of colors pulling them home.

Alana stared into the mirror.

She had been away for less than a week, but gods, she felt different.

Loki, readying himself for bed behind her, certainly looked different – stronger and harder – but she looked the same as the last time she had been in this room.

She touched her fingers to the mirror but let them drop.

Loki padded up behind her, gazing over her shoulder, though he made no move to touch her.

"Are you all right, love?" he asked softly.

She shook her head. "I – don't know."

She sighed. "I keep wondering – how many Einherjar did I heal? And how many did I kill? I lost track… but I was sure that I healed more than I killed. But then – in the battle –" and she broke off, biting her lip.

"Darling," he whispered, and touched her hand, and she did not pull away. "You did what you had to do."

"I know," she said, turning to face him, "it's just that – ever since I've had these powers, people have wanted me to kill for them. And I never knew that I could heal people, not before a year or so ago – and now – I'm saving people and killing others at the same time – "

There were tears in her eyes, "I'm not explaining right, I know I'm not, but I never want to feel that many people die at once again. It was like, like half of everyone died, everyone I could feel – and in the moment I didn't even care, I felt so strong, I was protecting us and I felt like – I was meant to fight like this, but I don't – I don't want to, I don't want to kill like that, I know I have to, but I – I –"

"Oh, Alana," he said, and she collapsed a bit against him, her tears hot on his chest. "Darling, I'm so sorry…"

They stood like that for a while, as she shook, and he stroked her hair and whispered softly to her.

She said softly, "I know it doesn't matter, really, and I – I won't hold back, I know we can't afford it – but – I just wish that this was over already."

He sighed softly. "I do too, love."

After a time, she pulled away, wiping at her eyes. "You should get some sleep, you've been awake for so long –"

"Are you staying up?" he asked.

She nodded slightly. "I'm not tired, I thought I'd go walk on the beach."

"I'll come with you – if you want," he added hastily.

She nodded slowly, and he shrugged his shirt back on.

The night air was cool and silent except for the sound of waves crashing on the shore; the celebration in the streets did not stretch here.

Loki conjured a blanket and they sat together, feet buried in the sand.

Alana rested her chin in her hand and sighed softly. "I'm sorry," she said.

He looked at her quizzically. "For what, love?"

"For – for everything," she said, "I've been pulling away, and it hurts you, and then – when I don't, it hurts you more - "

"Darling," he said softly. "You don't have to apologize."

"I know it hurts you, I can feel it, Loki."

He shrugged. "It doesn't matter. I hurt you for long enough, leaving you behind."

"I don't want to hurt you," she said quietly. "I want it to be like it was, before, but – so much has changed." A slight smile crossed her face and she poked his arm. "You're all muscly now, for one."

He scoffed; she laughed softly.

"It must have been hard," she said, the smile falling from her face. "Fighting like that, every day, losing your men…"

"Alana, please don't – I told you I was sorry, I can't – "

"That's not what I meant. It's just – you've been so concerned about me, but – are you okay, Loki?

He exhaled sharply. "After a time, you grow numb to it all. The weeks blur, the faces change, but the fighting goes on and on…"

He sighed. "I'll be ready to rest, for a while."

"I don't want you to stay awake because of me – "

"I'd rather be right here with you, love."

He idly scooped away some sand near his feet; as the water rushed into the hole, he froze it solid with one blue-tipped finger.

"It's been a long time since I've just sat on the beach," he said. "I'd forgotten how peaceful it is."

Alana murmured in assent and stood, dipping her feet into the water, and made a face. "It's cold."

He smirked. "Feels fine to me."

She rolled her eyes and stripped to her undergarments; as she waded in, he said, "Please don't get hypothermia."

"I'll be fine," she called, already in past her waist. "It's not that bad."

He muttered something under his breath and followed her in.

She dived under an oncoming wave and emerged from the dark water, her hair streaming, a smile on her face, and he couldn't help but smile too, to see her happy.

The sound of the waves enveloped them as they swam, together, and if they were apart it was at least a peaceful separation.

The waves were getting larger, though, and more powerful, and after they were knocked off their feet more than once Loki suggested they go back.

Alana agreed, but as they swam back to the shore, she suddenly paused, eyes wide.

"Darling, what's –" but he was cut off as she lunged for him, pushing him underwater.

Her hand was tight in his. Stay down, he heard. Someone's coming… and they're not Aesir.

The water was pitch black, and he couldn't see her at all – if it weren't for her hand, he might have been alone.

Who is it? he asked, and she grasped his hand more tightly.

I don't know what it is, but it's found the blanket –

An image filled his mind, of a hulking dark creature picking up their discarded clothes on the shore.

Alana's mind tinged with panic. I can't read him, Loki, I can't get in –

He squeezed her hand, mind racing. Whatever this thing was, it meant harm… and they could not stay underwater forever.

He reached out with his free hand and pulled Alana closer to him – she was shaking and covered with goosebumps; even he had to admit the water was a little colder than he would have liked.

We can't do anything here, he thought, we need to get to shore. I'll hide us.

She nodded, and they let the waves take them toward the shore. There was the smallest flash of green, and they were invisible – but the water breaking around them would reveal them just as surely as if they were not.

But then they were floating about the water, Alana's hand tight in his. I'll get us to the shore, she thought.

They landed softly on the beach, about forty feet from the creature.

Its head turned towards them, slowly. "You smell like fear," it said, its voice low and rough. "Fear and the sea."

Loki uncloaked himself, a dagger flashing into existence in his hand. But he kept Alana hidden; perhaps this thing would not know they were both there. "Who are you, and what do you want?"

The creature laughed. "Unveil your queen, Trickster. I wish to speak to her, not with you."

Damn it. But Alana's voice was in his head – it's all right, Loki – and so he twisted his hand and she appeared as well, dripping wet and shivering.

"I see I have not found you at the best moment," it continued, one large dark eye fixed on Alana as he held up their clothing. "No matter."

Alana's fists clenched. "What do you want?"

"I want to offer you a choice."

This creature looked vaguely familiar to him, like he had seen it once before, in a dream – or a nightmare.

It continued, "Your actions have not gone unnoticed, sal-frelsa. My father has sent me with a bargain for you: come with me now, and Asgard will go unharmed. Stay, and he will wreak havoc on the realms."

The memory hit him like a blow to the gut – darkness and pain, his very being flayed away one torture at a time – and this creature in the background, smiling all the while –

Alana stiffened, and he could tell that she had felt his memory. "I was under the impression that we beat you on Alfheim," she bit out. "Or had you forgotten what I did to your soldiers?"

The creature laughed again. "How many of your soldiers died before you stepped in, sal-frelsa? We watched you as you fell apart on Asgard, your husband's foolishness costing him lives. Don't let your actions cost more. You have no idea of how many will fall before us."

Don't listen to him, Alana, he thought fervently.

Alana's face was hard. "I will not become your pawn. And I will never give in to Thanos."

The creature shook his head. "You cannot read my mind, sal-frelsa, but if you could, you'd know that we are not playing games. A taste of what's to come, perhaps, to help you decide …"

And he revealed a pale yellow stone, glowing faintly in the dark – Loki's heart dropped and he threw his hand out in front of Alana, to no avail –

Her head snapped back, her eyes turned sickly blue, and gods it was in his head again, singing –

oh Loki, abandoned by your wife, facing ruin and death… Loki thrust into kingship, going to a battle where all you love will perish… take me back and we will rule, take me back… do you remember what it felt like to have me – the power, the strength, the easy-fluid-quickest way to get her back to you…

He clenched his teeth, but he was trembling, and his palms were clammy –

let me sing her back to you, Loki, let me sing her kisses back to you, her warm touch in the dark, her smiles, let me free her from her suffering, all you have to do is take me back and it will all be in your reach…

The creature laughed and concealed the gem; the blue trailed away from Alana's eyes, and she gasped and fell to one knee, shaking; he inhaled sharply and bit the inside of his cheek so hard he tasted blood – and he hated himself for craving the stone, its power, hated that it could so easily sway him –

"You see what will happen if you refuse, sal-frelsa. Come with me now or all those you love will suffer."

Her face hardened, but he could see how shaken she truly was. "I'll take my chances," she bit out. "I don't trust you or your visions."

It inclined its large head. "Very well, then. I will inform my father that you will not cooperate. Do not expect mercy when I see you next."

And then darkness enveloped the creature and it was gone.

Alana was shivering harder than ever; as she pulled on her clothes, Loki draped the blanket over her.

"Who was that?" she breathed, looking up at him.

A muscle was twitching in Loki's jaw. "They call him Cull Obsidian – he's one of Thanos's Black Order, his – generals, if you will –"

"He called him 'father'," Alana said, "what –"

Loki hissed. "Thanos likes to – collect people, especially children, and mold them to his liking, to his will."

Alana shivered again, but not from cold. Her face was pale in the moonlight, and she looked almost faint.

"Alana… what did you see?"

She shuddered. "I can't… not now."

"Thanos has the Mind Stone, now… they must have been to Earth, and recently."

Alana's brow furrowed, and her eyes were concerned. "We were busy worrying about Alfheim and they must have snuck in. But they can't have gone unnoticed – "

Loki shook his head. "Don't underestimate their stealth. They could destabilize half the planet with few the wiser."

"Thor should go," she said softly. "He can help them, warn them – I would, but – I don't think they'd trust me."

Her eyes were distant and troubled. "You did the right thing, Alana," he said softly. "They would never have ceased attacking us, even if the whole realm surrendered to them."

"I know," she whispered. "But someday – I might not be able to say no, not if – not if - "

"I won't let him take you, darling," he said, his face hard. "Not ever."

She bit her lip and turned away.

What she had seen surpassed her greatest nightmares.

Asgard in flames, and crumbling into the stars; the moon crashing into Earth in a blaze of fire; people screaming and fleeing only to be met with an inferno that instantly turned them to ash…

And then, in the deep darkness of a hidden room, Loki in manacles, scarred and unmoving, barely alive as N'itouri laughed and taunted him with thin blades that left whip-like cuts on his skin, and the only noise the screams…

And Thor, emaciated and weary, Mjolnir shattered at his feet, and a Chitauri breaking his bones, one by one –

And she could not breathe, she could not move as her mother and father and brother burned at the stake, and blood poured from Thor's neck, and Loki screamed as his skin was flayed apart –

In the darkness of that night she turned away from Loki, though the images were unbearable… if she looked at him the images might become reality –

Should she have gone with the creature? She knew it would result in a slow, painful death for her, and there was no guarantee that Thanos would ever stop.

But if there were, what would she do?