Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Kadokawa Shouten and Nakamura Shungiku

Author's note: Here ya go, 10,300 words. I warned you.

Oh, and one more warning: sappiness and lemons ahead.

This chapter is the continuation from chapter 8 "Dignity".

Unknown words:

Ousama-game = basically a game were people draw lots with numbers and one lot that says "king". The king gets to decide what two random numbers have to do. (for example: "Number 8, give number 13 a slap on the ass.")

Loss

'And here we are again.'

His body felt exhausted from the marathon everybody in Marukawa had had to endure the past four weeks to finish their work before New Year. Although the New Year's party was intented to make the employees relax and invite some of the authors to thank them for their effort, to him it was anything but relaxing. The past four hours he had spent making his rounds or following his boss like a duckling to meet all kinds of people. His business card case was already stuffed, and he couldn't remember which cards belonged to most of the faces.

As time had passed, the female authors and co-workers had started to shower him with compliments and attempts in flirting. He had asked Kisa Shouta to save him by pretending to have something important to talk to him about, but was only waved off with a big grin.

"No, it's too much fun to watch", Kisa, the traitor, had said.

Because the ladies were people he also had to work together with in the future, he couldn't be rude and just tell them to go away. They kept on refilling his glass of wine and he made an effort not to drink too much, although all that high-pitched chatter was hard to endure without a certain amount of alcohol. Impatiently, every now and then he would glance at his watch to check if it was appropriate to leave the event already. Just how much of female chitchat could a man possibly endure? He hoped he didn't have to stay long enough to find it out.

"Onodera."

At the sound of the familiar voice, not only him but also the ladies turned around to look at Takano Masamune, who was approaching them in long but elegant steps, and he looked as smooth and handsome as ever. Well, at least as ever outside of work.

"Sorry, dear ladies, I think my subordinate is already too drunk to leave him unattended. We will have to go now, but I heard that Ijuuin-sensei is still single and a little bored tonight."

The small female crowd was sounding a little disappointed as they bid them good night and dissipated, probably to look for the famous mangaka in question.

"Thanks for saving me", Ritsu said with a long sigh and put his glass onto a table. "I thought they'd never let me go."

"Just tell them that you're taken."

A snort. "Sure. Even if I told them - which I won't consider this year or any year after - they wouldn't leave me alone."

"Then tell them that you're gay."

"I'm not..."

"You are."

"Anyway, if I told them THAT then I'd have a bunch of 'Sapphire' staff clinging to me", he growled. "And you also didn't come for my rescue for the past four hours! Usually you are totally jealous!"

Takano gave him a mocking smile. "First of all, most of our authors don't have enough time for an affair. Second, there is somebody else far more popular with 'Sapphire'. Which reminds me..."

Turning his head to all sides, he seemed to be looking for someone as he continued. "Let's leave this place and have some drinks at an izakaya before we head to my place."

Ritsu hated it when Takano decided things by himself. A little more than one month ago they had started dating 'for real' and now this guy was acting as if they were a married couple already. And Ritsu certainly wasn't the man in this relationship, which extremely pissed him off, but there was nothing he could do or say against it without making a fool of himself.

"Well, one more drink and some snacks will be fine, I guess..."

"Great. Now let's look for Yokozawa."

"Ah, you didn't tell him goodbye yet", Ritsu assumed which was answered with a snicker.

"No. I invited him for some drinks as well. Or are you jealous if he comes along?"

"That's not it", he tried to defend himself. "We're not the best buddies, if I may remind you. Just the three of us will be awkward."

Takano stopped looking around as he found another group of women lionizing his best friend. As much as he enjoyed Yokozawa Takafumi's annoyed and forced smile, he wanted to get out of here as soon as possible. Once he had made the mistake to stay until past midnight, only to witness Isaka being so drunk that he ordered all people remaining to play the Ousama-game with him. That was nothing he ever wanted to repeat.

"Let's go", he said and took Ritsu's hand to drag him across the hall.

As soon as Yokozawa noticed him, he sniffed his chance and freed himself from the crowd with a made up excuse about some business talk.

"Masamune, I'm sorry. I wasn't paying attention and then they were all over me. Did you have to look for me long?"

"No, I just had to look for a flock of BL ladies. You became really popular among them since that photo was..."

"Spare me!", Yokozawa interrupted him quickly. "This was months ago and I didn't do it because I wanted to! It was necessary because the mangaka had a writer's block and..."

"Look how much you're talking when you're embarrassed." Takano folded his arms and smiled at him in obvious amusement.

Without even wanting to do so, the photo of Yokozawa and 'Japun's' editor-in-chief, that had been sent to all manga-related departments in summer, popped up in Ritsu's mind, and he fully understood why the salesman didn't like to be reminded of it. For somebody who didn't know the background story, it could have been easily mistaken for a normal photo of two lovers. Though, he believed that Kirishima had better sense when choosing partners in real life.

"Guess it cannot be helped", his boss continued, "You become talkative after some alcohol. Onodera starts to undress when he's drunken, so we should have an eye on him today. At least until he and I get home."

"Takano-san!"

"Masamune..."

"Oh, who's undressing? Sounds like fun!"

Yokozawa made a startled leap forwards when he heard the voice behind him. In contrast to him, Takano only looked up unfazed at Kirishima Zen, who approached them with a glass of orange juice in his hand.

"Onodera does."

Kirishima cast a short glance at Ritsu, who really wanted to slap his lover across the face for this answer. This surely would leave a false impression of him, even if it had been meant as a joke.

"You 'Emerald'-guys are really some interesting folks. You should let me sit with you as a visitor someday."

Having regained his proper stance again, Yokozawa snorted and emptied his wine. "How about getting your own work finished first?"

For a moment the other man was watching him, and then a sly smile appeared on his face. "And I'm sure that, if I got a day's work done earlier you would want me to spend my free time with other things."

Although Ritsu had no idea why it was happening, there was no doubt that the salesman was starting to get irritated over that comment. It was all too visible by how his ears turned red and the way he stepped back from Kirishima. Ritsu wondered if there was some insider-joke involved, or maybe they just didn't like each other. After all, 'Japun's' editor was famous for taking great joy in teasing people, and Yokozawa was famous for flying off the handle quickly. Seriously, there was no way that they could actually get along well with each other.

"I hope I wasn't interrupting an interesting conversation", Kirishima said to Takano and shot him a glance that looked anything else than apologizing. For the blink of an eye, it made the impression that he had come up to them on purpose, but that must have been Ritsu's twisted imagination. Why would he do that?

"No, actually you weren't. We were about to head out for some more drinks."

Although the tallest of them was still smiling, Ritsu found that the temperature around them dropped by a few degrees and he wondered if there had been a meeting with the three of them that had gone wrong. After all, the two editors were working in different genres and hardly had any business with each other.

"Maybe Kirishima-san wants to join us", he found himself suggesting the very next moment. It might have been due to a little curiosity, but mostly it was the move for an escape from having to share a table with his obsessive lover and the probably one person in the world who hated to see them together the most.

"That would be great! I really don't want to stay here long enough to witness the annual Ousama-game."

The salesman next to him gave him a sharp glare. "Shouldn't you go home to your daughter instead of going drinking?"

"It'll be fine, Yokozawa! She's staying with my parents, so I'm free tonight."

"I see..."

"Or don't you want me to accompany you guys?"

They were staring at each other and everybody could sense that some sort of unvoiced conversation went on between the two of them, until Yokozawa sighed in defeat, put his glass down and started walking towards the exit. "Do whatever you want."

As the other three followed him, Ritsu could hear Takano mumble next to him "That's gonna be awkward".

"Takano-san, I am fine with tea!", Ritsu griped and pushed the glass of shochuu back in front of the man sitting next to him. "Don't just order stuff for me without asking! I'm not stupid enough to get drunk with you being in the same room again."

"I ordered a round for all, Onodera", his boss said and returned the glass immediately. "Be polite and drink with us together. That's an order."

Frowning, he took up the glass and drank a bit, ignoring the burning in his throat. "Satisfied?"

He heard a chuckle from across the table and looked at Kirishima, who seemed to be greatly amused. Takano and the brunet man had drunk already more than the rest of the group, and an alcohol-induced flush began spreading across his cheeks.

"So that's the infamous Onodera. Marukawa sure has some nice tsundere."

"'Infamous'?", Ritsu echoed his words and looked at the others in confusion. He noticed that Yokozawa looked away with a pissed face, telling a waiter to bring them some water.

"Let's say that I heard some stories. I was always curious to meet 'the annoying brat', but we never had the chance to actually talk to each other."

So, now he had an idea where Kirishima must have heard of him.

"Kirishima, cut it out already", Yokozawa hissed at him. "That's nothing which should be discussed here."

"Who said that I want to discuss it? I was just stating the facts. Granted, it's been quite some time since you last complained about him."

"I think you already had enough beer and drinks. You're such a pain when you're drunk."

Yokozawa looked at Takano and mumbled an excuse before he retrieved a glass of water from the waiter and placed it in front of Kirishima.

Observing the scene, Ritsu was getting a little annoyed. If there was a person who deserved an excuse, it was himself, wasn't it? Plus, all his lover did was to nod and empty his glass. Takano had been right: This was incredibly awkward.

"Anyway", 'Japun's' editor-in-chief continued, deliberately ignoring the water in front of him and lifting his glass of shochuu again, "How's it going between you two?"

Ritsu almost spat his iced tea across the table. "Wha-what?!"

His frown growing even deeper, Yokozawa directed a glare at the man sitting next to him. "That's an indecent question, Kirishima-san."

"No reason to '-san' me... Everybody at this table knows that they're dating. It's actually pretty polite to ask."

"We're doing fine, thanks", Takano replied calmly, maybe in order to get over with that topic quickly. Then he went for the counter attack. "And how are things going for you?"

When Ritsu looked at Yokozawa in hope for some support to end their conversation, he was surprised to find him staring at the two men in horror. Something seemed to bother him up to the point where his hands were clutching his glass forcefully, his knuckles slowly turning white.

Kirishima leaned back in his chair, rubbing his palms across his red cheeks. His gaze was already fogged by the alcohol. "My darling can be so lovely sometimes, and life would be perfect. But - you won't believe it - my offer to move in together was rejected."

"Actually, I find that quite believable", Takano commented dryly.

Oh great, now they had a common topic.

"Masamune, you don't have to..."

"Why not, Yokozawa?" The editor turned his eyes at him and lifted both eyebrows. "Or would you like to discuss it with Kirshima-san?"

Again Ritsu felt ridiculously out of place. Even though he was not the quickest to pick up on the atmosphere when he was with more than one other person, he knew that something was happening right now that was definitely not good. A strange tension was building up slowly and, to his surprise, it didn't seem to be between Takano and Yokozawa.

"Right, why don't you help to enlighten me, Yokozawa?", Kirishima said, the words already falling heavily from his lips, and he turned his head to the salesman combatively. "Of course, only if you don't mind talking in front of your precious Takano-san?"

Bamm

Ritsu winced as Yokozawa's right hand hit the table top.

"I'm sorry, Masamune", Yokozawa gritted and pushed back his chair to stand up. He reached for his wallet and threw some bills next to his half-finished beer. "There's no merit in continuing this conversation, and I'm not going to discuss anything with a drunken fool."

"Who's a fool?", Kirishima asked, his lips pursed into a pout that contradicted his handsome appearance.

"You are!", he snarled back at him, taking his bag and coat. "And don't you dare to call me tonight, asshole."

After mumbling a quick 'Good night' and nodding to Takano and Ritsu, he left the izakaya, ignoring the 'Arigatou gozaimashita!' from the staff.

"You're an idiot, Kirishima-san."

"Takano-san...", Ritsu warned in a low voice, silently begging not to pick a fight.

But his partner only emptied his glass and pulled out his own wallet. "It's fine, Onodera. I was just stating the obvious, and he knows that. Don't you, Kirishima-san?"

The other man was staring into his glass absent-mindedly, and only gave a small nod in response.

Takano called over a waiter and asked him to call a taxi for the other editor-in-chief. Then he collected the money Yokozawa had left, and made his way to the register to pay their bill.

"I'm sorry that you had to see this", Kirishima apologized and looked at Ritsu wearily.

"Ah, no. I-I'm fine, it's okay."

"Let's go", Takano announced as he came back, and took his jacket. "It's better to call it a night."

"Wow that was pretty strange", Ritsu said.

As they were walking along the shortcut through the park, he watched his shoes sink into the snow that had been falling some hours ago. Takano, walking next to him, had been silent since they had left the izakaya, but now he opened his mouth, blowing a small cloud of condensed breath into the cold night air.

"You didn't get, did you?"

Puzzled, Ritsu lifted his head to look at him and furrowed his brows. "Excuse me?"

"They had a lovers' quarrel, baka."

"Lovers' qua..." His jaw dropped a few centimeters. "Yokozawa-san and Kirishima-san are... what?!"

"Kirishima isn't really subtle about it, but you're very dense, so..."

"I am NOT dense!", he tried to defend himself, but it was answered with a soft smile and a warm hand, gently grabbing his own.

"You're blushing, Onodera."

Ritsu quickly glanced into another direction, reluctantly allowing himself to squeeze Takano's hand lightly. "Anyway, I cannot imagine someone nice and open-minded like Kirishima-san dating someone..."

"Grumpy like Yokozawa? Dating a tsundere sure has its ups and downs. But well, love makes strange bedfellows, I guess?"

"Of course you'd phrase it like that."

"I can emphasize with Kirishima", he suddenly said and pulled Ritsu closer until their arms touched. "I also asked you a hundred times to live together with me."

The smaller man snorted. "We're neighbors; it's not as if we never meet outside of work. Besides, every time I come to your place you jump me! There's no telling what would happen if we lived together!"

"What are the other reasons?"

Ritsu felt a familiar heat creep across his cheeks and he inclined his head forwards, burying his mouth in the warmth of his scarf. "I... I don't say that we'll never live together. There's just a lot that I have to come to terms with myself about."

"Hm..."

The next minutes were filled with silence, as they walked along the dimly lit path, only broken by the sound of their footsteps which was dulled by the snow.

"Onodera."

"What is it?"

"Can I kiss you?"

Taken aback by the unexpected question, Ritsu stopped and gaped at him. "This is a public place!"

Takano shrugged. "There's nobody here, and I'm a little tipsy."

"I don't see how that's connected."

Letting go of his hand, the editor-in-chief turned to him, only to cradle Ritsu's head and brush his fingers across the strands of brown hair.

"Please", he whispered and lowered his head to press their lips together.

Ritsu resisted the urge to push him away - a reflex still remaining from their pre-relationship times - and closed his eyes. It was a slow and gentle kiss, and just as his mind was about to go blank, Takano pulled away.

Surprised, he looked into his lover's face which had changed into an afflicted expression.

"What's wrong?"

Takano heaved a long sigh and ruffled his own hair. "I know I shouldn't be brooding over it when I'm with you, but I just cannot help it."

To his dismay, Ritsu already knew where this conversation was headed. "Worrying about Yokozawa-san?"

"I might've really messed him up back then. What a great friend I am."

"Takano-san..."

"Don't mind, it's none of your concern", he assured him and took hold of his hand once again. "Let's go home and get some sleep."

"Yeah, sure..."

"I wanna die."

On wobbly legs Ritsu trudged into the break room on the third floor and made his way over to the vending machine, desperately clinging to it with both hands in order to prevent himself from falling over.

"Hangover?"

When he turned around, he recognized 'Japun's' editor-in-chief sitting at one of the desks, a paper cup with black coffee in front of him. His hair was even messier than usual and his eyes looked red and tired. There was no doubt that the one having a hangover was him, and not Ritsu.

"Ah, Kirishima-san! Actually, we still have some work to finish, so today's kinda busy."

Ritsu dug into the pockets of his pants to search for some coins, but all he found was fifty yen. "Shit."

"You need some money?", Kirishima asked and stood up to walk over to the vending machine. "What do you want?"

"A can of milk tea, but you don't have to-"

"It's fine", he interrupted him, already feeding the machine with coins. "Let's say it's a compensation for the trouble I caused yesterday."

As the can fell down into the slot, he retrieved it and handed it to Ritsu. "Mind sitting a little with me?"

"Not at all", he replied hesitantly and followed him over to the table; where he sat down with a small sigh and cracked open the can. Unsure about what he should talk about with Kirishima, he opted to stay silent until the other man started a conversation. But nothing happened.

Instead, Kirishima rested his head on his left arm and stared to his right, obviously absorbed in his thoughts.

Ritsu really hated this. He was not good at starting conversations or small talk, and he felt awkward, knowing that he and the editor from 'Japun' had nothing in common. They had talked for the first time the previous night, and that hadn't been very fruitful either. He really prayed that it would be okay if they just sat together in silence.

When he turned his head into the same direction Kirishima was looking at, a promotion poster of a manga caught his attention. Obviously it was one of the series published in the 'Sapphire' magazine, because it showed two men in business suits embracing each other tightly. The drawing style was average, but the expressions in the characters' faces were surprisingly lively. The taller of the two men was smiling cockily while the other man was looking up at his face in a coy fashion.

"Is this the drawing for which you and Yokozawa-san..."

"It is", Kirishima confirmed, smiling weakly. "Though, I like the photo better."

Ritsu still remembered the photo very clearly. Since somebody at 'Sapphire' had sent it to Takano, it was quite popular at the 'Emerald' department, for seeing Yokozawa in such a situation was something that none of them had ever dared to dream of.

"Did you and Yokozawa-san reconcile yet?"

"Hah, I wish we had. But to tell the truth, he's not replying to my messages and calls. Serves me right." He took a sip of his coffee, puckering up his lips at the bitter taste. "I said some pretty unfair things."

Staring at his can, Ritsu pondered on the things that Takano had said at the park. If he was honest with himself, he was in no position to give advice of any sort, let alone pass judgment on anybody. Still...

"Frankly speaking, I don't like Yokozawa-san."

The corner of Kirishima's mouth quirked up a little. "No hard feelings, but I think that it's mutual."

Ritsu frowned a little at the comment, and also at the things he was going to say. "But this time I'm on Yokozawa-san's side. I mean, I actually don't know what exactly his reasons for rejecting to live together are, but... Maybe it's something that one cannot easily talk about. Sometimes being in l-love can be frightening." He knew he was blushing, since this was a way too intimate topic for his taste, but he forced himself to go on. "And, if I was in his position - which, of course, I'm not! - I'd be hurt if my partner complained to my best friend instead of hearing me out in private. I... I probably would've reacted to it in the same way. Ah! B-but I'm talking nonsense, 'coz I actually d-don't have hard evidence that he's feeling like that and-"

"Thank you."

He froze with his mouth still open, as Kirishima shot him a beautiful smile. This man certainly was extremely popular among the female staff of Marukawa.

"Ah... i-it's nothing."

"No, you spoke your mind and I like that. And you really helped me." He got up from his chair and tossed the empty paper cup into the trash can. "I've got to get back to work, so now you can relax properly. Sorry for forcing you to spend your break with me."

When he opened the door to leave the room, he once again turned his head to look at Ritsu and gave him a playful wink. "And good luck with Takano."

Only a few seconds after he had left the place, Takano Masamune peeked inside the room suspiciously. "Onodera, don't loiter around lazily!"

"I wasn't loitering!", he griped. "I got a milk tea! Employees have the right to take a five-minute break to drink something!"

"My subordinates have three minutes. And what were you chatting about with Kirishima-san?"

"He treated me something to drink, that's all."

"Is that so?", Takano said and lifted an eyebrow.

Quickly, Ritsu raised into a standing position, immediately clinging to the table to steady himself. "Uh..."

"If your tolerance for alcohol is that low, maybe you shouldn't let the female mangaka refill your glass again and again."

He glared at his boss as fiercely as possible. "It's not a hangover, it's my hips! Because some idiot thought it might be a good idea to do things on the hardwood floor! I take back what I said yesterday - there's no way that I will ever ever ever EVER move in with you!"

But Takano only smiled. "The more you deny it, the closer I am. And now let's get back to work. I wanna wrap things up as quickly as possible. And thank you for volunteering for the project management for the next edition."

"I didn't volunteer...!"

"You did about thirty seconds ago. We rely on you, Onodera." With that he left again, already yelling the good news across the floor into the direction of 'Emerald'.

"Ta-Takano-san!"

As Kirishima watched his finger pressing the door bell, he was still caught up in his thoughts about how to get a peaceful conversation started. He was aware that he had behaved like an absolute idiot, and excuses about him having been drunk wouldn't get him anywhere. Maybe it was about time to brace himself for the possibility that his attempt at talking it over would hopeless at all.

The door in front of him was opened forcefully and he snapped back into reality by the loud 'Bang', as it hit the wall. Yokozawa was standing in front of him, making an annoyed face.

"You know that the doorbell keeps ringing as long as you press the fucking button?"

"Ah." He withdrew his left hand and instead lifted his right, which was holding a paper bag. "I brought wine."

"What a well-considered present, given that you look like hangover-shit and considering what happened the last time when we drank. Let's be best friends and ride off into the sunset on a white horse."

Kirishima heaved a sigh and let his shoulders sink. "Yeah, okay. Maybe it is a pretty stupid present. Can I come in?"

"I don't remember inviting you in the first place", Yokozawa commented and crossed his arms in front of his chest, not making any move to let him in.

"I sent you a message that I'd be coming."

"Doesn't make it an invitation."

"You could've just ignored me or go out."

For a long moment Yokozawa frowned at him irresolutely. "It's cold outside. Couldn't make Hiyo an orphan."

"So you're inviting me in."

Having lost this small argument, the younger man turned around and went inside again. "Close the door behind you, it's getting cold."

Quickly he followed him, taking off his shoes and coat at the genkan. The warmth of the apartment made his cold cheeks tickle nicely, but he knew that this was very likely going to be a short pleasure. There was still the conversation he had come here for, and he had the bad feeling that it wouldn't be done with sharing a bottle of wine and chatting.

Yokozawa reached for the remote control on the coffee table to turn off the TV, refusing to look at him directly. "So, what did you come here for?"

"I came to apologize of course", he responded and set the bottle onto the kitchen counter before trudging over to Yokozawa. "Not good?"

"Depends on what exactly you're going to apologize for."

Scratching the back of his head, Kirishima sighed once again. "I think I should start by apologizing for saying these things in front of Takano."

"Oh, wow. You noticed it yourself."

"See, why can't we sit down and talk?", he pleaded and reached out a hand to touch Yokozawa's face, but he slapped it away immediately.

"Don't you dare to touch me!", Yokozawa griped, taking two steps back. "You know that I'll cave in if you do that, and you have no fucking right to be forgiven easily! Do you have any idea how angry I am?" Slowly his voice became louder and he was almost shouting. "Back then you hypocrite said that you'd accept me unconditionally, and I thought that it would be fine to trust you. But the one bringing up Takano again and again is only you, and I hate it! I hate you for comparing that to us and for insinuating that I still have feelings for him! It's unfair, it's bullshit and it hurts!"

Kirishima felt his chest tighten at these words, and he fought the urge to just close their distance once again and embrace him, hold him and say Sorry over and over. "Yokozawa..."

Forcing himself to calm down, he closed his eyes and massaged his right temple. "I always thought that you'd know it even if I don't say it, but... You aren't a substitute for anything or anybody. If I ever gave you reason to believe so, then I'm sorry. But if not, then you're an asshole for assuming such things."

"Oh fuck", Kirishima mumbled. His stomach was churning in discomfort at the things he was being told, mostly because he knew that they hit the mark. "I'm an asshole..."

"Where's the cocky attitude?"

"Guess I lost it in front of your door."

There was a heavy silence as they were both watching each other, considering what to say next. It was a complicated situation, since they knew what it was they needed to talk about, but the 'how' was a rather delicate problem. One wrong word and they might end up going back to square one.

"It scares me."

Kirishima blinked, realizing that his lover was clenching both fists and pressing his arms against his sides as he spoke.

"The way I feel around you... the way you change me scares me. Hiyo and you, you were suddenly there and now you're an inherent part in my life. I..." Lowering his head to stare at the floor, Yokozawa swallowed thickly. "I know that this feeling will grow from now on. I've been living alone for so long now, that moving in with you will mean giving everything to you. And I'm scared as shit that one day you won't want to put up with me anymore because I'm such a difficult person. And if that happens, I'll break, Kirishima."

That was enough to make the editor's self-restraint dissipate like smoke in the air. Seeing the man he loved in such a state and hearing him say such sincere words was worth any punch that he might receive for approaching him once again. Nobody could expect him to stand just there and watch him suffer.

With one step he was there, wrapping his arms around Yokozawa. "Can I hug you?"

"No..."

"Okay", he said softly and pressed both palms against Yokozawa's back to pull him as close as possible. The slight shivering of the other body made him feel sad and guilty at the same time.

"I was being selfish", he quietly admitted. "When I asked you to live with us, I was only thinking about my own comfort, ignoring how you might be feeling. You know I have this past and, in truth, there's also a thing I'm scared of. I saw her die and..."

Yokozawa was squirming uncomfortably in his embrace. "You don't have to..."

"But I want to", he whispered. "I want to tell you that I'm afraid of time running out. Of waking up one day and you're gone, and I'll wish that I could've spend more time with you, even if it's just a week or a day or a fucking minute."

"..."

"You aren't crying, are you?"

"Who'd cry about that?"

"Hah, my mistake." Kirishima gently stroked the raven hair, trying his best to ignore the warm feeling of a teardrop running down the left side of his neck. "Shit, I really feel loved."

"... don't pollute my feelings with swear words..."

"I'm sorry. I'm just...", he closed his eyes and inhaled the scent of his lover, "...so happy. Now I want to cry, too."

"I'm not crying", Yokozawa repeated in a raspy voice.

"Yeah, I forgot."

The taller man held him a little longer, ceaselessly caressing his head and back, until he eventually pushed him away softly, just a few centimeters, to kiss his cheeks. "Forget about that stupid proposal. I was being too pushy."

Carefully, Yokozawa took one step back to look at him, and Kirishima just knew how difficult it was for him to keep his composure despite still having glassy eyes and red cheeks.

"I never declined", he said and, after a little consideration, he added: "idiot."

"But you won't move in with us either."

"Right. I'll need time, and I cannot ignore the fact that Hiyori will get involved. She's too young to understand it, and when I move in, I want her consent as well."

"You know, she'd give her consent anytime."

Yokozawa sighed. "Don't play dumb. I want her to make a decision after we told her that we're not just friends, who work for the same company. When she's old enough."

"And when would that be?"

"When she's 17."

Kirishima gaped. "No way! I'll be an old fart by then. Let's tell her when she's 13."

"That's still too young. Maybe when she's 16."

"She's pretty mature, you know? She'll understand it by the time she turns 14."

"Okay, Hiyori's a smart girl. 15."

"Oh, come on! I'll be in my forties then..."

"15 or I'm not going to move in at all."

"... feels like our first print-run meeting."

Yokozawa cracked a smile. "240,000 copies. In the end, my suggestion would've been the right choice. So trust my instincts - 15."

Now his partner also smiled at him, ease showing in his face. "I'm shocked that you still remember the number. That was almost five years ago."

"Maybe because back then I was thinking that..."

He suddenly went silent, as he seemed to notice which information he was about to give away.

"What? What were you thinking?"

"No-nothing."

Instead of interrogating him, Kirishima decided for a more aggressive approach. Quickly he grabbed the front of Yokozawa's sweater and jerked him forward, welcoming him with a kiss. At first his partner struggled against him half-heartedly, but gave up only a few seconds later.

Kirishima enjoyed the feeling of a pair of soft lips beneath his own. No matter how often they kissed, every time made him feel excited again, like their first kiss months ago in front of that bar.

"What's with you?", Yokozawa murmured against the corner of his mouth, his eyes closed. "It's not like you to kiss that chastely."

"Want me to pounce on you?", he snickered.

"I never said that!"

"Heh, but you clearly implied it. Not that I actually mind it..." He slid a finger under his lover's chin and lifted his head to look at his face. "Come on, tell me. What were you thinking when we first met?"

Displeased with his persistence, Yokozawa bit his lower lip and tried to return his gaze, but - as always - it was in vain. Kirishima knew he had won when he changed his focus to the floor.

"It's nothing big. I was just thinking that... it would be nice to be as self-confident as you. And maybe, for a split second, I was thinking that you... are kind of pleasant to the eye."

"So you thought that I was hot."

"That's a little far-fetched", he quickly retorted. "Actually, you being handsome is what everybody at Marukawa probably is thinking anyway."

"You kill me", Kirishima whispered, tracing the outlines of his right cheek with his thump. "You hardly ever say that you like me, but then you start dropping bombshells all over the place. 'I love you' cannot express even half of the things that I feel for you. Don't you dare to ever walk away from me."

"D-Don't say such embarrassing things!"

Grinning, he brushed a strand of black hair behind Yokozawa's ear. "Come to think of it, I believe I fell for your way of blushing back then. Did you know that your ears turn red first? It's too cute... See, it's happening!"

"That's quite some sassy talk for somebody who came here with his tail between his legs!"

"Ah, you're right!", Kirishima agreed and stole another quick kiss from his lips. "We ought to wrap up our fight first. Let's see: We had a conflict of opinion, icy silence, shouting, a serious talk and reconciliation. The last step would be make-up sex, I believe."

"Too bad, I don't have anything at my house", Yokozawa hastily remarked.

"It'll be fine. Wouldn't be our first time without a helmet."

"Even so, I don't have anything to-"

"Make it slippery? No problem, I'll be gentle."

"Fuck, hell, no! I'm far too experienced by now to trust your word on anything sex-related!"

"See, you say yourself that you're experienced", Kirishima commented with a sly grin. "Just don't tense up so much and everything will be alright."

"Now that you also made your own first-hand experiences less than two weeks ago, why don't you get down on all fours then?"

Kirishima looked straight into his face, lips pursed only for a few seconds, until he relaxed and exhaled a small chuckle. "If that's your only condition, I'll rise to the bait."

Obviously the other man hadn't expected this answer and stared at him, flustered. "Don't say stupid shit!"

"You suggested it, honey. Or does it mean that you don't want me?"

"That... that's not it!"

"Then sit back and relax", he softly advised him, already starting to push the smaller man backwards and onto the sofa. In one swift motion, he was on his knees, resting on the floor between Yokozawa's legs, which were hanging from the edge of the soft furniture now. The very next moment, he started unbuckling the belt in front of him.

"Hey! What...!"

"I wish you wore casual slacks so the treasure hunt would be easier, but well. Suit pants are sexier, so I'm not going to complain. Too bad you already changed your white shirt and necktie for a sweater."

The reply came as a scornful snort. "Spare me with your kinky fantasies. That's why I prefer less talking."

One of the many things he loved about Yokozawa was the way his mouth said 'No' and his actions said 'Yes'. Maybe it was a problem of his pride or maybe he was just being shy, but all Kirishima knew for sure was that it was incredibly adorable. After all, they were both men and they both enjoyed such very private moments like any other couple, only with the little difference that Yokozawa would never admit as much. No matter how often he told him to stop, he never actually made him stop, and it only encouraged his partner. And when Yokozawa voiced no rejection at all, just like now, it could be understood as straight approval.

Thus, Kirishima had no intention to ignore the silent invitation. He managed to pull down the pants and underwear low enough to bare his partner's crotch, and gazed up into his face. "Let me pay off my debt from last time first. Watch closely."*

"Why the heck would I have to watch your stupid face?", he griped and tried to withdraw, but he was already resting against the cushions, so if he won anything at all it was three centimeters at most.

"Because it turns me on, of course." Satisfied with the view on the already half-hardened member between his fingers, he lowered his head and licked a thin line from the base to the tip playfully. There was some sort of vocal reaction by Yokozawa, maybe something along the lines of 'Stop that shit, I didn't have a shower yet', but he had already muted anything out that could distract him.

As he reached the tip, he couldn't fight the temptation of running his tongue teasingly along the small slit, which was rewarded not only with a full erection but also the sound of shifting as the legs around him tensed up. His left hand started rubbing the soft skin of his partner's abdomen, intended as a sign of "It's fine, just relax ".

He gave a final lick to the tip, tasting the clear fluid which had already begun leaking under his attention. Truthfully, the first time he had tasted his lover like that, he had had problems getting used to the salty and warm sensation, but by now he couldn't help but getting aroused by the taste of excitement.

Kirishima lifted his head to look into his lover's face once again, more than delighted to see his cheeks flushed and his eyes focused on him. He reached up to touch Yokozawa's lower lip that he was biting to keep himself from making noises of any sort. A truly seductive display.

"Did you look at me?"

"... As expected, you make a stupid face..."

He grinned as he lowered his hand again, sliding down Yokozawa's shoulder and arm, until he reached his hand, gripped it and guided it to the back of his own head. "Touch my hair while I suck you off."

"Pervert."

Foregoing a proper reply, he dipped down again, slowly encircling the cock below him with his lips and tongue and ultimately going down as far as his mouth allowed him.

"Uh..." Fingertips dug into his hair, lightly scratching the skin of his head.

He sucked in the remaining air in his oral cavity, creating a vacuum that tightened his mouth around the cock which was already hot, throbbing and literally crying for his full attention.

After getting accustomed to the object filling his mouth, Kirishima started moving his head up and down, careful not to use his teeth. Above him he could hear heavy panting and occasional moans the other man couldn't stop from escaping.

The hand in his neck, that had been fisting his hair until a moment ago, started wandering lower, gliding under his collar and touching his bare shoulders and back. And, god, it felt really, really nice. He started rubbing the thumb of the hand which was holding the cock across the spot right behind the testicles, eliciting another shudder from Yokozawa's body and a deep groan.

Warm fingers were clenching his shoulder, trembling against his flesh, and the whole situation was so stunning, that he couldn't only absorb all those impressions.

With his free right hand he touched his own lap and began to palm his erection through the fabric of his pants. Admittedly, doing three things at once in a state of pure arousal was difficult, so even though he was trying to take care of his own state, it was a rather clumsy afford. As for the present condition between the legs of his partner, things were starting to heat up rapidly.

Yokozawa had given up the last bits of pride and self-restraint and was moaning heavily, while his hips were already working on their own accord to meet Kirishima's movements, seeking desperately for release.

"I-I'm gonna...!"

Kirishima lifted his head a little in order to leave enough space in his mouth for the hot fluid as Yokozawa finally reached his climax and pressed his legs against his sides.

When he finally relaxed again, the older man swallowed the remains of their act, rubbed the sleeve of his navy jersey across his mouth and pulled himself onto the sofa. Yokozawa looked at him with glazed eyes, still trying to catch his breath.

"Are you alright?", Kirishima asked and shifted closer to steal another sweet kiss.

"Shouldn't that be my line?" Yokozawa threw a short but obvious glance at his hard-on, which was pressing against the fabric of his slacks, and began to push down his own pants until they were taken off completely. He then leaned forwards and set about undressing Kirishima's lower half as well.

"You being that straight forward is so damn sexy."

"Less talking", he was reminded.

As soon as the piece of clothing was removed, Kirishima laid back and opened his legs in invitation. "As promised, here we go."

But Yokozawa didn't move and only stared down at him, his inner struggle very noticeable.

"Being considerate is nice and all, but maybe you noticed that I'm in a certain condition down here, so if you need any help I'll be fucking glad to do anything as long as we have sex in the end."

"...maybe I lied."

He blinked and propped himself up on his elbows to get a better look at him. "Uhm?"

Sighing, Yokozawa tilted his head to the left. "Actually, I do have things here."

"I think just now I fell for you all over again."

"Are you a teenager?!"

"No, but I'm really burning with desire for some action, so hurry up and get the lube."

Growling, Yokozawa got up from the sofa. "Bedroom."

"Such a master at the art of seduction."

"Bedroom or front door, which is it?"

"Got ya", he answered quickly and also stood up to follow him to the room next to the living room.

As he sat down on the bed, he couldn't help but take a look around. Of course, this wasn't his first time in this bedroom, but he also didn't come here regularly, and most times he felt out of place. Besides a small bookshelf, there was hardly anything which gave it a personal atmosphere. But today even the bookshelf was empty. His eyes stopped at a closed carton next to it.

Yokozawa had just retrieved the necessary things from the lowest drawer of his nightstand and dropped it onto the comforter, as he noticed what had caught his lover's attention. "Ah..."

"You're rearranging stuff?"

There was a pause, which was a few seconds too long for Kirishima's liking.

"No", Yokozawa finally mumbled and scratched his neck. "I'm gonna move in two weeks."

At this the other man darted around in shock. "What? Where? Why?"

"My contract is running out, and I figured it would be better to live closer."

"To work?"

"No."

"... oh."

Quickly Yokozawa turned away and covered his face with one hand, maybe to hide his blush. "I... I was thinking that, if Hiyori needs to be taken care of or she wants to visit, it would be practical to live in the neighborhood, and... Of course, there're still your parents, so it might not become necessary at all but, you know, just in case... It'd be like a five-minute walk and I'm just making a fool of myself, ain't I?"

The editor was gaping at him dumbfounded, but after a moment a smile appeared on his face.

"Why do you think it is foolish?"

"It'll be a nuisance to live close by, if..."

"Don't say shit like 'if we break up one day'."

"..."

Taking a deep breath, Kirishima moved closer, took his partner by the shoulders and pushed him down onto the mattress, quickly lying down on top of him.

"Hey, what...!"

"Now you listen", he interrupted him and leaned in closer until their noses almost touched. "I understand that you have those unpleasant experiences and, surely, nobody can predict the future. But be a little more selfish from time to time! Back then you said that you won't forgive me if I leave you behind, and I have no intention to break my promise. The moment you broke down in front of me at that izakaya I swore to myself to take care of you." He closed the short distance and gave him a long kiss. "I'm also insecure at times, but that's love, and it means that we both care a lot for each other. I'll never hurt you, so trust me. And I trust you, 's that a good deal?"

"Kirishima-san..."

"On top of calling me by my last name, you're adding 'san' again", he sighed and dipped down his head once more to kiss him again and again. The next words were only spoken when their lips lost contact between kisses.

"Ne, Takafumi."

"Hm?"

"Call me Zen again."

"Nh... no."

"Was worth the try."

After a few minutes, the editor sat up and reached for the lube. "Which position would you like?"

Silently Yokozawa lifted his gaze as his fingers first stroked the inside of the other man's thighs and then brushed against his erection.

"I agree", he whispered, shifted into a position that gave his partner more freedom, and opened the lid of the small bottle to cover his fingers with the cool lubricant. "Spread your legs for me."

Yokozawa's cheeks were burning red with longing and shame as he followed his order and bared his most private place for him. A wet finger entered him almost immediately and he inhaled sharply at the familiar but odd sensation.

Enjoying the expression on his lover's face, Kirishima took his time in making slow movements before he added another finger, carefully rubbing the inside and stretching the ring of muscles to make the following penetration as pleasant as possible.

"Hah... ngh..."

"Does it feel good?"

"It's s-strange", he gasped and closed his eyes as the movements became a little faster. "Just do it already!"

Slowly Kirishima pulled out his fingers and used them to massage the sensitive spot below the opening. "I'd like to do it without condom, but how about you?"

Without warning Yokozawa grabbed his upper arms and pulled him down between his legs. "Third and last time: Less talking."

"As you wish, my dear."

Using his hand to guide his cock, he went in slowly and used his other hand to push up Yokozawa's sweater. A particular loud moan escaped Yokozawa's lips as he entered completely and licked his left nipple at the same time, until it perked up invitingly. Staying in this position for a little longer, he focused on teasing the dark pink nub with his teeth and tongue while trembling fingers were clenching his shoulders.

He allowed himself to enjoy the warmth around him and the moans that he was drawing from the man below him, before he steadied himself on one arm and started moving.

The room was filled with a mixture of passionate groans and wet sounds as their bodies met, and flesh hit flesh in a steadily growing pace. There was the smell of sweat, fresh sheets and the distinct scent of sex, and Kirishima was almost completely overwhelmed by this composition. When he opened his eyes, he saw Yokozawa's face, sweaty and flushed in afford, his lips forming soundless words that looked like 'Oh god, oh god, oh fuck', indicating that he was close.

He gave another deep thrust before he pulled out, leaving behind a heavily panting partner whose eyes snapped open in shock.

"What...!"

"Position change."

"Fuck you!"

With an amused grin Kirishima shoved both hands under his back and lifted him up, until they were both sitting in front of each other. Yokozawa was looking at him irritated, fists pressing against his thighs in order to keep his body from shaking violently.

"What now?", he gritted.

"Now you'll climb into my lap and mewl for me like a good, little neko."**

"Like hell I will!"

"You will." Wrapping his arms around him once more, he pulled him as close as possible, forcing him to straddle his lap.

"You...", Yokozawa growled as he shifted in a futile attempt to put some space between their crotches.

As he pressed both hands against the salesman's back to embrace him and settled his face against the crook of his neck, Kirishima let out a small sigh. It was so good to feel him close, to have the heat of his body mingling with his own and to be assured that the other man welcomed it just as much, even though he didn't voice it.

"Sometimes I'm so freaking jealous."

"Wouldn't have guessed that."

He smiled at the softness in Yokozawa's voice. "I cannot help it. He has known you for ten years; how can I compete with that?"

There was a moment of comfortable silence between them, as he felt a hand wandering under the hem of his jersey and slowly sliding up his back. The movement was comforting, sensual and chaste at the same time, and hadn't their bodies ached for the continuation of their previous activities, he could have stayed like this forever.

"Then make us last longer than ten years", Yokozawa answered at last.

"I will." Lifting his face, Kirishima claimed his lips again for a long and intense kiss. Fingers combed through black hair, lips and tongues met repeatedly, and bodies were pressing against each other desperately.

"Lube", he huffed as their mouths finally parted, reaching for the bottle once more to cover his right palm with the fluid. He then dropped his hand between them and started stroking their cocks together.

Moaning a curse, Yokozawa shifted closer, silently begging for more.

"Fuck, Takafumi, you're hard as a rock."

"Look who's talking", he muttered with knitted eyebrows, unconsciously bucking his hips to meet the movements of the hand still pumping them.

Kirishima licked across his earlobe, before he whispered seductively "Do you want me to jerk us off? Or do you want me to fuck you?"

The other man shivered clearly at the combination of these words and the desperation he must have been feeling at this point. "I want to..."

"Yes...?"

"... feel you inside", was the hesitant response.

Satisfied with the reply, Kirishima withdrew his hand and wrapped his arms around him. "Short break."

"I hate you!"

He chuckled at the reaction and looked into the flushed and annoyed face of his partner. "At this rate neither of us is going to last for more than a minute. Rather than complaining, why not enjoy the break before the grand finale?"

"I don't see how that's enjoyable."

Sliding his hand below Yokozawa's sweater, he caressed his chest and stopped at an already-hardened nipple to tease it with his thumb, eliciting another muffled moan.

"I enjoy this. The knowledge that it's me making you mad with lust. That you're craving me with both, your heart and body." He used his free hand to grope Yokozawa's ass, his fingers leaving dark marks on the soft flesh. "I enjoy that you will know that it's me moving inside of you, and I'll be the only thing you're thinking about at that moment."

"Oh, shut up already", the salesman said, blushing, and supported himself by draping an arm around Kirishimas shoulders as he lifted his hips and guided the other man's cock with his other hand, slowly lowering his body again to take him in once more.

As he felt himself entering the hot tightnes, the editor groaned and gripped Yokozawa's trembling waist to push him down as far as possible.

There was a short hiss of pain from the man straddling him. "Could you just wait a fucking second?!"

"Ah... sorry." He kissed his cheeks for comfort, gently rubbing the skin below his fingers.

After a few seconds of adjusting, Yokozawa closed his eyes, lowered his head and started to move slowly, allowing his body get used again to his partner inside of him.

Resting his face against the other man's shoulder, Kirishima also closed his eyes, genuinely enjoying the movements and the sweet buzzes of pleasure rolling down his spine.

"Feels so damn good...", he hummed.

"... hn..."

"Because it's with you."

For a short moment Yokozawa froze, obviously surprised by the statement.

"I love you, Takafumi."

After another two seconds of rigor, he suddenly pressed closer against Kirishima, his hands clutching desperately the fabric of the jersey, clinging to him with such force that it almost hurt.

And then there was a small whisper.

"I love you, too. More than anyone."

More than Takano.

A pang of guilt struck Kirishima as the unspoken words sunk in. He knew he ought to be happy about the confession that he hardly ever got, but all he could feel was regret for the way they had gotten to this situation. All of his pushing and his accusations had driven the man that he loved to the point where he dropped his pride and bared his feelings in front of him, raw and vulnerable. Yokozawa was scared of being left behind, and now he offered what he assumed to be the last means that were left to him.

Sighing softly, Kirishima leaned his forehead against his shoulder and cradled him in his arms. He realized that, despite his attempts to fix the man he loved, to make him a part of their family and to make him accept all the love that he deserved, he still had to learn a lot about the man in his embrace. For him, who never had experienced rejection, Yokozawa's past was mostly something he could only understand from a theoretical standpoint. There was still a long way ahead of them, but he knew he wanted follow it to the end. And maybe, someday Yokozawa would see and accept that he would never have to make a step in solitude again.

Still holding the slender body safely, he leaned forward and laid him down onto the sheets once more.

"Relax", he whispered. "Let me take care of you."

There was no teasing or quip, just a promise, and from the way Yokozawa's lean arms wrapped around his back, he knew that it was understood as such.

Kirishima reached down to softly press against the inside of his partner's right thigh to create some more space. Slowly, he pushed his own hips forward, easing in the last centimeters until his balls hit the warm flesh below him.

Months of being together had taught him to read the signs of Yokozawa's body. When the breathing next to his ear evened out and the legs at his sides lost their tension, he carefully pulled out about half of his length and pushed back in with the same calmness. The trembling response of Yokozawa's limbs grew stronger as he repeated the same motion a few times before he slightly picked up the pace.

Again moans and panting filled the air around them, and soon Kirishima found himself unable to determine which were his own and which were created in reaction to his thrusts. The friction as his cock rubbed against Yokozawa's inner walls and the particularly loud groan as he hit that certain spot drove him to the edge all too quickly.

His partner's fingers dug into his upper arms, indicating that he was very close, too.

Gathering the last bits of self-control, Kirishima pulled out completely and quickly lifted his head for a kiss, all rough and passionate, probably even a little too forceful. He fumbled around blindly and was relieved when his fingers found the cool bottle of lube. Never releasing the kiss, he opened it, reached for Yokozawa's right arm to pull it between them, and covered his palm with a good amount of the slick liquid. His lover understood the prompt and slipped his hand between them, groping for their hot and twitching cocks.

When he started to get them both off, the older man slowed down their kiss, trying to take in everything that was happening. Yokozawa's member being pressed and rubbed against his own, Yokozawa's hand touching them, Yokozawa's tongue and lips, Yokozawa's trembling, Yokozawa's scent, Yokozawa, Yokozawa, Yokozawa...

"Yokozawa!", he exclaimed as he broke the contact of their lips and threw back his head, his hips trembling from the force of his own climax. His release was followed by a small cry from his lover who spurt his cum across their lower stomachs and clothes, maybe triggered by Kirishima's seed covering them first.

The editor felt his body weaken and decided take the risk of being scolded and rest on top of Yokozawa, the mess between them completely forgotten.

"It's hot..."

"Nobody asked you to keep on half of your clothes."

He grinned in blissful happiness. "That way it feels dirtier. It was pretty awesome to suck your nipples like that."

"You don't have to repeat it!"

"And you cannot deny that you liked it."

"Oh, hush", Yokozawa grumbled, too exhausted to pick up their usual banter yet.

Kirishima grinned against the curve of his neck and closed his eyes, listening to the beat of their pulses. "Can I ask you something?"

"Just give me ten minutes to catch my breath, you glutton."

Laughing, he poked his lover's cheek with his index finger, but didn't receive any reaction.

"Ne, Yokozawa. Do you believe in love at first sight?"

"I believe that people fall in love despite knowing that it will fail. So if there's stupid love, then love at first sight might be a subcategory of it."

"Maybe being foolish isn't so bad then."

Unconsciously, Yokozawa drew lazy circles on his back with his fingers. "Don't tell me..."

"I don't know", he confessed. "I've always wanted to have lunch with you, though."

"I would've probably declined."

"Yeah." He kissed the spot behind his ear. "Initially. Don't you ever wonder what could've been if I had approached you four years ago?"

"No." Cracking his eyes open, Yokozawa turned his head to look at him. He swallowed. "Because I know that I would've messed it up. I guess, things had to happen this way after all."

This time he kissed the corner of his mouth, threading his fingers through black, thick hair. "Are you saying that I was the best outcome for you?"

"I'm not going to answer that, smug bastard."

He laughed, kissed his lips again and sat up weakly. The stickiness on his stomach began to cool and, telling from Yokozawa's expression, he knew that it was also the same for the other man.

"Shower-sex?", he offered nonchalantly and expected a gruff rejection, but his lover only rose into a sitting position and got up from the bed.

"Let's see if you still have the stamina, old man."

* he's talking about the promised blow job from ch.8

** neko means cat, but is also a slang word used for the submissive part in homosexual intercourse