Bellamy couldn't tell her. Clarke was standing right in front of him, but he couldn't say what he wanted to say. There was no time; or maybe he was just too afraid to say it.
Seeing Clarke run through that gate nearly brought Bellamy to his knees with relief. He wanted to run to her, make sure she was okay, and beg her to never disappear again. Bellamy wanted to tell her how much he needed her, how he couldn't handle this war on his own.
But he just stood there, watching her. Even though she went against his order, as usual, he was too relieved to be upset with her.
Bellamy's eyes skimmed over Clarke's face. She had some gashes on her forehead and cheeks, but she looked fine other than that. Clarke began moving away to help Raven, but Bellamy found himself grabbing her wrist to stop her.
He almost said what he was feeling. Amidst his preoccupation with the Grounders and his people's safety, he couldn't ignore the gratitude he felt that Clarke was alive. He would be lying to himself if he did.
"Clarke," Bellamy hesitantly began.
Clarke looked at him expectantly. Bellamy couldn't say what he wanted to say.
He paused, his mind switching to his major concern with the Grounders. "Leaving here is a mistake."
Clarke pursed her lips. "The decision has been made."
"Crowds make bad decisions, just ask Murphy!" Bellamy argued. He looked into both of her eyes, pleading with her to agree with him. "Leaders do what they think is right."
Clarke paused. "I am." She brushed past him and he just watched her go, keeping himself from going after her to say what he really wanted to say.
Bellamy turned away and cursed under his breath, wondering if it really was good that the Princess was back. He paused, knowing that right now Clarke was tending to Raven's wound. She could do things that he would never be able to do for people. Clarke had the confidence in areas where Bellamy lacked. He knew they balanced each other out.
He stormed to the drop ship, refusing to help people move the supplies. Bellamy refused to help his people take a trip to their deaths. But even though this change of events was Clarke's fault, Bellamy would rather have her change his plans and orders than not have her around at all. He needed her- there was nothing clearer than that.
And he convinced himself his need for her was because the people need her and not because of how lonely and dark the earth feels without her.