W: If we are raising Connor together does this mean we're married now

D: Only if I get to keep the pinball machine in the divorce

W: Well dang if you're already planning a divorce idk man

D: Alright, since you wanna have an attitude, I get to keep the squirrel-proof bird feeder as well

W: How DARE you go for the bird feeder

D: I was trying to keep things civil, but since you wanna raise your voice, fine. I'm taking all the spoons too. Enjoy the inconvenience of not being able to eat your cereal in a normal way.

W: I don't eat cereal with a spoon, I use a spork

D: And THIS is why we're getting a divorce

D: Gonna fuck around and start saying I DO condone the actions of my problematic fav fictional characters

D: Macbeth was right

D: Macbeth did nothing wrong. Prove me wrong

W: Killing Macduff's children was pretty over the top

D: No it wasn't

D: I have one foot in the grave but in kind of a fun flirty way, the way one might slip on a fishnet stocking

W: You all right there bud

D: Am I ever

W: Current favorite thing: strange Tumblr curses like "I'll shred your shoes" or "I'll fill the lobby with sand"

D: Its all fun and games until you forget to filter yourself and are now known in Gotham for threatening to steal people's teeth

W: Sorry, you what?

D: I told the Riddler "I'm going to steal your teeth" and it turns out people remember when you say things like that out loud.

W: Where can I buy some thigh high crocs

D: In hell

W: I used to know this guy's dad who slept with his eyes open and whenever I would sleep over at their house I'd sneak down and steal a pop tart and stare at him directly in the eyes while eating it.

D: Why?

W: To tease fate

D: It's only a matter of time until someone uses a drone to kidnap a child

W: Reverse stork

W: In this world it's milk or be milked

D: Its really not

D: Ginger people be talking so much shit like

D: okay Ed Sheehan stop Thinking Out Loud

D: Do you want to get paseggiliti

W: wot

D: pasgetti

W: What

D: Idk how to spell it

W: Spagetti?

D: Yes

W: Not really

D: Then do you wanna go to chiloptee

W: wut

D: You wanna go to chipllioe

D: *Chopulyert

W: Are you having a stroke

D: Chopalaj

D: Chupoltlae

W: Take your time

D: Chiplo3

W: How did you even get a number in there?

W: My expectations were literally at 0 and somehow I was still disappointed

R: And what do we say when life disappoints us?

D: Called it

R: Learned today the my college professor's ex husband buys his weed from a lesbian dominatrix that banned him from DJing at her sex club because he kept playing "Lean on Me" made entirely of samples of Homer saying "d'oh"

D: Amazing.

W: Every word in that sentence is better than the last

W: I hate the term 'spinal fluid', it conjures up horrible imagery in my mind

D: (lightly taps a spigot I have attached to my spinal column) come get y'all juice

R: sometimes I wish we'd never met

W: Good news, we saved out best idea for last

R: If it's the best idea, why did you save it until last?

D: Because we didn't know it was our best idea until all our other ideas turned out to be terrible

D: ffff…

D: whats the name for raw toast

W: bread.

R: I worry about you sometimes

R: go to bed

* 5 minutes later*

D: I can't think of the word for when you get like water hungry

W: …thirsty?

R: why…what. water hungry…I'm calling Bruce

R: Hey are either one of you really good at rendering

W: I can render my enemies immobile

D: I think he meant 3D computer renders but that's okay too

R: I know this guy who's like 5'8 who taunts every jacked, 6'3 bro he meets until they pull their fists back to beat him up, whereupon he goes, 'heyheyheyyyy, c'maahn I'm a little guy. I'm just a little guyy, noo, it's also my birthday, I'm a little birthday boyy' and it somehow always works

W: Gnomecore

D: I'm gonna try this

R: Remember to drink water babes

D: No

R: Then become the dirt I walk on

W: …

D: Can you even believe the sexual tension between two gas stations on the same intersection

W: I'm so sick of this shit. Two gas stations can't even be on the same block without some walnut shipping them, while I can't find a single fic for dennys/applebees with Dennys bottoming

D: You're literally out of your mind if you think Dennys isn't a top

R: I wish the 2012 apocalypse actually happened

Come get y'all juice XD

Thank you FlashCayCay , your last review was what kickstarted me to update!