A/N: I don't own "Star Trek: Voyager."

Kathryn Janeway usually tried to keep her birthday a secret, having never enjoyed the pomp and attention of parties even as a child. She'd always preferred to spend her birthday at home reading, celebrating privately with family members, or enjoying a romantic evening with Mark. But by her fifth birthday in the Delta Quadrant, Neelix had convinced her to allow the crew to hold a dinner in her honor. This birthday was different from the previous four. Now, she knew Mark had given up on her, and that she'd never enjoy another birthday with him. And the odds of celebrating with her mother and sister again seemed dimmer every year. This year at least, Voyager was the only family she had.

Luckily, Neelix had adhered to her request to keep the celebration simple. (Or, more likely, the other senior officers had made sure he followed her wishes.) There were no decorations in the Mess Hall, and the cake and snacks weren't too extravagant. The senior officers each said a few words about their captain, tugging at her sentiments, until her notorious "puppy eyes" (as some crew members called them) finally showed up. The present opening that followed was a bit overwhelming. All of the senior staff and a good chunk of the rest of the crew had something for her. She'd probably received more birthday gifts this year than she had in the last decade put together.

An amused smile spread over Janeway's face, when Naomi Wildman reached across the table to hand her a painting of Voyager soaring through a nebula. The child had done a remarkable job at copying the ship from a database photograph, and improvising the blue and green swirls of cloud.

"Naomi's been experimenting in water colors," Samantha explained.

"It's the Class-2 nebula we hid in last year, when the Hirogen were chasing us," Naomi explained. Bashfully she added, "I'm not very good yet."

"It's far better than I could do!" Janeway assured her. "I've never had an eye for the arts. I'm going to replicate a frame for this. Thank you Naomi."

"No problem," the girl said. "And thank you, for keeping Voyager safe from the Borg, and Species 8472, and the Hirogen, and taking us to see all those cool nebulas and collapsing stars, and—"

"I think she gets the idea Naomi," Samantha urged her.

Janeway placed the painting on the table, next to the candle Tuvok had given her, and the holo-chip containing the program Tom had written for her (a Victorian horror/mystery holonovel set in Ireland). By now, the only two senior officers left to present gifts were Seven of Nine and Chakotay. Seven stepped forward and handed the captain a large bundle, inexpertly wrapped in mismatched paper. Janeway opened it, and pulled out a crudely sculpted clay figurine of Leonardo da Vinci.

Seven stammered, "I…understand that da Vinci is a figure you greatly admire…and recalling our time in his study on the holodeck, I thought this would be an appropriate gift."

Turning the figure around in her hands, Janeway said, "It's perfect seven."

Chakotay came around, wearing his full-on smile and dimples, and handed Janeway a small box. She tugged off the ribbon, and pulled out a gold pocket watch. She froze for a moment, dangling the watch by its chain. For some reason, it gave her a strong sense of déjà vu.

Chakotay finally broke the silence. "Nineteenth century mechanical movement. It's a replica of the chronometer worn by Captain Cray of the British navy. His ship was hit by a typhoon in the Pacific. Everyone back home in England thought they'd all been killed, but eight months later Cray sailed his ship into the London harbor. It wasn't in as good condition as Voyager—just a few planks and half a sail by that point—but he got his crew home, against all odds."

Several parts of his story hit her again with the Déjà vu. She could swear she'd heard him use some of those exact words, a year or so ago, or maybe in a dream. But that wasn't the only thing keeping her silent. She cupped the dangling clock in her free hand, wondering if Chakotay realized all the things it might signify to her. Had he done this on purpose, because she'd angered him in some way? Or was he simply oblivious to how tasteless of a gift this was?

She finally forced a smile and said politely, "It's beautiful Chakotay. Thank you."

His smile faltered slightly, as he watched her place the watch with her other gifts.

"That's 24 carat gold," he added. "Cost me almost a month's worth of replicator rations."

Not knowing how else to respond, she said simply, "I appreciate the effort, as always," then quickly moved to the next present, from Crewman Nicoletti.

The rest of the celebration followed smoothly. A bulk of lower-decks officers had presents for her, and those that didn't seemed to feel bad for not having anything. She got some more heartwarming words from around the crew. The rest of the evening was spent socializing, while munching on cake, coffee and cucumber sandwiches.

When the party ended, Chakotay insisted on helping Janeway carry her gifts back to her quarters. She suggested simply having them beamed there, but he convinced her not to waste the ship's power. On the way down the halls and into the turbo lift, they chatted about the party, various crewmembers, and just friendly catching up, tiptoeing around the subject of Chakotay's present until he finally brought it up.

"I'm glad you liked the watch," Chakotay said carefully. "I chose it for a very specific reason. I figured Captain Cray's story would mean a lot to you."

Janeway glanced at the pile of gifts in her hands. The watch was back in its box. "It's certainly an interesting choice," she said finally.

Matching the edge in her voice, he defended, "I thought it would be appropriate."

They were in front of her quarters now. She glanced at him, then keyed her door opened. "Appropriate, in what sense?"

They stepped inside, letting the doors shut behind them. Chakotay watched her carefully, placing the gifts he was carrying on the table. He looked somewhat offended, as if he had no idea why she was offended. "In the sense that it shows a deep respect from a first officer to a captain." He began moving the presents around, as if making sure none of them had been damaged on the way to Janeway's quarters. "For my sister's birthday, I often get her a piece of jewelry. But for someone who's not a relative, I thought that might give the wrong impression."

Flatly, Janeway said, "So instead, you gave me a ticking clock."

His eyes narrowed, taken aback. "Kathryn?"

Refusing to meet his eyes, she continued, "As if to imply that I'm 'running out of time.'"

He'd made the argument to her a few times, back when his crush on her had been rearing its ugly head. Trying to imply, without outright saying, that she could be lost out here for most of the rest of her life, and might miss the chance for romance if she didn't take it with him. It was a pathetic argument, it was insulting, and she'd thought he was above pushing it on her birthday, with a literal ticking watch. She had a good mind to tell him what he could do with that watch, but that was something Kathryn Janeway would never say, even off-duty.

He quickly moved around in front of her. "Kathryn, that's not what I was trying to imply!" His face was falling, as if he'd just now realized the horrible implications of his gift.

Janeway's face changed too, as she saw the innocence in his actions. "I'm sorry Chaktoay. I shouldn't have assumed—"

"I thought we were passed that," he huffed. "I thought…a pocket watch would be proof that we were past it. A platonic gift. Not a diamond ring, or a bouquet of roses, just a decoration an officer might give to a captain he respects deeply."

"Chakotay, I'm sorry!" she assured him. "It's not your fault Chakotay, it's," she took the watch back out of its box, and lifted it in her hand. "It's beautiful." Quietly she confessed, "I suppose I took it personally because…I've been measuring time for the last four years. Those months I spent alone in my quarters, I kept watching my clock. Watching all our lives ticking away out here in the Delta Quadrant, because of my decision—"

"To help the Ocampa," he reminded her. "This journey's done good, Kathryn. Where would Seven be if you hadn't gotten us lost out here? Or my crew for that matter? A lot of us would've been slaughtered by the Cardassians. And Seven would still be a drone."

Still cradling the watch, Janeway looked at him curiously. "You didn't bring up either of those points back when I was hiding out in here."

They both recalled the start of the year, when Janeway had secluded herself from her crew for months on end, speaking only to Chakotay and her coffee.

"I didn't want to remind myself about the Maquis at the time," Chakotay said. "It was still too soon. And as for Seven," he swallowed. "I didn't realize until recently, how valuable of a crew member she is."

Janeway noticed his dark eyes quickly darting away from her, and detected the barest hint of a blush in his cheeks. God, he was telling the truth, he had gotten over his crush on his captain. But with Seven? Janeway figured Seven was still years away from any kind of romantic relationship, and Chakotay was a ways away from admitting any feelings for the former drone. But if and when it finally happened, she realized, it would be a smart match. Chakotay was possibly the most feeling, down-to-earth, human person aboard. And he lived to help others. He and Seven might have a lot to offer each other.

Janeway glanced back at the gift in her hand and asked, "So what gave you the idea of a pocket watch?"

"Alice in Wonderland," he explained, "I was watching Naomi a few months ago for Samantha, and she happened to be reading it. Drawing a lot of pictures scenes from the book. She convinced me to go reread it, and this time around I was reminded of our trip out here in the Delta Quadrant. Always running into strange characters and anomalies, forming alliances with people you'd never even dreamed existed…"

"The White Rabbit," Janeway muttered. "I remember reading that book as a child. Those types of stories usually aren't my cup of tea. But I loved all the puzzles Alice had to solve."

"That's not quite what made me decide, though."

She glanced at him. "What did then?"

He licked his lips. "A dream. And a vision quest." His eyes became momentarily vacant. "When I was reading 'Alice in Wonderland' that time around, those illustrations of the White Rabbit's pocket watch gave me a kind of déjà vu. I couldn't put my finger on why. That night, I had a dream about giving you a pocket watch for your birthday. We were," he rubbed his head, trying to remember. "In the middle of some conflict. The ship was falling apart. We both looked like hell, I hadn't shaved…"

Janeway could feel her eyes widening, and she looked away from him.

"I told you about Captain Cray, hoping it would raise your spirits. But you didn't like it. You told me to put it back in the replicator—I don't remember why. You thought it was a waste of replicator rations, or something along those lines. I…didn't."

Her eyebrow bobbed with amusement. "My loyal first officer." She glanced back at the watch. "So, I'm not the only one who felt the déjà vu."

Their eyes met.

"I remember," she began, then squinted. "…Something. It must have been a dream. Voyager was falling apart, like you just described. I was rummaging through what was left of your quarters. Someone else was there, but I can't remember who. I found a watch, just like this one." She was speaking barely above a whisper now. "I remembered ordering you to get rid of it, and then I…then I put it on."

"Kathryn," Chakotay said urgently, "Our memories have been tampered with before."

She looked back down at the watch, then out the window. "I can't remember when I had that dream, but I'm sure it was sometime in the last year or so." Still clutching the watch, she put her fist to her chin, thinking fiercely. "The Hirogen tampered with our minds. Perhaps we're remembering one of the holodeck programs they put us through."

"Those aliens were also experimenting on us," Chakotay said. "Maybe we discovered them before and fought them, and they managed to erase our memories and continue their experiments."

"Or," Janeway mused, "I've heard stories of captains, officers, people who were involved with time-travel, retaining memories. Kes used to—" she looked up suddenly.

Chakotay stared at her, not following her train of thought.

"Kes traveled through time once," Janeway reminded him. "She warned us all about the Krenim. In her report she described the ship being reduced to rubble..."

"And you dying." Chakotay said, now remembering Kes's story. "Along with B'Elanna."

Kes's report had been detailed. According to her, Janeway and B'Elanna would have died in the first Krenim attack. This didn't quite seem to match with the bits Chakotay and Janeway were remembering now.

"It was the Krenim," Janeway nodded, looking at the watch. "I know it. Somehow. It was the Krenim."

Chakotay's eyes were also on the watch, and she could tell he'd reached the same conclusion.

"Time travel," Chakotay muttered. "Who knows, we may've had a hundred Year of Hells before the timeline was fixed."

"Assuming it's fixed now."

That was a disturbing thought.

Janeway finally bobbed her eyebrows, as if accepting the anomaly, and then drew out the watch's chain. Chakotay watched her carefully wrap it around the belt loops of her uniform, until the watch was dangling fashionably from her hip.

"How do I look?" she asked him.

Chakotay grinned. "Like the captain who's going to get her ship home, no matter how long it takes. And enjoy ever second down the rabbit hole."

A/N: Special thanks to the website "Voyager Transcripts," which shows scripts from various episodes. This was the only place on the entire internet where I was able to recover the story that Chakotay gives Janeway for the watch, in "Year of Hell." No one, not even Memory Alpha, mentioned the story; all they said was that he gave her a watch.