A/N: Yes, I absolutely stole this from the new episode and I'm not at all ashamed. :D

Thank you to the lovely Summer Rosewood for your review! Thank you also ConfusedSoAmI, Fan Fictional Authoress, black91, Peacefuldeer21, Shadowntr, and pegasus47 for following the story!

"No." The tone was firm and unrelenting. The Doctor's cheery grin melted away beneath the uncompromising glare of Professor River Song.

"What do you mean no?" He was baffled by her resistance. She had been the one to leave him here, unsupervised. It shouldn't have surprised her that he would make some friends along the way. "There's absolutely no reason-"

"Doctor, I'm willing to put up with many things. But you are not bringing that thing on this ship." She stood between the Doctor and the Tardis, which made this negotiation necessary. He was clever enough to know if he brought up the fact that it was his ship she was making rules for, she'd likely leave him here for another month.

"He's not a thing," he said indignantly, brushing back his floppy hair so she could feel the full weight of his seriousness. "His name is Marty and he's marvelous."

"He's an otter." River's eyes narrowed on the small brown creature that was beginning to squirm in the Doctor's grip.

"Yes, alright. He's an otter. But I don't see how that makes him any less qualified than the usual sort I bring aboard. Besides, he's brilliant." He insisted stubbornly, even as River's eyebrow rose nearly to her hairline. "Go on Marty, show her the trick." He set the furry creature onto the ground and pulled out a set of colorful cups from the inner pocket of his jacket. He set them out separately and stepped back to give him space to work. He flashed an excited grin at River, but she seemed not to share his enthusiasm.

Marty waddled around on his short legs and sniffed at the cups before he scratched the back of his neck.

"Hah, old joker he is." The Doctor's smile faded somewhat as he crouched on the ground. "Marty. You're embarrassing us. Get it together." He said in a low voice before he stood up and straightened his bow tie nervously.

The lithe creature made a high pitched chirping noise, but began to pick up the cups. Carefully deciding which fit into where, like nesting dolls.

"Hah!" The Doctor clapped his hands together. "Well done, Marty! See? You see how brilliant that was? Tell me that won't come in handy in the future."

"He can stack cups?" River had a look resembling pity now. "Is that the sort of high bar you set for your companions?"

"Well, that and the running." He shrugged. She remained unconvinced. In fact, she was wearing that face that signaled they were nearing the end of an argument, and he was probably on the losing side. "What if there's some clever puzzle that needs solving? And he's a brilliant swimmer."

"Like a cup puzzle?" Her head and her glorious hair was tilted to the side, waiting for him to just throw in the towel.

"Yes. Or…some other type of puzzle, he's really much craftier than he looks. He's memorized at least fourteen different types of grass-"

"Sweetie," he stiffened at the word. Now he was definitely sure he was about to lose. "I apologize for leaving you out here this long-"

"A month," he felt it was important that she knew exactly how long a month had felt to him. It had been years, eons.

"Yes. A month. Because you thought it was a good idea to try turning my hair into snakes. Which I can't say I necessarily minded, except for the fact that everything I looked at turned to stone-"

"Yes, but I sorted that. Faulty crown really, rubbish old technology-"

"Yes. You sorted it. And then promptly woke the thousand year old giant snake inhabitants, who were quite upset that their relic had been destroyed, and then chased us off the side of a cliff."

"Right. Lucky I parked the old girl down there." He smiled sheepishly, but that soon faded. "That was, admittedly, a bit unpleasant."

"It was a bit," her nose wrinkled, which made the Doctor suspect she had a few other choice words that she would have used to describe it other than 'unpleasant'.

"Sorry." He decided not to push his luck.

"I appreciate that," she said with a deep sigh. "I also appreciate now, that you're not the sort of man who learns his lesson from long bouts of banishment. You're the sort of man," she regarded Marty for a moment, who was now busy cleaning himself in a diligent manner. "Who finds a pack of otters and attempts to get adopted by them."

"I'm nearly there, they've stopped calling me 'not otter' and started calling me 'probably a badger'-"

"So," River interrupted him again. "I'm going to do you the favor of forgetting the Medusa debacle on what was supposed to have been our anniversary, because you're an idiot. And I love you." Her tone was somewhat reluctant, but her green eyes sparkled with mirth.

A sly smile curled the Doctor's lips as he took a few steps closer to her, the distance between them little more than a hand span. "That's very gracious of you, Professor Song."

"Yes. Quite." She agreed as her hands snaked up his shoulders. Her fingers slid beneath the lapels of his tweed jacket as she stood on her toes so that their faces were nearly close enough to touch. "And you're going to do me the favor of leaving dear Marty behind, because we've still got an anniversary to properly celebrate. I'm afraid an otter would be a bit more than you could handle."

"Oh, right. We could go on a picnic! Love a good picnic. I could take you to the Arroaish Plateau, the highest-"

She pressed a finger against his lips, peering up at him beneath her untamable hair. "I was thinking we might stay in."

"What would we stay in f-Oh." He said quite suddenly. "Right. That's an excellent suggestion. "Sorry Marty, got to dash." He scooped River up in one swift movement and carried her to the door of the Tardis. She snorted as she bounced in his arms, snapping her fingers so the door would open.

The Doctor paused just inside the Tardis. "Keep the cups, Marty. They're a gift, it's still a good-" but the rest of his message was lost, because a certain curly haired professor of archaeology had grabbed his face and given him a multitude of other things to occupy his mind.