A/N:Late update, my brother is driving me nuts, can't focus with all the football matches being watched and yelled at and then I lost my Wizarding groove.

Thank you scribbleeexx, Guest, Guest and The Chirpy Bitch for reviewing.

(And yes there was a part in chapter 8 where I wrote Draco and Rose instead of Scorpius and Rose, I've fixed it now. It was a Freudian slip, Draco's just far too used to writing and saying his own name. Thanks for pointing it out The Chirpy Bitch{That is an epic username}!)

Disclaimer: I own nothing but a pint of Butterbeer that I made as per a recipe on the internet. The Wizarding World is all J K Rowling.

Two cloaked figures ran across the hallway and then stopped, ducking behind a pillar to avoid the prefects who were patrolling.

"Rose, are you seriously dating Scorpius Malfoy?" Prefect 1, identified as McMillan said.

"For the millionth time Mac, yes I am. Didn't you see me go all gaga over him for the last few weeks?" Prefect 2, identified as Rose said, rolling her eyes so hard they could almost hear her eyeballs slushing around in her skull.

"No I know that but why is he dating you?"

"Are you saying that he's too good for me?!"

"NO! No not at all I just meant that I didn't know he liked you pleasedon'tkillme!"

"Fiine."

"Coast is clear." One cloaked figure said and the other one nodded. The two crept out again and soon stopped before a door going to open it when an arm stopped them.

"Password?"

"Hugo is a dumbass and I will shove my foot up his arse if he doesn't stop with this password nonsense."

"Password?" The owner of the arm repeated and one of the cloaked figures sighed.

"Draco Malfoy is a prick."

"You may enter." The hand retracted itself and as soon as they were in the hood came off. Lily Luna Potter and Elise Ibbotson stepped into the room where all the others in the Potter-Weasley clan were accumulated. While Elise sat down at the table, Lily clobbered the owner of the Arm Barricade, also known as Hugo Weasley.

"Is everyone here?" The younger brother or Rose Weasley (see also: Rosius Weaslisus) said rapping his knuckles on the table.

"No." James, Fred, Lily and Elise chorused.

"Damn it, really? Who's missing?"

"No one."

"We lied."

"Why are we here?" Roxanne complained.

"Yeah this is creepy." Lucy the youngest shuddered.

Hugo cleared his throat and began. "We are here because as you might have noticed, our dearly beloved Scorpius and Rose Weasley are acting a bit...strange."

"You mean Rose is crushing ass backwards over him and he's suddenly dating her? Yeah we noticed." Roxanne said tartly.

"No I mean my sister's pretending to be in love with him so he backs off the pranks."

"What?! And no one told me about this?" She yelled.

"With all due respect, you've been busy whipping the Gryffindor Quidditch team into shape." Lily consoled her.

"Bloody idiots wouldn't know how to catch a Quaffle if it fell into their lap and decided make a nest there." The older girl rolled her eyes, pouting. Already she was busy thinking about Quidditch manoeuvres. While Rose and her complex non-love life were interesting, they weren't that interesting.

"Now while this has all been very amusing, our bookkeeper, the beautiful Astoria Malfoy-"

Fred snorted."Hugo you need to get over it mate, she may be very pretty but she's married."

"To Draco Malfoy of all people, she just hasn't had the time to get to know me yet." Hugo snapped.

"Her son is older than you are, I don't think she wants to get to know you." James added.

Hugo sniffed. "Well that's just your opinion and I-"

"Going off topic there Huey." Elise said.

"Ahem. Well Astoria-"

James let out a cough that sounded a lot like Mrs Malfoy and Hugo glared at him. Fred held out his fist for a fist bump.

"She's said that this changes things. We've all had bets on things like when they get together, when their first kiss will be and the first 'I love you' etc but since they're pretending to date, a lot of those bets are in limbo."

"So I suggest we switch things up, put things on an even field." Roxanne said. "If both teams know each others' strategies-" She looked at Albus and Lily and Elise meaningfully.

"Won't do any good." Albus pushed his glasses up his nose and sighed. "Why can't they just realise how perfect they are for each other and date for real?"

"Because they're idiots." Elise said and Albus' ears turned red when she smirked at him.

"Out of the two of them Scorpius is the more emotionally open one. Rose is a mess that we shouldn't touch with a fifty foot pole. That is why we must begin Operation Scorpius Must Understand Dating Games Expediently." Hugo said interrupting their moment and Albus glared at him.

"Wait isn't that-"

"Operation SMUDGE." Hugo said, smug.

"Oh God there's two of them." Elise looked at Hugo in horror. Lily leaned in next to her.

"Three actually, they learnt this form their mom."

"Wait wait wait, even though this is...something, I think we should discuss the possibility of new bets. Like when they'll fake kiss, when they'll crack under the pressure and when they'll have the fake marriage talk and so on and so forth."

"Fake marriage talk."

Elise stood up. "Look the fact of the matter is they're idiots. This fake relationship thing might even go on for years. I think we shouldn't just give up our bets as a lost cause but instead dissolve all the old bets and take up new ones."

"That's hardly fair," Hugo complained, pouting at the fact that someone else had taken over his meeting, "You and Albus are their bets friends, you'll tell them what to do."

Elise raised an eyebrow and he shrunk. "Didn't you just say that Rose is too far gone emotionally to be influenced?"

"Well I-"

"And didn't you just say we should work our way through Scorpius? Which, by the way, isn't exactly the best plan given Albus would have to do the heavy lifting-"She turned to Albus with a winning smile. "No offense Albus."

"None taken." He said, dazed. James had to pull him up onto his seat with a roll of his eyes because Albus had literally melted and sunk down in his chair.

"Well yes but-"

"Uh uh uh, no buts. Yes or no?"

"Yes." Hugo said grudgingly.

"Well then that's decided. We screw the adults and have our own bets. And if we make bets with the adults, we use our insider information to skew things in our favour." Elise looked around the table. "I don't know about you guys but I see a lot of money in my future."

"I don't." Fred whispered to James who nodded.

"She's going to take us for all we're worth."

"Maybe we should bet on Albus and her instead?"

"No." Elise said.

"We weren't saying anything."

"Yes you were and no, no betting on me. Now if you'll excuse us, Lily and I have some distribution of photos to do."

"The job as the official photographer for the Scorpius Malfoy Appreciation Club-"

"Or 'SMAC!' as we call them-"

"It's really paying off. You would not believe how much money these girls are shelling out to get a good photo of Scorpius."

"We have plans to make a photobook and sell it to them as a semi-annual thing. Right now we have a Christmas themed photobook coming out soon."

"Raking in the dough."

"Galleons everywhere."

"We'll finally be able to shop for dress robes without having to look at the price tags."

"Ka-ching!"

"Ahem. Can we return to the topic?"

"Yes, I bet four galleons that Rose and Scorpius make out before the end of this week. Tongue and everything." Elise said.

"You're kidding! Rose didn't even kiss that bloke she was dating over summer last year!" Hugo exclaimed.

"Yeah and definitely not making out, I mean a close lipped kiss at the most." James and Fred chimed in.

"This is making me sick, that's my sister you're talking about!" Hugo said, horrified.

"I bet Hugo resigns from his bookkeeper duties before the end of the week." Lily whispered into Elise's ears and the other girl scoffed.

"I'm not taking you up on that."

Rose had decided she had the perfect plan to end the impasse they found themselves at. Neither was willing to admit that they'd begun dating each other just because they wouldn't back down (even though they wouldn't) and neither was willing to actually date each other either. Honestly, Scorpius' face on the date the day before when he had to thread his arm through hers would have offended her if it hadn't been mirrored on her own.

But she wouldn't be the one to break. No, if Scorpius wanted out of this relationship he would have to do it himself. He would have to give in and admit that he didn't like her at all.

So, carefully and secretly she went through all of Callie and Lily's copies of Witch Weekly and studied the few articles namely, 'How to improve your relationship', 'Are you a bad girlfriend?' and more along the same veins. She had found out what made a relationship crack and had every intention of implementing all of the tools at her disposal.

She was going to be the worst girlfriend in Hogwarts history!

Signs you are a terrible girlfriend:

You lie to your boyfriend

"Where are you off to?" Scorpius asked popping out of nowhere as he was prone to and Rose jolted.

"The infirmary."

"Oh?" Scorpius raised an eyebrow. "Here I thought you were going to go off and supervise detention for first years."

"You're right, I'm sorry. I couldn't help but lie." Rose said in a rush.

She didn't know what she was expecting but she did not expect Scorpius to throw her arm around her and squeeze her shoulders comfortingly.

"Well as long as you admit it." He said kindly and for a moment she actually contemplated sinking into the side hug. She hadn't gotten a hug in ages. But then she came to her senses. Bad girlfriend. Right.

"But I lied to you. I shouldn't do that, I know but-"

"You might want to go to the infirmary anyway." He said concerned. "You don't look so good."

"I don't?"

"No. You look splotchy and you're even breaking out in zits all over your face." He clucked his tongue, fingers ghosting all over her face and she realised what he was calling zits were actually her freckles.

"Those aren't zits, those are freckles!"

"My bad. But you should still get them looked at." He grinned and traipsed away.

He was supposed to be pissed off that she was lying to him damn it!

You flirt with other guys

"Hello Basil." She drawled out in her most flirty voice while Zabini sat between her 'boyfriend' and her cousin.

Albus choked on his food laughing and instead of responding to her Basil had to give him the Heimlich manoeuvre never even noticing that she was hitting on him.

Needless to say, flirting with other guys did not work.

You talk shit about your boyfriend

"He's always late, I hate that about him!" She complained loudly to the random fifth year Slytherin who had been picked to be her partner in Potions. It was loud enough that even her Professor Slughorn could hear her and shot her some pointed looks which made her feel rather sheepish but she stayed on track. "And the hair, why is it always changing colour, so annoying!"

"To match with your clothes dear." Scorpius cried out from his side of the classroom and all around her, girls burst into awws and breathy sighs. Rose angrily crushed the goosegrass in her hand without the use of any tools and they ended up with the best potion of the class.

You make him pay for everything

"You don't mind picking up the tab do you? Thanks so much, that'll be great." She said before she could lose her nerve. A ball of lead settled into her stomach but Scorpius grinned and paid for everything she'd picked up in Hogsmeade, which included multiple bars of the best chocolate in the world.

Instead he added a box of sugar quills to the load and handed over a pouch of galleons with ease.

"Come on Rosius, we both know you'll need it come next Saturday."

"Wait, what's happening next Saturday?" Even as the words were out of her mouth her eyes grew wide and much to her embarrassment (which made itself clear in the way her face matched her hair) she shrieked rather loudly in the crowded shop. "You're keeping track of my menstrual cycle?!"

Scorpius shrugged with yet another easy grin (She had seen far too many of those in the last week alone). "Need to know when you need hugs don't I?"

And again people all over the shop sighed and aww-ed.

This was not going well

You always fight with him

"Oh come on, Shakespeare was not a pseudonym for Beedle the Bard!" Rose said as they sat across one another at the library.

"Of course he was! Look, Beedle was fond of Muggles, it isn't much of a stretch to think that he lived as a Muggle in London and wrote tales under the name Shakespeare. They're both even called the Bard, if that isn't a sign I don't know what is." Scorpius said vehemently his indigo blue hair flopping about on his head adorabl-ahem-annoyingly.

"Historians still debate over whether the works attributed to him were even his sure, but that it was Beedle?Ridiculous! And don't you think that if Beedle was Shakespeare that the wizarding historians would have recorded it?"

"Muggle historians debated over attribution of credit and the wizarding historians of that time were anti-Muggles so even if Shakespeare was Beedle they wouldn't have recorded that because it would mean the author of the most famous set of wizarding children's stories was a 'blood traitor'!"

"But they were the ones who were recording things, they could easily have made it sound like Beedle was just pulling one over the Muggle world like they did with Archimonius Blametsky!"

Scorpius shook his head in disagreement. "Completely different era, that was back before the witch hunts were in full motion, when wizards and witches actually got along with Muggles to an extent."

"You cannot be serious!"

"I am, Beedle the Bard was living under the pseudonym of William Shakespeare for the latter half of his life and there's nothing you can say that can convince me otherwise!"

She ended up enjoying the argument far too much for it to be considered an argument at all, more like a heated discussion.

Even that had failed!

Why wouldn't Scorpius Malfoy just break up with her?!

Rose stomped into the fifth year Ravenclaw girl's dormitory and fell onto her bed screaming into the pillow. It did not muffle the sound and Elise and Calypso, used to her odd moods had already gotten the earmuffs they'd stolen off the second years who were working with Mandrakes and put them on. Callie watched with unabashed interest as Rose beta up her pillow and strangled it and Elise flipped a page in the book she was reading.

"I hate this!" Rose shrieked.

"You know you should talk to Scorpius about whatever it is that's troubling you. I always feel much better after talking to Louis." Callie offered in a dreamy voice as was always the case when she talked about her boyfriend. Her advice was not taken and instead she got a venomous glare thrown at her. She gulped and ran off. "She's all yours." She said to Elise as she passed her by. The other girl waved not even looking up from the book.

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"I need help."

"Help with what?"

"Scorpius!"

And the book was finally set down.

"What's wrong?"

"I've been the worst girlfriend possible, I've been the worst person possible to him but he just grins and bears it."

"What did you expect?"

"I don't know that he'd get fed up of the abuse and break up with me."

"Rose, Rose, Rose. So smart and yet so not smart."

"What do you mean?"

"Scorpius has been taking the 'abuse' for the last four years why would you think that this would annoy him? This is normal for you guys."

"No it's not, I've been flirting with other guys in front of him, I've been whining, I've snooped in his stuff and I fight with him. I even made him pay for our date at Hogsmeade which still makes me sick to my stomach!"

"Rose you're going about this the wrong way, is he really your boyfriend?"

"Eurgh, no!"

"And does he know that?"

"Yes, obviously."

"So he won't care if you're a bad girlfriend. But if you were a good girlfriend..." Elsie trailed off meaningfully and understanding dawned on Rose.

"You mean kill him with kindness?"

"Yes. He can obviously handle you when you're being a bitch, we've seen him do that for the last few years what he can't handle if you actually liking him. Or at least pretending to. So what you need to do is -?"

"Be the most loving girlfriend in all of Hogwart's history!" Rose said, getting off the bed with a look of victory on her face. It soon turned to defeat. "Aww but I don't want to act like I like him!"

"So you're willing to admit defeat?"

"Never!"

"Then you go out there and be the most loving girlfriend ever!"

"I can do that!" Rose nodded determined and left the room, girding herself.

"I am going to be so rich." Elise said to the empty room.

Mr and Mrs Weasley,

I regret to inform you that your daughter Rose Weasley was found engaging in indecent behaviour in the Great Hall. A letter has also been sent to the parents of the other student involved. While we at Hogwarts encourage inter house unity and for the students to exchange ideas freely, there are certain behaviours which cannot be tolerate din public places, especially since the Great Hall is often occupied by younger, impressionable students.

She has prior to this shown signs of being a great student although liable to loss of temper on occasion. However continuation of such behaviour may result in the prefect badge being stripped form Rose.

I would greatly appreciate your cooperation in resolving these misbehaviours that Rose has been engaging in.

Filius Flitwick

Head of Ravenclaw House

Mr and Mrs Malfoy,

I regret to inform you that your son Scorpius Malfoy was found engaging in indecent behaviour in the Great Hall. A letter has also been sent to the parents of the other student involved. While we at Hogwarts encourage inter house unity and for the students to exchange ideas freely, there are certain behaviours which cannot be tolerate din public places, especially since the Great Hall is often occupied by younger, impressionable students.

He has prior to this shown signs of being a great Quidditch player although liable to bouts of misbehaviour. However continuation of such behaviour may result in him being banned from the Quidditch team.

I would greatly appreciate your cooperation in resolving these misbehaviours that Scorpius has been engaging in.

Horace Slughorn

Head of Slytherin House

Neville,

What the hell has Rose done?

Ron

Ron,

Grabbed Scorpius and made out with him at breakfast.

Neville

Neville,

WHAT?!

Ron

Tori,

Cough over the money. My daughter just flung herself at your boy.

Mione

Mione,

For once in their lives, would it kill the men in this family to take initiative? Honestly it was bad enough getting Draco to marry me. I'll give you your winnings this Saturday. We're still up for the Leaky Cauldron right?

Tori

Tori,

Of course we are. Did you really have to get Draco to marry you? I always thought it would be the other way around. I was hoping that Rose and Scorpius would get stuck under the mistletoe at Christmas but this works out too. I wish I had a picture, just to see Ron turn red.

Mione

Mione,

I have been offered an advance copy of the annual Scorpius Malfoy photobook, complete with make out pictures, by his fanclub's official photographers. For a price of course. Should I buy it or just wait till the prices come down during the holiday season?

Tori

Tori,

Definitely wait until holiday season; it's just a few weeks after all. Soon they'll both be home and you can torture them at the Malfoy Christmas Ball and I can have my own fun with them at the Burrow

Mione

Auror Ronald Weasley,

As per the request of a certain student amidst us who shall rename unnamed, the following photo has been forwarded to you free of cost. Kindly find it enclosed within.

Regards,

EI and LP, official photographers for the SMAC

Malfoy,

Why is there a picture of my Rose and your baby Ferret kissing in my mail?!

Ronald Weasley

Weasley,

What? How'd you get yours, my copy of the photobook hasn't arrived yet!

Malfoy

Mione,

The Ministry's getting complaints about the racket Ron's making. Shut him up already.

Harry

Harry,

On it.

Mione

Leave a note!