A/N: This was actually inspired by my other story, Smile, red reaper. It's nothing like that one though ~hee hee~ And yes I know, again an Undertaker past fic! I know I already did that but this one is one of his life as a shinigami, and it stands completely loose from, I miss you every day.

So…enjoy!
Oh, and sorry for any mistakes! I'm actually a Dutch girl who is better at writing in English than her own language ;p

EDIT: I didn't know I used the same name as in the manga, if I remember correct, someone was called Clayton there and I knew I recognized it from somewhere but didn't change it when posting this story...Sorry if it bothers anyone!

Undertaker's PoV

Would you disagree if I told you the grass is green? Would you believe me if I told you that the sky is actually black? As dark as the midnight sky that resembles my life. Working among the dead, living among the dead and even sleeping among them changed my life. I've always had a keen interest in the dead, having reaped a lot of souls in my past shinigami life and all. As I look down upon a corpse I can feel the soulless body's attempts at withering away, just like a rose would. Without a soul, it has no purpose to stay as it is. But that's where I spring in, just before it starts to rot I make it all pretty and presentable for its last ceremony.

The burial is the best part. People cry over the deceased person's grave. How pitiful. It's actually quite an interesting sight to behold. I often find myself holding back my own laughter, knowing it used to be me who had once stood there in front of a grave weeping like a lost child. But that was long ago.

I was forced to reap my own wife's soul, my instructor refused to hear anything of it. He told me I shouldn't have married a human in the first place. My dream of a happy life shattered along with my wife's dying body. I couldn't reap her, I just couldn't. That same day I retired and disappeared without saying goodbye to my wife or coworkers. I knew other reapers would take her soul instead, knowing fully well I wouldn't do it myself. I mourned her dead for too long.
I eventually became a funeral director looking for laughter as a payment. A while later I heard my instructor had passed away on the field. He was replaced quickly but he didn't last long, a few decennia's and that was the end of Sir Clayton. My name was during Sir Clayton's time as Shinigami head forgotten. I was for some reason relieved to be able to go back to the reaper realm to borrow some books in the library without anyone questioning me. My appearance had also changed back then as well having gained a few scars here and there. When Sir Clayton also had died on the field with his own death scythe I introduced myself as just an old retired shinigami who worked as an undertaker. That's also when everyone started calling me Undertaker. They had no idea who I was and I was relieved for that. However, I wasn't that lucky for long. When that red reaper, Grell's superior William T. Spears made an appearance as the head of the Shinigami's, he saw my resemblance to the statue of the legendary Death God, which had been built during my disappearance between my old instructor's death and Sir Clayton's. I shouldn't have stood in front of it. William immediately placed the link and practically dragged me to his office one evening. I couldn't do much than to state who I was, though I never told him my real name.

As a mortician I also became the family informant of the Phantomhives. Vincent phantomhive's father and even his father had known me. Now I was the informant of Ciel phantomhive. Oh, and what jokes his butler can tell! That butler was the first one to make me actually laugh heartily after my wife passed away. But after that happy smiling façade was a bleeding shinigami whose broken heart could never be mended. My old scars still bled, my heart was still ripping itself apart and I still cried every once in a while. My heart is still beating and I'm still breathing, but for what reason? Actually, there were reasons enough. Somehow I feel that someday there will arise a war between the sinigami's, demons and perhaps even angels. Though that seemed unlikely. Demons were more troublesome these days. I was needed. If not for love or anything else on that matter, than for a bigger chance of a good outcome for my kind if a war should break out. I should be happy, but I'm not. I miss her too much.

I broke. I broke long ago.

THE END…well, let's hope not really though ^^