IT IS WHAT IT IS

AN:This is story is intended to be post series since I feel like this coming up season will be the last.Warning:It won't be depressing, but it will be moody.

Thanks to ncismom for her beta skills. All mistakes are mine.

They all thought he was crazy. He considered the possibility that they were probably right, in a very real sense. However, being a little crazy would serve him greatly in the long run. It would be over. He would be finished. That is what he really wanted…to be done with it all. He wanted to be able to move on with his life, where ever it led.

Neal stepped outside the prison walls three years to the day he had been kidnapped. That had been the beginning of the end of his relationship with White Collar FBI Agent Peter Burke. Burke believed the conman had run, and then he left. He left the Big Apple and went to D.C. to be with his wife. When Neal was found, many months later, it was not by Peter. Much to Neal's surprise, Peter had returned to New York. The Burkes had decided that the political climate of D.C. was not for them. They had enjoyed the lifestyle that they had had in New York much more. But, even while back in New York when Neal was finally rescued, Peter kept his distance. He was still with the White Collar Division, but Peter had distanced himself from anything involving Neal. Peter didn't even go to see Neal when he was admitted to the hospital because of the injuries he had suffered at the hands of his captors.

Neal had not understood the attitude. He had expected Peter to be glad to see him. Glad he was alive. He had expected the agent to be glad to see that he was okay, but Peter never came to see him at any point during his recuperation. As a result, when the conman was released from the hospital, he had made a few important decisions.

June had tried to talk Neal out of going back. She had loved having him in her home and in her life. She would miss him terribly, but mostly, she feared the possible repercussions of the inmates whom Neal and Peter had put away. She was not, at all, sure that the prison guards would protect him. She expressed these concerns to Neal, many times.

Mozzie was also very upset with his friend. He had not wanted Neal to go back. The little bald man had wanted to run, and he had made a very convincing argument. He said that given Peter's attitude, they could go anywhere and be perfectly safe; the agent had no interest in finding them. It saddened Neal, a little, to think that Mozzie might be right.

Neal's sentence was relatively short. It had been reduced from four years to two years six months. That was because of his previous time served and his record of cases solved with the FBI. Neal was very grateful that the time would not be long, but he would have served it all, given the prize he received at the end. He would have his freedom. He would have his life, and he emerged from prison two years and six months later, anklet free and looking forward to his future.

Neal stopped in his tracks. He had started walking towards June's limo, waiting at the curb when someone else walked up to greet him. "Why are you here?"

Peter was speechless for just a second. He had not expected the abruptness or the attitude. He opened his mouth to speak.

"I asked about you when I was in the hospital. But I guess you were too busy." Neal replied. "And I guess you were still busy for two and a half years, since you never came to visit me. You must have had to really make some time to be here today." He finished, sarcastically

Peter opened his mouth to speak. "I just….I'm…." He hadn't expected to be stumbling over his words.

"Just tell me what you want, Agent Burke, and we both can get on with our day." The conman coolly stated.

"I made a mistake."

"…just one?" Neal said as he started towards June's limo.

"Neal," The agent sighed. "…I made a lot where you're concerned."

The conman turned and looked at Peter.

"I said once a criminal, always a criminal and tried to make you fit that mold when you were trying to prove me wrong. I was so sure you had run when you were kidnapped. I made a big show of saying it while you were gone. I just…I told everybody that I was really, really tired of going after you. I wasn't going to do it anymore."

Peter sighed and a little emotion came into his voice. "When I heard what actually happened to you, when I saw you…lying there, in the hospital bed. I couldn't face you. I was dead wrong about what had happened to you. I felt like a fool. I was wrong. I was ashamed, and I couldn't face you."

"You allowed me to think that you hated me because of your pride?" Neal asked for clarification.

Neal watched Peter look at the ground for a moment before Peter met his gaze. Peter then nodded. "Then you decided to finish out your sentence in prison. I really saw the type of person you are. I saw what that freedom really meant to you. I saw what you would do to get it and keep it." The agent paused. "It just made things worse for me. It made me feel…low. El and I were so wrong. I…I don't know what else to say."

Neal regarded Peter for a few moments before he spoke. "I spent months wondering what I did wrong. That was after I got over the hurt from the fact you weren't glad to see me when I came back, and the hurt from the fact that you'd just turned your back on me and walked away."

The conman paused, his anger resurfacing. He had been waiting, literally, years to say what he was about to say. "What else was I supposed to do, Agent Burke?! Tell me that! What the hell was I supposed to do? You wanted nothing to do with me." He stopped, breathing hard. "So I said. 'Fine, I'll do whatever I need to do to get on with my life.' And I did. I'm free, free of the FBI, and free of you!"

Again, Neal saw Peter shake his head. He knew he deserved the former conman's anger. He knew he deserved that and more. "I am sorry."

"I'm sure you are. I'm sure you mean that…now." Neal replied. "But I've gone years without an explanation. I, apparently, didn't deserve that courtesy. You never came to see me in prison, not once."

"I was ashamed…."

The ex-con shook his head. "It wasn't about you, Peter. I was the one in jail! I was the one who did time. The only thing you did was move back to New York and resume your old life." Neal paused. "That had to have been so very damn hard for you!" He spat back.

"I don't know what you want, Neal. I want to apologize. But I feel like it's too late for that. I just…I don't know what to do." Peter admitted.

"I hope you and El have a nice life." Neal said as he got into June's limo.

Neal watched Peter as the car left the curb and pulled into traffic.

TBC