Stitches

By Endofnonentity

Hey guys! So sorry for the excessive wait on this installment, I swear I wasn't slacking. For some reason I had a very difficult time deciding where to start this one, who's point of view to write in and what was going to happen. There are three different versions of this on my computer that ended up going in such different directions I got frustrated and had to take a break. Any way, thanks for the interest and the reviews and comments that you have sent me from Limbo. You are the reason I struggled through this! Please enjoy!

_.:._

Adam had never thought he would actually find someone. To the blonde it hadn't really seemed possible but rather more like a fantasy, an expectation. Graduate, play hockey, find a girl and a big house, have some kids. Ever since he could remember, that plan seemed like it was built and designed for someone else, anyone else. As the years progressed he began to understand why that was. The realizations were terrifying so he buried them all and resolved to simply be alone.

While it was still terrifying, to let someone know you needed them and to be willing to give up a part of yourself to make it happen, knowing it was Charlie made the whole thing easier some how. Because Charlie was everything he wasn't.

Charlie was feelings, all the time in every way. He was hot summer days and freezing nights that left your skin cold as ice. Charlie was laughter and fighting and time spent in each other's space. And Adam well, he was more linear. The blond had dealt with enough conflict in his life to actively try and avoid it. Soft spoken and reserved, self conscience and unsure.

That was also part of why he was currently freaking out and trying very, very hard not to hyperventilate.

"You, you what?" He was beginning to feel dizzy. The brunette at least had the decency to look a little sympathetic.

"Banksie I don't-"

"Don't say it isn't a big deal, Charlie I can't believe you told your mom about us with out even talking to me about it first!" Casey had always been what he thought a mom should be, she was warm, caring and gentle. He was always secretly pleased with how well they seemed to get on. This changed all that.

"Hey, that's-" The blond interrupted him again, pacing the room with his hands behind his back and looking all the while like he was on trial. His whole being seemed to buzz with nervous energy. So the Captain let him, waiting until he was out of things to say, reprimands and demands spoken and repeated until he elaborated.

"What are you doing? Why are you just, just sitting there like this doesn't matter?" It was clear from the brunettes posture he wasn't on the same page as the other boy.

"Banksie, she's known for a while that I liked you." He said it like it was supposed to help, like it was the band-aid that fixed the whole situation instead of the sharp edge that ended it. Adam felt physically ill.

"What?" He swayed slightly on the spot and for just a moment thought he might actually pass out. Breath.

"What?" He repeated again when the other boy lounging on his bed didn't say anything.

"Damn it, stop staring and answer me!" The laugh that followed did not improve his ever darkening mood.

"Banksie, she was the first person I talked to when we…she asked me about you the other day or well…us." He shrugged his shoulders as if to say 'what can you do?' Adam knew exactly what he wanted to do, he wanted to shake him until he understood that this whole thing wasn't funny at all.

"Why are you so worked up about this? She loves you." Charlie caught the blonde's hand just to make him stop pacing the floor. The habit had always made him anxious.

"Well I'd like her to keep liking me. Charlie I don't want her hate me." The brunette pressed a kiss to the back of his hand as an apology.

"I'm sorry I didn't talk to you first. Honestly it never even crossed my mind. I talk to my mom about everything. We've always been close you know?" He did know that they were close but, he didn't know what it was like to be like that. To be so open with his parents, they didn't have casual conversations. They had what he had come to label dinner conversations. How was school, how was practice, do you have lots of homework kinds of conversations. Charlie talked about his mom like she was his friend more than his parent.

"I just, I can't imagine just saying it." He caught the confused look the other sent his way and tugged away so he could sit down next to him.

"You know, that I'm with you. You know how they are. I don't mean to say your mom is like that because she obviously isn't and I know that." Charlie's eyes searched out the faded bruises that were almost invisible now. He knew even after they disappeared Charlie would still look at him like that, with those sad eyes. It made him crazy because he seemed to be able to see past all the white lies and know that there was something more.

Adam wasn't use to that. He was good at hiding things, turning the attention to something else and evading the pointed questions. He was good at pretending.

He was glad when Charlie kissed him good night and returned to his room. Their whole conversation had brought up some things he would rather leave unobserved and in the dark. As he sunk into bed he tried to imagine what it would be like, to have grown up like Charlie. It made it easier to see why he was the way he was. There were a lot of people in his life that had gone through too much, gotten dragged through so much hurt and bad luck and he had seen it all. Yet, somehow he managed to keep himself separate from it all too.

At least he had both of his parents, even if they weren't close like Charlie was with his mom. He guessed it sort of evened it out. As much as his father disapproved of him it made him feel sick thinking of growing up with out him in his life. He would have never played hockey, his mom would have said it was too dangerous. He never would have met Charlie or the rest of the Ducks and for that alone he was willing to cope with the rest. He wasn't sure who he would be with out Charlie.

When they had met he was a Hawk, friends with the popular kids by default. Sure they were his friends or he had thought they were. If he had stayed on that team he would have hated the Ducks, they would have been rivals. The most jarring fact was that quite possibly they would have still ended up going to the same school but, on opposite sides. Somewhere in the recesses of his half asleep mind he wondered what Charlie would have seemed like to him then, if he would have still found a way to love him even though he knew he wasn't supposed to.

Jerking into a sitting position he stared into the darkness, heart pounding in his chest and now fully awake again. What? Like one crisis wasn't enough for the day why did that thought have to make an appearance? The blond blinked once, twice, trying to assess the situation before he let it get completely out of control. Oh god. He wasn't ready for this.

It was three hours of staring into the dark and getting tangled in the sheets before he relented and flicked on the lamp. Any semblance of sleep that had been taunting him earlier had been scared off, not to return for the rest of the night.

He felt like he had gone a week with out sleep and by the time the sun crawled into the sky he was relieved mostly because he didn't have to lay there any more with his mind going a mile a minute. So he dragged himself from bed and into the shower in an attempt to wake himself up enough to look like a real human being. It was odd, the sensation of being exhausted and on edge at the same time.

While he walked to class he repeated the sentence in his head. It was true, at least as far as he knew. How was he supposed to know what it felt like to love someone? Half the time his parents didn't even act like they liked each other.

But they weren't them.

All through first period he could hardly sit still, everything was distracting and there was no way he could get himself to focus. In the back of his mind he should have known, he should have at least had some kind of inkling as to the extent of the feelings he had. Is it possible to completely blind side yourself? It must be because even with the time they spent together, all the little flags that indicated this was where they were heading the realization made his head spin. The blond took notes to distract himself, color coding them and making sure the penmanship was neat.

All the same he was relieved when the bell rang and he could move on, one step closer to the end of the day and the mind numbing repetition of hockey practice. With their big game coming up it was safe to say he would be exhausted by the time they cleared the locker room.

"Hey." Adam almost jumped when an arm slung across his shoulders pulling him in closer.

"I didn't even hear you coming." Charlie laughed, not bothering to relocate his arm to a more easily explained position. At this point he hardly expected it.

"That's because I'm a ninja, obviously."

"Hmm hum, that defiantly explains it." Everything kind of faded into the background, the stress and worry almost instantaneously covered over by a gentle pulse of satisfaction. This was his and he didn't have to second guess any of it.

"Lets go." The Captain leaned in a little closer, confusion touching his features.

"Go where?" Adam let his fingers close around the knit of the green sweater Charlie was wearing, nerves fluttering in his stomach just for a second before they were squashed with excitement.

"I don't know, anywhere."

It wasn't every day that Adam asked Charlie to skip class with him, in fact it wasn't even something that they joked about. The blond was very adamant about his studies. Even when he wasn't serious the mere suggestion that class wasn't really that important and their books could wait was met with 'that look'.

"Okay." Grinning, they walked down the hallway, passing their team mates as they made their way toward the back of the school where it was less likely that someone would take notice of their departure.

"Guys where are you going? Charlie English is in that direction!" The calls from the people that did notice were only answered by the Captains grin. Questions that would come later hardly seemed to matter at the moment but, Adam knew in the back of his mind that he would regret the impulsive adventure at some point in the future.

Their coats were in their lockers, too far away to acquire with out making a scene so they stashed their bags behind the dumpster on their way out.

Charlie just strolled along like it was no big deal, his arm never leaving its perch across his shoulders.

"They key" he whispered when he caught Adam glancing around nervously, "Is to make it look like you're doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing." Even with Charlie's extensive experience and knowledge, Adam still didn't relax until they made it around the corner.

For a few minutes they walked in silence save for the crunch of the snow under their shoes. He felt free, even though he knew it was going to be fleeting Adam let himself relish the feeling. It seemed like it had been a long time since he had done something for himself, just because he wanted to.

"So, what did you have in mind?" Bright blue eyes met grey ones, the possibilities in them endless.

"You know, I have no idea."

It was one of the things that had come up a few times, not as a bad thing but just a thing, almost like a little side note. Charlie had first mentioned his obsession with organized, thought out planning more as a joke than anything. Over time Adam recognized how true it was. It was one of their many, many differences. At the time it had seemed absurd, why would being spontaneous enhance an experience? But it did.

They walked through the street, laughing about nothing really, talking about what ever they wanted, the whole time the heat from Charlie's hand soaking through his skin.

"Have any plans for Christmas?" Even with the lights off in the sun of the day, little hints of the season to come were starting to pop up all over. Wrapped around porch railings and laced through trees, transforming little white houses into kaleidoscopes of color.

"We usually have a big Christmas party a few days before, all my parents' coworkers and friends come, I wander around the house and pretend to care." He shrugged, not really looking forward to the production but knowing he would never be allowed to not attend.

"My brother usually comes home from school for it, we get up and have breakfast together Christmas morning and then open presents. Most my family lives out of state so it's just the four of us." He wondered if Charlie's house at Christmas was like he imagined it in his head, all home baked cookies and too many people crowded into to little space. He had been over for Charlie's birthday a few times. He imagined that times about a hundred with the rest of his family all coming in and setting up mattresses in the living room and people sleeping on the couch. Maybe he had seen too many Hallmark movies.

"My mom wants to know if you're coming over." The casual way he said it made Adam smile, because it was no big deal if he wanted to.

"She's alright with it still? Even though we're-" He held up their still joint hands which Charlie just squeezed tighter and smiled.

"Of course, I told you already." No matter how many times he heard those words, the blond had a really hard time believing them.

"Okay."

"Is that a yes then? She was pretty adamant about me finding out and actually kind of pissed off with me for not already asking." It was an odd kind of sensation, this blossoming relationship with someone he had known for so long. He already had a preapproved connection with Charlie's family. They were friends. Now it was morphing into something more than that.

"It doesn't scare you at all does it?" He knew the Captain missed his train of thought, really how could he have connected it all?

"What's that?" The blond shrugged a little self conscious. This was what usually got them into trouble because Charlie wasn't afraid of anything. He was bold and entirely himself all the time. And Adam, well he tried to feel out what everyone else was thinking and what they might say.

Being brought up the way he had, had made sure of that. If he was careless he could get hurt, he could drag other peoples lives into the mess that was his. It was one of his worst fears that he was going to damage Charlie.

It was insane and he knew it.

But the feeling didn't ever seem to go away entirely.

"You're not the least bit apprehensive about what people are going to say, how their opinions might change since we're…together?"

The emotions slid across Charlie's face like a slid show. Ending in curiosity, that one seemed pretty safe.

"Not really, no." Adam couldn't help it, he laughed, relief and disbelief swelling just under his skin. Of course Charlie didn't care.

"But you are." It was times like these that he was aware of just how much people seemed to under estimate the Captain. He wasn't hurt or angry, maybe just a bit concerned.

"Yeah, I guess I am a little. Not just about my family I mean I already know how that would go. Our team though, I don't want them to upset with us either."

They walked quietly for a while, Adam keeping his arms wrapped around himself to keep at least some of the warmth in spite of the weather.

The blond followed Charlie's lead and they ended up down town.

The little shop was still closed up, at lease for the time being. It fit that Charlie's feet would naturally carry him to this place. Han's skate shop had been his second home growing up. A constant place when things at home got a little out of hand or when his mom and him got in a fight.

"I haven't been here since…" He smiled though admittedly a little apprehensive at first.

"Come on, we can get in the back." His fist instinct was to tell Charlie that it probably wasn't a good idea but, he couldn't force the words past his lips when the other boy produced a small brass key hung on a string. He had to swallow hard to bite back the small sob that pressed against his teeth.

Of course he still had it.

When the key clicked the lock open Charlie smiled, heading in with out any hesitation at all. Adam just steeled himself for the possible onslaught of emotions.

"God I miss this place." Adam proceeded with caution, following behind the brunette with every fiber of his being ready to retreat. This was a bad idea.

Contrary to his gut feeling, Charlie only paused, running a hand over a row of skates that were still on the rack to be sharpened with a sigh before pressing on.

"It still smells the same. Everything's the same. Do you remember the summer I worked here and you use to have your mom drop you off while she was shopping?" Adam nodded; they had just reached 'friends' at that point.

To this day he wasn't sure what he had told his mom to convince her it was a good idea to let him go but she had. The whole car ride into town his stomach had been in knots.

"I was so nervous." Now it seemed ridiculous but, at the time…

"You were so cool, I just wanted you to like me." The smile that pulled at his lips didn't quite reach his eyes and Charlie chucked a little uncomfortably.

"I was not cool, I was a weird kid. You were so shy then, hardly spoke two words." He sunk down onto a stool by the register, leaving Adam to lean against the counter top.

"To be fair, I don't think I quite knew what to do with you so I just talked all the time because you didn't." There was a thin layer of dust where the skin of his hands pressed against the metal making his palms feel gritty.

He wanted to tell Charlie how desperate he was to connect with someone his age. How that day when he had so nonchalantly suggested they meet up he had been shocked. People didn't do nice things with out expecting something back and for what felt like forever he had left Adam wondering when he was going to cash in.

He never did, never asked or demanded anything that he hadn't already given to the blond himself ten times over.

"I just wanted to be your friend. I probably would have done anything to not feel so trapped." He hadn't really meant to say it at least not quite like that, so out of the blue.

Relief washed over him as calloused hands tugged at the sides of his shirt, pulling him close enough to press a quick kiss to his lips. Even now he got lost in trying not to mumble something into existence he couldn't take back, something that would mess all this up.

"This place was that for me too. I'm glad I got to share that with you, even if I didn't know at the time."

More often than not, he puzzled over how Charlie could share so much. Not just stories or sympathies, not only knowledge but personal places and things. If their places had been reversed he wasn't so sure he could let someone else stomp so carelessly into his sanctuary. Even though this building didn't have stained glass windows and polished wood floors it housed much more precious things.

Memories that had been woven deep into the structure, a history that was as fundamental to the boy he had grown to love that the two couldn't really be separated. The Captain shared stories with him about growing up, sleeping on the couch in the back more often than at home in his bed before they went to the Goodwill games because his mom and Sam had been fighting.

"When I first met Hans, I was in PeeWee's just this scrawny kid who could barely skate and he just seemed like he knew everything. I would always ask him questions and he'd say 'one isn't better than the other Charlie, they are just different.'" Even for the short time the blond had known the older man, the phrase sounded like him.

"He had those news paper clippings hanging all over the store even back then." The memory made him shake his head.

"I spent a lot of time here when my mom was at work, waiting for her shift to end after I got out of school. Hans made me his 'unofficial employee' so I wouldn't get bored." It all made sense. At least with what he knew about the older man, he had been a grandfather figure to most of the kids that were a part of the District Five team, happily supplying them with gear and equipment as well as advice.

The relationship had simply never diminished when it came to Charlie. Maybe he had seen some of himself in the younger boy, being apart from his family and the loneliness that drove the brunette to return to his shop time and time again.

"Sometimes it's fine, you know that he's gone." The pair had made their way to the office now, where most people would have a desk instead was an over stuffed arm chair and small table. His fingers stumbled over the trophies that lined one of the shelves, sending the dust that lined them skidding back into the air.

"I know in my head that he's gone and I just, I can deal with it. Then other times, it isn't even specific things. Skating, you would think that would be like this huge trigger right?" He paused but didn't really look at the blond, just continued, shaking his head.

"No, it's stupid little things like…the weather or the way someone says something." The shrug carries more emotion that the Captain is letting through in his expression and Adam instantly hurts for the other boy.

"It's not supposed to be easy." He wasn't sure why he said it but, it seemed to ease the tension out of his posture.

"Sorry, I don't mean to get all depressing on our exciting day out." And just like that he shook it off, shoving his hands into his pockets and letting out a long sigh. It was amazing and disorienting, how quickly he could jump from one extreme emotion to the next. Covering over the uncomfortable things for the benefit of who ever was round.

"You don't have to do that you know."

"What's that?" Adam stepped forward, kissing the brunette once, then twice before restoring some of the distance.

"Pretend to be okay all the time." Charlie regarded him for a moment before smiling a little.

"Neither do you."

Adam watched his dad from across the table. It was only the second day of break and he hadn't settled in yet, didn't feel like he belonged here again. The house was always so quiet and empty. Growing up he had never noticed, he hadn't know any different but now, coming from always being with his friends it was jarring. He missed dinner with everyone, practice with all the ducks and nights spent tangled on his bed, watching movies with Charlie. He missed Charlie.

They had both agreed or rather Adam had insisted that they limit their time together over the holiday. Begrudgingly Charlie had agreed, mostly out of concern for Adam and dislike for his father. While at the time he had been relieved now it had turned to regret. The blonde was bored.

"Adam?" His father's voice pulled him from his thoughts and if he went by the expression on his face he would guess it wasn't the first time he had called his name.

"Yes?"

"I asked if you had plans for today." The blonde shrugged, keeping the cup of tea he was drinking held tightly in his hands.

"No, not really." The pair stared at each other and then he understood, his father was trying to have a conversation with him. He didn't actually want to know if he was busy. Small talk, it was something neither of them was any good at.

"I'll probably do some reading, there were some books on my list from English that we never got to that he gave us as a summer reading list. It isn't mandatory but…" He curled his toes around the rung of his chair, trying to look relaxed. This was supposed to be normal. Small talk is one of the fixed life lessons to reach adult hood, everyone could do it.

"Anything look particularly interesting?" Adam shook his head and tried to smile, ignoring the long drawn out silence that followed.

There was literally nothing he could think of to say to the man sharing the room with him. Instead of making him upset he was just uncomfortable, like the fist day of school when you didn't know anyone and it felt like everyone already had friends.

"My company dinner is in a few days, you're brother is going to stay at Lauren's this year." They had never met his brother's girl friend. Initially he was a little surprised that his parents were alright with him being gone.

That wore off quickly.

"You're more than welcome to bring someone Adam." He swallowed hard, his hands suddenly feeling a little bit numb. Shit.

"Do you have a girlfriend?" Adam almost choked on his cereal but tried to play it off like the question hadn't been so horrifyingly startling. He knew better than to think the inquiry was innocent, like every conversation he had with his father it was a means to an end. He wanted to know something and he would draw his own conclusions from Adams responses. Honestly it was exhausting, every time they talked it felt like he was in a psych evaluation, trying to control his responses to everything and not do anything that could be read the wrong way.

"It's fine if you do son, it's normal for boys your age to start to be interested in girls." The look that followed clearly stated that he should agree, possibly back track and confess that yes, he did in fact have a girlfriend. The blonde winced at the 'normal' that was thrown in so pointedly. Charlie often got frustrated with him for over analyzing everything he wanted to say instead of just saying what he meant. This was where he got it from. All his life every word was chosen to insight a specific response.

He never won this game.

"Sorry." It was better to just throw in the towel now, instead of talking in circles and saying things that could be used against you later. His father sighed, his jaw clenched.

"There's nothing to be sorry for, what seems to be the problem?" He wasn't going to let it go. God he wished he would just leave it alone for once.

"There aren't any girls that I like." It was true, it wasn't exactly…honest because he knew what he father meant when he said 'girlfriend' and he was in a relationship.

This was exactly what he knew would happen, what he was afraid of.

He wanted to scream, to run away, to yell. Anything at all that would break the tension that was piling up in the dinning room.

"May I be excused?" He didn't really wait for an answer before pushing back from the table and retreating to his room.

Two days later found him dressed in black slacks and a button up, standing around downstairs and smiling like he wanted to be there. It was just like every year, to many people and too much food. If Charlie was there the whole affair would have been more bearable. How the blond would have actually accomplished such a feat was a mystery but it didn't make it any less true. All any one wanted to talk to him about was hockey, how was the team doing, was he looking forward to the state championship? He wasn't mad, they didn't know him at all. They worked with his father and that was obviously the only part of his son he cared to share.

"Adam, you remember Carrie?" Standing by his father was a petite girl wearing a cable knit sweater and floral skirt.

Uncomfortable he just nodded, shaking her hand with a smile.

"She's Mrs. Chamberlin's daughter." Apparently that was supposed to induce his ah ha moment.

"Hi, yes of course." His father couldn't see it from where he was standing next to the girl but she pressed her lips together to keep from laughing, her eyes clearly stating that she felt as out of place with this whole thing as he did.

At that moment his father saw someone else come in who he hadn't yet smothered and waltzed off to great them, effectively leaving the pair alone.

"Sorry about him he's uh, a little…" He floundered for the right word and didn't find it, leaving the sentence to trail off awkwardly. But she just laughed, clasping her hands in front of her.

"Don't even worry about it, my mom's the same way. Adam, right?" He knew exactly what this was, he just wasn't sure how to get out of it with out causing a scene.

"So, you are pretty much the only other person here that isn't ancient. I would ask you about hockey but I have a feeling you are sick of talking about that." She leaned back against the wall, clearly at ease in her own skin.

"Do you really remember me?" Green eyes met his, waiting for a response and openly curious.

"Honestly no, not at all." She moved closer, pulling a photo out of the little purse she has tucked under her arm.

It showed two little kids maybe four years old playing in some living room he didn't recognize.

"My mom dragged this out last night when she told me I should come for the party, apparently we were friends before we were old enough to know what that was." She rolled her eyes in a way that clearly stated she thought her mom was crazy.

He was torn between just telling her that his dad was obviously trying to set them up and just putting up with it for the night. It was nice to have someone here to talk with even it was a stranger. At the same time he wasn't sure what she had been told. She seemed nice enough, at least for the short time they had talked.

"So, small talk." She brushed absentmindedly at the wrinkles in her skirt.

"I-I don't really know what to say, I'm pretty boring. Hockey and school is pretty much all I do." Saying the words out loud he knew it was a lie, even if that was how he saw himself.

"You go to Eden right? Sorry I got the run down before we left the house, god that sounds creepy." He couldn't help it, he laughed, moving toward the back porch to sit down. She fallowed with out question, tucking herself next to him on the swing.

"Yeah, on scholarship for Hockey." She sat with her ankles crossed, hands tucked under her legs.

"What's it like there? I go to the public school down town. Private schools don't have much of an art program. Couldn't possibly deal with that."

They chatted for a good hour, the worst part of it was how much he liked Carrie. She was funny and sweet, so at home even in a strange place he couldn't seem to help it. He wanted to hate her, even if it wasn't fair. There was a chance she had no idea what was going on.

"I find it hard to believe you don't have a girlfriend." Her forwardness caught him off guard, sending his thoughts into a spiral of panic so that for a moment he just gaped at her looking remarkably like a door broken off its hinges.

His reaction clearly amused her because she bit back a laugh. So she did know, at least kind of. He should tell her but, he didn't know her. What if she told someone? Her delight in the situation seemed to subside a little when he still didn't say anything.

"I wasn't hitting on you or anything. I just mean you're awfully sweet and easy to get along with." His fist inclination was the excuses he gave everyone else. There wasn't time, he had school and hockey and…and Charlie. Hiding the other boy made him feel sick.

"I am actually kind of seeing someone." The pressure eased momentarily when he finally let those words go only to resume accompanied by dread at the list of questions that could be asked back.

"I figured as much." Carrie waited quietly for him to continue, giving him time if he wanted to.

"You haven't told your parents?" He shook his head, suddenly finding the floor very interesting. Whatever it took to not have to look at the girl next to him he was fine with.

"He wouldn't approve. I think he already knows which is probably why you're here." She seemed to think about that, picking it all apart and reassembling it.

Carrie tucked some stray hair behind her ear, leaning forward to look at him.

"I know what it's like, the whole overbearing parent thing. My dad was a complete control freak, that's why my mom ended up leaving him. She must be a pretty special to put up with all this." His mind was going a mile a minute, trying to form some kind of explanation or reply that didn't pitch him over the side of a cliff. Finally he just blurted out the fist thing he could think of.

"It's a little more complicated than that." Blue eyes met green ones, her face lit softly by the light from the back door and she looked interested.

Why did girls always want to pry into things that weren't any of their business?

"Can I at least get a name or do you not want to talk about it?"

"Charlie."

And just like that it was out there. Now it was real and irreversible. For some reason he didn't feel quite as panicky as he thought he would, just a little nervous.

"Oh…oh." Then after a minute,

"Wow."

"Yeah, so you can see why my dad…" Much to his surprise her expression turned sympathetic.

"God, that must be hard. He goes to school with you?" The ease with which she accepted the whole thing made his head spin, he wasn't expecting it to be so easy. This whole time he had assumed admitting it would feel like jumping out of a plane with out a parachute.

The sun had set completely and the stars were winking their way into existence by the time he had appeased her curiosity. She could be worse than Charlie with all her questions. The blond was feeling pretty good about the night they finally went inside, surprised to see that there were only a few party guests left and they were collecting their coats. Carrie hugged him before she joined her parents outside and wished him good luck before kissing him on the cheek and finally waving good bye.

His father called him into the living room and he was so at ease that he didn't even think, didn't realize the tone of voice or stiffness in the other man posture.

"Adam, come sit I'd like to talk with you." Blue eyes flickered to the glass sitting on the table next to him, it was almost empty and if he had to guess he would say it had been quite a few times over the past hours.

"About what?" His mind instantly sensed the danger and kept compelling him to just turn around and leave. Situations like this hardly ended the way he would like.

"Carrie of course, you two seemed to get on." He winced, trying to hide his reaction as best he could.

"Yeah, she umm she's nice." The blond shrugged his shoulders feeling more uncomfortable than he could ever recall feeling.

His father's expression told him he wasn't going to get off so easy, he was going to have to sit here and relay everything back to him in just the words he wanted to hear.

"We talked about school, what we want to do after, I don't know normal stuff I guess" Then as a last minute desperate attempt, "She seems pretty down to earth, she's sweet." He tried to throw it out casually like Charlie seemed to be able to do so easily, stripping away any meaning it could have had and leaving it as a fact instead. It didn't work and the smile that pulled at his father's expression made him feel nauseous.

"Good, because I spoke to her mother and she thinks, as do I that it would be great if they joined us for dinner tomorrow night." A million things went through his mind, he couldn't go because…Charlie and even if his intentions were one hundred and ten percent innocent his fathers were not. He would be expected to behave a certain way and anything short of a perfect performance would not be acceptable.

Even with telling Carrie that he was already seeing someone and eradicating even the slightest possibility that she might be looking for a relationship it just felt wrong. He didn't want to spend a night parading around pretending someone else was Charlie.

"Dad, I don't know if that would be the best idea."

"Why not, is there something wrong?" His response was hardly a question, more like an accusation or invitation to dig his own grave. Just keep it together.

"I would just, I'd rather be friends first…I don't want to rush into anything." The man sitting across from him looked amused but, for once relented.

"Alright, I leave it to you then, find a place to take her out. We'll wait to see if anything comes of it to make it a family affair, how is that?" The blond wanted to tell him that was not alright, it wasn't any better than the first option. Instead he just nodded, saying a quick good night before retreating up the stairs before the night could get any worse.

Checking the time never even crossed his mind as his fingers stumbled over the numbers on the phone pad, despite his familiarity with the sequence it still took him two tries to get it right. The voice that answered was crowded with sleep, making him realize that it was close to midnight.

"Casey, I'm sorry it's so late I didn't realize...I was um I was hoping I could talk to Charlie?" Even to his own ears his voice sounded weird so it wasn't so much of a surprise when concern colored her response.

"Adam, honey is everything alright?" He could hear her foot steps as they made their way across the floor and the click of a door knob turning.

"Yeah I just, I just need to…" He didn't realize he was hyperventilating until the soothing voice responded over the receiver.

"Adam, just take a few breaths, here's Charlie hon." He barely managed to breathe a thank you before Charlie mumbled a hello through a very long yawn.

"What's going on…Adam?" for a second he couldn't seem to find a way to answer, the seconds that ticked by sending the brunette's tone closer toward the 'worried' side.

"I didn't know it was so late, I just, I felt like I needed to tell you…because I don't know what to do." This was stupid, as seconds turned into minutes the blond felt more and more ridiculous. He wanted to take it all back, rewind to the beginning of the night and pretend to be ill.

"Banksie-"

"I don't know why things just keep happening like this-"

"Banksie, just tell me what's going on, you're kind of freaking me out here."

"I…my dad, he set me up on a date."

The blond wasn't sure what he had expected for a response, something along the lines of what he was feeling. Sympathy, anger, panic but not the tired laugh that reached his ears instead.

"God, you really had me worried."

"It's not funny!" The brunette sunk back down onto his mattress, breathing a sigh of relief.

"There were so many worse things that could have just come out of your mouth. Honestly, I was expecting…" He trailed off, not bothering to list the contents of his nightmares.

"Her name is Carrie. I'm supposed to take her out tomorrow night." It was then that Charlie could see the real problem. He felt guilty about not saying no, nervous about how the other boy could have reacted and horrified at the prospect of having to lie to this girl and his father.

"You can just say no."

"Don't you think I've thought of that? My dad would…he'd be mad." Mad was an understatement and they both knew it. Furious might be closer to covering it, irrationally enraged was even more accurate.

"The worst part is…she's actually pretty nice." The silence that followed his remark made him nervous, was that something he shouldn't have said?

"Maybe you should just go then."

"Come on I can't just-"

"I'm serious, if it matters that much then you should just go. Play it out for the night or what ever." A tiny sliver of hostility showed through, which hurt more than all the fights with his dad could have.

"I don't want to! I'm just not sure what to do, that's why I called…"

"You can't keep letting your dad make all your decisions for you. At some point you have to stand up for yourself and stop letting him push you around." Caught off guard he just sat in silence, trying to push down the tight feeling in his chest that seemed intent on clawing its way up his throat.

"I know that." His response sounded just like he felt, scared and desperate.

"I can't decide this for you." Adam nodded then realized the other boy couldn't see him.

"I know but, I can ask for your help can't I? Or is that not something people that are together do?" A long moment of silence passed, ending with a sigh and quietly spoken of course you can. And it kind of all fell into place. Adam had always known what he wanted.

"You asked me once, if I had…feelings for you when you were with Linda Freshman year, do you remember?" The response was positive if a little apprehensive, after that admission Charlie had told him he wouldn't have gone out with her if he had known.

"We've had all these conversations, I mean about everything but I never really told you." The blond wasn't really sure where this was coming from. The confession he had been planning to make was finished but had unlocked other things.

"I've liked you since we were kids. I just, at the time I didn't realize what it was. And I know that you've been interested in other people but…"

He couldn't stop or think of any way out of this now that he had started. The only thing to do was finish it out.

"Before you kissed me, I was alright with being alone forever because…because I knew there was no way…"

His grip on the phone had tightened and his hands were shaking. Because god it was all out there, all of it. Things he had only just realized himself laying in the dark of his dorm room and skipping out on class just to be together.

Somewhere in the back of his mind he was aware this wasn't really phone conversation material, especially now that he would give anything to see the expression on the other boys face.

It was a lot to dump on someone completely out of the blue, in the middle of the night. And he didn't expect an answer but, now he had his.

"I'm sorry I put you through the whole Linda thing." He couldn't help but smile at that, it had started out as one of the worst years of his life and most of their fighting had stemmed from that, at least on Adams side.

"Charlie I wasn't telling you to make you feel guilty, I just…I wanted you to know." There was this odd sense of calm that accompanied the admission. Charlie was the only one he had ever let get this close.

They stayed on the phone just a little longer, Adam knew what he wanted to do so he said good night, grinning like the sun when the Captain said it back before hanging up.

"Love you." The whisper was to no one but, it was the first time he had let himself say it out loud.

He didn't want to keep doing this, he was tired of beating around the bush and hiding things. Wiping his face he took a deep breath, steeling himself for what he was about to do and knowing if he went through with it he could never take it back. He paused by his dresser, looking at himself in the mirror.

There was nothing wrong with him, at least not the things that his father had tried to convince him of for all these years. He cared about Charlie to much to keep skirting the inevitable blow up that lurked just over the horizon at all times. Even though they seemed to fight more than they got along and they never really understood each other, Adam couldn't dismiss all the quite talks and nights spent laughing. All the things that made them good for each other, he felt balanced when he was with Charlie.

His father was still sitting where he had left him when he reached the bottom of the stairs and regarded him with little more than a glance.

"I can't take Carrie out." The words slipped out easily but, that wasn't really a surprise since the yelling hadn't started yet.

"Oh, and why is that?" The blond balked at the sarcastic tone that accompanied the question.

"Because, I'm already seeing someone." Mr. Banks slammed his glass on the end table, pointing at his son accusingly.

"You think you already have everything figured out but you don't. Adam you have so much to learn. You don't know everything!" He tried his best not to shrink back, not to let his father bully him into submission.

Charlie was worth this.

"Neither do you." There was no heat in his argument, he just wanted the older man to realize he wasn't the authority on everything. Adam was not a cookie cutter of his father; if he had been none of this would be happening.

"I am going to make a phone call tomorrow and we are going to put all of this" He gestured between them, somehow managing to make it feel like he was conveying that he meant the entirety of his sons existence, "to an end, got that?"

"Dad I don't want to upset you, that wasn't my intention but, I also don't want to lie. I just want to be honest with you. Can't you just want what makes me happy, isn't that enough?"

The calm was what frightened him the most. That cold and even tone of voice that made it very, very clear who was right.

"You have no idea who will make you happy."

The blonde gritted his teeth, hands clenched at his sides.

There was an odd moment when everything seemed so obvious, none of the usual distractions and what ifs made an appearance. Clarity.

He wasn't sure exactly what love was, the blonde had not been exposed to it enough to have a handle on all the different facets that seemed to exist in that simple word. But he understood now, possibly for the first time what it was not.

Blue eyes regarded the man before him with an unusual directness.

"I'm never going to be what you want. So you are going to have to just get over it."

. Charlie showed up on his door step the next morning after his father had already left but, before his mom was gone seeing as she let him into the house on her way out. She must have either not heard the argument the night before or not cared enough to figure out it was his team mate that they had been fighting about. Even though he had never told his dad outright that he was with Charlie, he had no doubt figured it out. Neither of them would speak it so they were left in this odd state, dancing around the actual meaning of their fights.

The blond was so tired he didn't hear the door open or the feet pad across the carpeted floor, instead waking to a weight settling next to him and a gentle kiss. His brain must have assessed the situation and found it familiar enough to keep him from being startled. It wasn't a bad way to wake up, until the soreness of his limbs hit him.

"What are you doing here?" Moving sounded like a really bad option so he just stayed put, buried under the comforter with the lights still all off.

"I'm sorry about last night, I shouldn't have gotten so pissed off." Adam struggled to remember the last time he hadn't had to pry an apology out of the brunette and smiled.

"I guess I really dislike the idea of you being with anyone else, even hypothetically. I just finally got you." The front line center was still groggy, lost in the sudden closeness he found them sharing.

"'S okay." His fingers twisted in the other boys damp, dark hair, tugging him in for another kiss. All he could smell was his shampoo.

"I told him off anyway."

The stillness that settled over the pair was lost on Adam who was still too close to sleep to sense it or the steady gaze that clung to his features, searching.

"What?" Adam opened him mouth to repeat himself, only to be interrupted.

"You didn't have to do that, Banksie I never-"The elated tone of voice was shoved over to reveal a more serious one, nervous with each breathed syllable and afraid of the response he would get.

"Are you alright?" Rough hands flitted over the exposed parts of him, grey eyes squinting through the hazy light that managed to filter its way through the shades.

"Mmm yeah I'm…okay." The middle ground of that answer conveyed more than the blonds relaxed posture. Just okay.

"Honestly I'm a little nervous about what comes next you know? The yelling and…all that, I can take that. But the not knowing…" Charlie's brain translated the vague response quite unhelpfully. He was quite sure that if he were to flip on the light right now or throw open the curtains there would be dark splotches marking the pale skin that he had smoothed his fingers over time and time again. Those blue eyes that he swore could see into him would be tired and sad, all because he was jealous about something that had never even happened.

"Don't do that." The Captain snapped from his thoughts to look at Adam again, not sure what it was exactly that he was supposed to be not doing.

"You get that face when ever things like this happen and then you start with all the self deprecating bull shit. Can we just skip to the part where we're okay again and I get to kiss you?" He wanted to say no, no they couldn't because it was once again all his fault that harm had come to his team mate but, he knew that would only make the blond angry so he forced a smile and did just what he asked.

"I am sorry."

"I know."

"No, really I'm serious. I wasn't thinking. I should have never…I shouldn't have said what I did to you."

"Charlie, I already told you its fine. I needed to hear it because you were right. I can't be afraid of my father anymore. I don't want to let him ruin this." The rest of the house was silent. Rooms sitting quietly, empty until the blond got up and padded down stairs to find breakfast. That ritual looked like it was going to be further delayed.

"It still never should have happened."

"Maybe you should start making it up to me then." The Captain's eyes brows quirked, and he laughed at the nonchalant way the blond threw out the invitation. It was far from the response he would have received not to long ago.

"How should I do that exactly?" Long fingers wrapped around the back of his neck, urging him closer still.

"Mm you're doing pretty good so far." Charlie laughed, tugging at the quilt until it was out of the way. Adam was wearing black sweat pants and one of Charlie's old hockey shirts, one that he had insisted the blond keep simply because it had his last name printed across the shoulders. At the time it had been more of a joke that Adam had responded to with a roll of his eyes and just tossed the shirt into his bag. Now though, it made Charlie's breath catch.

"You better not let your dad see you in that." He voiced the warning even with the chance of completely killing the mood.

"He doesn't come in my bedroom Charlie. Now shut up." His fingers closed around the front of his shirt, pulling him down so quickly he ended up with his hands splayed out on the mattress on either side of his best friend.

"You're awfully demanding." It was said through a grin, rebuffing any misinterpretation.

"You said you wanted to make up, let's make up." Adam had never imagined they would ever be this close in his house, not now that things had skipped over platonic and ended up very much on the sexual tension scale. The thought made his face feel hot but he dismissed it, knowing in the low light the other boy wouldn't be able to read his embarrassment.

Charlie's fingers found the skin just above the waist band of his sweat pants, ghosting over it before sliding up under his T-shirt.

"Okay," followed by a kiss to the exposed skin then "Okay", almost like he was convincing himself.

The whole encounter felt almost surreal, meeting him just on the other side of sleep where he almost convinced himself it was all just his mind playing tricks.

Lazy kisses turned slightly more frantic and Adam tried very, very hard not to feel self-conscious when the Captain tugged his shirt over his head. He didn't do the whole people in his personal space thing very well, not because he didn't want to…especially now.

"You look a little lost." The quiet phrase jerked him back to the here and now, emphasizing that the boy he had had a crush on for years was currently not only in his bed with him but, half on top of him.

"I am a little." The nervous laugh that followed just brought a smile to the other boys face, he understood.

"A class on relationships and how to have them would be quite helpful, maybe they should offer that at Eden instead of useless…useless…" He was doing the babbling thing again, god why couldn't he just adapt like most normal people seemed to be able to do? No instead his brain just supplies unhelpful pieces of barely cohesive sentences.

At some point in his lapse, Charlie had tugged off his own shirt tossing it on the floor. The sharp intake of breath was too loud and too quick and even though he felt so anxious that he swore his stomach was trying to crawl out his throat the brunette just leaned in to kiss him again. The contact scrambled his thoughts enough that when his hands found Charlie's now bare shoulders his brain didn't just completely shut down.

"How am I doing?" And then at his completely confused expression,

"Making it up to you?" He wished he knew how Charlie did it, always seemed so comfortable in his own skin no matter what was going on. The blond couldn't quite wrap his head around it because it wasn't like he didn't want this…because he really, really did. This physical closeness was something he had never shared with any one and he was comfortable with Charlie but, he still felt sick and over thought every touch and each reaction which wasn't how this was supposed to go.

No it was supposed to feel natural and intuitive because they were supposed to be together and he loved the other boy. Blue eyes met grey ones briefly before flicking their attention anywhere else.

"Banksie?" With a sharp inhale he realized the older boy was waiting for his response, almost anxiously or at least as much so as he ever did.

"Sorry I just-" He bit back what he had been about to say, the cliché I've never done this before line that made him think of horrible television romance movies.

Before he could come up with anything better to say the brunette sunk down onto the mattress next to him. He felt like a complete idiot, everything had been fine.

The whole situation was slightly embarrassing. He didn't know what to say or how to make him understand that he didn't do anything wrong, he was just apparently incapable of having a physical relationship with out completely freaking out.

Much to his surprise, the brief interlude didn't bring the onslaught of questions he thought it was going to. Instead, a calloused hand found his hip, resting there for a moment before being followed by a long, slow kiss, teeth catching his bottom lip.

He forgot about being cautious, about sore muscles and bruised skin that took away his self confidence; instead he let himself focus on the warmth of the other boy's skin and the gentle but constant pull to bring them closer together.

Light was pouring through the window of his bedroom before he managed to rouse himself enough to untangle from the sheets and limbs and head into the bathroom to shower. The smile that tugged at his lips seemed impossible to get under control. The brunette sleeping in his bed was enough of a reason for him to get past the fight the previous night, any lingering doubts he had about bringing their relationship to the forefront of his father's attention had diminished.

Pulling what was left of his clothes off he glanced momentarily in the mirror, blue eyes skimming over the blossoms of blue, purple and green that tinted his skin. It still didn't squelch the contentment that he felt.

The front line center wasn't sure what it was that Charlie saw when he looked at him that made the other boy's gaze catch and stay there. He had always felt unsure, growing up especially. He had been shorter than the other boys in his class, slight in frame from being so active. Painfully shy and quiet he had always preferred to hang back and stay out of the spot light. That didn't mean he didn't always do his best. No, his father would not accept anything short of one hundred percent.

Now though, he was older and how Charlie looked at him made him want to see himself in the same light. The blond was taller now, just a couple inches shy of being eye to eye with his boyfriend. His frame was lean from all the conditioning for Hockey, posture straight. Features that had once seemed out of place he had grown into. With a sigh he stepped into the shower, turning it on and leaning into the cool spray. He didn't hear the door open over the water and the quiet hum of the nondescript tune he was humming so when a hand tugged at his wrist it was an understatement to say he was startled.

"Sorry!" The brunette didn't sound sorry as he laughed, those grey eyes crinkled around the edges, he certainly didn't seem sorry when he pushed into his personal space to kiss him.

"What-" His heart hammered against its bone imprisonment and Adam was sure that it was actually going to explode. The small amount of self assurance he had managed to coax into existence went up in flames as did any sort of handle he had on the situation.

What they had been doing before, the cuddling, constrained but gentle touches, he was use to that now. He actually looked forward to it, something he never thought he would do. The pair had never pushed past that and as far as he was concerned, being completely naked together in the shower was very much outside of that boundary.

"I didn't mean to scare you, I thought you heard me come in." Charlie at least had the decency to appear uncertain even if it was only for a second before reaching out to wrap his fingers around Adam's arm and tug ever so gently.

"I didn't." God, he couldn't make his brain do much of anything besides yell at him that he should be SAYING something, anything. All marks bare and exposed under the bright lights of the bathroom and the extreme lack of any kind of clothing.

Charlie's gentle expression changed to one of concern.

"Shit, you weren't kidding…" The change in demeanor made Adam want to scream. It took everything in him not to run away. He hated it when he looked at him like that, like he was this pathetic, broken thing that needed to be looked after. Shoving aside the horror he felt at what was clearly supposed to be some romantic encounter gone horribly wrong, he squared his shoulders and stepped into the other boys space.

"And here I thought you were here for something else." The line was the fist thing that popped into his head and he winced inwardly at how cheesy it sounded. It wasn't something he would ever say. Well apparently it was.

"Banksie-" What ever was about to be said was lost as he moved forward, closing the small amount of space between them that was left and crushed their lips together.

He knew Charlie must be able to feel his heart pounding, they were so close, don't think, just don't. Reaching up he wrapped his arms around the Captain's neck, urging him even closer.

"I told you, I'm okay." The emphasis on the word only made Charlie hate it all the more. That wasn't what he wanted to hear. The boy opposite him should never just be okay.

"Charlie-" He meant for the name to catch his attention but, the soft huff that it escaped his lips with leaned more toward the erotic side. The result was his back pressed into the tiles of the shower, and a knee shoved between his thighs.

"God, Adam." The reply was soft, followed by an extraordinarily gentle kiss on his shoulder that left the spot tingling.

Biting his lip he just focused on breathing for a minute, not bothering to try and wrap his head around this because they had both wanted it for so long and neither of them thought they could ever have it. But they were both wrong because this, this was right.

Even with the struggle to make it to this place, Adam suddenly realized he wouldn't trade any of it and jeopardize this, them. He would take every beating, every fight, every single sleepless night that he knew he was too broken to make this work, he would keep it all and over come it.

The cold December air feels soft on the exposed parts of his skin and they fall easily into step with each other. Sneakers on the snow dusted pavement that crunches in the crisp chill of the morning. Adam keeps pulling his hat down further over his ears to keep his still damp hair from freezing and Charlie shoves his hands deeper into the pockets of his jacket that is the first line of defense against the cold, under which is layered an almost absurd number of sweaters and thermals.

They had already been to a number of shops and Adam only has a couple things left until his Christmas lists are complete, something for his dad and something for Charlie. There were a lot of things that he had watched Charlie admire and even more that he had shown interest in but, every time there seemed to be something missing.

Now more than ever he was over thinking this gift thing. He guessed that almost having sex in the shower and nights spent wrapped around each other made the whole…relationship thing they had going on a little more complicated. They were really something now or at least he was more invested and with that added weight also came the perfect gift problem.

Charlie says something about his hands freezing and tugs him into what ever store is closest to thaw out a little. The bell announces their arrival and is followed quickly by the employee closest to the door greeting them in an overly nice voice that makes Charlie grin and Adam want to press his palms against his ears.

It's some kind of second hand clothing store that must not get much business in the middle of the week because the girl that greeted them is leaning on the counter taking to one of her friends. He absent mindedly follows Charlie as he wanders to a rack and starts idly flipping through the clothes hung there.

"Here." He holds up a pair of jeans with a smile and Adam just stares at him.

"What?" Charlie just shrugs with this expression that clearly states he should know what the other boy is doing.

By the time they actually make it back to the dressing room Adam is carrying a very diverse and slightly horrifying pile of clothing that Charlie had picked out and shoved into his arms. He didn't see a single thing that he would actually wear but even when he protested the other boy ignored him like he hadn't said a word. So he slips into the dressing room as Charlie stands out side and demands he shows him everything he tries on. The biggest problem is Adam doesn't even know what to put with what or how to wear any of these things.

After a good ten minutes of sorting through the piles he just shouts that he had no idea what he's doing to which Charlie just tells him to put something on.

When he finally makes it through about half of the pile he feels ridiculous. Most of it is fine, t-shirts and jeans that fit well enough but don't exactly feel like they belong on him and they do okay until he pulls on a pair of black jeans that have holes in the knees and thigh and cling with unforgiving tightness from his hips to his ankles. He doesn't want to leave the dressing room and it takes Charlie a good five minutes to talk him out.

"Oh…umm…wow." Adam swallows the lump in his throat and tries to fight off the instinct to run back into the dressing room and rid himself of the offending article of clothing.

"Those…are pants." He squirms uncomfortably under his boyfriends gaze.

"I'm not really sure you can call them that…I, oh god." He laughs nervously but Charlie just kneels and cuffs the bottoms of them, looking up at him with his lip caught between his teeth.

"I think you need to buy these."

"I just don't think I can pull them off…" his mind goes to the drawers of slacks at home and the pair just on the other side of the curtain which are relaxed fit and comfortable, reaching back to scratch his neck and says, "I don't know-"

"Adam-" And he squares the blond so he's facing the mirror, hands on his shoulders. The repositioning causes him to catch Charlie's eye in his reflection, making him want to run away and sink closer to the boy in the same moment.

"There's not a single thing wrong with these, I mean…"

The half choked "Really?" that he manages to get out makes the Captain roll his eyes.

"Yes, really." Something shifted in his demeanor, emotions rolling across his face too quickly to serve as a warning for the blond. With a quick couple steps forward he guides the blond back into the dressing room, pulling the curtain shut behind them.

"Charlie-" When their lips meet he can't help but kiss back, blood racing under his skin and his heart picking up speed.

"Let me help you with those." Dropping to his knees he pulled at the button and tugged the zipper pull, hooking his fingers through the belt loops.

And god, he couldn't even find any words to make him stop and he didn't want him to stop, resulting in just a sharp gasp sucked in between clenched teeth.

It seemed like this might be going somewhere they shouldn't be letting it, somewhere that could get them in a lot of trouble if they were caught and just as Adam was trying to come up with a way to voice his concern the too tight fabric sticks at his calves, making him almost fall over from the force Charlie had to use to try and peel it away.

He couldn't help it, he laughed, reaching out with one hand to catch himself, palm flat against the wall and the other coming to rest on the brunette's shoulder.

"These are never going to come off!" He tried to be quiet but, between each word he could hardly hold back his amusement.

The situation was becoming desperate and Adam was almost worried that he was going to have to buy the pants while still wearing them because they were not coming off when Charlie finally made him sit down and yanked them free.

Now that the whole ordeal is over all he wants to do is get out of this store but, Charlie is still sitting on the ground, those damn pants next to him and laughing so hard he can't help but join in.

He's in literal, physical pain from laughing by the time they finally get themselves under control. It took three tries, the first two ending when they looked at each other again and the absurdity of what had just happened making it start all over again. He was honestly pretty sure he had broken a rib because just breathing hurt.

They leave the store after purchasing a few things mostly out of apology for the commotion than anything else and the girl at the register looks more annoyed then angry.

The bag kept hitting the side of his thigh as they walked, reminding him of what had just happened and drawing his features into a smile.

The blond was so caught up in their conversation that he didn't notice where they were headed until they were only a block from the dinner.

"What?" Charlie stopped a few steps ahead of him, confusion tugging at his features.

It wasn't that he didn't want to see Charlie's mom, he just wasn't sure if he was ready to see her now that she knew. With out a word Charlie held out his hand, drawing Adam back to his side when he finally stepped forward and took it.

"Relax Banksie." The quiet whisper was spoken as his nose pressed against his temple and the blond could feel the smile that accompanied them. There were a thousand reasons that popped into his head as to why he couldn't relax but, he was here and he was with Charlie. There was a time he didn't think that combination would ever even be possible yet, here they were. Maybe it was time to stop jumping to conclusions.

The little bell above the door announced their entry but the sound was swallowed up by the lunch crowd tucked into every booth and corner. Kids their age, truckers in over sized coats, business men rushing to get a cup of coffee before heading back to the office. It only took a couple minutes for Casey to spot them as Charlie pulled him along to the counter where he always sat.

"Hello boys." Leaning over the barrier she kissed Charlie's cheek quickly before pulling Adam into a tight hug. He really needed to get a handle on all of the blushing because it was getting embarrassing.

"What have you two been up to today?" Still smiling she whipped her hands on her apron, dragging the bin closer and sorting silverware to roll as the talked. There was only one stool which Charlie kept actively avoiding until Adam relented and sat down because it was more awkward for them to both be standing.

The pair chatted easily, sharing these looks that seemed to speak volumes above what they were actually saying out loud. Adam couldn't read most of them and it was starting to make him more and more uncomfortable.

Finally the conversation turned to Christmas and if Adam was coming because Charlie was supposed to ask and he hadn't said yet. To which the brunette swore left and right he had already told her yes, Adam was coming.

The captain slung an arm around his shoulders and pressed a quick kiss to his top of his head, a stupid grin on his face. What ever they had been talking about became muffled and distant, he jerked to the side, turning to look at his boyfriend to iterate that this was probably not the best time or place. All he actually managed to do was give the other boy more access and he took advantage of it.

The first thing he did was look at Casey who was smiling with her lips pressed together firmly to keep from laughing, probably at the mortified expression that was on his face.

"I told you she likes you." He didn't even bother to keep his voice down, just laughed instead and ruffled his hair.

It wasn't that he didn't believe them just that in his experience it was very easy to put up a front. He could imagine a more reasonable version of his father brushing off his interest in other boys growing up with little more than a smile and 'that's nice' while in his mind convincing himself it was just a phase. Just give him time to grow out of it because if I make a scene it will just make him want it more. He wasn't saying that Charlie didn't know is mom but, sometimes it was easy to over look peoples reactions if you wanted them to be a certain way.

He had done his best to not ask Charlie if Linda had ever met Casey. It made sense that she would have, they both went to his hockey games she no doubt had seen him kiss her after their JV Varsity showdown.

For Charlie's sake he pushed down all of his insecurities and ordered something off the menu. Casey came and went as she got orders in to be taken to the kitchen and out to tables, smiling and chatting the whole time. The idea that maybe she was genuinely happy for them shoved its way into his mind and stuck there, bringing up all the times he had stayed over, all the times she went out of her way to drive him home or pick them up from practice so they could spend a little more time together.

By the end of lunch he's convinced himself that she really is honestly alright with them. Even so there's a swell of relief when they say good bye and head out again into the bright sunlight. The sidewalks are crowded now with people doing last minute shopping, bags and boxes tucked under arms as they hurry along. While crowds usually make him slightly uncomfortable, there is something about being a part of this, hidden in the holiday ritual that sets him at ease.

Charlie still has his coffee in his hand, and the other which his dangling by his side keeps brushing against Adam's hand as they walk. The blond doesn't move over and finally gathers the courage to lace their fingers together. The gesture makes his pulse quicken but, no one stops to stare in fact no one even notices because there are so many people all pressing into each other. The small smile that pulls at the brunette's lips makes him duck his head and he takes a calming breath. He can do this.

They stop at the music store just because Charlie wants to look, even though he goes in there all the time and there's no way there's anything new. Adam suspects he just likes the atmosphere, all dusty records, walls plastered with signed band posters and sheet music stacked into neat piles and arranged alphabetically instead of by genera.

They guy at the counter knows him enough to greet him by name, continuing to reshelf albums from a pile he has stacked on a cart. It reminds Adam of some weird library.

"You're order came in, I have it for you at the front desk." Adam didn't even have a chance to ask what he had bought before he the brunette steered him toward the door of the shop, shutting him out.

"Could you just wait here, just for a second? I mean, right," Before heading back inside. It was only a few moments before the door was pushed back open and he was beckoned back inside with a sheepish grin.

"Sorry, didn't want to spoil the surprise." His eyes flickered to the brown paper bag that was now in the Captain's possession.

"You know you could have just told me not to look…"

"Couldn't chance it, it would have ruined everything." Adam just shook his head, keeping his curiosity to himself.

"Are you done here or would you like to shove me outside again and until I freeze to the sidewalk?" The guy at the counter, Craig, now that Adam had time to read his name tag, laughed and Charlie just rolled his eyes.

"Don't be so dramatic."

"I mean it isn't like its cold out there or anything," and after a quick glance at his gloves in Charlie's pocket "Or that you have my gloves, I might have frost bite." He did his best to look sincere, even though they both knew he wasn't. What he didn't expect was Charlie grabbing his hands and pressing them into the warmth of his neck, covering over the cold digits with is own hands.

"Sorry then." His gaze was caught on Charlie's expression, taking in the warmth and affection there that was amplified by their light banter.

"Fucking hell, you two are so sweet you make my teeth hurt." Ignoring him Charlie pressed a quick kiss to his cheek, grinning like an idiot and letting go of his hands.

"Don't be mean just because you're jealous. You're going to make a horrible first impression."

"I," he emphasized the word with gestures and an expression that clearly stated none of this was his fault "Am not the one who failed miserably at introductions. That I believe falls one hundred percent on you. I'm Craig by the way." Adam manages a shy hello, actively not staring at the guy where he was leaning against the edge of the counter with his arms crossed. He was older, probably by at least a couple years, Sandy blond curls just touching the back of his shirt collar.

"I've got to say, I think you could do better than this guy." The conversation is the kind of awkward that can only be achieved when listening in on a conversation between two people that know each other, third wheel syndrome if you will. Adam knows that Charlie isn't trying to exclude him but, it isn't his forte the whole being best friends with strangers thing. The dark haired boy on the other hand who is currently rolling his eyes and punching Craig in the arm excels at such interaction.

"Well, I think we're making your boyfriend uncomfortable," And just like that all eyes were turned toward him again while his mind was somewhere else completely. Before he could think of something to say the guy stuck out his hand telling him it was nice to meet him with a wink.

_.:._

Christmas Eve Mass was somewhat of an odd sort of affair. Not because Adam didn't like going, it was actually the complete opposite. There was something in the tradition that he had grown to appreciate. The quiet was nice, he wasn't expected to carry on conversations, he knew the routine and it never changed.

No the uncomfortable part was sitting with his father on one side and pretending nothing had happened between them, acting like they had never had the conversation or the fight that followed. And on the other side his mother who like always had neither seen nor heard anything. There was this part of him that wanted to hate her, for her intentional blindness to the situation. Over the course of many late nights nursing slight bruising he had laid awake wondering how someone could not know what was going on in their own house. As he got older he realized she didn't see it because she didn't want to.

Driving past the lights on their way home reminded him too much of Charlie so he focused his attention on the headrest of the seat in front of him. His parents chatted in the front seat quietly, hands clasped between them. His eyes caught there and he couldn't help but smile. It was a rare thing, for his father to show affection and he only did it now because he didn't think anyone was watching.

The quiet gentleness of the night put him at ease and he pressed his cold fingers between the seat and his legs to warm them, his mind drifting.

"There's the house." The softly spoken sentence caught his attention and he rubbed the frost from the car window to look out at what had grabbed her attention.

"When we were first moved here and were looking for place, back when I was pregnant with you and you're brother was still just a little thing, we almost bought that place." It was a small little house with green shutters and neatly trimmed bushes all draped with Christmas lights that patterned the surrounding snow with colors like a kaleidoscope. The front yard was fenced in and there was a wreath on the mail box. Compared to their place now it looked painfully small but, the fondness in her voice made him think that maybe she still would prefer it.

"I didn't know that."

"Someone else bought it before we could put in an offer, it was a shame your mother loved that place, still does I think… it all worked out though." He couldn't see his father agreeing to live there, even if it was his mother's dream home.

"We were different then, just kids trying to figure things out."

Adam swallowed hard, trying to imagine his parents a few years older than he was married with a kid and another on the way, moving to a new place. They must have really cared for each other at one point, for his mother to follow his father out here, away from her family. How did it go from that to what they were now, always fighting, always avoiding each other?

By the time they reached their house, he was thinking about little else than changing into his pajamas and sinking into bed with a book to quiet his mind.

The car parked in the drive way made all of that a rather slim possibility.

His brother still had a key to the house, if the lights on inside were any indication. His parents exchanged looks but exited the vehicle with out a word and too quickly for Adam to gather any information from them, so he just followed behind them up the walk way.

The couple must have heard the car pull in to the drive or seen the lights because before they even reached the door it was pulled open and there Derek stood with a short red headed girl that Adam assumed was Lauren. His parent's responses switched to full blown hospitality, warm hugs and greetings all around. When Derek side stepped his parents as they moved on to welcome his girlfriend he shook Adam's hand before pulling him into a one armed hug.

He could hear Lauren apologize for intruding and how she had tried and tried to get Derek to at least call. He had apparently wanted it to be a surprise.

"You still haven't stopped growing huh?" He was grinning, more laid back then Adam remembered him being but, it had been a while since they had seen each other. Lauren seemed to have mellowed him out some.

"Nice hair. Is that how the kids are wearing it these days?" The quick ruffle annoyed Adam and he smoothed his hands over it, almost compulsively.

"Not really, no." The response came out strained and guarded. Not how he had meant for it to, not anything like the occasion called for. Adam's family wasn't touchy to start with and even though this was his brother, they had never really been close. The whole thing felt like a horrible game of charades.

"How have you been?" His arm was still around his shoulders, making him even more uneasy. He hadn't had time to prepare for this. Not sure what to do or how to react at being bombarded with this whole unexpected situation he just shrugged, trying not to appear as put off as he felt.

If the slight scowl that tugged at Derek's features was any indication he wasn't doing a very good job.

"Are you-" Before he could get anything else out there was a loud gasp from where his parents were standing and Adam was surrounded by a blossom of laughter and loud conversation.

His mom pulled Lauren into another hug then grabbing her hand to look at the beautiful ring adorning her right ring finger while his father shook Derek's hand with loud congratulations all around.

Adam took in the whole situation and then after managing to process it felt kind of sick.

They all finally got inside, their mom ushering them toward the living room where Derek got Lauren's attention by gently touching her elbow.

"Lauren this is my little brother Adam." She smiled, her brown eyes bright and face slightly flush from the excitement.

"Hello, sorry about all this, I'm so glad I finally get to meet you!" He managed to find his manners in time to say hello back, which was followed by a quick congratulations more as an after thought than anything.

His mom started toward the kitchen to make some coffee but seeing a chance to get away for a moment Adam offered to do it instead, throwing her a smile before disappearing behind the door.

The conflicting emotions were hard to sort out, it wasn't that he didn't want to be happy for them, he was happy. Derek had never been the kind of guy to get serious about any one particular girl so he knew she must be something special. He was a little shocked that he hadn't talked to their parents first just because well it was rather brave to just drag her into the family like that.

For just a moment he let himself imagine showing up with Charlie, trying to explain to them that he loved him and that they were meant for each other. Just the mere thought nearly gave him a panic attack.

"Hey," His brother pushed through the door, smiling a little uncertainly as he made his way over to stand by him. The added presence in the room made him acutely aware that he had been standing by the coffee maker doing absolutely nothing for some time.

"You alright?" It was the first time in a long time he could remember being asked that in this house and the person actually wanting to know. Not wanting the polite 'why of course I'm just absolutely wonderful, and you?' He wanted to answer at first but, Derek was pretty much a stranger at this point. He had left for college and only been back a couple times for holidays, never wrote, never called. It was like he pushed this place behind him and never looked back. Not that Adam blamed him.

"Yeah." His fingers fidgeted with container where they kept the coffee beans, picking at the little chip in the lid.

"Sorry this is all so…sudden. I understand if it's a little weird for you." And god he just wanted to go hide in his room where people didn't bother him. He didn't want to have this conversation because, how was he even supposed to react to something like that?

"I just, I don't really know what to say to you." Derek just nodded, leaning against the counter with a soft sigh. He had expected the statement to make him mad.

"What ever you want to, Adam you can just be yourself. We are still brothers… that hasn't changed." He smiled easily, his whole demeanor different than the blond expected.

He wasn't sure what made him say it, probably the slight exhaustion that was setting in and the separation from Charlie that always made him feel a little disoriented and sad. What ever it was, he couldn't seem to stop.

"That's never really been an option." By now he's got the coffee going, mostly due to the fact that he just needs something to do with his hands.

"What?" He shrugged, instantly regretting the slip.

"Nothing, don't worry about it." When he went to walk away, he expected the older boy to let him go so when a hand touched his shoulder he jerked away, startled.

The look on his brother's face was one of confusion and concern.

The long silence that followed was uncomfortable to say the least and he found himself missing the bliss of being ignored by his family.

"Adam, I know we were never…close really but, even I can tell when your lying. You're a terrible liar." He crossed his arms much like Charlie often did when he was being difficult and the familiarity of the gesture caught him slightly off guard.

"I'd rather not talk about it right now." Thankfully Derek just nodded, holding his hands up in front of him, palms out, relenting.

That was how they found themselves sitting in the living room with Adam trying desperately to avoid his brother's gaze by staring into the murky brown liquid of his coffee cup until one in the morning.

The next morning wasn't as awkward as he had been dreading. It was actually nice to be around his family when there were other people to take the attention off of him. Everyone showed up to the breakfast table still sleepy from staying up late the night before talking and even though Derek kept catching his gaze he felt pretty relaxed. Now that the initial shock had worn off he could see just how good for him Lauren was. She was bright and funny, when she laughed her nose wrinkled just a little. Even straight out of bed with out showering she was beautiful, curly hair thrown up in a messy bun and wearing an oversized T-shirt and sweat pants. As they opened presents she sat next to him on the couch.

Derek seemed to smile a lot more than he use to and Adam couldn't help but wonder if that was how happy he looked when he was with Charlie, if it was that obvious to other people when they were together.

His parents got him some new hockey gear and a new winter coat even though the one he had was perfectly fine but he smiled and thanked them anyway, assuring his mom that he liked the color. The real problem came when all that was done, all the presents unwrapped and the table cleared. When everyone started settling in to watch a movie and he began getting ready to head over to Charlie's. He had showered and dressed and come down stairs and his father was coming out of the kitchen as his hand touched the door knob.

"Where are you going?" The disapproval was clear in every line of his father's face, because he knew. He had to know. There was no other reason he would be trying to make Adam stay.

"I was going to go to Charlie's for a little while, just a few hours." And just like that the illusion of the morning was shattered. In the five seconds it took him to answer the hostel inquiry the mood had shifted from disapproving to the deadly quiet that he knew preempted a full out war. So he jerked his hand back from the door, taking a step back in the process like maybe furthering himself from the object would defuse the situation.

"You're not going over there. Is that clear?"

"But dad-"

"No."

The blond didn't notice when Derek's form appeared in the door way of the living room, when his voice broke the tension it made him jump.

"What's the problem?" Adam closed his eyes momentarily, praying that this would just be over and they could skip the whole thing. That he was brave enough to just push open the door and walk out, shutting it behind him. He wasn't though and he didn't know if he ever would be.

"Nothing, everything is sorted out." The look on his face must have convinced his brother otherwise because he scowled slightly, glancing between the two of them.

"My decision is final. You will be spending your day here, with your family." And he just wanted to scream. He didn't feel like a part of this family, he wanted to be with his friends who cared about him, with Charlie was always there even when he didn't want him to be.

"I already told them I was coming." God he sounded like a child, scared and upset.

Then something happened that he never could have predicted.

"I'll take him, that way he won't be gone long." There was this odd touch of finality to the offer, making it more like a statement but in a prettier package. The front line center was sure his mouth was hanging open. Even more to his astonishment his father simply regarded the pair silently, looking between them before relenting.

"Fine but, be home by five."

Derek just nodded, grabbed his coat and told Lauren he would be back later, kissing her good bye quickly before meeting Adam at the car.

"Right, so where are we going?" His mind was skipping through all the different scenarios and the questions they were bound to impose. So he stood with his hand on the handle of the car door, watching his brother nervously. Instead of the onslaught of questions though he just unlocked the vehicle and got in, imploring Adam to do the same with out so much as a word.

It wasn't long before they were on their way, the address given quietly with the occasional turn left or right. He wasn't blind to the looks that he was getting but, he also didn't know how to bring it up or what Derek even thought they were doing. When he finally did figure it out he almost wished he had stayed home.

"So, who's the girl?" For just a moment Adam wanted to tell him, he was so tired of hiding it.

"What makes you think there's a girl?" The answer he got didn't really explain anything at all.

"Missy Rider."

"What?" His brother laughed, sparing him a quick glance that simply stated he should stop pretending because he obviously was on to him.

"The girl I dated when I was in high school that dad was completely pissed off about. He never let me go see her, never even let me be alone long enough that I could possibly sneak off. Well almost never, I did manage it a few times thoug-"

"There is no girl." The blond couldn't keep himself from interrupting. Instead he sunk down lower into his seat, finding the buildings rolling by infinitely more interesting than inside the car, as well as defiantly more interesting than the conversation at hand.

They fell into silence again, Derek obviously waiting for him to go on. Eventually the quiet stretched out into all the empty spaces, seeming to leak into his lungs to make it harder to breath.

"Dad doesn't like Charlie, never has if you remember. Unless you know, you forgot all about me when you finally got away from them." It was childish, to flip the issue over to focus on the older boy but, he couldn't help it.

The low whistle made him fell a little guilty.

"Wow, 'tis the season." With a heavy sigh he buried his face in his hands, he didn't want to fight with Derek. He was tired of fighting.

"I do remember Charlie, thank you very much and the rest of that gangly squad of misfits. Mom wrote to me your freshman year about them getting into Eden on scholarship. And if you must know, she seemed really relieved that you finally stopped fighting them about going to that school." Now he felt like a jerk.

"Well maybe if you ever called or wrote I would have realized you remembered I existed…maybe it wouldn't have been so bad." The silence that followed assured him that he knew. How could he not, it had been the same way with him when he had been home.

"We aren't talking about me." He rolled his eyes, scrunching down further into the seat.

"I am sorry though."

Adam wanted to tell him that, that wasn't good enough. No he wanted to remind him that he left him alone there and worse than that he had known. His friends, other people he could forgive because he never told them.

"Whatever, it's fine."

"Yeah, whatever." He knew a jab when he heard one but let it slide, he deserved it anyway.

When he first got there, he launched into awkward introductions, surprised that it was just Charlie, his mom and Sam at their apartment. He was relieved when Charlie nudged his arm grinning and told him he had his present in his room, even more so when his brother stayed with Casey in the living room to chat. Adam was acutely aware of every interaction, of the expressions Charlie sent his way, of the bright eyes and barely contained smiles and always proximity.

Charlie was some steps ahead of him so when he made his way into the room he was standing there with the present already tucked under his arm with that goofy grin on his face, all unconcerned ease.

"Merry Christmas." The Captain sunk down onto the bed, the package moving to balance on his knees, ready for Adam to take quick strides across the room and settle next to him.

It was silly to feel nervous but, recognizing the unhelpful feeling didn't make it go away. The blond pushed his hair back behind his ear, dragging his teeth across his bottom lip out of habit.

Charlie insisted they open them together, mostly because the brunette couldn't wait, impatient as always. Even so, Adam carefully slid the paper off the box, eyes watching the other boy all the while. Was it too much, not enough? In the moments that passed that seemed to literally drag by he berated himself for even bring the stupid gift.

"This is really for me?" The complete awe that he saw on Charlie's face eased all his worry so instantaneously that it was like it never existed at all.

He brushed his fingers over the smooth fabric of the jersey, the raised threads that stitched on the number. "You even got my number, how did you get this?!" The question was dismissed so quickly that Adam couldn't help but laugh, especially as the teen pulled off the sweater he was wearing to put it on.

"You like it?" It didn't really need to be asked but, Adam was floundering for something else to say, a way to bring the conversation back around with out making it awkward.

"Of course I like it!" Then much quietly, "It's perfect, thank you."

"You haven't opened yours yet." It was only half true, the blue wrapping paper that had been dotted with stars was laying around his feet, just the box its self needed to be opened.

Inside was a pile of black fabric, at first there was only confusion but as soon as he pulled the garment all of the way free from the box he couldn't help the laughter that erupted.

"You can't be serious!" He was sure his face was red but, it could easily be explained by the fit of laughter.

"I told you, they had to be yours." Before he could press the matter Charlie reached into the box and produced a substantially smaller one.

"That day we went into town and I shoved you out of the record store-"

"To stand out side freezing to death in the cold." He couldn't keep himself from tacking on though he wasn't serious about it at all. The Captain rolled his eyes.

"Yes, yes to freeze to death in the cold, this is what I was picking up. The guy that works there, his dad owns a shop the next town over and well…" He had peeled the wrappings off and was now holding a small black box which he gingerly pulled the top off of.

"And before you like, really freak out or…I don't know let your imagination run away with you I just, when I saw it, it reminded me of you and it just belonged with you. And I wanted you to have something to remind you of me." He almost didn't hear Charlie rambling as he stared at the silver object glinting at him from the box. It was just a silver ring, hammered metal that was a flared cylinder.

"Could you please say something?" He knew he should just accept the gift, smile and not make it into anything but…he chanced a glance at Charlie who was still sitting close, looking really nervous.

The metal was cool against his palm, weighty with out being too heavy. On the inside of the band there was something etched which, upon closer inspection he recognized as a pair of wings.

"For the ducks." He supplied the intent when he noticed Adam staring and sighed, relieved when the blond slid the ring on his middle finger.

Adam didn't remember deciding to kiss the Captain but, he must have at some point because there were hands tangled in his hair and the gentle tug forward to close more of the distance.

The amount of thought that went into the gift made him want to cry. He shouldn't be surprised because Charlie was one of the most thoughtful people he had ever met. No, he thinks maybe he could have seen it coming if he hadn't been so caught up in all his misery at being home. It was his own fault, he had asked Charlie to stay away.

Adam didn't second guess the rough palms that found the strip of skin between his shirt and pants or the brush of fingers that kept him from moving out of kissing range. Thoughts of who was sitting just on the other side of the thin walls, who could walk in and that neither of them had had the foresight to close the door were far from his mind. For once, he just let it happen.

"I guess you liked it then." Charlie huffed out between breaths, smiling into the next kiss that Adam couldn't seem to keep from bestowing on the other boy.

"Very much, yes." The short conversation was enough to let him gather his thoughts and place them back in order and lent enough distance that his mind could focus on other things.

"We should…probably get back, you know before they miss us." The brunette flopped back onto the bed dramatically.

"I don't want to," then after grabbing his hand to pull him down next to him. "let's just stay here forever instead." The blond tugged away, rolling his eyes as he climbed off the bed, restoring some much needed distance.

"Charlie…" The brunette regarded him from his place among the pillows and crumpled sheets.

"Are you at least going to wear your present?" Adam held up his hand, features furrowed in confusion. "I am."

"Not that one."

Honestly Charlie was lucky he didn't get the closest blunt object chucked at his head.

They sat in the living room squished into each others personal space so much that their shoulders kept knocking together. There was a lot of laughing and story telling and Adam found that he didn't really mind Sam as much as he had been prepared to hate the man. Most of the time he sat quietly and just listened but, he had greeted him with a smile and firm hand shake that made Adam wonder if Casey had told him about them. He also kept in mind that public appearances didn't say much about the actual person. His own father was a clear testament to that.

Thankfully, no one had asked what they had gotten each other for which Adam was eternally grateful. Explaining why his best friend had given him a pair of black jeans that were full of holes and quite tight was a little more than he was ready to talk his way out of, not to mention the band of metal around his finger. Of course, Charlie still hadn't taken off his jersey so no one had to ask what he had gotten. The whole thing drew to an end much too quickly, Derek apologizing but insisting they had to get home and thanking them all for having them.

When Casey hugged him good bye, she squeezed his hand first and offered a smile. "You're welcome any time, you know that Adam." When he just nodded, blushing she laughed and smoothed his hair back from his face.

The whole car ride back to their house was spent waiting for the questions that never came. Instead, Derek turned on the radio and the drove in a silence that was almost comfortable. Part of him was glad that Charlie hadn't kissed him good bye and the other part wished that he had tried to. That in its self made him feel like he was going insane. It would have been a terrible idea but, his heart fluttered slightly at the thought so he let himself keep it.

He could feel the ring box pressing into his thigh where it resided in his coat pocket, Charlie insisting that he take it with him. Later Adam would open it to find a black cord to put it on if he wanted to wear it around his neck instead with a short little note that explained he wouldn't be mad.

The whole experience brought a mess of conflicting emotions. After reading it at first he was mad that Charlie would think he wouldn't want to wear it. That he was afraid that people would see it and ask questions. That quickly subsided when he realized the other boy was right and the anger turned inward at him self for not being brave enough, for not trying hard enough, for caring so much what other people thought.

He turned the little box over in his hands then, in an irrational burst of anger threw it across the room where it bounced off the wall and rolled under his bed. It stayed there while he brushed his teeth and changed into pajamas, while he stuck the black jeans and all the memories attached into the bottom drawer of his dresser with a slight smile.

Switching off the light he slid under the covers, feeling more alone than usual as he stared at the metal encompassing his finger. There was little he could do to stop it when the tears came, so he ignored them and in a silly act of defiance he shoved his hand under his pillow leaving the newly acquired object exactly where he had put it when Charlie first gave it to him.

The next morning was spent saying good bye to his brother and Lauren, helping them pack their car and everyone trading hugs and hands shakes.

They all stayed on the front steps until the car rounded the corner, Adams mom whipping at her face, trying to be discrete, then laughing to cover the outburst of emotion. He was surprised when his father wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pressed a gentle kiss to her temple.

"They'll be around next holiday." She just nodded and stayed where she was, soaking up the affection that as far as Adam had seen was seldom given these days.

Adam trudged back up to his room to hide, needing the alone time. Upon his return how ever he saw something on the bed that he had defiantly not left there. Cautiously he stepped closer, relaxing when he saw it was just a white envelope with his name printed across the front. His calm demeanor was immediately thrown into disarray when he opened it, the letter enclosed scrawled in handwriting that he recognized as his brothers.

Adam,

I'm sorry for staying away as long as I did and I don't expect you to be an open book with me but, when we first got home, I was worried about you. You were so far from the happy kid I remember taking to the skating rink when we were young. I kept waiting for you to warm up to me again, to see that you were happy because I needed you to be. I needed to know that I hadn't left you alone, that you weren't broken because of me. I felt guilty.

And then I saw you together.

You deserve to be happy and I can clearly see that he is the only one that can make you that way.

I understand why you don't see it as an option to confide in me but, I thought it was important that I tell you that I see it. Even if no one else is on your side, I always will be.

Derek

Accompanying the letter was a photo that Derek must have taken on his phone because he didn't recall seeing him with a camera once for the duration of his visit.

It was of Charlie and him, sitting in the living room in the apartment, they were deep in conversation, Charlie's hands a little blurry from what ever frantic motions he had been making to try and explain and Adam was…did he really look like that when they were together? He looked happy, content, fond…he watched the other boy fondly a smile pulling at his features that clearly stated he adored the other boy.

He read the letter again, the action bringing with it a collision of emotions. Horror because he clearly was not as careful and covert as he thought he was being which, was pleasantly overwhelmed by a sense of relief because he finally believed that it was okay, that this would all be okay.

The end.

Thanks so much for giving this a read! I know I left you all in suspense for far longer than I intended. The other two stories that precede this one were almost finished before I posted them. This one was half way there and I deleted large chunks of it every time I opened it to write.

Please let me know if you guys are interested in one more installment, there are a few things I didn't get to fit into this one that I think I could flesh out enough to do kind of an epilog last go at it. Comments are always appreciated and make the late nights worth it!

[N]