R&R

Obsession

.i.

He doesn't know how it all began. Only that at some point it did, and now all he can think about when he isn't occupied with his duties is of blonde hair and blue eyes.

He shouldn't even know that she has blue eyes. After all, her eyes remain closed behind the shimmering crystal she has encased herself behind. And yet his mind's eyes is able to see her exact shade and texture when he pictures her. He has seen her in her titan form yes, but something tells him the color he remembers on the female titan isn't the same as her own.

It's a trivial thought, yet it has occupied his thoughts for longer than he would like to admit.

Before the operation on Stohess began, he knew nothing of Annie Leonhardt. He didn't know that she had been in the same graduating class as Eren Jaeger, that she had been in the top ten, or that she had been the only one in their circle to choose the military police.

Now everyone seems to know why. To infiltrate wall Sina and destroy the walls from the inside. That's what everyone seems to be so sure of. That's what they want to believe at least. They want to believe that all those deaths were justified, that they hadn't been in vain, that the Survey Corps had taken on such a burden and caused so much fear and sorrow because it would save them in the end.

As for him, he isn't so sure anymore.

Something changed.

Something changed when they were given Annie's encased remains and they placed it against the wall deep underground. When he sees her encased by that crystal, the picture of a saint comes to mind, a martyr even. And perhaps that's exactly what she is. They hold her up as if to be revered like a holy object would be, and yet the wires that bind her seem to say otherwise.

Perhaps there is some symbolism in that after all. He has to hold in a laugh when he thinks about it.

What are we so afraid of?

The thought resonates through his mind as he takes in the juxtaposed sight that Annie Leonhardt presents to him.

The crystal that keeps her from them shines brightly even in the darkness of the underground where where the sun can't reach it. They are able to see her clear as day.

And yet they cannot see the answers that they desperately seek. Even in her apparent defeat, he can't help but feel as if she is still the one that came out on top. Even in her defenseless state, she taunts them.

She taunts him.

He doesn't know what to think of her. But the thought of hating her like so many others never once crosses his mind. What he does know for certain however, is that he admires her.

He doesn't think the thought makes him a traitor to humanity. After all, even enemies must acknowledge the strengths of their adversaries. It is doing the opposite that leads to defeat. And it is because he is able to acknowledge her that he is able to see what few others do.

Even without having ever spoken to her, he can see who she is as a person.

She is driven, resilient, and strong.

He knows this because only someone with those traits could do what Annie Leonhardt has done.

His logical mind can see that there is a motive behind her actions. A desire, a wish, a dream even. But whatever motivation possessed her remains in obscurity, as is everything with Annie Leonhardt.

He also knows that he respects her.

He respects her because she has shaken humanity to its core. Where Eren gave them hope, Annie has given them doubt.

Where hope is foolish, doubt is change.

He has never been a fan of hope. He has always seen it as for the weak, those who can't muster the will or power to change their situation. Instead, they rely on outside forces to do it for them.

Doubt on the other hand, is what forces people to come to a realization. It is what pushes people to search inwardly and externally for the answers that they seek. It makes people question what they think they know and pursue an alternative that makes sense. To discover something of a greater magnitude or meaning. And in doing so, people grow and change. Usually for the better.

Annie has done this for more than just him. She has done this to every person that once thought they knew anything to be known about Titans and humanity. What it means to be human, what it means to live within these walls, what it means to fight back and survive.

What are we fighting for?

.ii.

He finds himself visiting her frequently when he has the chance. He doesn't know what it is that brings him to her.

At first, he thinks that it's to remind himself of his duty. Of their duty. He knows what it is of course, he's the one that often has to remind others of it. Then again, the events that happened are a twist no one expected. Annie is a new development, yet it should not have to change the duties they are to fulfill.

Their goal should still be to survive, to reclaim what they can of their land, to give humanity hope of a better future. He resists the urge to scoff at the thought.

Looking at her makes him rethink everything.

He can't help but trace every curve and edge of her face with his gaze. He knows it by heart now. He knows the slope of her cheek, the shape of her chin, the size of her nose. He could trace every curve of her body with his eyes closed by now. He has committed all of this to memory and the thought doesn't bother him in the least.

It only confuses him. She's good at that, and he wonders if the fact that she does this without trying or realizing it is another reason to admire and respect her.

She looks young. She looks human. And yet she killed and fought against humanity. But who exactly is she fighting? He knows very well that certain parts of humanity deserve to be destroyed, and he can't blame someone for trying. But no matter how many angles he thinks of, there's no way of knowing for sure.

And it is this uncertainty that pulls him to her. He wants to know her thoughts. He wants to know her past. He wants to know everything there is to know about Annie Leonhardt, about the enigma that has trapped herself in a cage of impenetrable crystal. Her safe heaven, her prison.

Who are you?

.iii.

He must overestimate his skill, or perhaps he has once again underestimated Eren Jaeger. Because for the first time, he isn't alone when he visits her. He doesn't know it's him at first, but he already has plenty of reasons to justify being there.

But Eren doesn't ask.

He only stands there, a reasonable distance away (which is unfortunate, he really does like making him flinch).

He eyes Eren warily, but Eren never once takes his eyes from Annie. It's not a gaze he is used to seeing on Eren, the boy that wears his emotions on his sleeve. His gaze is guarded, as if he is prepared to once more fight against Annie, to let go of his humanity. He looks at her as if she'll break out of her prison any minute now.

He wishes it were that simple.

Then he speaks. The way the words flow out of his mouth makes him think he's not speaking to him, but rather at him. Maybe he's just thinking aloud, but he'd like to think he knows Eren enough to know he is just like anyone else. He wants to unburden himself, unburden himself of the emotion and doubt that Annie stirred within him. And why not here?

After all, he has no reason to tell anyone what Eren says here. And Eren knows that. Without needing words, there is a mutual understanding that the two have found here.

"I didn't realize it at the time. All I could think of was killing the titan. All I wanted was to destroy Annie. I didn't even know why."

There is a pause, and there is a flicker of emotion in Eren's guarded expression.

"When I transform into a titan, I lose sight of myself. I can't think straight, and all I can do act on my desire to kill titans. But Annie wasn't like that. She was always in control, always aware of what she was doing. She wasn't a mindless titan."

He sees that Eren is able to understand Annie on a level he never could, and the thought bothers him, makes him envious even. But he listens, because listening to what Eren has to say means understanding the enigma that lies in front of them.

"In Stohess, I didn't stop to think of the civilians or soldiers. I didn't stop to think that I would be killing innocents in the fighting. But Annie did."

His gaze travels from Eren to Annie. She looks at peace, as she always does. She remains blissfully unaware of the emotional turmoil she has caused.

"She led me to that open field on purpose, so that we could avoid killing others as much as possible. Why would she do that? After everything she did, all the lives she had already taken, why would she care?"

He sees Eren clench his fists at his sides. He is angry now, angry because he doesn't know the answers to his questions. It's so much easier to understand someone when they didn't trap themselves in crystal.

"It's my fault that she ended up this way. I was so close. So close to devouring her. Just like a titan would. But I didn't. At the last second, I... stopped."

He remembers that moment. For a heart stopping second, he had thought that he wouldn't reach them in time, that all their efforts would be in vain.

Now he's relieved.

There is another pause, and this time Eren visibly slumps, as I'd if the anger just fades away from his body.

"She was crying... Can you believe that? Annie actually crying? She wasn't even awake, but tears were falling down her face."

Eren laughs a humorless laugh and looks down at his hand.

"Such a human thing to do."

The silent question hangs in the air.

Why would she cry?

.iv.

It's clear to him that he's obsessed.

He's obsessed with Annie Leonhardt. He's obsessed with a girl that he has never once talked to, or interacted with in any way besides the fact he tried to capture her multiple times.

He should be worried, and perhaps a part of him is. Yet he does nothing to stop it. He still thinks about her constantly, question after question plaguing his head. He still visits her whenever he can.

But there's something different about those visits, about the way his thoughts revolve around her.

It's more than simple curiosity, the need to know the answers to all his questions.

There's a foreign feeling that accompanies the thought and sight of her. There is a warmth that spreads through his body, a pleasant feeling that makes the stress of living in a cage be temporarily forgotten.

He knows what it is, but a part of him is hesitant to admit it.

Have I grown fond of her?

AN: Well, here's a spur of the moment fanfiction that I got a 2 AM. It was inspired by -I kid you not-, a three second frame where Levi is staring intently at Annie after her crystallized form is given to the Survey Corps. However, it gave me the perfect opportunity to kind of convey my "Team Annie" viewpoint. I might add to this later on, depending on how things develop and what not.

All in all, I like how it came out. I know that Annie/Levi is practically unheard of, but I'm always happy to contribute to the crack pairs that few tend to appreciate.

That being said, this is dedicated to one of my best friends! Who once told me she absolutely hates Annie, but I think I've managed to slowly change that viewpoint.

I hope that she's not the only one that can learn to appreciate Annie just a little bit more through this fic of mine.

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it. Leave a review my way and let me know your thoughts!

:)