Et Je T'Aime Encore (French for 'And I Still Love You)

Life has never been exactly easy for Katherine Houghton Beckett, but she's always made it through - albeit sometimes barely. Suddenly, a tragic accident takes one of the only blessings in her life, and this time, she can't afford going down the rabbit hole, because this time, she's not alone. Will this beacon of hope be enough to keep her together? Or enough is enough?

AN: In this AU post Veritas, Castle and Beckett are married, but something makes her world come tumbling down once again. This story was partially inspired by the wicked awesomeness that is Kate Christie's story "The Wort Of Words" and by the song Et Je T'Aime Encore by Céline Dion.

Not necessarily a new plot, but I hope you enjoy my take on it.

Linchpins

"I've just been thinking about our linchpins. You know, those moments in life that change everything."

"Like what?"

"I don't know. Like meeting you, for instance, you know. I mean, do you ever think about how our lives would be different if we never met?"

"Well, given how many times I've saved your life, you'd probably be dead"

"I don't know, I find it funny how every decision that we make, every seemingly random occurrence just has the possibility to change everything. You know, like getting into a particular college, or… a chance meeting with the guy or the girl of your dreams."

"Losing a loved one"

"Yeah. One moment and everything changes."

-Kate Beckett and Rick Castle "Our Linchpins", Castle S4 deleted scene.

Kate is sitting on the edge of the bathtub, incapable of registering the information her eyes are giving her.

She's looking at a small piece of plastic that she's holding in her hand that's telling her life has changed forever.

That morning...

The morning light filters through the curtains, lighting Castle's peaceful features. Beckett's lying on her back looking at him. She's contemplating how lucky she is to be with a guy like that – intelligent, caring and funny – when her stomach starts turning.

She tries to breathe through it until it becomes too much. The detective jumps out of bed and darts towards the bathroom. She barely makes it to the toilet before dropping to her knees and emptying her stomach.

"Kate?" she hears Castle's worried voice from the door. He kneels by her side and starts rubbing soothing circles on her back.

When the heaving has subsided, she takes a few breaths, sits on the cold tile floor and lets her head fall back. She's not used to feeling like this.

Castle sits silently by her side, his hand never leaving her back. "You okay?" he asks softly.

She looks as pale as a ghost, and he's worried out of his mind. She never gets sick.

After her stomach finally settles, Beckett sighs. "Yeah" she nods. "Must've been something I ate" she says for his benefit, but in the back of her mind she knows it's probably something entirely different.

Beckett starts getting up and Castle jumps to his feet to help her up. "You sure?"

"Yeah" she turns to the sink where she washes the bitter taste off her mouth. She then takes a few tentative steps and after making sure the room's not spinning around her anymore, she makes her way to the bedroom with Castle hot on her heels.

As Beckett gets some clothes to change into, the writer rushes outside the bedroom without a word. He's back a few moments later holding a glass of water and a pack of crackers.

She turns around just as she's clasping her bra and he hands her the glass of water. The detective takes it and drinks slowly.

That's when they hear her phone ringing. He hurries to get it. "It's the precinct. Should I tell them you're not feeling well?" he tells her hoping that she'll stay home.

"No, I'm fine" she stretches her arm towards him to get her cell. He hands it to her after a second's hesitation. "Beckett" she says into the phone as she walks towards Castle to give him the glass and over to the bedside table to write the address down. "Alright. Be right there" she hangs up.

"Body drop?"

"Yep. You comin'?" she asks when she notices he's not moving to get changed.

"Right" he leaves the glass and the crackers on the table and puts on some clothes.

"You wanna eat something?" he asks once they're both ready to go.

"Not really"

"You should at least eat the crackers"

"Hmm" she decides to humor him, so she takes a few. "Let's go" she says between bites.

The ride to the scene is quiet. Castle turns to look at her every once in a while. She seems better. Her color's back and she's already on cop mode. But that won't stop him from worrying, and Beckett knows it. She just hopes that he won't be hovering all day long.

When they're at the scene, Beckett's a little distracted thinking about the incident at home and trying to keep whatever she managed to get into her stomach there.

She also thinks about the fact that this wasn't the first morning she's been nauseous. And her period was… Oh, God.

It doesn't take a Detective to put two and two together.

Before she starts freaking out, she needs to-

"Beckett?" Esposito snaps her out of her thoughts. He was giving her the rundown of what they found at the scene and at some point she wasn't listening anymore.

"Sorry?" she needs to focus on the case first. Then she'll find out if there's anything to freak out about.

The case is open-and-shut. Albeit Beckett's absent-mindedness, they had the killer in custody by the end of the day.

"Ready to go?" Castle asks standing by her desk where she's finishing some paperwork.

"Hmm" she nods. "But I'll go to my apartment tonight. I've got to take care of something"

He frowns at her. "You sure?"

"Yeah" she gets up and gives him a chaste kiss on the lips. "Maybe I'll join you at your place later"

Castle looks disappointed but he doesn't say anything.

Beckett looks around the precinct and finds it almost empty, so she takes him in for a deep kiss. When they break apart, they keep their foreheads together. "I love you" she says quietly.

"I love you" he repeats before taking her in for a quick kiss. He then turns around and leaves.

"Thank you" she makes him stops in his tracks in the middle of the bullpen. She says it for no particular reason, she's just… Thankful.

He turns around and flashes her a smile that makes her want to get all over him right then and there. A smile that makes her feel like they're the only people in the world.

He hears the unsaid words. Thank you for staying. Thank you for being there. Thank you, because you didn't have to… Thank you.

"Always" he'll always be there for her. He'll do anything for her.

He spins on his heels and continues his way towards the elevator.

Beckett stares after him, a huge grin on her face and a warm fussy feeling in her belly. She has the urge to follow him and tell him what she thinks that's going on…

But she needs to make sure first. There's no need in getting his hopes up about something that might not even be happening.

She sighs as she falls back on her chair, debating whether to call Lanie or not, but she decides against it. She needs to deal with it herself first. Let it sink in.

Besides, the first person she wants to tell is Castle.

She gathers her stuff and drives to her apartment, not before stopping at a drugstore to buy a pregnancy test.

Initially Beckett's in shock. But then she starts imagining the way Castle's face will light up when she tells him. He'll be so thrilled!

That's when it hits her. She's going to be a mom! She's having a little Castle baby! A smile slowly creeps onto her face at the thought.

She has to tell him. It's late, and he's at his loft probably asleep… But she has to tell him.

The detective gets back into her boots, grabs her keys and rushes towards the door, excitement bubbling all over her body.

She then remembers that she's on-call, so she goes back into her room and takes her gun and badge, just in case.

As soon as she locks the door, she hears the familiar ringing of her cellphone. She takes it out and when she looks at the caller ID she grunts. It's the precinct.

She'll have to put her plans on hold.

As Beckett gets into her unmarked, she calls Castle to tell him to meet her at the scene. When he doesn't answer she shrugs, figuring he's probably in the shower or busy with something. He'll call her back.

When she gets to the scene – a street corner where a silver hybrid has plowed into a cab – the place is already lit with the blinding blue-and-red of the police cars and emergency units and crawling with uniforms and CSU techs.

She parks her vehicle and finds Esposito and Ryan. "What've we got?" she says ready for the new case.

The two partners turn to look at Beckett with identical looks of surprise and confusion on their faces. There's something else in their expression, but she can't quite put her finger on it.

"Beckett" Javi looks at her almost as if she shouldn't be there.

"What are you doing here?" Ryan seems concerned.

"I'm on-call. Dispatch called me" she narrows her eyes at the detectives, who are making their way towards her.

Espo and Ryan look at each other when they get to her, not sure of what to do.

"Guys, what's going on?"

"Kate" Lanie walks towards her friend, looking distraught.

"What's going on, Lanie?" Beckett can feel the uneasiness in the air. The atmosphere seems heavier than usual. If somebody doesn't tell her what's going on right now…

The detectives and the ME are standing in front of her, incapable of talking and blocking her view of the scene.

She decides to take matters into her own hands. The brunette rounds the trio and walks confidently in the direction of the hybrid. Esposito, Ryan and Lanie fall a couple of steps behind her, bracing themselves for what's about to come.

In the car she finds a man lying against the steering wheel. The windshield is shattered, but he looks unharmed. Tough he's probably dead, otherwise the EMTs would've gotten him out of there as soon as they were here.

When Beckett makes her way to the cab, she can feel her team behind her holding their breaths. An uneasy feeling settles in her gut, a thousand different possible scenarios making their way into her mind.

What she sees next is yet something else that'll change her life forever. In a completely different way.

AN: Hope you enjoy this sad, yet hopefully inspiring story. Feel free to point out any inaccuracies or mistakes.

Thank you for reading.

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