Name: Letting Go

Chapter 5: Drwoning in Memories

Makoto stared at Rin in utter disbelief. Why would he say something so cruel? He knew there was no way Haru could really be gone, right? He closed his eyes and shook his head quickly. "N-No.." clenching his fists, Makoto opened his eyes but the tears that had formed blurred his vision. All he could see was the image of Rin still holding Kisumi against the door. He thought he heard voices but even those too were faded and distant. His head fell back to the plush pillow of his bed then everything dissipated from his senses as he slipped into the darkness of unconsciousness but the darkness didn't last for very long.

"Ohayou, Haru!" Makoto's cheerful voice filled the house as he entered early one morning. Walking through, he made his usual route to the bathroom. "Haru, sheesh. Every time. You'd thing you actually live here and the rest of the house is just for decoration." He teased

Haru's blue eyes glanced over from the tub then looked forward as he sank down into the water a blew a few bubbles in an inaudible retort. After a few minutes he sighed and sat up, reaching for the familiar hand that waited for him.

As they both began their walk taking the route that had become so a custom to them, Makoto's eyes averted over to gaze at Haru and a gentle smile crossed his lips. It had been a couple of months since he had finally gotten the courage to ask his long time friend out. Though Haru had been surprised at Makoto's confession of feelings, he instantly said yes in his own.. silent way.

*The image of Haru began to fade from the green gaze then slowly it filtered out to be replaced with a time long ago. Childish laughter filled the air as the two sat in the sand. Makoto had just handed his friend the invitation to his birthday.*

Haru smiled slightly as he took it "You'll be eight tomorrow, right?" He questioned as he shoved more sand into his blue bucket. "I'm not sure what to get you" he admitted

"Hai!" Makoto answered with a bright smile "You don't have to get me anything, Haru. I'll be happy if you can come by. My mom is planning all sorts of games, it'll be so great!" Mako paused for a moment as he tilted his head "Um.. Haru, you're missing the bucket again." He stated as he watched the shovel empty right back onto the sand in which it had been scooped from, Haru's gaze wasn't looking down, instead out at the vast ocean. Makoto tilted his head "Haru?" He said softly.

Haru seemed to always get so distracted when it came to the water, especially the ocean. Mako had always teased him about it but eventually he'd grown accustom to it. Makoto watched his friend with soft eyes not bothering to call his name again. He wondered what it was that held Haru's interest so much but in the earlier days he could never really grasp as to why.

"Free"

Mako blinked, his concentration veered to the word he'd just heard. "Huh?"

"Free" Haru repeated softly then turned to look at Makoto.

*Once more his image began to dissolve and soon the sound of cheering filled Makoto's ears followed by the announcements from the PA system and the familiar scent of chlorine filled Mako's nose.*

A wave of applause and shouting followed as Rin and Nagisa both jumped up and down excitedly around Haru. "WE DID IT!" Rin exclaimed "FIRST PLACE!" Nagisa cheered as he bounced next to Rin who clutched their trophy tightly in his arms the presented it to Haru who stood next to him. "We are the best team ever!" His magenta eyes gleamed proudly.

Makoto smiled happily as he watched then he blinked confused when a very familiar face came into his view beside Haru. The bright green eyed brown haired boy next to him. Nagisa ran over almost tackling him to the ground with excitement "Mako-chan! We did it we did it!"

*~What's going on...?~ Makoto thought as he continued to watch. ~Is.. that me? Why am I seeing this?~ He questioned as he still watched the events of his past unfold once more but from an outside perspective. He watched his childhood self wrap his arms around Haru and Rin and Nagisa continued to celebrate. ~I don't.. understand this.. why am I seeing this..~ he repeated but he could dwell on the thought. The happy occasion just made him smile as he wanted the flashback continue. Just as the thought hit him the scene shifted once more.*

The sight of an older Haru along with himself once again walking along the beach just as the sun was setting. Nagisa and Rei were further on down the shore. "Haru, this is nice. Isn't it?" He heard himself ask, which Haru responded with a slight nod. "We're supposed to be here for our training but you know, with down time like this. It's more like a date" Makoto chuckled "A date the we brought the kids on" he said, glancing over at Nagisa and Rei.

"Kids? We don't have..." Haru trailed off then looked away slightly once he realized the meaning behind Mako's words and his face slightly flushed.

Makoto chuckled and slid his arm around Haru "I think you'd be a great mommy. You could teach them all about swimming or even better, they'd take after you and have the natural ability and take to the water"

*Mako just watched, giving his own chuckle at the image of his past self and Haru, remembering that day like it was just yesterday. The breeze, the feeling even the scent of the salty sea seemed to flood over him.*

"Don't say such impossible things.." Haru muttered in response even as he looked out to the ocean.

*Suddenly a flash of lightning clashed in the sky lighting up his blue eyes and the scene was thrust violently. Everything had grown dark, the sun vanished in that instant. Makoto's eyes widened as the all to familiar scene played out in front of him, horror covered his face and filled his green eyes and he felt like his lungs were filling with water just from the sight of it. ~No! Why am I seeing this again! Make it stop! PLEASE~ He yelled out in his mind as he gripped his head but everything carried on as it always did, the memory continued to play before him. ~PLEASE MAKE IT STOP~ He pleaded but still nothing. He could only watch helplessly as the events once again unfolded before his tear streamed eyes.*

"Haru! Haru! Where are you!" Makoto called out the best he could as he fought the harsh blackened waves that threatened to pull him under with every crash against his body. His green eyes searched and searched for any sign of his blue eyed friend. Nagisa had already pulled Rei from the stormy waters. The maroon eyed boy looked frantically out to the water as Makoto continued to search. Haru had dove in when he seen his lover was in danger from trying to save Rei. But once Nagisa had gotten him safely on shore Makoto had been able to regain control of himself in the water.

"HARU!?" He called out again as an enormous wave crashed down over him causing Makoto to go under. He took in as much air as he could into his lungs before he was plunged into the darkened depths. A flash of lightning lit up the sky making the water illuminate and light up for the split second. As it did Makoto caught the glimps of a body being carried already under the surface but just as he seen the body the light was gone. He continued to hold his breath until the next flash occurred and when it did his eyes widened in horror. ~HARU!~ he yelled in his mind then instantly dove towards the body with all his might. Several flashes of lightning kept Haru's body in view until Makoto could finally reach him.

Makoto latched on to Haru's arm and kicked his legs with every ounce of strength he had left and finally his head breached the surface of the water where he took several big gulps of air in. With all his might he eventually reached the shore. Where was he? He couldn't tell. Neither Rei nor Nagisa were in view. He still took a few large breaths of air in as he drug Haru's motionless body across the sand far enough away from the waters grasp. "Haru? ... Haru!?" Mako called out "Haru wake up!" His voice full of more panic that it had ever been in his entire life.

With no response or even any sign of life Makoto did the only thing he could, started CPR. He clasped Haru's nose shut then leaned down over him, hesitating for a moment then met Haru's cold lips with his own as he passed a few shuddered breaths into his lovers body. He placed his palms against Haru's chest and began compressions, counting in his mind. Back to his lips again, Makoto desperately gave his breaths but to no avail. He began the next session of compressions. Still nothing. "Haru please..." he begged his lover to wake but no matter how much he pleaded, his words were only met with silence. He placed his fingers against Haru's inner wrists, neck and every other pulse sensing area he could think of but no where could he find the beat he searched for.

Dread filled him as tears streamed down his face mixing with the drops of water from his hair that dripped down, landing on Haru's lifeless body. "HARU NO!" He cried as he scooped his hands underneath then lifted Haru into his arms pulling him into his lap as if holding a small child for comfort. His mind slipped from reality. "S-Shh.. Shh.. You'll be alright.. y-you're safe.. j-just rest.. the o-others will be here... th-they'll find us Haru." He said in a shaky comforting tone as tears continued down his own face and he began rocking back and forth with the ever growing, cold body in his arms.

*Makoto watched on helplessly ~N-NO! THAT ISN'T WHAT HAPPENED! NO! HARU WAKE UP!... w-wake up like you did before...~ he found himself pleading with the vision.*

"Mako-chan!" Nagisa called as both him and Rei ran up the shore having spotted Makoto and Haru. "Hurry Rei! They're over here!" Finally they reached them and down to his knees Nagisa went along with Rei as they knelt down next to Makoto. "Is Haru-chan ok?" When he was only answered with Makoto's silence he extended a shaky hand to check Haru's pulse then instantly his hand went over his mouth in complete shock and his own tears began to spill.

*Another flash of lightning instantly took Makoto to a dark cloudy and rainy day. Grey filled the sky and the people gathered around were all dressed in black. From above a sea of black was seen from all of the umbrellas used to shelter from the rains cold onslaught as if the occasion wasn't bad enough.*

"Today we lay to rest the young body of Nanase Haruka." A voice carried over to everyone including Makoto, Rin, Nagisa and Rei. Rei did his best to comfort Nagisa as did Rin for Makoto but it seemed impossible.

"No!" Mako said brokenly, still refusing to believe his lover was gone. He had convinced himself that Haru was just resting. He was just away, he just had to leave town. Not some lifeless body in a box being lowered into the ground. That's what he had been told at least.

Rin did his best to comfort his friend through his own grieving and tears on this day. Neither him, Nagisa nor Rei could figure out where Makoto had gotten the idea that Haru had just left like that. The proceedings had ended, Makoto had refused to view the body, casting it off as someone random from the school. "Makoto.." Rin called softly to him. "Makoto I have to go see about...the ashes" he said hesitantly. True this was Haru's funeral and the casket had been lowered for burial but it was empty. Just a showing for formalities. Haru's family had opted to have his body cremated. "Makoto, please stay right here. I will be right back.." He said then went to speak with the funeral director.

In the distance, blue eyes watched as Rin walked away, going back inside then as he was out of sight, they approached Makoto. "Makoto. Makoto, I'm so sorry for what happened." A voice spoke sympathetically.

Makoto looked up to see his salmon pink haired friend. "Kisumi? H-Hey.." He quickly looked away "There is nothing to be sorry for. I mean, yes. It's sad about the boy but it doesn't affect me." He answered softly

Kisumi grinned inwardly then he slid his arm around Makoto. He knew the mental state that everything had put Mako in. He'd heard from a few people about how Makoto had seemed to lost it and Kisumi waisted no time as he slipped in and took advantage of it. "I didnt mean that Makoto. I meant about Haru leaving so.. abruptly. Like that." He gave a soft sigh "Makoto, I know it hurts but you're going to have to realize. Haru is gone. He didnt just leave because of some trip. I mean, he may indeed be handling business but he isn't coming back for you Makoto.. he left you."

Makoto tensed every muscle in his body then his green gaze averted to Kisumi then to the ground. "I.. Kisumi.. I just don't understand.." he said with a bit of shakiness to his words, believing the lies being poured slyly into his ears. Kisumi was one of his best friends. What reason did he have to question something like this. Makoto quickly wiped his eyes of a few tears that formed. "He was everything to me.. what am I supposed to do n-now.."

"Makoto" Kisumi answered with a hint of hope in his voice "I will take this pain away from you. I will make sure you never hurt like this again." His word flowed out so smoothly as if they were scripted and rehearsed for hours.

Makoto's eyes widened in surprise, his already weak mind crumbled. Kisumi knew he had him. "Come one Makoto. I'll walk you home. We can talk there.. you shouldn't be out here. It's so gloomy." he said as he took Makoto's hand then started off with him.

As they walked off Rin exited from the building only to see Makoto being led away hand in hand with Kisumi. He froze, something kept him from going after them and his fingers clinched together forming a fist at his sides. "Makoto..."