Hey, everyone! This is my first oneshot and it's about how Brian first met Stewie after birth, and how Stewie got Rupert. It combines different ideas, most notably a Yug Ylimaf/Original/Fanfiction/Brewie crossed idea.

I do not own Family Guy.

Brian Meets Stewie

Brian was in the living room with a gift bag in hand, looking nervous. Nine months ago, Lois and Peter told him that they were expecting a baby. Peter had also stated secretly to Brian that the baby was going to save their marriage. The dog was doubtful at this, for he thought that the two could still break up even with a third child to bond with. But what if this child was to be as dim as Peter? Peter and Lois had already made a mess of their first two kids, Meg and Chris. Meg was all concerned about being popular like Lois was when she was in high school, while Chris was as stupid and thick-minded as Peter.

I won't let them screw up their third kid. God knows that he or she would have so much potential if Peter and Lois could bring him or her up like a normal family.

Brian wasn't as confident with this as he thought he would be. He found out that during the pregnancy Lois had smoked pot, so who knows what could happen to the baby now? Add Peter's 'skills' at being a parent to the whole pot issue and the kid would be a goner.

To hell with it! It's about time I came in and helped raise the kid! At least I can show him or her a brighter way to go in life.

But Brian realised something: he was a dog! And with a thirteen year life span and already six years old, he would only be able to help the child for at least the first seven or even eight years of their life, meaning that the family would have plenty of time to mess this kid up before they became an adult.

Damn my age! Even with such short a lifespan I'll make sure those years are the best years of the kid's life!

Inside the gift bag was a present for the baby. Brian had decided to get the baby a present in order to win their trust in him.

Later, at 11:45, Brian received a call from Meg.

"Hey, Brian!"

"Hey, Meg. How are things with Lois at the hospital?"

"Fine. It's a baby boy!"

Brian smiled, "That's nice. Have you guys thought of a name for the baby?"

"Yeah. It's 'Stewart'. Stewart Gilligan Griffin. Or Stewie for short."

"What does he look like?"

Brian got concerned about the baby's appearance as he wondered what would have happened to him with the pot issue.

Meg answered, "Not too bad. He looks like a regular baby." Brian sighed in relief, but Meg continued, "But he has a head the shape of a football."

This took Brian by surprise, but had expected a surprise one way or another.

Damn! I knew there'd be a catch!

Brian gave a response, "I guess that's OK for him. Anything else?"

"They found a map of Europe with Stewie and a coffin inside as well. Plus Chris is yelling that he can hear the baby talking. We all think he's gone crazy."

"Chris is like his father after all, isn't he? Well, I'll see you all later, Meg."

And with that Brian put the phone down.

A map of Europe and a dead twin. Looks like Stewie was the lucky one.

Brian went to read the newspaper but heard a knock at the door. He opened it to find Lois' parents, Barbara and Carter Pewterschmidt, at the door.

"Carter? What are you doing here?"

Carter easily replied, "Lois and that son-of-a-bitch son-in-law of mine called to say that they had a baby boy."

"Yes, and we're here to meet them when they arrive shortly." Barbara added, "We were going to go to the hospital and see for ourselves, but-"

"Hospitals are disgusting and were people go to die!" Carter interrupted.

Brian sighed, "Come in." he reluctantly let them in.

Soon after, Peter and Lois arrived home, along with Meg, Chris and the new baby Stewie.

Barbara looked at the baby in Lois' arms, "Look at his head! Looks like he completes your little 'Family Circus'!"

Lois groaned quietly while she gestured to the dining room, "Why don't we go into the dining room and discuss the lovely surprise party we'll be throwing in Stewie's honor?"

Everyone, including Brian, walked towards the dining room. But before Brian could walk in, Lois stopped the dog in his tracks.

"Brian, will you watch Stewie for me? I don't want Chris to go all crazy like he did in the hospital." She handed Stewie over to Brian, who then proceeded to sit back on the couch with the baby next to him.

The perfect time to introduce myself and give him the gift.

Brian looked at the baby and cooed at him.

"Hey there, little guy! I'm Brian and I'm a dog!"

"Yes, yes. I know you're a dog. I'm not stupid you imbecilic flea-bitten mutt!"

Brian was caught off-guard. The baby talked?

How is that possible? Pot isn't able to do that! Can it?

Brian was shocked, mouth wide open. He spluttered until he managed to say: "You can talk?"

Stewie looked at the dog with confusion, "What the deuce do you mean by that? If you're going to ask that kind of question then I could ask you 'Why can you talk?' or I could ask God 'Why did I end up with that cursed bitch that I am forced to call my mother?'! One day I'll take over the world and finally kill her!"

"You don't like Lois?"

"Why would I?"

Because she's your mother!

Brian decided not to tell Stewie why, as it seemed that he was already on the baby's bad side.

So he's able to talk, is intelligent, hates Lois, and wants world domination. Guess that's not the worst thing to happen to a baby.

Brian grabbed the gift bag from the small table and handed it to Stewie.

"Here. I got you a gift."

Stewie looked at the dog with curiosity, "Why?"

"I want you to know that I'm here for you, Stewie. Whatever you need, I'll be able to provide it- unless it's something to take over the world or kill someone. You don't know it, but if I let Peter and Lois raise you without my help, you'll end up a mess like Meg and Chris. I want to help you while I can, Stewie."

Stewie teared up slightly at the speech, "That was very nice, Brian. It's nice to know that I can depend on the dog to help me through life."

Brian chuckled, "I'm not just any normal dog, Stewie. I'm one that'll stick by you though the first few years of your life."

Stewie stopped smiling and frowned, "What do you mean: 'First few years'?"

Brian sighed. He was gonna have to hear it one day. "Because I'm a dog, I have a thirteen year life span. I won't be alive when you celebrate your tenth birthday. I just want to help you make the right choices now so that when I'm gone you'll be better than you'll ever think."

Stewie looked like he was upset, "I can't lose you, Brian! Already you've shown great care for me than what Lois and the fat man have or ever will do. I'll build an invention that can make you live forever until the day I die. Don't doubt me, 'cause I will do it."

Brian smiled, "Don't worry, Kid, I won't doubt you. And I never will."

"Now, how about I open this gift bag, then?"

Stewie opened the bag to reveal his present. It was a light brown teddy bear with a beige chest and black button eyes. Stewie looked at it. It was beautiful. He loved it! What made it even more special was that his new best friend gave it to him. Stewie gave Brian a friendly hug to show how grateful he was.

"Thank you with kind regards, Dog." The baby whispered.

"Don't mention it, Kid." Brian whispered back.

He has my trust. He loves me. And he will do. Forever.