Chapter 9:
Life and Loss
"Live for me."
It had been three months. The police force had taken the situation swiftly from Akane's hands, as if she were a child with something rare and valuable in her unstable grasp. When she had no more to tell them, when she had turned in her full report, she was cast aside, only allowed to watch helplessly from the sidelines. She was merely a spectator.
"I'm not strong enough anymore."
A spectator of endless trials and discoveries. The trials were pointless. The masses wanted someone to blame, just as she had once, and there was no one to contradict them. She might have been a part of it all, and done as satisfactory a job as whoever had been assigned. But they didn't trust her anymore, and that was just as well, because she didn't trust herself.
"I'm too tired."
It had been discovered that the organization under 'Happy's' control, was in fact planning on a widespread distribution of their toxin. They were a terrorist group of some kind. She hadn't bothered to learn their motives. She didn't want to know, she didn't want to believe they were real. It was a defense mechanism, she knew, to protect herself from pain. But she needed it. She needed it badly. It was too soon to let go.
"I need you to live."
The plans had been stopped, of course. And an antidote to the toxin had been found. It seemed too easy, but some things were like that. Not every task was as daunting as it was made out to be. Certainly, the world would be a different place if everything that needed doing was insuperable. But – and she had learned that there was and always would be a 'but' – that didn't mean life was anywhere near simple. Easy. Painless. Nor would it ever be.
"Forgive me for being selfish, if you can."
She had taken no part in the arrest of the organization. If she had wanted to, she doubted her superiors would have tolerated it. She was something to be tolerated, now. No one appreciated her mysterious leave of duty. No one knew the truth, and so they could not understand. They could not understand if she spilled her heart out for them to dissect. The report she had placed on Soun's desk was false, but believable, logical, understandable. She had depicted herself doing nothing praiseworthy, and though she had bagged a notorious killer through her efforts, his capture was believed to be a stroke of good fortune on her part. Which, in truth, it was.
"I know you could have helped me enjoy my life. You did."
No matter how much it hurt. It was good fortune, a stroke of luck. Or maybe a twist of fate. Maybe it was destiny that led them to cross paths on that first, quiet night. Something meant to happen, something painted in the stars. No matter the cost. She would gladly relive it all, just to meet him again.
"I know, also, that there were so many alternative outcomes. You could have saved me. You did."
She wished she could have spared herself the pain. Because it hurt, more than any wound of the flesh ever could. And she knew, it would never disappear completely. But the pain, as much as the joy, was a part of his memory. It was a part of him, and a part of everything.
"Don't blame any of this on yourself. You gave my life meaning. Let me live in your memory, until we meet again."
And she wished they could have met under different circumstances. In better times. They could have had so much more. They could have been so much more. She could never regret meeting him, though. Only that they had so short a time together.
"So live for me, Akane."
And most of all, she wished to meet him again.
"And don't cry…"
A soft gasp escaped her lips. She looked into his eyes and took a deep, shuddering breath. And then she collapsed and cried against his chest.
"You're… such a… a hypocrite!"
Tears trailed down her face. They shone like tiny stars.
She could feel his hands, warm and dry, smoothing her hair and rubbing slow circles against her back. Why was he always like this? Couldn't he be afraid to die? Even as he sat, waiting, at the end of Death Row, it was she who needed comforting. This was what he had requested, in place of his last meal. To see her one more time. He was such a jerk.
He kissed her lips softly.
Then the door opened, and a pair of gaurds, faceless soldiers, took his arms. He looked calmly into her face, his lips forming silent words.
'You're beautiful.'
The urge to cry was renewed in her. She tried to swallow the lump in her throat, long enough to mouth a reply.
'I'll see you again.'
Then he was gone. She was left with only her memories, and the raw pain of loss. And life. And as she wept her soul cried out.
It's not fair…
And she could hear his answer.
Nothing is.
So she lived.
Until she could see him again.
Author's Note: Originally, I was going to kill them both off, but in the end I just couldn't do it. I think this last chapter is a little different from all the others, more hopeful maybe. But I enjoyed writing this one the most, oddly enough. I was really inspired by that song, 'I will always love you' by Whitney Houston. It's strange because that's definitely not one of my favorite songs, but I thought it was good for this chap. Thanks to all my reviewers, who liked the story enough to comment on it, even though I think this was one of the strangest stories out there. I got some really interesting responses. So, I hope everyone who's reading this enjoyed the last chapter. I think I'll write a few one-shots before writing anything major. I'm going to try writing for other animes, and maybe someday I'll be confident enough to try it in original fiction. That day is probably a long time in coming, though. So I'll c ya around. On to the reviews:
Final-Fan: Ok, I'm going to attempt to answer all of your reviews at once. First, I agree that when Ranma fics begin to look into the characters emotions and thoughts it can easily be overdone, and it really isn't natural for the series. I didn't even try to keep them in-character, I just created new personalities with the same names. Hmm… just a bit strange?(I think it's a little more than that) Anyway, I think you're the only one who recognized (at least you're the only one who commented on) my reference to Taro. I don't like to use original characters, so I just tossed him in there. And the final review: I wrote this chapter before I read your review, and I really hadn't thought about Ranma not being put on death row. I think in Ranma's case he would rather be dead than live in prison or an institution for the rest of his life, and try to lose the case. And yes, ants are weird. I don't think they have brains, do they? Well, thanks for reading the whole story! I'm glad it didn't get too weird for you.
Kura-Kun: I hoped you were kidding as soon as I read that…. But anyway, I live in California, and none of my neighbors have ant problems, just us. I think our house was built over an ant hill, or something. Gah! Giant spiders! I would not like that…
Ka_chan: Of course you can take it as a Christmas present! (If I get it out in time, I've been having computer problems) Glad you liked the chapter! I hope the finale doesn't disappoint. P.S.: Who doesn't hate ants?
Socchan: You read this just because I wrote it!? Oh, wow… heh… I don't know what to say…(I'm easily embarrassed by compliments. I think I must have a low self-esteem) Anyway, I hoped you'd like how I used the picture thing, since you're the one who gave me the idea. I think you're mom would be honored that she was able to contribute to this fine piece of literature… err… or maybe she'd just be weirded out…. Oh, the cherry blossoms would have fit so well… but I had the end planned out the whole time, and I can't see cherry blossoms in a prison. I really seriously considered changing it once I read that, though. So you don't have an account here? Get one! And if you ever start writing (which I think you should. I haven't read anything of yours, but you seem like you'd be good) I'd definitely want to pre-read for you! Thanks for reviewing all the time, I hope you'll continue R&R my work!!
Shadow Knight: I had to read your review over a few times, just because you said so many good things about my story. I'm always glad when people say they love my story, but it's even better when they comment on things I was trying to express. You commented on a lot of the things I wanted people to see. I agree that every story needs to have some thoughts, and I doubt anyone will ever be in a situation like Akane's, but I'm glad you thought it was realistic. Thank you!! That was one of the nicest reviews I've ever gotten!
I'm sorry, I would have had this out sooner, but first the internet didn't work, then when it finally did, FF.net was down. I've been trying to get this up for days! Well, anyway, Merry Christmas!