Jin's Letter to Santa
Dear Santa,
The following is a list of complaints about your actions this past Christmas. I must say I was very disappointed in your work.
For example, when I went to visit you in the mall last year, you were drunk. And don't pretend that you weren't. I could see a flask hanging out of your pocket, your eyes were bloodshot, and your breath smelled like alcohol. Then, when I was trying to tell you what I wanted for Christmas, you started rambling about how your wife was leaving you and forcing you to pay child support. Plus, I think you peed on me when I sat on your lap.
But that's not all. Later that day, one of your elves came up to me and punched me in the nuts really hard for no reason. Then he started humping my leg. When I tried to hit him back, the other elves ganged up on me and stole my Cheetos.
Sometime after that, I wrote a letter to you clearly stating that I wanted Metal Gear Solid 2, Final Fantasy 10, and devil May Cry. Instead, you got me Luigi's Mansion and a box of Colon Blow. Not only that, but you also took a crap in my Christmas stocking. My mother made that you sick freak!
These weren't very good Christmas gifts, Santa. You got everyone else what they wanted. You gave Paul a shiny, new motorcycle. You brought King a new midget tag-team partner, fresh off the streets of Mexico. You even got Marshall his special, "herbs and spices." So why would you bring me such literally crappy gifts? Why do you hate me, Santa?! Didn't you check your list?! I'm on the good list?! I'M ON THE GOOD LIST?!
Well, considering the fact that I've been living with my grandfather for the past few years, these things were somewhat tolerable. But then you commited an unforgiveable sin. You ate my milk and cookie! Those weren't for you! I was saving them for Christmas morning! You can't just go around assuming that every milk and cookies you find lying around belongs to you, you fat bastard! You can't!
So considering all the horrific deeds that you commited last year, I just have this to say. Fuck you, Santa. You suck.
Love,
Jin Kazama
P.S.
I want a scooter, a copy of Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance, and a Dancing Jackie Brown doll. Oh, and a magic potion that forces women to fall in love with me. Cuz I needs me some bitches. Oh yeah!
Jes has spoken
Dear Santa,
The following is a list of complaints about your actions this past Christmas. I must say I was very disappointed in your work.
For example, when I went to visit you in the mall last year, you were drunk. And don't pretend that you weren't. I could see a flask hanging out of your pocket, your eyes were bloodshot, and your breath smelled like alcohol. Then, when I was trying to tell you what I wanted for Christmas, you started rambling about how your wife was leaving you and forcing you to pay child support. Plus, I think you peed on me when I sat on your lap.
But that's not all. Later that day, one of your elves came up to me and punched me in the nuts really hard for no reason. Then he started humping my leg. When I tried to hit him back, the other elves ganged up on me and stole my Cheetos.
Sometime after that, I wrote a letter to you clearly stating that I wanted Metal Gear Solid 2, Final Fantasy 10, and devil May Cry. Instead, you got me Luigi's Mansion and a box of Colon Blow. Not only that, but you also took a crap in my Christmas stocking. My mother made that you sick freak!
These weren't very good Christmas gifts, Santa. You got everyone else what they wanted. You gave Paul a shiny, new motorcycle. You brought King a new midget tag-team partner, fresh off the streets of Mexico. You even got Marshall his special, "herbs and spices." So why would you bring me such literally crappy gifts? Why do you hate me, Santa?! Didn't you check your list?! I'm on the good list?! I'M ON THE GOOD LIST?!
Well, considering the fact that I've been living with my grandfather for the past few years, these things were somewhat tolerable. But then you commited an unforgiveable sin. You ate my milk and cookie! Those weren't for you! I was saving them for Christmas morning! You can't just go around assuming that every milk and cookies you find lying around belongs to you, you fat bastard! You can't!
So considering all the horrific deeds that you commited last year, I just have this to say. Fuck you, Santa. You suck.
Love,
Jin Kazama
P.S.
I want a scooter, a copy of Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance, and a Dancing Jackie Brown doll. Oh, and a magic potion that forces women to fall in love with me. Cuz I needs me some bitches. Oh yeah!
Jes has spoken