DISCLAIMER: Trigun and its characters belong to Yasuhiro Nightow.

AUTHOR'S NOTE - It's never rained on Gunsmoke, to my knowledge. In light of that, you can consider this AU if you choose.

Lyrics to "Big Bad Handsome Man" by Imelda May

Lyrics to "99 Problems" by Jay-Z

First Date

Rain had come to Gunsmoke! Scientists had made it rain – hooray!

To the chagrin of the town chosen as the test site, scientists had not included an off switch – boo! The rain would just have to end when it ended.

When it first began raining, the townspeople rejoiced. After three weeks of a steady downpour that had turned the ground into a mucky slush, the initial enthusiasm had soured.

As the constant rain pushed the entire town indoors, new activities sprouted up to keep people's minds off the now-depressingly wet weather. Business was booming at the saloon, which had taken to hosting live music.

Not to be outdone, the hotel had converted a large dining room into an event center. Some clever inventor had invented a strange singing event called karaoke, where people went up on stage and sang along to song lyrics as they electronically scrolled across a little box called a video screen. It immediately caught on, and for the past week every night had been karaoke night at the hotel.

Vash the Stampede was in no hurry to leave. Nobody else knew it, but he was far older than he looked, and even he had never seen rain on Gunsmoke. It fascinated him to see water falling from the sky, just like in the stories Rem had told him about life on Earth. Thus, the two insurance girls whose job it was to follow him had to stay as well. Nicholas D. Wolfwood was stuck here, too – his motorcycle would not move in the mud and muck, he had discovered. Trying to get it to do so resulted only in the ire of everyone splattered from his spinning wheels.

Vash had gotten used to spending his nights at the saloon, and wished he were there tonight – a spectacular young blues artist was scheduled to be playing. But he was in the hotel at the karaoke event instead, because Meryl Stryfe had other ideas.

"I'm tired of the saloon," she had stated. "And because I have to go where you go, tonight you're going to the karaoke. Or else you'd better sleep with one eye open!"

Her brand of logic had a way of prevailing over his.

He sat at their table in front of the stage, sandwiched between Meryl and Wolfwood, who was bookended by Milly Thompson. Drank his whiskey and sulked at Meryl, wishing the shrieking person up on stage would either just stop or put him out of his misery. She had looked attractive enough, right up until she opened her mouth. Then he realized she was actually a banshee.

Meryl elbowed him in the ribs. "Cheer up! It can't all be this bad."

"I haven't heard one good person yet," Vash grumbled. "I'm missing a killer rendition of Stormy Monday for this!"

"I'll tell you what," Meryl said. "I'll bet you fifty double-dollars that by the end of the night, you don't regret coming here."

Brow furrowed in thought. "Show me the money."

Meryl pulled out a stack of bills. "Fifty. Do we have a deal?"

Easy money. Vash couldn't imagine a scenario where he didn't regret being here instead of the saloon. "Deal." They shook on it.

"Up next, Meryl Stryfe!" Her name was announced for the karaoke queue. "Milly Thompson on deck!" Milly would be on after Meryl.

"That's my cue!" Meryl proclaimed. "Time to win the bet." She and Milly left the table.

Vash turned to Wolfwood. "I didn't know Meryl could sing."

Wolfwood snickered. "She probably can't. Be prepared to cover your ears." Vash snickered back.

The stage lights highlighted the light colors of Meryl's outfit as she came onstage and stepped in front of the microphone. Most people tonight had put on too much makeup and came off rather garish; Meryl's light application was just enough to show off her best features, noticeably her eyes. Vash was surprised to find himself thinking how pretty she looked.

Wolfwood caught it. "Don't tell me you're going to lose a bet just because a girl doesn't look bad!"

Vash shook his head. "Not for a second. Money in the pocket."

Blinked twice to be sure he was seeing clearly. She did look damn pretty…

The music came on, piano setting a rhythm followed by a trumpet in a jazzy intro. Then Meryl started singing in a surprisingly rich voice that Vash had not previously known was in her.

Was she looking at him as she sang?

"The man is tall, mad, mean and good-lookin'

And he's got me in his eye

When he looks at me, I go weak at the knees

Got me goin' like no other guy

'Cause he's my big, bad handsome man…"

She was definitely looking at him. Was it just him or had the room temperature risen?

Wolfwood elbowed him sharply. "Spikey! She's just messing with you, don't fall for it!"

Shook his head again. "Right. She's just trying to win that stupid bet. No way is she going to sucker me!"

When the music hit a trumpet solo, Meryl took the mike from its stand and danced her way offstage, clearly confident that she didn't need the video for lyrics. Her dancing showed she lacked both training and experience; but what she lacked in skill she made up for in enthusiasm and Vash found himself transfixed by her sparkling eyes, bright smile, and energetic moves. Wolfwood's nudging no longer had any effect as Meryl danced right up to Vash.

She had him and she knew it. Sidled into the table next to him as the spotlight followed her.

"…With his arms so wide, he pulls me in by his side

He's the kinda guy that does it for me…"

Vash rested his head on his hands, lost in Meryl. She went for the big finish, belting it out.

"My big, bad handsome maaaaaaaan, yeah

He's got me in the palm of his hand

He's the devil diviiiiiiine, I'm so glad that he's miiiiiiiiine

'Cause he's my BIG –

BAD –"

Dropped it down to a sultry almost-whisper, trailing a hand lightly along his jaw.

"– I'm so glad that he's my big, bad handsome man."

Blew him a kiss to finish it off.

The room erupted in applause. Vash's head stayed in his hands, a dazed smile on his face.

The stage manager came down to retrieve the microphone. "Ladies and geneltmen, Meryl Stryfe!" Another round of applause. "Up next, we have Milly Thompson! Shawna Rourke on deck! Austin Dietz on deck!"

Meryl spoke pointedly to Wolfwood. "So, no man could ever be knocked silly by a woman's singing, huh? Sex appeal is all about looks, is it? I believe I win our bet. You owe me two hundred double-dollars, in addition to the fifty Vash now owes me."

"You cheated!" Wolfwood accused. "You weren't supposed to charm this romantic goof!"

"You said no man, meaning any man is fair game. And don't insult him!" Eyes drifted over to the empty bottles where Milly had been sitting. "Did she really drink that much? Maybe I should have helped her pick out her song."

"Don't try to –" Wolfwood was cut off as Milly's slurred voice boomed out.

"What up, y'all?" she blasted with a drunken grin. "You know the words!

"'If you havin' girl problems, I feel bad for you, son

I got ninety-nine problems but a bitch ain't one!'"

"Damn it!" Meryl swore, running for the stage. Called back, "I want my money by end of business tomorrow!"

"You call yourself a man!" Wolfwood snarled at Vash. "You couldn't even withstand a stupid song, and now we're both out hard cash. What do you have to say for yourself? Spikey! Are you even listening to me?"

Vash still wore his dazed smile. Still saw Meryl looking in his eyes. Still felt her feather touch. Still heard her singing, as far as he was concerned, only to him.