You could say this whole premise is impossible but I could say this is fucking South Park and the laws of physics can go piss off.

xxx

It was just another Friday at South Park elementary. Teachers were teaching, students were learning, and Butters Stotch received three ultimate swirlies in the same hour. Yes, things seemed to be dull and dreary for everyone at this school.

But as every good reader knows, everything is not as it seems.

It was almost the end of the school day. In Mr Garrison's fourth grade class, this meant Show and Tell. Craig Tucker had already showed off his beloved guinea pig (for the sixth consecutive week in a row) and Bebe Stevens had rattled off all of her new celebrity crushes from some teen magazine. The only other person who bothered to bring a Show and Tell item today was...Eric Cartman. Almost every kid in the classroom groaned when Mr. Garrison called his name out.

"Thank you, Mr. Garrison," Cartman said sweetly, carrying what appeared to be a high-tech toaster. "Ladies and gentlemen, I realize that some of you are unaware of my pure genius. But you don't have to worry about that anymore. Because last night, I invented this." He held the device above his head.

"...You invented a toaster?" Kyle Broflovski asked, a bored expression on his face.

"That's lame," Stan Marsh added, sighing a little.

"Mmph," Kenny McCormick agreed.

"No, I didn't invent a fucking toaster. It's a time machine," Cartman explained, as if this was incredibly obvious.

"Wow! A time machine! Neato!" Butters gushed, awed at his idol's invention.

"Oh please. You did not invent a time machine," Kyle said loudly, glaring at the fat boy.

"I know you're amazed at my intelligence, Kyle, but there's no need for jealousy. I sent my kitty forward in time two whole minutes last night." Cartman smiled triumphantly.

"Dude, you're such a liar." Stan shook his head, not even surprised at this bullshit anymore.

"Oh yeah? Let's test it then!" Cartman slammed his device down on his desk, punching something into what appeared to be a taped on calculator. "Let's go twenty years into the future! If it works, Kyle has to give me twenty bucks!"

"Eric, this is fucking stupid," Mr. Garrison mumbled, watching gay porn on his phone.

"Shh, Mr. Garrison. This is for science!" Cartman exclaimed, before pushing a red button on the toaster thing. For a second, nothing happened. Then a blue light seemed to fill the entire classroom in an instant. Sounds of confusion and small screams erupted from the children. Then, they were gone.

It seemed to happen in a blink of an eye. They were in a classroom, now they were all sprawled out somewhere. A pond, it seemed. Wait...

"This is Stark's Pond," Stan said, being the first one to say something in this new situation.

"...What?" Wendy Testaburger stood, looking around wearily. "It is...how did we get here?"

"Eric, are you sure you didn't invent a teleporter?" Butters asked, peeking at the stunned fat child.

"I...don't think so...?" Cartman stood carefully, looking at the device.

"Children, let's just all calm down..." Mr. Garrison frowned, looking at his iPhone in confusion. It was going all screwy. Right when he was at the best part of the video too.

"Hey...there are people!" Token Black pointed at a young couple who were holding hands and laughing on one of the benches. Their eyes were glued on the other's and they didn't notice the class yet.

Stan ran over to them immediately, earning a few yells from his classmates to stay back. "Excuse me? Hi! Um, is this Stark's Pond?"

The girl looked over at Stan in surprise, as if realizing then that there was an entire classroom of children there. "Oh, yeah. It is."

"Okay, thanks. And, um, do you know the date?"

The girl checked a slim, almost invisible device on her wrist. A watch? "March 6th, 2034."

2034. Every single person heard that. And all of them looked at Eric Cartman in amazement. He had done it. He had actually created a time machine. What the fuck.

"Uh, thanks..." Stan smiled nervously at the woman, then went back over to his dumbfounded classmates.

"Cartman...how the fuck..." Kyle muttered, digging in his pocket for twenty bucks.

"I...I..." Cartman mumbled, stunned. A few seconds later, he broke into a huge grin. "YES! Nah nah nah nah nah nah! I invented a time machine! Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh!"

Nope, today was not the usual day after all.