Title: Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

Genre: Angst/Tragedy

Main Character(s): Mordecai and Rigby

Rating: T (WARNING: Contains sensitive material.)

Words: 2,337

Summary: Mordecai's recent habit of drinking is getting out of control, and Rigby's getting sick of having to babysit him.

"Rigby, come on! Don't be lame." A tall blue jay crossed his thin, yet toned wings across his chest as he scowled down at a short, scrawny raccoon.

The raccoon frowned as well as he sternly looked back at him, honestly taking offense to his friend's attitude. "Come on man, we have already gotten drunk three times this week! And the last time was a night we had work in the morning! Normally I wouldn't care, but this is getting out of control. Ever since we started drinking every weekend, you've been wanting more and more. You're starting to act like an alcoholic!"

The avian's face twisted with rage and Rigby's eyes widened in fear before squeezing them shut to brace himself when he saw him lift his fist before slamming his knuckles into the raccoon's arm with force.

Rigby stumbled backwards letting out a cry of pain and tried his best to keep his footing but ended up slipping. Luckily, the concrete wall beside them broke his fall but the raccoon didn't let that excuse the blue jay's actions.

"What the hell was that for Mordecai!? That was uncalled for!" He yelled as he brought his arm up to rub his still screeching arm.

"It was uncalled for to call me an alcoholic! If you don't want to drink with me, then fine. I'll pay for it myself and drink it alone!" Mordecai seethed. Rigby couldn't remember the last time he had looked that angry, and it almost actually scared him. The raccoon watched him stomp away from him and walk into the liquor store that they were standing across from.

Rigby scrunched up his nose in frustration. They had only went out for a short walk to get some grub but ended up walking past the store that seemed to trigger his friend's need for a drink… Or a few… Or a lot.

When Mordecai first wanted to get drunk with him, Rigby was excited. He loved alcohol even though he never drank very often and was always known to drink pretty irresponsibly when he did. The first time, Mordecai was a bit drunk, but he was pretty responsible about it, unlike Rigby who got a killer hang over the next morning. The next weekend, Mordecai wanted to drink again, and he was alright with it, but this time he got pretty wasted. It wasn't to the point of throwing up like Rigby normally was, but he definitely couldn't walk down the stairs by himself. Rigby was a bit disappointed because he had to contain himself to help his buddy out. After that the blue jay brought alcohol every weekend, each time getting more and more wasted to the point where Rigby only had a few drinks every time because he knew he would have to help him. Barely enough to get tipsy… It upset the raccoon at first, but at this point he doesn't really want alcohol at all anymore if it meant Mordecai was drinking too.

Mordecai always ended up puking all over himself, and all over the floor. Rigby would have to clean it up for him, and would also have to clean him up as well. The raccoon narrowed his eyes when he thought of how he had to drag the avian to the bathroom in order to clean him up. Trying to lift someone over twice your size isn't easy… and Rigby knew tonight would be no different.

This jerk is so unappreciative sometimes.

Rigby groaned and looked down at his feet after leaning against the concrete wall once again to wait for Mordecai. He saw a rock beside him and sighed as he kicked it out of boredom; he watched it bounce away from him and into the street. Rigby yawned as he watched a car drive past him and didn't even think twice when he heard the quiet crunch from when it ran over it.

Soon enough, he heard Mordecai walk back up to him. Rigby looked up and saw the blue jay smiling down at him, all his previous fury diminished; gone without a trace. The raccoon lowered his gaze slightly to the bag in the bird's grasp.

"What kind is it this time?"

"Burnett's Vanilla Vodka." He replied kindly, the small smile remaining on his beak.

"Whaaat? Ugh, that's like the worst kind!" Rigby complained, furrowing his eyebrows in disgust.

The blue jay simply shrugged. "It's all I could afford… And hey, it's not that bad. It still does its work."

Rigby frowned, not liking how he said that, but kept quiet. He really didn't want to get punched again.

The walk back home was quiet and Rigby looked sideways at his friend. He was looking straight forward, complete contentment on his face. Rigby look back down at the ground and let out a loud sigh.

"Look, just don't get too hammered okay? I'm getting tired of cleaning up after you."

Annoyance grasped at Rigby's chest and he had to strain to not let out a yell of frustration when Mordecai pretended not to hear. He knew that he heard though, because the blue jay started to pick up the pace after that, eager to get back to the park so that Rigby wouldn't try to talk him out of it.

You'd think he'd get the hint after all the hang overs he's gotten.

When they got back to the park, Mordecai immediately grabbed a couple of glasses from the kitchen and handed one to Rigby, clearly either forgetting or no longer caring about their previous argument. Rigby accepted it even though he knew he wouldn't drink enough to get even a little drunk.

Mordecai grabbed some root beer and poured some in his glass, being sure to leave enough for the vodka. As he poured the vodka in, Rigby wondered if there was more alcohol than there was root beer, but he knew he was only exaggerating, even if there was quite a bit in it.

Rigby accepted the bottle when the blue jay handed it to him, and poured nearly a shot in before setting it down.

"Let's play some video games, dude!" Mordecai suggested and stood up without waiting for his reply. He immediately popped the closest game he could find into the console and handed Rigby a controller.

It was one of those cheap arcade games where you could only face each other… no co-op mode. Rigby hated those because Mordecai always beats him. It was much easier to just blaze through a game with him when they were on teams. After a while of being on a bad losing streak Rigby was about ready to throw his controller down and just quit but by some miracle, he actually finally beat him on what he told himself would be his last round. Weird, Rigby only beats him when he's completely drunk. He turned his head to look at his feathered friend and widened his eyes when he saw that he had finished his drink and was drinking straight from the bottle.

"Dude, slow down!" He said angrily through his teeth, but knew better than to try to make a grab for the bottle. Surprisingly, Mordecai did lower the bottle. When their eyes met, Rigby frowned at the solemn look on the blue jay's face. "… Dude?"

Mordecai drunkenly grinned sadly at him. "Hey man… I'm really sorry about earlier… I've just been having a really hard time. I just been needin'… to let go, you know?"

Rigby slowly raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Hard time? What's going on?"

Mordecai squeezed his eyebrows together, as if contemplating whether or not to confide in him, but in the end just shook his head. "Nothing serious dude, I'm just a baby."

Rigby shrugged, knowing it was best not to pry. Somehow, Rigby actually convinced him to slow down a bit on his drinking, but he was still wasted. They spent an hour just talking and planning about what they were going to do tomorrow and all the way into next month. Mordecai actually didn't once mention getting drunk on the weekends, but Rigby knew it was on his mind.

"Hey Rigby… Want to hear a joke?" The blue jay asked, completely out of nowhere, but the raccoon knew to just play along.

"Sure."

"Why did the chicken cross the road?"

Rigby rolled his eyes and sighed inwardly. "Hmm… I dunno man, to get to the other side?"

"Yah man, exactly!" Mordecai yelled, bursting with laughter.

"That joke is so lame Mordecai."

"Nah man, it's the best!"

The night continued on after that, and Mordecai definitely didn't get any sober. Rigby actually let himself get a little buzzed and was really enjoying the little bit he allowed himself. He took his eyes off the avian for one moment and immediately heard loud stumbling in the hallway. He ran out of their room to look for him and found him at the bottom of the stairs, heaving, and releasing bile from his innards, all over the carpet. "Aw man! Mordecai!"

After somehow managing to haul him up the stairs into the bathroom and cleaning him up a bit, he helped him to their room and heaved him onto his bed.

"Time for bed." He ordered.

"Wuuuh? Nuh not yeeet." Mordecai groaned and tried to push himself up into a sitting position but failed miserably. He wasn't going anywhere.

"Night dude, I'll be back." Rigby said before turning away from him to walk out of the room.

"Where yuh goooin'?" The blue jay asked, sounding desperate, almost like a child not wanting his mother to leave him because he was afraid of the dark.

Rigby turned his head back towards him. "To clean up your mess." And with that, he left, doing his best to ignore his protests.

It took a while cleaning up the smelly mess, but somehow, he did manage. Or… at least he thinks so. Hopefully Benson won't notice any putrid smells…

He climbed back upstairs and opened the door to their room. He took a step towards Mordecai to see if he was awake, but he wasn't, just as he suspected. He climbed onto his trampoline and let out a sigh of relief. It didn't take long for sleep to engulf his tired body.

Rigby awoke with a yawn and sat up, pushing all his dirty laundry off of him. He blinked himself awake and scanned his room. The first thing he noticed was that Mordecai wasn't there. He snickered, hoping he was in the bathroom puking his guts out. He stood up and stretched before exiting his room and walking to the bathroom to see if he was indeed in there, but found no one.

Rigby shrugged and walked downstairs with another yawn. "Dude, Mordecai?"

He received no reply so he trudged towards the kitchen and peeked inside. No Mordecai. He turned back around and decided to sit on the couch for a while. He walked towards it before falling back against it with a sigh.

After a few minutes he groaned out of boredom and stood back up to walk upstairs to grab his phone so he could call the bird up to find out where the hell he was.

When he finally found his phone buried under all his laundry, he noticed he had a text. he opened it up, and saw it was from Mordecai.

Dude, wake up and meet me at Wing Kingdom. –Mordecai.

Rigby rolled his eyes and then noticed he had sent it half an hour ago.

Oops…

Rigby thought it was a bit early to eat wings anyway but he felt like he should still meet up with him to be sure he wasn't puking all over the other customers… or the servers.

As soon as he was ready and about to leave the park, he felt his phone buzz again and he opened it.

Hey Rigby, why did the chicken cross the road? –Mordecai

Rigby groaned impatiently and hit reply.

Dude, enough with those dumb jokes. –Rigby

He started walking and after a few minutes started humming a song that has been stuck in his head for a while. When he was almost at Wing Kingdom he started to hear sirens in the distance, but did his best to ignore them. As he walked he would kick stones that happened to be in his path to keep him somewhat entertained. When he reached the street that Wing Kingdom was on, he heard panicked voices, so he looked up. Seeing a crowd in the street, his curiosity got the better of him. He tried squeezing his way through the crowd and could've sworn he accidentally stepped on a few people, yet no one took the time to yell at him, or even acknowledge him.

When he finally got through the sea of chaos, his eyes widened with horror when he saw what everyone was panicking about. Mordecai was lying in the middle of the street in his own blood. There was a car in front of him, and a man pacing with his hands on his head whispering over and over, "Oh God, oh God, oh God."

Without thinking, Rigby barreled into him, screaming at the top of his lungs, "You killed him! You killed him! You fucking murderer!"

The man was a lot bigger than him, and easily restrained him. "No, no! I didn't kill him, it wasn't me! He jumped in front of me! You gatta believe me!"

The man was hysterical, rambling on and on that it wasn't his fault, but Rigby didn't want to hear it. He squirmed and squirmed for the man to let go, and eventually he loosened his grip enough for him pry his arms away from him.

He turned back towards Mordecai, his still body, vacant eyes, with mouth agape. He could definitely hear the sirens, they were really close. Rigby was heaving, trying to catch his breath. He was hyperventilating.

All he could hear was sirens.