The Fairly Odd Parents: Photo Finish

DISCLAIMER: These characters are NOT mine. They are the copyright of Nickelodeon and Butch Hartman…but at this point what I do here is far kinder than what the series has been put through lately.

(Cut to me sitting down on the set of "Danny Phantom: Fanning the Flames Remix" with a notebook in hand)

Me: Oh, hi there. We're kinda in the middle of filiming the net story, but I wanted to do something special for the fans of Fairly Odd Parents. As we all know, the show's kinda been going under what I call an 'identity crisis' as of late and…ok lets not beat around the bush, Butch and crew has pissed a lot of you off. And the latest live action film, which WE WILL NEVER SPEAK OF AGAIN, is the last straw. To help ease your pain, I present to you this tale featuring a oft neglected character. (Suddenly Ember teleports in)

Ember: Yeah, you might wanna inform the audience about You Know What!

Me: Do we have to?

Ember: They will find out sooner or later.

Me: …right. Yeah, anyone who knows me also knows that this is NOT the original version of "Photo Finish". If you have to ask what that means…

Ember: It's ero-ero baby.

Me: Yeah, what she said. And NO, you can't have a link to the origiinal version of this, you'll have to find it yourself! And for the sake of your sanity, this story has 0.00% of Sparky.

Ember: Yeah yeah, less talking more action!

It was the usual busy day for teenager Timmy Turner in Dimmsdale High; the usual comprised of dodging and/or outwitting Francis, fending off Crocker's attempts to expose his fairy godparents (insert spazzing teacher here), trying to get the attention of Trixie Tang or hanging out with Chester and A.J. at the rooftop. There was one other thing he was also used to, but he hardly looked forward to it, and that was dodging the very enthusiastic advances of his number 1 admirer and would-be girlfriend, Tootie. Well, she COULD be his girlfriend if she would mellow out. Timmy thought this as he walked the hallways of his high school.

"You seem distracted, sport. What's the problem?" The voice belonged to the female of the fairy godparents that looked after Timmy, which was Wanda. Currently she was disguised as his pink Trapper Keeper while her husband, Cosmo, was disguised as his green backpack. Timmy replied to her "Call me crazy, but I was kind of expecting Tootie to ambush me today."

"Ok crazy, but why were you expecting her to ambush you?" Cosmo inquired.

"It's been a routine thing I've been used to for some time now. Every 2 or 3 days, she pops out of a locker or trash can, I yelp, she chases me and it all ends in me either hiding in a car trunk or buying her an ice cream float. I kinda miss the chase for some reason."

"Well, that means either one of two things," Cosmo concluded, "either you've grown attached to her or the concussion Dark Laser gave you last week has finally twisted your mind."

"Normally, I'd be inclined to agree with you," Timmy answered back, "but I don't think it's that simple. I am very curious about why she's been laying low."

"Maybe she's gotten tired of pursuing you." Wanda suggested. "A woman can only be rejected so many times."

"I doubt that. She once waited for 5 hours on my ceiling to get me to take her to Kitty-World. If anything, she's not easily deterred." But the thought that Tootie would give up on him did occupy a small place in the back of his mind. And that small thought would soon set off on its task of creating doubt and angst in his heart about Tootie…well it would have had it not been for the fact that as he turned the corner, he found himself face to face with the pigtailed bespectacled girl. The thought was then quickly dismissed by hope (with a lightning powered hammer and a battle cry of "For MIDGARD! FOR LOVE!" No, don't ask why hope in Timmy's mind happens to resemble a golden haired Norse hero.) Tootie, in her usual outfit of a white shirt with black vest, grey plaid skirt and thigh high stockings, smiled and said "Oh, Timmy, there you are! Mr. Crocker said you were heading home early today."

"Yeah, my parents need me. They're attending a Family Haggis Cook Off and they need my help to prepare the sheep's stomachs."

"Oh good, then this won't take a moment of your time!"

"Wait, back up. Usually you don't even bother just talking to me. This is the part where you chase me down, or pop up from the locker nearby."

"Come on, I don't want to be that predictable. Unless, of course, you WANT to be chased?"

"No, no, a change is good. What did you want to ask me?" Timmy inquired.

"I'm preparing my cosplay album and I need someone to help me out. Can you come over to my house tomorrow afternoon?"

Timmy raised an eyebrow. "Cosplay? Wow, that is kind of odd. I never knew you were into that." Tootie smiled "Oh, there are many things you have to learn about me. But can you make it?"

"Sure, I can come by. But the second Vicky pops in, I will be diving out the window."

"Don't worry. My sister will not be a problem. See you tomorrow, Timmy." As Tootie walked away, Timmy said to himself "Well, that was unexpected. I just hope she not possessed by a malevolent ghost or something. Maybe things will turn out innocently enough. Yeah, and maybe Chester will win Man of the Year in GQ Magazine."

Little did Timmy know that he had walked into Tootie's carefully planned plot of seduction.

Saturday Morning…

It was over a month ago when Tootie had an epiphany: she had realized that constantly chasing after Timmy would be counterproductive to her plans to win his heart. So, she had decided if he was gonna be hers, she needed to take a radically different approach. And it all hinged on whether or not he would come to her home. Step one in her plan was completed; she backed off of the ambushing and made him wonder what had gotten into her. And as he approached her house, the next step came into play.

Timmy nervously knocked on the door of his evil babysitter's home. If she answered the door, it would only be a matter of seconds before she broke out the flamethrowers or chainsaws. Instead, as the door creaked open, he found, to his relief, it was Tootie who opened. "Wow, you came early." Tootie smiled.

"I had to spend an extraordinary amount of time washing the stench of sheep intestines from my hands." Timmy admitted.

"Ah yes, Scottish food will do that to you. Ok, come on in, we'll go to my room!"

"Ok…wait, what about your parents? And what about Vicky?"

Tootie nodded and explained to Timmy "My parents, oddly enough, won a cruise to Maui, so they'll be gone all week. As for Vicky, well let's just say she's currently got issues of her own to deal with…"

"This is just PERFECT," Vicky growled as she sat in her jail cell. "and I could have sworn I had locked those files securely."

If you ever wondered what would happen if the feds found out you were illegally transporting ocelots across the US-Canadian border, Vicky's current location should be a huge clue. As to how she was found out, assume for a moment someone had access to her hard drive and secret passwords. And assume for the moment that same person leaked the manifests of her cargo shipments to the proper authorities.

"If I find out the name of the snitch who ratted me out I swear I'll—"

"Hey, keep it down, I'm trying to get my beauty sleep!" The bunkmate above her, a black haired Spanish girl about 2 years older than her, was laying down filing her nails. "Stupid Manson, getting me busted for corporate embezzlement…"

"And they call me the monster." Vicky snorted in disgust.

Timmy was led into the inner chambers of Tootie's bedroom and was greeted with an unusual sight: On a wall opposite to her bed, which was adorned with a pillow that had his smiling face on it, was a simple large flat screen. Nearby was a changing screen which had a PC nearby, which was hooked up to the flat screen. On the desk with the PC was a digital camera. "Wow, you thought this out pretty well," Timmy observed, "but why not get a pro to help you with this?"

"Are you kidding? Those guys are expensive!" Tootie replied, sighing in annoyance. "The prices they want for one photo set is ridiculous. I'm better off getting someone else to help me do it myself."

"Good point." Well that cleared up any issues on why she needed me, he thought.

"Now I'm just going to take 3 sets of pictures for this photo shoot for the costumes I got. There's just one rule I need you to observe."

"If it involves whips, I'm jumping out the window."

Tootie's left eyebrow raised. "Do I want to know why you think whips are going to be involved?"

Timmy shook his head. "It's a long story. Trust me, you are better off if I never ever explain it to you."

Tootie did not want to know. "Fair enough. My one rule is simple; no matter what you see me in, no touching. Unless, of course, I give my consent."

"Are you serious? Trust me, I am a complete gentlemen! I assure you nothing like that will be happening! And if I may be so bold, I will ask that the same of you."

"You don't trust me to keep my hands to myself?" said Tootie, giving him a pouty look.

Timmy nodded his head "You do not want me listing examples."

"Oh very well. I promise to keep my hands to myself unless given permission. Oh, by the way, I'll need you to remove your pants."

"What? Why?"

"Oh, just in case you get any ideas."

"Fine, sure…" Timmy sighed and unbuckled his pants, removing them and tossing them to the side, not knowing he just fell right into phase 2 of the plan.

"Ok dokie, let's get this photo shoot underway." Tossing the camera to Timmy, she winked and said "Give me two minutes and we can begin." Pulling the changing screen back as she stepped behind it, Timmy heard a few clicks of the keyboard and seconds later, a backdrop appeared on the screen. It was of a familiar Japanese high school; the gates of the school to be precise. Timmy struggled to remember which one it was exactly (he watched a LOT of anime with Japanese high schools as a setting) when the screen pulled back. Tootie's outfit answered any and all lingering questions he had about the show; she wore a sailor fuku, white and light teal, with a pink neckerchief. The skirt was also light blue as well and she had black socks which reached just underneath her knees, along with brown shoes. In her hand was a large katana sword, sheathed of course. Her hair was redone into a single braided pony tail. Timmy's eyes went wide and his jaw dropped.

"Whoa! I didn't know…"

"That I liked Bleach? Oh, I'm a bit of a fan," Tootie explained to Timmy, "but I'm not the type to just sit at a computer and bitch about filler arcs or anything like that. You have no idea how tired I am of that."

"Trust me, you and every other sane anime fan." Timmy assured her. "But the sword…"

"Vicky's."

"Say no more! I guess you're a fan of Lisa Yadomaru." Timmy observed.

"Oh, she's awesome in her own way. I wanted to try Rukia, but I would look odd with my glasses. Besides, she doesn't get as much attention as some of the other Bleach females, despite being possibly a bi character."

"Lisa's bi?"

"She has to be. Seen all the magazines she's reading?"

"I'm fairly certain that a large amount of the josei manga she reads is not based on lesbian stuff and—oh great this is becoming like an episode of Lucky Star!" Timmy shouted out in frustration. "Let's just take some photos!"

"Yeah, we should get started." Tootie agreed. And so, the photo session began, with Tootie taking on a variety of poses, some of which with the katana drawn, and Timmy did his best to take them in the best angle as possible. At one point as Tootie did a quick roundhouse kick in the air, Timmy snapped one pic which showed, at the same time, a flash of panties from the girl. A slight trickle of blood escaped from his nose as he said to himself "Yeah, let's not get carried away there."

"Ok, this set is done. Now comes character #2!" Tootie exhaled as she stepped back behind the changing screen. "You might like this one."

"The sailor fuku wasn't enough? What else do you have in mind?" Tootie merely winked as she pulled the shade to the side. Timmy stood there in a quiet stupor, wondering how this girl had managed to keep him interested in her next actions for so long thus far. If this was some sort of plot on her end to get him to notice her, it worked very well. Seconds later, a new screen image presented itself on the flat screen: A football field, situated in another Japanese high school. "Wait a sec, don't tell me…"

The screen was pulled back and Tootie walked, or rather, rolled back into view; she was now dressed in a rather familiar red cheerleader outfit, specifically that of the Deimon Devil Bats cheerleader Taki Suzuna; she wore a red cheerleader top that exposed her midriff with the word "BATS" on the front. Attached to the back of the top were a pair of mini bat wings, also red. The red cheerleader skirt she wore covered the black athletic shorts she wore underneath. A pair of red and white pop-poms were in her hands and on her elbows and knees were black pads to go with the roller blades she had on. Her hair was completely loose now. "I think this one is quite the looker huh?" Tootie said. "Betcha you'd never see Trixie in this!"

"No, but I think a sizeable male population wish she would." Timmy remarked. "And you do have one slight problem with this outfit."

"What?"

"You're, um, bigger that Taki."

"Really?" Tootie cocked her head to one side. "I'm fairly certain we are the same height."

"That's not what I meant. Geez, how do I put it delicately…" Timmy whistled and pointed to Tootie's chest while darting his eyes away from her gaze. It was something that he wanted to try to avoid mentioning but the comparison was made nonetheless.

"Oh, so you HAVE noticed?"

"Yeah its kind of hard not to, especially since you've usually tackled me from the front quite a bit. It's kind of hard to forget when you have a face full of C-Cup. Why not cosplay as Mamori?"

"I couldn't find the right wig. Besides, I think I fit Taki's look way better than her."

Timmy couldn't help but agree. "I suppose you're right. Ok, let's see what you got!"

For a few more minutes, Tootie did several poses and cheers as Timmy clicked away with her digital camera. She was surprisingly limber, he had noticed, and some of the poses she had done were a little provocative. As he clicked one last picture, she said "Ok, that's good. Now this last one is an original of mine. It's something I've been dreaming about as a kid."

"It's not a—"

"No it is NOT a wedding dress. Just hang on to your pink hat and get ready." Tootie skated behind the screen and closed it shut. The young man stood and wondered "Ok, let's review, what could she possibly have dreamt of becoming when she was a kid, other than being Mrs. Timmy Turner?" All sorts of possibilities raced through his head; princess, secret agent, fashion minded mystery solver, catgirl…

The next image that appeared on the screen was nothing more than a simple sky backdrop, which provided no clues. However, the sight that befell him as Tootie had stepped into view made it abundantly clear what she had chosen. It looked to be a variation of the Tooth Fairy's outfit, however Tootie's design was radically different; Tootie's top was black, with the tooth logo dead in the center. The bottoms, like her boots were grey and she wore a golden belt along with a pair of large golden bracelets and tiara. In her hands was a perfect replica of a fairy wand and she had on a pair of transparent wings.

"So, what do you think?"

The next words that escaped the mouth of Timmy were nothing more than incoherent babble as he searched for the proper phrases to present to her. Eventually, common sense kick started his vocal skills and he managed to gasp out "Holy Sheboygan! You dreamt up THAT?!"

"You don't think its too much, do you?"

"Only a complete and utter dumbass would object to this. Who would say anything negative about that?"

"MajorMorpheus4."

"Huh"? Timmy asked.

"Some guy who trolls artists on DeviousArtWorks". Tootie explained to him. "He makes it a habit of letting people know about which pairing he prefers on Crimson Chin and leaves annoying comments on anyone's art pages that disagrees with him. He's even worse with the community."

"Meh, just ignore him. Or send a goat to his house."

Tootie laughed. "Was that why Chompy was chasing after some fat nerd recently?"

"Maybe." Timmy was also an avid surfer on the website. He also encountered the person that she had described and, needless to say, he also did not care for his crap. "Well if these are the type of pics that would piss him off, I say we make an extra-large set."

"Agreed!"

For a good 20 or so minutes, Tootie posed as Timmy took picture after picture of Tootie in her "Toot Fairy" costume (a name he had come up with on the spot.) Some of the poses were cute, which included Tootie blowing kisses at the camera or winking as she held her wand aloft. And then there were some that were, well, quite suggestive, such as the one where she bent down to blow a kiss at the camera. Timmy had gotten more than a good view of her cleavage and it made him slightly gulp. What he didn't know was that Tootie had quickly glanced at Timmy as he did so. And so far, the results of this costume were getting the effect she was aiming for.

"I guess that's it then." Timmy said. "That was the last costume right?"

"Yeah, but.."

"I knew it, there is a catch."

"No catch. Just a reward."

"Reward?" Timmy liked rewards. Who wouldn't?

"Yup. Since you've been a very patient and well behaved young man, I'll let you have one very special photo set, JUST for you."

"Really? Ok, I suppose one last group of photos wouldn't hurt." Timmy's curiosity was just what Tootie was banking on. She gave a thumbs up and said "All right. Just stay right there. I'll be right out."

Timmy watched as Tootie stepped back behind the screen and pulled it shut. As she did so, Timmy had noticed his hands were trembling, the camera still in his possession. Normally, he'd cut his losses and dive right out the window. But Tootie has shown a rather intriguing side to herself, a controlled and subdued persona, and it was starting to get him excited. Also, he had taken his pants off and—

Wait…that last part. What was that again?

"Ok Timmy. I want you to close your eyes and count to ten."

Timmy swallowed hard and did what he was asked to do.

"1,2,3,4,5…"

Please don't have a whip…please don't be dressed in tight black dominatrix gear…

*…6,7,8,9,10"

Well, I had a good run.

Timmy slowly opened his eyes. "Oh…my…GOD."

Before him stood Tootie, but it was not what she was wearing that caught his attention, it was what she wasn't. Well sort of: She had dressed herself in nothing but her knee high black stockings, accompanied by a black lace matching bra and panty set,

"What's wrong Timmy? You look like you have something on your mind?" Tootie purred.

The following words, if they could be called that, escaped from the mouth of Timmy- "Gabbity gah goo haminna haminna…" and the gibberish would continue until he managed to slap himself across the face. After doing so, he relaxed himself, took a deep breath and said "I think I speak for myself when I say HOW IN THE HELL CAN I TAKE A PICTURE IN THE STATE I'M IN?"

"Oh I'm sure you'll manage," Tootie said, "since I am very confident that you'll keep your hands to yourself, no matter what. Of course, there is always Option B"

"And does option b by any chance involve grabbing you, kissing you passionately, throwing you on that bed and doing things of an ero-ero nature with you?" Timmy asked, blushing at the prospects laid out before him.

"Yes. And you got that term from Azumanga Daioh didn't you?"

"Uh huh. Give me a second to think about this"…

Ok Turner, while she does have a borderline crazy fixation, she really does have the hots for me. And she REALLY went out of her way to get me to come here. What do we do? A couple of seconds later, a red suited, devil horn sporting Devil Timmy, with martini in one hand, popped up on his left shoulder. Taking a sip, he said "Uh, look, I don't know about you, but I'd take her up on her offer. Running is SO not cool." On his right shoulder poofed the white suited, halo and wing sporting Angel Timmy. Grabbing him by the colklar, Angel Timmy said "What, are you FREAKING KIDDING ME?! We've haven't had any serious action since we hit puberty, Trixie Tang practically Friend Zones us and the one other girl who loves us that isn't a Trixie obsessed blonde is practically giving us the ok to do Tier 15! GO FOR IT YOU DOPE!"

Devil Timmy arched an eyebrow. "Ok, I, uh was not expecting to agree with him, but yeah, what he said." The two disappeared as Timmy shrugged his shoulders, smiled at Tootie and said "Eh, what the hell, we're only young on—"

Whatever else he was gonna say was cut off as Tootie grabbed him, wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him one unforgettable French kiss. Any and all thouughts about running were quickly abandoned as the two fell atop her bed, shedding clothes.

MEANWHILE, AT CUPID'S HEADQUARTERS…

"Well FINALLY!" Cupid fist pumped in the air as he watched the love meters of Timmy and Tootie fill up. Juandisimo sighed as he asked him "Just how long were you hoping this would happen?"

"TOO DAMN LONG."

"You're looking happier than usual." Wanda said to Timmy as he walked the halls of Dimmsdale High. If anyone noticed that he had a huger grin than usual, they weren't saying anything.

"That could mean that both Timmy and Tootie had a nice time over the weekend or he's still not recovering over his concussion." Cosmo concluded.

"Actually Cosmo, yes we did have a nice time together." Timmy answered.

"It's never concussion related anymore!"

"So now that you're officially dating Tootie," Wanda continued, "Does that mean she will give upon ambushing you?"

"Oh Timmy…"

"Well, not exactly."

Suddenly, a nearby locker opened and Tootie grabbed Timmy by the collar and dragged him inside. "I don't suppose you want to see the changes I made to my locker, do you?"

"Yes, yes I would."

As Timmy slammed the locker door shut, Wanda smiled and said "Well, all's well that ends well."

"Yeah, I'll say," Cosmo agreed as a hastily made 'Do Not Disturb' sign was placed on the locker door. "But I can't help but think we're forgetting something…"

Elsewhere, in the Fairy World Dojo…

"I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS POOOOOFFF!"

Foop's angry cries became nothing but faded calls as he was launched into the stratosphere courtesy of Poof's fist. The son of Cosmo and Wanda smiled as Jorgen von Strangle said "Poof wins the current round of the Super NickToons Fracas! Who is next to take him on?" Binky, long suffering fairy assistant looked down at his notes. "Uh, it says here some ghost from the Ghost Zone named—"

"BEWARE!"

"What kind of a ghost calls himself 'Beware' anyway?" Jorgen inquired. But all that was quickly answered as the Box Ghost materialized in front of Poof. "You may have beaten your malevolent doppelganger, but you yet to know what TRUE TERROR is," Box Ghost boasted, "for now you must face the scourge of the Ghost Zone, the Box Gho—"

As Poof did the world a favor and stopped the weak specter mid-sentence with a well-placed jump kick that would make Might Guy proud, Jorgen turned to Binky and said "Any chance we can get those SpongeBob and Sheen characters over here to get their own personal pummeling?"

(Cut to me and Ember sitting down with some others)

Me: Well, the nice, safe version of this story has been posted.

Ember: So, do you all approve?

Velma Dinkley: Yes.

Hinata Hyuga: I like it.

Lady Jaye: Nice job there.

Misato Katsuragi: FUCK YEAH! (A large explosion goes off in the background as she fist pumps)

Ember: Oh great…so much for that set,

Me: It's even worse when Rei or Asuka does it!