Warning:  This newer fic is much darker than the others and definitely contains contents for it's rating.  It's not so explicit to earn a NC-17 rating, but it's dark.  It has non-consensual content, aka, rape.  So if you don't care for fics with a dark atmosphere, don't read.  Press the back button now.

Okay, I gave the warning, if you don't listen to it, you read at your own risk.  :D  Like my other two fics, this is a Joei/Hero (Riou) yaoi fanfic.  It's my current obsession, as you can tell.  X_x  Again, if you don't like Yaoi, don't read it.  Click the back button.  Otherwise, you read at your own risk.

Comments will be welcomed, both positive and negative.  Flames will be ignored and removed.

Okay, you didn't click the back button by now, guess you're not going to.  Enjoy the story!

SPOILERS:  Timeline is after Nanami's death.  Basic summary is that Riou locked himself up in his room.  Castle and army is called Fantasia.  :P  I'm assuming that the castle is the final level as well, meaning the door is way on the other side of the room.

Okay, I said enough, so enjoy the fanfic!

Hidden Desires

Riou cried again, for what it seemed like the fifth time today.  He just couldn't believe that his only family, his only sister, the last person he ever cared about was gone.  He cried until he felt numb and he had no tears left.  It left him numb and angry, with himself for not being able to protect her and angry with her for jumping in front of him like she did.  But she always regarded herself as his 'Big Sister', and it was the obligation for the older sibling to protect the younger sibling from harm.  But he didn't want Nanami to die for him…

A knock came at the door, but Riou ignored it.  Shu, Flik, Viktor, Eilie, and Apple kept knocking at his door, asking him to come out, that they still needed him to fight, but Riou didn't care at the moment.  He needed time alone, for his grief.

He thoughts came back to Joei then.  It all started when he betrayed him at Muse when he and Nanami found him by the fallen form of Anabelle.  He couldn't believe his friend was capable of killing another, but he was only fooling himself and living in denial.

His sadness turned to anger and bitterness at that moment.  How could his best friend, the only person he trusted more than anything in the world, do this to him?  How could he betray his trust in him?

His anger turned back to sadness and the tears came again.  He hugged his pillow to his face and cried.  It wasn't Joei's fault that Nanami died, but his own weakness.  He couldn't save her; he couldn't save his friend either.  He was weak.  He didn't deserve to be a leader of the Fantasia army.

A thunderclap from outside his window made him jump.  He rubbed his eyes and walked over to the window shutters and closed him.  He didn't remember leaving the window opened…

When he turned around, he saw someone was in the room.  He jumped into a fighting stance, but he remembered he threw his Twin Destiny Fang in the far corner of his room out of disgust.  He still had his rune, though, to protect him, but what good did that do?  The rune was meant to protect, not to kill.  Thinking those words made him think about Nanami and he almost broke down.

"Who are you and what are you doing here?"  He said in a commanding voice.

"So it was true…"

Riou gasped.  How could he not know the voice of his best friend?  But why was he here, they were enemies…

"Joei…"

A flash of lightening lit up the room for a moment.  Riou saw his friend, just for a moment, staring at him with his blue eyes.  Still dressed like the King of Highland.

"Nanami is gone then?"  He asked.  Riou almost chocked with grief yet again.

"Yes, she is…"

"I see…  Did she get a proper burial?"

"Huh?"  Riou asked, puzzled.  Now that he remembered, Huan asked Shu to come into the room after he announced that Nanami had met her end, maybe to talk about a funeral, but he was so overcome with grief that he locked himself up in his room for almost the entire day.

He felt Joei's hand brush his cheek.  "I'm so sorry, Riou…"

"It's not your fault, Joei.  I failed to protect Nanami from harm…"

"I see…" Was all Joei said at the moment.

"Why have you come?"  Riou asked, changing the subject. "Are you finally giving up on Highland now?"

"No, even though it looks like we won't win the war…  I can't give up the path I have chosen…  I have to see it to the very end…  We will end up fighting in the end, Riou…"

"No, there has to be some other way…"

"There is none…"

"WHY!?"  Riou demanded and grabbed his friend by the collar.  "Why must we keep fighting like this!?  There's no point!  We're friends, Joei!  At this rate…"

"I know.  One of us will die.  But it's fate.  You can't fight it."

Riou's hands shook with rage.  "That's bullshit, and you know it!  I don't want to fight you!  You're all I have left now that Nanami is gone!"

"Riou, it's the only way.  We're no longer friends, but enemies."

Riou screamed in frustration and threw his friend to the floor.  He heard Joei fall to the ground.  He knew he hurt his friend, but he didn't care.  He was so angry right now.  Why did Joei have to be so cold to him?

"Did you come here to kill me then!?"

"That is what I told the others."

"Fine then!" Riou spat.  Lightening flared up the sky.  He saw Joei on the floor looking up at him with his cold blue eyes.  Eyes that once held light in them, gone.  He pointed to his chest and closed his eyes, breathing heavily.

"This is where my heart is Joei.  If you want to kill me, kill me now.  I have nothing left to live for, and even if you plunge a knife right through me, it will feel nothing like the grief I'm going through now!"

"Riou…"

"Hurry up and do it!"

Riou heard his friend get up from the floor.  He felt a bead of sweat drip down his forehead.  His heart beat fast in his chest.  'Is this how I'm going to die?  With my friend stabbing me through the heart…  No, he already did that the day he killed Anabelle and sided with the Highland…'

He waited for sheering pain to swell in his chest, but it never came.  He waited and waited for what seemed like eternity, but nothing came.

"What are you waiting for!?" He demanded then.  Maybe Joei couldn't go through with it.  No, he heard Joei approach him right then.  He braced himself for the knife in his chest.

However, he felt a warm sensation near his lips instead.  When he cracked his eyes opened, he noticed his friend had his lips locked in his own.  Every fiber of his being felt like it was on fire.  He wasn't expecting this.  He found he couldn't pull away from his friend though.

When they finally parted, he felt his friend's hand cup his chin.  Riou turned away from him and felt his eyes water.

"Leave now.  I don't… want to do this…"

He felt arms wrap around him instead.  Riou tried to pull away from Joei, but he couldn't.  He had a strong grip on him.  Even though Riou was two years younger than Joei, they were both about the same size.  But because of all the grief Riou went through, and because he missed the meals of the day, he couldn't call the strength up he needed.

"Joei, don't…  I'll yell for help…"

"You won't…" He said very surely.  "I know you won't.  One, you'll know what they'll do to me, and after that, you truly will have nothing left for you.  Two, I know you haven't been taking care of yourself either, so I doubt you have the strength for it.  You haven't answered anyone all day, so it won't seem strange if you don't answer them now as well.  And three, there is a bad storm here.  So even if you could shout, no one would hear you."

A knock interrupted Joei.  Riou was about to yell, but Joei put his hand over his mouth.

"I'll demonstrate…" Joei whispered in his ear.

"Lord Riou, please open the door."  Shu's voice beckoned behind the door.  Riou struggled in Joei's grip.  He had to get away somehow, but as much as he tried, he couldn't summon the strength inside.  Joei lifted his hand from Riou's mouth.  Riou took a deep breath, ready to scream for help, but Joei's lips covered his before he could shout.

"Lord Riou…" Shu said and knocked again.  Riou tried to struggle, tried to find a way out, but he couldn't.  He also realized in a way he didn't really want to, savoring Joei's lips on his own.

"Lord Riou…  I know it's hard…  But you must move on…  I pray you are well in the morning…  The Fantasia Army needs you…" Shu said.  Riou heard the distant footsteps of Shu and sighed to himself.  There goes perhaps his only chance to escape.  At that time, Joei parted from Riou and grinned.

"You see?" Joei said.  "No one will hear us, Riou."

"Joei, don't do this…"

His protests were covered once again by Joei's lips.  This time, Riou didn't struggle.  In fact, he was starting to enjoy it.  But it didn't feel right at all.  Joei was now part of the Highland side.  He couldn't show his weakness to the Highland side.

He felt himself hit the edge of his bed, with his friend still locking him in his arms.  He tried once again to summon his strength to fight this, at least keep in control and chase his friend away, but he couldn't and found himself laying on the bed with his friend hovering over him.

"Joei…"

Joei placed a finger to Riou's lips.  "Shhh.  Let me relieve you of your pain, Riou.  Tonight, we are not the King of Highland and the Leader of the Fantasia Army.  Tonight, it's just you and me, Joei and Riou…"

A flash of light lit up his room for just a second.  He saw Joei looking down at him, but his eyes weren't cold anymore.  They were full of want and desire.  For the final time, he tried to summon the strength he knew he had in him to stop this.  But he couldn't.  Nanami always told him to eat all his food, that he would never know when he needed the extra strength or when they would eat again.  He always laughed it off and promised he would eat his food.  Now he seriously regretted not listening to her.  It brought a whole rain of pain back on him and felt a tear fall from his cheek.

He felt Joei cup his chin.  His face bent down to his own.  He could feel the new tear falling down his cheek.  He suddenly felt Joei's tongue across the skin of his face and lick the place where the tear fell.

"Tonight, you won't feel anymore pain, my love." He whispered. "No more crying yourself to sleep, no more grief.  Just one night, you will be free of your pain."

Riou felt Joei's lips on his before he finally gave up.  He couldn't stop Joei from doing this.  He was too weak from grief. 'Do I even WANT him to stop?' Riou asked to himself before falling succumb to Joei's desires

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The next morning, he felt awful.  His body ached all over.  He raised his hand to his head.  He had an awful headache, but he usually did when he got up in the morning.  He shook his head to get rid of the webs of sleep.  He sat up in bed, and realized that he wasn't wearing any clothes.  'That's odd.  I wasn't that upset enough to not get dressed…'  

Then the memories of the night before came back to him.  He covered his face with his hands and moaned softly to himself.  He was so disappointed, giving into his weakness.  Once again, he reprimanded himself for being so weak.  He couldn't do anything right…

He felt for his dresser and felt a small sting of pain in his index finger.  Shaking it, he looked over and saw a white rose placed there, with a small folded piece of paper.  He placed the rose off to the side and opened the letter and read the contents:

'Riou,

I hope you do not hate me for what I did.  It will most likely be our last memory together.  I made it special.  Even if one of us were to die here, we would never die in each other's hearts.  Remember me as the way I was, and I will never die.

I love you, my precious Riou'

Riou closed his eyes.  So it wasn't a dream.  He almost thought it was, the way everything was.  But it wasn't.  He clenched the letter to his heart for a second, and got up from bed.  He found his clothes lying neatly over the chair, dressed quickly and put the letter in his pocket.  Sighing to himself, he walked back over to his nightstand and held the rose between his thumb and index finger.  His lips formed into a smile.  He couldn't remember sleeping better ever since Joei had killed Anabelle.

"I love you too, my dear Joei…"