This is the first fanfic that I ever write. I have had this in my mind for so long and I finally find the courage to write it. English is not my first language so it's probably that I will have mistakes in my grammar and less probably in orthography. So please be nice with me.

This is a fem!hiccup AU with the plot twist that she leaves Berk. I will keep her name like that and Astrid will be Asher.

Disclaimer: I don't own how to train your dragon or any of the characters (just this fem version of Hiccup and male version of Astrid)

Ok, so here's the story.

It was cold. The salty water were filling my lungs, I didn't try to stop it. I was getting down… and down. I could still see the colossal walls of fire, and I could only think in one thing… Toothless.

This was our end, and we weren't together as we promise. But at least I could die in peace knowing that all this war was over.

I'll tell you all I can remember, beginning for the day everything changed.

Chapter one: This is Berk

My father voice woke me up, "Hicc, they need me outside. Stay. Here." He ordered slowly, highlighting the words.

"Okay." I replied with a sleepy voice and heard him leave the house. I looked at the closed window, even like that I could tell the sun hadn't make a sigh in the sky. Why would I go outside so early? And why he told me to stay, anyways? I turned and huddled on my bed to sleep again.

My eyes shouted open, there were only one reason for him to tell me to stay. Dragon raid.

The last few times I had screwed it up with my inventions and he had tried to keep me inside, but if he wanted me to stay he should had tried harder.

Putting on my pants and boots I ran downstairs taking my knife and putting it on the back of my belt, being ready I headed to the door grabbing my vest on the way.

I opened the door and instantly froze at the sight of a dragon flying just in front of the house. The Monstrous Nightmare turned its head and saw me 'damn it' it opened its jaw and I closed the door putting my weight on it –not that it did a lot difference-. The impact of the fire pushed it a bit but it stayed closed.

"Dragons." I smiled, I was right. I tried it again and opened the burned door just the necessary to see if the dragon was gone. With no dragon in sight I began to run to the blacksmith. The battle horn rumble in my ears and soon Vikings were running out of their houses to fight dragons and putting on my way, I made my way between them without problem, the perks of being so scrawny.

"Hiccup!" someone pulled me back saving me of being burned by a Nightmare. I was going to thanks him when I saw that the one holding me was the Chief, I shrugged ready for the scold. "What's she doing out again?" He questioned to anyone in particular, his voice booming above the dragon screeches, then turned to me, "What are you doing out? Get inside!" and pushed me in direction of the blacksmith.

"Raise the torches!" Someone screamed. The Torches lighted up the night sky letting the villagers see the dragons. I looked up for a moment, Nadders, Zipplebacks, Gronckles, Nightmares, there was a lot of targets. Finally I arrived the blacksmith; I took off my vest and put on my apron.

"Ah! Nice of you to join the party, I thought you'd been carried off!" Gobber welcomed me.

"Who, me? Nah, come on, I'm way to muscular for their taste" I knotted the apron on my back the tighter I could; it was too big for me.

"Yeah, of course." he eyed me up and down, "Such a Viking" rolling my eyes to the sarcastic one-handed Viking I began to work, transferring break weapons to the forge as the Vikings outside wait for replacements.

I took a bunch of already done swords and hatchets and took them to the window with both hands. The waiting mass bundled for the new weapons and leaved as soon they had handed one.

"FIRE!" someone screamed and the other teens went to help. I didn't play them attention and leaved the window for a box of bolas.

"Come on! Hurry up!" Asher voice broke my poor concentration and made me return my steps to the window. They were carrying buckets with water. Fishlegs; my cousin, Snotlout; the twins Ruffnut and Tuffnut, and… Asher.

A fireball exploded behind him and made him look more awesome of what he already was. I felt a smile growing on my face. I erased it in a second when he turned his gaze to the forge. They ran for more water and passed in front of the blacksmith, I eyed down to a forgotten sword with a bored look, pretending that I was busy and not watching him.

I looked over my shoulder to Gobber; he was distracted giving shape to a sword, perfect. I jumped out of the blacksmith "Where you think you're goin'?" Gobber held me in the air in middle of my jump.

"Aw, come on! Let me out, I need to make my mark." a scene of me killing a dragon illuminated my face with a silly smile.

He dropped me "Oh! You've made plenty of marks, all in the wrong places." he ended poking my chest with his forceps-hand and erasing my smile.

"Please, I'll kill a dragon this time." he gave me a fed up look "My life will came infinitely better, I might even have a date." I tried to persuade him gesturing to the window where people began to amass.

He sighed, "You can't lift a hammer, you can't swing an axe… you can't even throw one of these." He grabbed a bola from the box I was supposed to let on the window. The first Viking in line took it and threw it to a dragon making it fall.

"Yeah, I know" I said getting my eyes away from the fallen Gronckle and backed at my new invention, a bola launcher named The Mangler. "But this will do it for me." Proudly I patted it, bad decision –my life seems to be full of those-. The Mangler threw a bola to Gobber, he moved on time but hit a Viking outside instead. I winced "Sorry" I whispered.

"See, this is what I'm talking about." He gestured to The Mangler and I hurried to defend it.

"Mild calibration issue-" he cut me off, didn't wanting to hear my excuses.

"Hicc, if you ever want to go out there and fight dragons, you need to change all…" he gestured the air around me, thinking what word would hurt me less "This." didn't find it.

I grimaced, "You just gesture to all of me."

"Yep. You need to stop being you."

"Ohhh." I said threatening.

"Ohhh, yes." Gobber mimicked me.

"You, sir, are playing a dangerous game." I warned him "Keeping all this much raw Vikingness contained?" I gestured as if trying to keep bottled my 'raw Vikingness' "There will be consequences!"

"I'll take my chances." he replied not amused and took the sword he had re-shaped and dropped it in my arms, making me almost fall by its sudden weight "Sword. Sharpen. Now."

Annoyed I went to the gridding wheel to sharpen the sword. 'One day I'll kill a dragon, I'll show all of you that I'm not as fragile as you think' I gave the new sword to a Viking outside and carried the new damaged weapons to the forge, heating them up. I passed my forearm for my forehead to wipe out the sweat. Gobber extended his good arm with a bunch of arrows; I passed by his side grabbing them in my way to the gridding wheel without a word and a pout in my lips.

"You need to cut your hair, your braid is getting longer." Gobber said after a long and tense silence, trying to make me forget what he had said.

"Is not long." I rapped out finishing with the last arrow.

"I don't want to have another accident with it."

"C'mon. That just happened once!" he stared at me and slowly raised an eyebrow, "Okay, twice." I accepted, "But I'm not going to cut it."

"If it gets burned-" He began threatening but a scream cut our conversation.

"Night Fury!"

"Get gown!" somebody yelled back. I did exactly the opposite and ran to the window just in time to see a catapult tower exploding at a Night Fury blast.

"Mangler, your time has come." I whispered to myself, smiling.

"They need me out there, Hiccup" Gobber changed his hand to a battle axe, I couldn't hide my smile in time and he saw me "Stay. Put. There. You know what I mean." He said with a several look and leaved the blacksmith with a battle cry. My smile got bigger.

I took a bow and handed it to Ack with the arrows before I changed to my vest, took The Mangler and ran outside.

"Hiccup, where are you going?!"

"Came back inside kid!"

"I know, I know. I'll be back in a minute!" 'With a dead dragon' I ran to the cliff with the smoking-catapult 'remember, don't shoot to the village, that'll bring problems' I reached and prepared The Mangler, directing it to the forest. It was ready but too tall for me so I stood on the handle.

"Please, give me something to shoot at, give me something to shoot at." I prayed to the gods and looked to the dark sky, listening carefully. The characteristic noise of a Night Fury when it was near to shoot came to my ears and I searched for the beast. The noise became stronger as the dragon got closer, a plasma blast stroke the catapult again and for a little moment I saw it, illuminated my its own fire.

I aimed, closed my eyes (why I did that!) and shoot. The power of the released bola overthrew me. The roar of a dragon made me to open my eyes.

"I-I hit it?" the dragon was falling to the forest, near Raven Point "Yes! I hit it!" I stood in a jump throwing my fist to the air "Did anybody see that?" I turned searching for anybody near, there was one… dragon. I dropped my arms "Except for you." The Monstrous Nightmare crushed The Mangler, getting closer to me. It opened its mouth and I began to run, screaming.

I entered the main plaza eluding the Nightmare's fire. I hided behind a torch and its fire enclosed me, instinctively protecting my head with my arms. The fire stopped, I gulped and looked back in search for the dragon. A hot, wet breath stoked my neck, waving my braid. It was behind me; I froze, closing my eyes resigned.

Someone hit the dragon, saving me of being eaten; it was the Chief. Great, twice this morning.

The Nightmare opened its mouth but only smoke got out of it. "You are all out." The Chief cracked his fingers and started punching the dragon, making it to fly away. I pursed my lips and took a step to the left hiding again; my luck made the torch to brake down, the head fell and started spinning to the docks. I winced at every disaster it made; I screw it up again, didn't I?

"Sorry, Dad." I shrugged as a folk of Nadders flew away in the sunrise with a net full of sheep, one fell, bleating in its way down. It could be funny if this weren't the situation. "Okay but I hit a Night Fury." I tried to compensate. He grabbed me for the neck of the vest and pulled me to the house "It's not like the last few times, Dad. I actually did it, you guys were busy and I had a very clear shoot." Vikings began to come to the plaza, I could feel every single pair of eyes on me, I bushed, I never liked when people stared at me; but I kept trying "It went down, just off Raven Point. Lets get a search par-"

"STOP!" he cut me and I stood, pursing my lips and looking up to him 'No, please, don't do this. Not in front of all.' I tried to look down but I was trapped in his gaze. He softened his tone a bit "Just… stop." everyone went silent. 'No. Please.' "Every time out step outside, disaster follows. Can you not see I have bigger problems? Winter's almost here and I have an entire village to feed!"

I looked around, all the eyes upon us, upon me. I tried to smooth the atmosphere, "Well, between you and me the village could do with a little less feeding, don't you think?"

"This isn't a joke, Hiccup!" well, that didn't work. "Why can't you follow the simplest orders?"

"I-I can't contain myself, I see a dragon and I have to just… kill it, you know?" I twisted an imaginary dragon's head as I talked, "It's who I am, Dad." I finished trying to sound cool but probably making a fool of myself.

He sighed, "You're many things, Hiccup, but a dragon killer is not one of them. Get back to the house." He turned to Gobber, "Make sure she gets there, I have her mess to clean up." I looked down, resigned; Gobber joined me and banged my head to start walking.

"Quite the performance." Tuffnut said when I passed in front of the others my age. His sister laughed.

"I've never seen anyone mess up that badly. That helped!" Snotlout scoffed. "You're just like your mother." He muttered but I still listened.

A fire set on my chest and I turned to kick him. Gobber held me up for the neck of my clothes and Snotlout backed up a few steps. I kept trying to hit him, kicking and punching the air. "Don't you ever dare to talk of my mother!" I screamed wishing my father to be close enough to hear me. Ohh, he would end him if he hears him talking like that of her, family or not.

Snotlout took his position again just a few inches of my legs reach and with a smirk in his face that just made me want to hit him harder. I stopped trying, knowing that Gobber won't put me down until I did.

Gobber moved slightly his arm to cut the space and let me hit him once. I used the chance he gave me and kick him on the face; the hit took him down. I calmed down with a growing smile, liking the look of my cousin in the floor with a blooding nose and the twins laughing at him, I even saw Asher trying to contain a smile.

My feet touched the ground and Gobber pushed me to the house. Still angry I did. "You know that they only want to bother you."

I didn't answer. I knew, but it made me mad that people that didn't know anything about my mother messed with her. We were near the house, I looked over my shoulder to see if no one was close enough to hear us, "I actually hit one this time."

"Sure you did, Hiccup."

"He never listens."

"Runs in the family." I ignored that.

"And when he does, it's always with this… disappointed scowl. Like someone skimped on the meat in his sandwich." We reached the doorway and I started to mimic my father, "Excuse me, barmaid, I'm afraid you brought me the wrong offspring. I order for an extra large boy with beefy arms, extra guts and glory on the side. This here. This is a delicate flower, what am I suppose to do with this- this talking fish bone?"

"You're thinking about this all wrong. It's not so much what you look like. It's what's inside that he can't stand." And that helped a lot.

"Thank you! For summing that up." I turned to open the door.

"Look, the point is, stop trying so hard to be something you're not." Gobber tried to comfort me but his words hurt me more.

I sighed heavily, "I just wanna be one of you guys." I enter the house not looking at him. If I'm not a Viking… what am I?

Grabbing my sketchbook I leaved trough the back door and enter the woods 'I'll show them' I opened the book where I had my self-made map of Berk –at least what I had explore that was basically the Hooligans Village, Raven Point, and Long Beach- and began to search for the downed dragon.

Not here. I put another X in the map.

Here neither. Another for the collection.

The sun had almost reach the highest point in the sky, I was hungry, my feet hurt and I began to put off, I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, open an eye and… nothing. Releasing the breath I added one more X. In frustration I scratched the charcoal stick over the whole map. I sapped the book closed and put it in my vest.

"Ugh, the gods hate me." I kicked a little rock off my way, "Some people lose their knife or their mug. No, not me. I manage to lose an entire dragon!" I hit a branch that had get on my way; it swung back at me and hit me in the face, "Ow!" I put my hand on my face and look at it, there was no blood so I didn't need to worry a lot but now it was time to get to the house and I got a bruise on my cheek.

I looked at the branch like if it had the fault of everything that goes wrong in my life. Then I turned my gaze up a saw a snapped tree trunk. I followed it with my eyes to a long trench of upturned earth. The curiosity invaded my head and I began to walk.

My hands wandered at my sides, touching the exposed roots and the fresh dirt. What did this? I turned my eyes up and rotated my body, walking backwards as I saw a hole in the trees made by broken branches. I reached the end and turned, climbing the last part. I yelped and hide as soon as I saw a big mass of black scales. Now I knew what did this. The trench had driven me to the Night Fury.

I gave a sneak peek at it, it didn't move so it hadn't heard me. I extended my neck to look better at it: its body and tail were tangled with the bola, and its wings slightly open and trapped too. It appeared dead. I stood and searched for my dagger, putting it in front of me for security. The little knife would do nothing to that dragon but it was better that nothing.

Getting down the trench I hided in a rock, took a deep breath and then approached to the black dragon. "Wow, I did it." I looked bewildered at the thing in front of me it was weird, it didn't feel real, but it was. "I did it, this… this fixes everything. Yes!" I put a victory pose with a foot on the Night Fury "I have brought down this mighty beast!" It suddenly moved the leg I had my foot on, with a gasp I got back, hitting my back on the rock I was hiding before, and turned my dagger at it. In a few hesitant steps I was again on its side. My heavy breathing almost matched the dragon's, its chest was moving to fast but in a seconds it was calming. I looked at its head and found the Night Fury eyes staring coldly at me. I tried to look away but my gaze returned to the Night Fury's.

The black-scaled dragon growled and I wanted more than ever to get my eyes away from his. I exhaled trying to get all my fear away with the air. "I'm going to kill you dragon. Then I'll cut off your heart and take it to my father." I fixed the knife on my hands, ready to stab the beast right on the chest. "I'm going to show them that I'm not fragile. That I am a Viking"

The dragon grunted and for some reason my brain took it like if it didn't buy it, "I am a VIKING!" I shouted, now angry at the thing. I took it out of the sky. I trapped it. "I'll show you." I muttered raising the dagger over my head.

The Night Fury's breathing broke my concentration; it had accelerated, like if it was frightened. I look at its eye… its eye… it was like mines, greens with golden-yellow lines. The only difference it was that mines were like the green forest around us and its were of a toxic green. But there was something else in common…fear.

My arms began to fall when I realize that it was frightened, of me! It knew it was going to die and it was afraid for it.

Shaking my head and closing my eyes to don't see the dragon my arms raised again. I opened an eye and saw the Night Fury lower its head and close its eye, giving up. I looked at the dragon's chest, I felt my breathe so heavy now, my arms began to shiver but I kept them in the air, 'I can do it, just one move and all will be over. I can do this. I can do this… I can't.' I lowered my arms with a frustrated sigh, hitting my head with the dagger.

I let my arms fall to my sides and looked at the dagger in my hand then to the wounded dragon. Green dragon-blood was covering most of the ropes; there were a puddle of blood by its neck where a piece of rope was nailing the scales very hard. For a moment I thought in myself, trapped in ropes embedding my skin. I backed a few steps, "I did this." I was responsible for its pain, for the blood, for the wounds on its scaly skin. I no longer wanted to kill it; I just wanted to get as away as possible from it.

I turned and gave a step away before I stopped, looking back at the dragon. I couldn't leave it like that. Biting my lip I gave a quick consideration to the options and for some stupid reason I decided to look over my shoulder to confirm that no one was watching and returned to cut the ropes that kept back the Night Fury.

My eyes turned back with each rope I cut; if someone saw me I was a dead man… woman. The last rope fell free and the Night Fury pounced me down, my head hit hard to the rock I hided in. I was dead. I was completely and absolutely dead.

Its grip tightened on my chest with a low growl when I tried to move. Paralyzed I looked at its eyes, now fury in them, an intense and toxic green but still like mines. I could see the wild of the forest around us reflected in them. I got lost in them for I don't know how long as the fear inside me grew and grew.

The Fury snarled, opening its jaw to blast me or eat me whatever was going to be my end. I closed my eyes waiting for the heat of the fire, its teeth ripping my flesh; but the pain never came. What did was an ear-piercing scream.

I opened my eyes to see the Night Fury flying away. I put a hand on my chest, feeling my heartbeat and panting. I am alive. I stood up feeling weak and hearing the dragon wailing and thumbing over the still-ringing scream in my ears.

Now was time to return to the village. I tried to walk but in a few steps my legs failed making me fall on my knees and faint.

The sun had set when I woke up. I ran to my house knowing that the Night Fury was still there and I didn't want to confront it again and less at night. I entered the house making no noise, hopping my dad wouldn't be there. Slowly I closed the door and turned to see him sitting by the fire. I grimaced and slowly reached the stairs and quickly ran up. "Hiccup" he stopped me.

I closed my eyes, "Damn it." I muttered. "Dad. I… uh… I have to talk to you, Dad"

"I need to speak with you, too, Hicc." He stood up and rubbed his hands.

I took a deep breath, "I've decided I don't want to fight dragons."

"…Fight dragons." Wait, what did he said?

"What?" we said at the same time.

"You go first."

"No, you go first." I insisted trying to delay what I needed to tell him. He opened his mouth to speak but closed it and reached for my cheek. "I was in the forest." I shortly explained. At least he knew me enough to know that I got injured wherever I go (well, all the village knew that) and accepted the excuse lowering his hand.

He nodded at me, "Alright, you get your wish. Dragon training. You start in the morning."

"Oh man, I should've gone first." I said way to fast, panicked. "Cause I was thinking that…uh…I" Come on, think on something, think on something! "I can continue working in the smith with Gobber, have you talk to him? He says that I'm getting better at it." I babbled as I reached the floor again.

He handed me an axe, his axe, "You'll need this."

I put my hands behind me avoiding taking it, "I don't want to fight dragons."

"Oh, come on. Yes, you do." He said in chuckles.

"Rephrase. Dad, I can't kill dragons."

"But you will kill dragons." He forced the axe to me. I walked backwards rejecting the axe and looking at it like it was the devil itself.

"No, I'm really very extra-sure that I won't."

"It's time, Hiccup." He said seriously.

"Can you not hear me?"

"This is serious, daughter! When you carry this axe, you carry all of us with you." I gave a look at the axe and finally took it with a sigh. Its weight dragged me down "Which means you walk like us." He helped me to correct my posture, "You speak like us. You think like us. No more of…" He gestured the air around me an I knew exactly what was coming, "This."

I gave out a frustrated sigh, "You just gesture to all of me."

"Deal?"

"This conversation is feeling very one-sided." I could literally say anything and he wouldn't listen. Hey, Dad, wanna know what I did today? I took down a Night Fury, didn't kill it, let it free and almost got killed by it. Isn't that amazing?

"Deal?!" It had no use to argument with him. I was no longer talking to my father, it was the Chief.

I sighed, "Deal."

He grabbed his helmet and a bag and reached for the door. "Good, train hard. I'll be back, probably."

"And I'll be here, maybe." I looked down to my grip. I heard the door open and close but he didn't get out. He put the bag on the floor and sighed. I turned my gaze to him.

"Hiccup." He walked towards me and knelt in front of me reaching for my cheek "Honey, I'll not be always here to protect you. Just today you almost got killed twice." Tree times, actually, you didn't see the first. "I need you to know to do it your self." He said slowly and I tried to smile nodding to him. "Do your best." He stood up, grabbed his things and leaved, closing the door after him and leaving me alone.

I looked at my father's axe and put it in the table. There was a bowl with my dinner but I didn't want to eat, not now. I leaved to my room; I would leave it for the morning.

I stopped in the middle of the stairs "I'll be back, probably" was they going…? I turned to see the closed door and listened. There was move outside. I ran to the door and opened it.

The image of Vikings hugging and kissing their fathers, mothers, husbands and children let me breathless. To the nest…. they will go to the nest. I closed the door and lay on it, I sat on the floor and hugged my knees.

What if he doesn't come back?

Quite tears made their way down my cheeks as the fear of losing my father dominated my head. "I'll not be always here to protect you".

'No! What are you thinking? Have you forgot who is he? He is Stoick the Vast! The greatest Viking Berk had ever seen.' I mopped my tears with the back of my hand and sniffed. I need to calm down. He's going to be okay. I? I needed to sleep; tomorrow would be a long day.

I went to my room and looked behind my desk searching for my little stuffed dragon. I didn't needed to see if there were someone watching me, I was alone in the house.

I sat on my bed and hugged it; it was the only thing I had to remember my mother. When I was little I had dropped it into the ocean, two years ago I found it on the beach, I cleaned it and hided it from my father. I really had no idea of why I hided it but it was my little secret.

Beginning to hum I lay down. That was the other thing I had to remember my mother, her humming. I didn't remember her voice or the song but I knew she sang for me, and not a lullaby, it was their song, my parents' song. When she died Dad continued humming it to me when I was sad, hurt, ill or couldn't sleep; but he never sing the lyrics again. He stopped humming for me five years ago but the melody had been recorded in my head permanently.

"Mom, please, let him come back" I said in tears and fell asleep humming their song.