Finger on the Trigger

Part 2

Chapter 1

Beth-

We ran for what seemed like years but really it was just a few days, eatin' berries and snake.

I have been hell bent on a mission to find alcohol. I thought maybe it'd help me forget everythin' I've lost.

My mama and brother, my daddy, my sister, my husband and my kids. They were all gone now.

Husband and kids, those are things I never expected to lose in a world like this. I never expected to have them in the first place.

At first I had wanted to go back and look for them but as the days wore on, I felt hopeless.

Before and after that, we didn't talk much. It bothered me at first but now I didn't mind it as much.

I kept my focus on tryin' to find my family. I wanted so badly for Rick to be here. I wanted to find the kids. I want to go back and bury daddy.

I wanted so many things but they all seemed to slip through my hands.

We've tried to rebuild our lives in this world so many times and I had hoped that we could but now I realize that wasn't possible and it probably never would be.

I guess that's why I was in this god-forsaken shack drinkin' moonshine with Daryl.

"What tha hell ya do that for? We was havin' fun," Daryl shouted after I killed the walker he was shootin' at.

"No, you were bein' a jackass! If anyone found my dad..."

"Don't! That ain't remotely tha same."

"Killin' them is not supposed to be fun!"

"What'd ya want from, girl? Huh?"

"I want you to stop actin' like you don't give a crap about anythin'. Like nothin' we went through matters, like none of the people we lost meant anythin' to you. It's bullshit!"

"Is that what you think?"

"That's what I know."

"Ya don't know nothin'!"

"I know you look at me and you just see another dead girl. I'm not Michonne. I'm not Carol. I'm not Maggie. I survived and you don't get it 'cause I'm not like you or them but I made it. And you don't get to treat me like crap just because you're afraid."

"I ain't afraid of nothin'!"

"I remember, when that little girl came out of the barn after my mom, you were just like me and now God forbid you ever let anybody get too close."

"Too close, huh? You know all 'bout that. Your whole family's gone and all you can do is go out lookin' for hooch like some dumb college bitch."

"Screw you! You don't get it!"

We had both lost our family but there was no way he could understand what I was goin' through.

"No you don't get it! Everyone we know's dead."

"You don't know that."

"Might as well be 'cause you ain't never gonna see 'em again. Rick. You ain't never gonna see Maggie again. Carl, Asskicker, Annie, Shawn. You ain't never gonna see your kids again!"

All I could think about when he was yellin' was that alcohol definitely brings out the worst in people. I let him yell at me. I knew it was just his way of dealing with everythin'. But when he brought up the kids, I gripped my knife tighter and lunged at him. He caught me and twisted my arm until I dropped the knife.

We left that shack after burnin' it down and walked for a day or so before we found the mortuary.

Thank God we brought some of the moonshine with us. Looks like I'll be needing it.

Rick-

It was just me and Carl for a little while, a few days I guess, then Michonne found us.

Carl didn't want me to know but he cried when he was alone, even now he cries but Michonne is there to comfort him. He doesn't cry around me, doesn't even mention their names.

It hurts knowin' I've lost two wives and three kids, four if you count that Carl isn't the same, since the world went to shit.

Carl prays now, no doubt that's because of Beth. He prays that we find her and his brother and sisters. I know he was upset when Lori died but at least then he had the closure in knowin' she wasn't a walker. Either way, he's lost two mothers.

With all the people we've lost I suppose we should be used to it by now.

Carl and now Michonne are the only family I have here.

Carl said he wants to go look for anyone that may have survived the attack on the prison and as much as I want to do the same, I'd rather not know.

I'd rather remember everyone as they were, not as they possibly are now.

We're walkin' away from them, from everythin' we built at the prison to save ourselves.

"Dad, what do you think?"

I rubbed my eyes and looked up at Carl and Michonne.

"What?" I asked.

"You haven't been listening have you?" Michonne asked.

I shook my head 'no'. I hadn't been listenin' to anythin' but my own thoughts.

"Carl wants to go to Terminus," Michonne said.

"No, we're not goin'," I said flatly.

"We need to," Carl spoke up, "what if there were survivors from the prison? Don't you think they'd go there? What about mom? I know she would go there."

I couldn't argue with him about that last part. If Beth thought there was any chance of safety, hope in surviving and bein' with everyone again, she would've taken that chance. She would've gone to this place but I can't go. I don't want to know she didn't make it there.

We set up camp somewhere in the woods for tonight. We're not sure where we're goin' but it's better to keep movin'.

Maybe we'll run into someone from the prison.

I took watch while Carl and Michonne slept. I wouldn't have been able to sleep anyway.

"Rick," Beth softly spoke my name and smiled.

I leaned against the wall with Judith in my arms and watched her nurse our babies.

"I'm glad they look like you," I told her.

"Me too but what if Shawn starts to look like him?"

"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it."

She smiled again, "thank you for everythin' you've done, Rick."

I pushed away from the wall and sat down next to her, lettin' Judith crawl around on the bed, "You never have to thank me, Beth. I love you and I love them."

"I know but things could've went so much more wrong if you hadn't have stopped him," she looked down at the babies, "is it wrong that I'm happy I have them, despite what Shane did?"

"No, it's not wrong but you never have to think about what he did. I'm always gonna be here to protect you and them. I promise, baby."

I closed my eyes at the memory.

I broke that promise. Not just to her but to everyone at the prison.

There's no end in sight.

A/N: Alrighty y'all. This was the first chapter. There are quite a few things that happened in the show that I want to incorporate along with my own ideas. I know this chapter was a little bit of a slow start but as it progresses, hopefully it'll be amped up a little bit.

Just in case anyone thinks this will become Bethyl, it won't! This is totally Brick. Daryl and Beth are close but in a friend-brother/sister way.

As always, please review and thank you to everyone that reads, follows and favorites as well.