All I Want Is Now

"I'm serious about this weekend, you know."

His words mirror the ones he said only six weeks ago, so similar that she nearly stops in her tracks despite the fact that they're currently navigating one of the sketchiest neighborhoods she's ever been in with Castle's flashlight app as their only guide. Slowing down right now isn't the best idea.

Neither is talking about the Hamptons.

But Castle rambles on unaffected as though this isn't some kind of cruel déjà vu moment. As though she hasn't only just begun to recover from having her heart trampled on with half the precinct watching. The memory of him strolling out of her life without a backward glance and his arm slung around his ex-wife's shoulders is not one she'll soon be forgetting. Apparently his memory is more selective.

"Secluded pool, fireworks on the beach, roasted marshmallows…oh, and I always double the chocolate on the s'mores! How can you say no to that, Beckett?"

"Castle!" She snaps his name in irritation, fumbling for a response that won't give away how unnerved she is by this conversation. She really doesn't want to do this right now. Or, ever. When in doubt, always default to the case. "Can you please focus? The sooner we find this backpack the sooner we can get the hell out of here."

"Yeah, yeah. Sorry," he mumbles. "I'm pretty sure the surveillance tape showed it somewhere over in that direction." He points the light from his phone to the right and they resume walking, silently this time.

She sighs inwardly and tries her best to mask the frustration seeping out of her in waves. They've been working this case for the past four days and locating their suspect's ditched backpack may be the last shot they have at getting enough evidence for a confession. But now it's getting late and the summer heat that's steadily blanketed the city for the past few weeks is wearing on her. She slides her hands through her hair, tying it up into a ponytail in an attempt to gain some relief from the oppressive humidity while they continue to search.

"Next time you take me on an outdoor mission in July, remind me that jeans are a bad choice. In fact, I'm starting to think that Naked Heat should be taken literally."

"Since when do you not think that, Castle?"

"Valid point." He pauses for a moment before adding, "Nikki should be naked much more often."

"Because being naked on every cover just isn't enough," she mutters, mostly to herself.

"Can't let the fans down." His eyes gleam at her through the darkness and she shakes her head at him. He's quiet for all of a minute before he resumes complaining. "How much further down this street could it be? It feels like we've been walking forever."

"You didn't have to tag along, you know."

"Tag along?" he scoffs. "Please, like I'd let you go off searching at night on your own with a potential killer on the loose."

She stops and crosses her arms. "Oh, really? And what are you going to do if we run across him, Castle? Beat him to death with your iPhone?"

"Hey now, I think I've proven my usefulness over the past two years."

"Alright," she finally concedes, too tired to argue. "Let's just keep moving."

The truth of the matter is, he is useful. So much so that imagining life without him was enough to make her realize exactly what she'd be losing. As much as she'd like to deny it, he makes her stronger. But she's not about to admit that now. Not after he left.

Because she's still not sure why he came back or what it means. Why, one day, only two weeks after he walked away, she arrived at work to find a steaming cup of coffee on her desk and a writer seated in the chair she hadn't had the heart to move. She didn't ask any questions and he didn't offer any details. But he's shown up every day since, their unofficial partnership picking back up like he hadn't ever announced an end to it.

Except it is different now.

How could it not be with so many unspoken words lingering just below the surface?

Sure, things seem normal enough. He still whines and she still scolds; they still finish each other's sentences and play off each other's theories until they solve cases. But after breaking up with Tom and almost spilling her heart in the hallway of the Twelfth, she finds it nearly impossible to ignore what she pushed aside for so long.

She has feelings for Castle.

Feelings that she might have been able to get over had he only stayed away longer. Had she only had the summer to forget the hours she spent summoning the nerve to tell him how she felt and how quickly it all fell apart in front of her when Gina arrived. Why couldn't he have just given her the summer?

Because he's Castle, the voice in the back of her head echoes.

He's Castle and instead of being able to build up her defenses, to steel her heart against him, he's still a constant force in her life; this thing between them only intensifying with every look they share, every glancing touch. He just keeps clawing his way in over and over, even after what she thought would finally break them for good.

And the more he claws his way in, the harder it is to deny the inevitable pull between them.

She didn't know what to expect when he came back. Whether he'd still be with Gina - whether he'd assume she was still with Demming. Maybe they'd both made assumptions. But in the weeks that followed, it became clear that there was no one else in the picture. He's been slowly but surely insinuating his way back into her heart (not like he'd ever left it in the first place). And as much as she wants to hate him, as much as she's still hurt by what happened, she realizes that logically he had no way of knowing that she was going to accept his invitation.

But that still doesn't ease the ache inside whenever she thinks about that day.

And just like that, her mind flashes back to his question – his invitation to the Hamptons. It's churning up all the memories she's spent the past six weeks trying to erase from her mind. He's building up ideas in her head, painting pictures of a Fourth of July spent on the beach, fireworks and bonfires; relaxation and a break from the work she's thrown herself into even harder since Memorial Day.

And it's tempting. So very, very tempting.

She shouldn't want to say yes. She'd be crazy to after witnessing how easy it was for him to replace her with Gina.

She can't say yes.

So why does she still want to, in spite of everything that's happened?

She's just about to ask if he's sure they're moving in the right direction when her foot catches against something solid on the ground. She curses as she topples forward, grasping at the empty air and darkness. Just before she can fall flat on her face, Castle catches her. Steady arms lift her body and suddenly she finds herself tucked against his chest, his hands settling at her waist and hers gripping his biceps as he spins her around towards him. Her pulse races as she tries to collect herself and for a moment they stand there frozen, so close she can feel his warm exhales against her cheek.

"You ok?"

She coughs out a shaky breath, never more grateful for the fact that it's pitch black out aside from the phone light. If he could see her more clearly right now she's fairly certain he'd be able to read everything on her face. As it is, he can probably feel her heart pounding; whether it's from the near fall and his proximity, she's willing to bet on the latter.

"Yeah." She clears her throat again, shivering as his thumbs brush over the skin at her hips where her shirt has ridden up. "I'm fine." She drops her hands, intending to put some distance between them.

He releases his grip on her waist at that, but makes no effort to step back. Instead, he lingers as though reluctant to break their connection, reaches up and tucks a stray hair from her now messy ponytail behind her ear. "Good," he says, his voice a little lower, a little rougher than usual. "See, I can be helpful."

She has to force herself to breathe as his fingertips graze her jaw, her eyes slipping shut briefly at the touch.

"Kate -"

"I think we just found our weapon," she interrupts, finally taking a step back while she still has the self-control to do so.

She would swear she sees disappointment flicker in his eyes before he steps back as well. Then, he turns to angle the light at the ground where she tripped. "Yeah. Guess so."

She feels the ghost of his touch the entire way back to the precinct.

And that's why saying yes to the Hamptons would be entirely too dangerous.

A.N.: This will be multiple chapters. I'm not sure how many yet. As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts and appreciate you taking the time to read.