Exclaimer: All characters belong to Hidekaz Himaruya.

Author comments: I like to thank my friend ShrapnelGirl for beta-reading and encouraging me to write Hetalia fanfiction. I also recommend you to read her epic fic Spellbound. There are few references to that story in this.

This story is loosely based on my last experience in Denmark and although this is a angsty crackfic it is based on some true events (the news article and media is all true).

Lesson in Danish

It's a sunny day in May 2006. Iceland walks briskly with his hand in his pockets on a street that is well-known tourist attraction. Especially among the Icelandic people who love shopping, particularly in foreign countries. Here and there you can hear snippets of the Icelandic language between the native one where they dash from shop to shop. Iceland has a relaxed air about him as it were his homeland. His face changes the minute he lays his eyes on Denmark at the end of the street. Iceland turns his head and acts as if he is bored and doesn't care about his surroundings. Iceland pretends he doesn't see his former ruler and walks past him, but Denmark snatches him up so he yelps and engulfs him in a bearlike hug.

"Velkommen lille bror."

"What do you want?" Iceland smooth out his unbuttoned dark brown jacket and white collared shirt when Denmark finally releases him.

"Would it kill you to speak Danish once in a while?"

Iceland frowns. "Thank you for having me."

Den's mouth twitches. "Very well. Have it your way." He starts to walk and Iceland follows him two steps behind.

"What do you want?" Iceland skips so he can keep up with the Dane.

"What, can't a brother invite his little brother over without having an ulterior motive?"

Iceland stops dramatically in his tracks. Denmark halts and looks over his shoulder.

"I would be bigger than you if my population wasn't always wiped out by some natural disaster…" Iceland says in a high-pitched voice.

Denmark chuckles.

"Yeah, yeah or the fact that your land is mostly uninhabitable."

Iceland pouts.

"Where is ?" Denmark glances at Iceland's shoulder where the little bird is normally sitting.

"I left him at home to be on standby in case you would kidnap me or…"

Denmark roars with laughter. Passerby turns their heads in shock over the cacophony and run away from the laughing maniac like he is some kind of a nut-bag terrorist. Iceland is tempted to do the same.

"That is craziest thing I have ever heard." Denmark wipes tears from his eyes.

"Yes, it was just a joke…" Iceland says hesitantly, startled over Denmark's overreaction when he finally stops laughing.

"But we aren't here to talk about politics." For some reason a shadow goes over Den's face when he says that but it is quickly replaced by his huge grin. "What do you say we get some breakfast?"

"Cakes?" Iceland's eyes light up with excitement. "I love your cakes. It's one of the few things I can tolerate about your culture," Iceland says matter-of-factly.

Den smiles sadly and shakes his head. "No. No sweets. Would you like some smørrebrød?"

"I already had a Prince Polo."

"Chocolate bar is not a breakfast. Stop being so pig headed." Den grabs his upper arm and starts dragging him.

Iceland yells outraged over the sudden touch and tries to get free. "Hey! Let me go."

Denmark smiles teasingly and pulls him to the nearest restaurant.

"See. That wasn't so bad, was it?"

Iceland doesn't answer Denmark and stick his fork repeatedly in the leftover breadcrumbs on his plate. The crumbs shoot in every direction and one clings desperately to the chin of Denmark. The two nations sit at table closest to the window. People whisper in loud voices and stare at their table manners. Denmark smiles at them apologetically.

"Icey, what is troubling you?"

Iceland continues murdering the breadcrumbs with a sour expression.

"You can tell me," Denmark presses on.

There is still no answer from Iceland and not a single breadcrumb is left on his plate.

Denmark smiles, wipes the breadcrumb on his chin away and waves at a waitress. He orders beverages. Iceland glares at him.

"It's not even noon yet."

The waitress comes quickly back with two huge beer mugs.

"Live a little, Icey." Denmark hands him the other pint.

"I am too young."

Denmark lifts an eyebrow.

"You are older than Russia even though your behaviour doesn't match your age. Don't think for a second I didn't know about your secret brewery in the cellar." He takes a long sip of his beer.

Iceland gets rosy in the cheeks and hides behind his beverage.

"We are Vikings. Drink up."

When Iceland still hesitates Denmark adds: "The drinks are on me."

For the first time in this visit Iceland obeys. He loses counts of how many drinks he has. He wants to use the opportunity to drink as much for free as possible. It must be the drunkenness, since Iceland can't remember a single reason for why he had that insane idea, to start a drinking contest with Denmark. It doesn't take long for him to lose all perception of time and place. Everything goes dark. The last thing Iceland remembers is seeing the cold grin on Denmark's face.

"Oof, my head." It takes awhile for Iceland's eyes to adjust to the darkness. "Where am I?"

His hands rest on a sturdy desk. "What game are you playing Den?"

"Oh, so you are finally awake."

Iceland can hear Denmark walk down the creaking stairs. He jumps up in his seat and clutches his head as if it were exploding from the inside.

"Where...is this place?" He asks when the pain in his head is not as severe.

Denmark turns on the light in the ceiling that blinds Iceland at first and his headache intensifies. After getting used to the sudden brightness, Iceland looks wary around. Their location is a big dusty basement, stacked with shelves and paper boxes of all sizes that seems to have been cast aside to the farthest corner. The high empty bookshelves seem to be hiding something furthest in the back. In a more organized and cleaner spot, not cluttered with boxes or shelves, closest to the wooden staircase, there is one classroom desk; the one Iceland is sitting with, extra chair and one white board. These are the only furniture in this place that has been wiped clean of all grime. High above Iceland's head are long and narrow windows that are nailed shut.

Iceland searches his pockets. His cell phone and wallet are gone. Iceland clenches his teeth.

"So you did intend to kidnap me. That explains that...that...insane laughter. You have always been crazy," Iceland says in drowsy voice while holding his head and glaring at Denmark, who puts an orange juice and two aspirins on the table without meeting his eyes.

"Please, don't jump to any conclusions. My only intention is to educate you."

"Educate…? You put something in those drinks. I knew I shouldn't trust free drinks!" Iceland slams his hands on the classroom table, which in return gives him a worse headache. He holds his head in agony.

"No you just couldn't handle all that alcohol. Tsk, tsk. You shouldn't drink so much." Denmark brings the juice and the aspirin closer to him.

Iceland glowers at him but takes the medicine. He doesn't drink the juice.

"Drink it. You will ruin your stomach if you don't." Denmark says in a fatherly tone.

Iceland finally relents and drinks it. "What are you planning?"

Denmark takes the glass away and puts it on a bookshelf behind him.

"Like usual you don't listen. I plan to educate you."

"I don't like the sound of that. I have nothing to learn from you."

"Oh, but you do." Denmark walks casually to the whiteboard and starts writing.

After Iceland reads what it says on the whiteboard his eyes grow wide.

Nu skal vi lære dansk.

"Hell no! I am not going to…" Iceland's hands start shaking.

"So you could read what was on the board after all." Denmark grins a victorious grin.

"I will tell...stóra bróður." Iceland blushes furiously after muttering big brother in Icelandic.

Denmark laughs. "You think Norway doesn't know about this?"

Iceland looks up startled.

"You don't think he was the one who came up with this plan?"

"But why…?"

"Well, he suggested I talk to you first. I did and it didn't work so you have no one else but yourself to blame."

Iceland bites his teeth together.

"He along with the other Nordics, including me, thinks you have gone too far." Denmark points at him with an admonishing finger.

"Not the Faroe Islands and Åland Islands? I can't believe Finland is in on this. Maybe Greenland..."

"They all think you are out of control."

"What I have done to deserve this?"

Denmark laughs coldly and slams down an open newspaper on the classroom table.

Iceland takes over Denmark.

The news is accompanied with a caricature of Iceland's big landmass grinning and literally taking over Denmark's small frighten landmasses.

"Oh, that." Iceland instantly relaxes in his seat. He thought it was something more serious.

He snickers when he looks at the caricature again.

Denmark hits him lightly upside the head. "That is a very serious offense against your ruler!"

Iceland grimaces and massages his cranium. "Former."

Denmark puts away the newspaper and his eyes shoot daggers at him.

"No, you cheated. You manipulated me on my darkest hour."

Iceland sighs and opens his eyes. "You are still hung up on that?"

"As far as I'm concerned, you haven't gained your independence. You must earn it first." Denmark walks to the end of basement, rustles through something and comes back with a dirty box. He put it on the clean ground, opens it up and hands Iceland a stack of books.

Iceland flips through the books and his mouth drops in disgust.

"By speaking...by speaking?"

"Yes, by speaking Danish."

Iceland flings the open textbook at him: "That's absurd! Why should anyone want to speak their former ruler's language?"

Denmark takes Iceland's old textbook from his face and puts it down. He lowers himself on the table and says through clenched teeth: "Every other former colony does that. India... even America does that."

"It's not the same language."

"Call it what you want. I demand some respect. You are not getting out of here until you have learned, or should I say spoken, everything that is listed in these textbooks." Denmark puts an accusing finger on one of the sentences: "Tsk, I can't believe you translated this incorrectly. You know better. Ligeglad doesn't mean happy, it means not caring. Like you are doing now." He shakes his head in exasperation.

Iceland stares in shock and loathing at his old textbooks.

Denmark watches him through the corner of his eye. "You can probably not recall it but you begged me for help when you were drunk."

Iceland slams down the textbook. "I did not!"

"Den, I am way over my head. Help me!" Denmark says in a high-pitched voice and pinches Iceland's cheek.

Iceland bats his hand away. "I don't sound like that. You are liar. You can't make me. You can't keep me here. It's not right." Iceland takes one of the textbooks and rips it with ease. Denmark stares at him dumfounded. Iceland picks up the next book.

Denmark, who has gotten over the shock of seeing Iceland unknown strength, stops him by taking a hold of his hand. "Not as right as say…trying to take over your…"

Iceland throws his hands away and drops the textbook. "I don't believe the others are in on this. You are lying. You have wanted to get revenge ever since I snatched my independence from you while you were occupied by the Nazis." Iceland stands up from his seat and kicks the table repeatedly until it falls to the side.

Denmark exhales loudly and balls his hand into a fist. He takes up a cell phone from his pocket and dials. He walks into the maze of boxes and shelves to get some privacy.

Iceland follows him with out hesitation. "Whom are you calling?"

Denmark ignores him.

"Yes, he is being a real pain in the...if you get my drift. I don't think this is working."

"Whom are you talking to?" Iceland pulls at his sleeve.

Denmark looks down on him and hands him the phone.

"Norway. He wants to speak to you."

Iceland stiffens and folds his arms. "I don't want to speak to that traitor."

"He doesn't want to speak to you." Denmark hands him the phone again. "Norway says you better speak to him or else."

"Or else? What can be worse than what you are already doing to me?" Iceland waves his hands in an animated fashion.

"You are such a drama queen. Take the phone."

"No."

"Fine, I give up." Denmark puts the phone back into his pocket.

Iceland stares at him open-mouthed. "You hung up on him."

"Yes, isn't that what you wanted?" Denmark huffs in vexation.

"He is going to be so furious." Iceland get's cold and trembles. He looks frantically around as if he is expecting Norway to storm in at any minute.

Denmark walks to the table and starts putting the textbooks away.

"Not my problem. I have changed my mind."

Iceland blinks in confusion when Denmark puts the box away and starts wiping of the board.

"You are giving up...so soon?" Iceland follows his every movement till he stops in the stairs.

"You are too stubborn. Come, let's go." Denmark unlocks the door.

"Where are we going?" Iceland runs up the stairs to catch up with him. He covers his eyes when the blinding sunlight hits them. They are out in the street.

"To Bonbon land. Though I wouldn't say your behaviour warrants that kind of treatment." Denmark waves for a taxi.

"Can I get my money and phone back?" Iceland asks when Denmark steps into in the taxi.

"No. You would waste all your finances on sweets."

"I am not stupid." Iceland reluctantly sits next to him.

"Sometimes I wonder…"

"Hey!"

After a car ride to the train station and a train ride, Iceland felt was the longest ever, they finally arrive in Bonbon land.

Iceland's eyes are glossy with anticipation. He is overcome with joy and runs to the entrance.

"One adult and one child." Denmark ignores the stare of hatred he gets from Iceland.

"Please can I have my money back?" Iceland asks when Denmark has paid the entrance fee and they walk into the amusement park.

The first thing that grabs Iceland's attention, beside the fact that every attraction there is in some way related to the Bonbon candy, is a crowd of people, little children running and laughing and the last but not last, the smell of candy in the air. It's by far Iceland's favorite amusement park, next to the Tivoli, Legoland and the Zoos of course.

"No, not until you are back on your plane." Denmark walks into a white sale tent.

Iceland pouts and follows him into a line. "You are evil."

Denmark laughs. "I will buy you sweets on one condition. Ask for it in Danish."

Iceland stares at him as he had just told him that he was going to lock him up in prison for life.

"Come on, it's not that bad. It's very simple. Hint: it's the name of this place."

"No."

"Okay, fine. No sweets for you."

Iceland clenches his teethes. "I will not be broken so easily." He averts his eyes from the candy all around him.

"Not my problem." Den buys himself some confectionery and shows it to Iceland. Iceland turns his head away.

"It's my money."

"You can't be trusted with money." Denmark pockets the candy and walks out.

"What do you mean by that?" Iceland is bewildered over Den's sudden mood change and runs after him.

"The way you are going only leads to disaster." Den shakes his head with sad eyes.

"You are a pessimist."

Den's expression instantly hardens. He stops and turns around. "And you are an idiot if you can't see where this is heading!" He clamps his shoulders in a firm grip.

"I won't stand here and have you lecture me." Iceland tries to break loose. Den hardens his grip.

"Icey, listen. This is important."

Iceland closes his eyes.

"ICEY!"

Iceland looks for a way to escape. He scans the crowd for someone to rescue him and sees a familiar young man in a Hawaiian shirt. A beacon of hope for Iceland.

"America!"

Denmark covers his mouth and grabs Iceland who fights tooth and nail to escape from him.

America rushes to them in a heroic fashion.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, just brotherly dispute. That's all." Denmark says in an innocent voice while Iceland flings his arms around.

America's smile instantly fades.

"An overbearing brother...let go of him this second!"

Denmark shakes his head with a determination as if he is holding his favorite teddy bear, but before he knows what is happening, Iceland sinks this teethes into his hand.

"Ouch, you crazy kid!"

Denmark tries to catch him when Iceland dives into his pockets with snake like movements and gets his wallet and phone back. Iceland runs away, laughing mischievously like a schoolboy after a well-done prank. America jogs alongside him.

"Thanks America."

"No problem. I know everything that is to know about overbearing brothers. England told me that Denmark was the best place to go skiing. I knew I shouldn't have trusted him!" America pumps his fists into the air.

"That was very mean of him..." Iceland looks over his shoulder and his breath gets caught in his windpipe. Denmark is coming in their direction with murderous like aura surrounding him. Suddenly the old fear of his former ruler returns tenfold. Iceland desperately attempts to get America's attention by pulling at his sleeve, but he is too focused on reminiscing and has stopped in his tracks.

"And one time he denied to give me any cookies till I said they were called biscuits. That manipulating bastard…"

"Run!" Iceland is about to sprint when Denmark catches up to them with his long strides.

Iceland ducks behind America who is still caught up in his stories, just in time before Denmark reaches them. Iceland holds his breath.

"Give him this." Denmark hands America the bag of sweets. America is baffled.

Den peeks over the high frame of America till he sees Iceland crouching behind him. "Iceland, heed my warning before it's too late. And don't forget to share your candy." He inspects his bite marks and shakes his head fondly: "You know I never had this much trouble with the other colonies." He laughs and walks away with his hands in his deep jacket pockets.

Iceland doesn't dare to come out from his obvious hiding place till Den has disappeared into the crowd.

"That warning sounded serious." America hands Iceland the plastic bag.

Iceland shrugs his shoulders, opens the bag of candy and shares it with America. America dives his hand into the bag till his hand is full and pulls it out.

"England would never have given me candy for being bad. Not to mention he would have murdered me in some horrible fashion if I had bitten him. Maybe your brother isn't so evil after all."

Iceland doesn't answer and focuses all his energy on devouring the candy.

"What attraction do you want to try? The rollercoaster one is my favourite." Iceland throws the empty bag of candy on the ground. America picks it up, nods and they walk in that direction.

Neither of them takes notice of it when they pass Denmark who isn't far from them, talking in his cell phone.

"Norway, I think I may have been able to instil a little fear in him. He won't act so recklessly next time."

Two years later in October 2008, Denmark receives a call in the middle of the night. He grumbles and picks up his phone from the nightstand.

"Iceland, you know what time is it. We are only two hours apart….No, I will not lend you money!" Denmark says in a firm voice.

"But…" Iceland says in a whiney desperate voice.

"I told you so."

"But I am in real deep shit."

"Like I said you would be. When will you ever listen?" Denmark's voice is laced with sorrow and anger.

"Norway won't even lend me some money till I have resolved the matter with England first. Faroe islands did but she doesn't even have that much money. Poland did as well...I can't fathom why. But I need more. Aren't you ashamed of yourself for letting poor countries help your poor little brother?"

Denmark leans on the bedpost with a sigh. "You have no one but yourself to blame. You will have to use your head and find some more money." He scratches his head with a tired expression.

"Find?" There is a spark of hope in Iceland's voice.

Suddenly the weight of his words dawns upon Denmark.

"I meant earn. You have to earn them…!" He yells into the phone but is answered with beeping.

Denmark stares at the phone.

"He hung up on me…."

"Russia is my new best friend," Iceland says in a media announcement while drinking coffee with Russia in his own home.

Denmark sits in his Arne Jacobsen sofa and stares shell shocked at the news. Only few days have passed since the call from Iceland.

It takes a while for his mind to register the fact that his phone has been ringing for a while.

He picks it up without checking the caller ID and nervously says: "Hello…?"

"Denmark, what have you done?" Norway says in an ice-cold voice that chills Denmark to the bone.

Den shivers and feels the temperature rapidly drop in his apartment.

"Me? At least I tried to get some sense into him. All you did was stay back, cold and distant." Denmark can barely contain the anger in his voice. He stands up and with trembling hands opens the refrigerator and takes out a juice carton. He is too upset to drink beer.

"I am helping his people get some jobs." Norway answers defensively.

Denmark tightens his grip on the phone. "But you never confront him. Never talk to him. Always so cold and distant. Isn't he your real brother? Why do you keep pinning him on me? Earn up to your responsibilities for once."

Denmark gulps down the juice in one sip.

"You were his ruler longer than I was."

"You even forgot he was one of your colonies. Or was it me...I don't remember." Denmark laughs with high-strung nerves. He pours himself another glass of juice.

Norway doesn't answer.

"Fine, I will go talk to our bratty little brother." Denmark throws on his coat and storms out.

"Denmark..."

Iceland swallows audibly when Denmark all of sudden stands in his doorway, after having broken up the oak door with brute force alone. He and Russia are still having coffee in his apartment. There are two vodka bottles on the kitchen table. Poster of the singer Björk and band Sigurrós hangs on the opposite wall alongside oil paintings of mountains and volcanic landscapes.

"You got my attention loud and clear, little brother." Denmark cracks his knuckles and walks slowly towards them.

"It was only a joke..." Iceland glances like mad from the approaching Denmark to the door hanging on a broken hinge, as he is expecting to meet the same fate.

"It must have been a private one. None of the other Nordics laughed. Heck not even the rest of the world did. I have my own little private joke for you." Denmark stretches his long arm out towards him.

Iceland jumps up in his seat and runs around the table to escape from the hunt. "Russia help!"

Russia calmly pours vodka into his coffee. "I don't interfere with family matters."

Denmark tries to snatch up Iceland who ducks up and down.

"I am still under America's protection."

"Fool. That was void as soon as you contacted Russia."

"I didn't contact him. He came to me."

"You must learn that actions have consequences." Denmark manages to grab his collar and drags him out of the house. He pulls him to the rental car parked in front of Iceland's home.

He shoves Iceland into the car.

"Denmark…" Iceland pleads.

"Silence!"

The rest of the car ride takes place in complete, painful silence. At last, but all too soon for Iceland, they stop in front of an apartment that looks just like the one in Denmark.

"Please! Not the basement."

Denmark latches onto his ear, pulls him forcefully out of the car and down the creaking stairs.

"You will be learning Danish for the rest of your life."

"NOOOOOO!"

Den plants him in the classroom seat.

"Please, please. I will do anything. It was just a joke. Anything but that!" Iceland begs as if Denmark was intending to absolve his independence.

When Denmark answers with nothing but silence, Iceland asks tentatively while looking around: "Why is this basement identical to the one in your home...?"

"Because, before I confronted you I made it that way."

"That's beyond creepy…" Iceland shakes like a leaf.

"Yeah, maybe it is…"

Denmark is stunned into complete silence. He thinks back to when he was seething in the plane on his way to Iceland. How he had carefully planned on finding and redecorating a basement, till it was exactly the same as the one in Denmark. Den had been positive that he would have to use some kind of harassment to get Iceland to listen to reason. He hadn't expected it to be so easy to put fear into his heart.

Denmark had prepared for Iceland to laugh into his face and arrogantly say that it was none of his business who he met with and who not. Not in million years could he have imagined Iceland to be reduced to the state of a terrified puppy, whose biggest fear was to get hit with a stick by his owner for peeing on the carpet. Gone was the bravado and cockiness from years back. Suddenly Iceland seems to be his natural age. He has sunken eyes and everything about him yells despair. Denmark has to confess he does not like that one bit.

Denmark decides to put him out of his misery. He takes the seat opposite him.

"Relax, I won't force you to do anything."

There is a spark of hope in Iceland's purple eyes.

"You really think I want use my language as punishment?"

Iceland stares at him in puzzlement.

Denmark runs a hand through his own hair and sighs. "My language is slowly dying. You don't understand since your language has been kept unchanged for all these years. I was hoping that you would help me in keeping mine alive."

The hollow look in Iceland's eyes vanishes. "Denmark, I never knew. But no." Iceland shakes his head.

Denmark can barely contain the joy of seeing some of Iceland's old stubbornness return. But he has to be strict. He half smiles when he pinches the bridge of his nose. "You are impossible! Sometimes I am tempted to put you over my knee..."

"You wouldn't dare!"

"Don't tempt me. However, the fact remains that what you did was dangerous. You don't understand the delicacy of the connection between the nations. You have never been at war." Denmark raises a hand and shakes his head when Iceland is about to interrupt.

"No, that doesn't count. You were dragged into it and you made money out of it."

Denmark stops Iceland when he tries to talk again.

"And the Cod War was not really a war though it was kinda badass the way you fought off England."

Denmark searches for something in his pocket.

"You don't know the horrors of a true war and I pray you never will."

Iceland looks down shamefaced. Denmark hands him a small piece of written paper.

"Read this on the news and we will be even. Norway will then see that you have been thoroughly disciplined."

Iceland glances from the paper to Denmark.

"Okay…"

"Jeg var en rigtig idiot. Kan I forlade mig? Jeg vil ikke gøre noget som helst andet som vil far I til at hade mig. Jeg er kun en lille morsomt fyr som ingen skal lytte til."

The Icelandic cameramen look puzzled along with the anchors watching from the side line. Denmark nods, happy with the procedures. He is tempted to correct Iceland's accent and grammar here and there but decides to let it slip by. He doubts he will ever get Iceland to do this again and although the situation is grave, he intends to revel in the moment.

"I understand the need to keep the small nations in check."

Denmark jumps up when Russia all of sudden stands beside him.

"I thought you had left…" Denmark says with a shudder.

"It's rude to leave before saying goodbye to your host."

Russia whispers into his ear: "But what I can't comprehend is this: What did he do beside drinking coffee with me? Is it because he was drinking alcohol too? He is older than me you know."

"Nothing, it has nothing to do with you Mr. Russia."

Russia cocks his head to the side. "Of course not." He smiles coldly and walks away.

The Icelandic people clap after the bizarre speech is finished and file out of the building.

Iceland walks with vengeance in mind towards Denmark, who is still shell shocked after Russia's appearance.

"Er du nu tilfreds? Skal I gøre noget andet for dig?"

Denmark looks bewildered at his former colony. Iceland covers his mouth as if he had spit out a cockroach.

Denmark laughs hard while Iceland gets redder in the face. Iceland hits him on his massive chest with his little fists.

"Hjælp I kan ikke tale mit eget sprog! Det var det eneste som jeg har tilbage. Var du gjort dine dumme svin!? Var det noget du har planlægge? I stolede på dig!" Denmark catches his hands in mid air, leans down and kisses him on the top of his head.

Iceland jumps away from him like he was bitten by something poisonous.

"Hvað í andskotanum heldurðu að þú sért að gera?"

"The shock worked. Look, you are speaking your own language." Denmark ruffles his silver white hair.

"Það var líka eins gott fyrir þig." Iceland blows raspberries.

"Have you learned your lesson? Do you now understand the gravity of the situation?"

"Já, I mean yes." Iceland lowers his eyes and turns his head away.

A few days later Norway marches with a rolled up newspaper into Denmark's office, which is furnished with Arne Jakobsen furniture and H.C Andersen pictures adorns the wall. Denmark looks up from his paperwork and puts it aside.

"Well, good morning to you too..."

He stops in mid speech when sees the frosty look of anger on Norway's face.

"Sigh...what did Iceland do now?" Denmark prepares for the worst, opens his mini fridge and pours himself a glass of beer.

Norway answers by unfolding the newspaper.

Denmark reads the headline while drinking.

Icesave: Iceland to war with England and Holland?

Denmark spit out his bear, soaking the paper and Norway. He shakes his head vigorously.

"Nope, I am not touching that one." He looks up and freezes at the sight of the beer leaking from Norway's light hair and his dark foreboding expression. His hands tremble with rage.

"Sorry...um...do you want a towel…?"

Norway rolls up the newspaper and hits Denmark on the head with it.

"Ouch!"

The End

Author comments: In this oneshot the Nordics sadly failed in their attempt to avert the financial crisis in Iceland but I have written a what if multi-chapter sequel were they actually succeeded. In the sequel I go in much more depth in all the financing stuff (but not too deep, that would be too boring) whereas here there are only subtle clues. The sequel has been published.

Danish is taught in Iceland but many Icelanders (not me) loathe it, must have something to do with us being a former colony or the fact that it is not taught the right away (it's sometimes taught in a boring way and many Icelanders have trouble with the accent).

Here is translation of the Danish and Icelandic in fic. My Danish is a little rusty, so please feel free to correct me, same with English.

"Velkommen lille bror." Welcome little brother.

Nu skal vi lære dansk. Now shall we study Danish.

"Jeg var en rigtig idiot. Kan I forlade mig? Jeg vil ikke gøre noget som helst andet som vil far I til at hade mig. Jeg er kun en lille morsomt fyr som ingen skal lytte til." I was a complete idiot. Can you forgive me? I will not do anything more so you will hate me. I am just a funny little fellow that no one should listen to.

"Er du nu tilfreds? Skal I gøre noget andet for dig?" Are you happy now? Should I do anything more for you?

"Hjælp I kan ikke tale mit eget sprog! Det var det eneste som jeg har tilbage. Var du gjort dine dumme svin!? Var det noget du har planlægge? I stolede på dig!" Help, I can't speak my own language. It was the only thing I had left. What have you done you stupid pig? Was this something you had planned?

"Hvað í andskotanum heldurðu að þú sért að gera?" What the hell do you think you are doing?

"Það var líka eins gott fyrir þig." (it's hard to translate this one to get the right meaning across) It was better for you/ It better be.

And for those interested in the historical references here is some explanation but more detailed information can be found in fairly accurate Wikipedia article, Iceland Finical crises 2008-2009.

Iceland takes over Denmark.

This news article and caricature (that I am unable to find again) is what inspired me to write this story. When I last visited Denmark along with my family in Mai 2006, we were shown this article with a hint of frustration, as it was our fault that Icelandic businessmen were trying to take over Denmark by buying a lot of their companies; Magasine du Nord, Royal Brew, Hotel D'Anglaterre. This article was lengthy about the history between Denmark and Iceland and whoever wrote it was outraged that a former colony was trying to take over; it was humiliating. Though not all news in Denmark was like this, some were humorous and said they thought Iceland was not going to buy anything this week, I thought is much more fun to take that approach in this silly story of mine. Especially since many Icelanders (including myself) were embarrassed over this Icelandic outvasion were the business men were described as Vikings who bought many foreign businesses and was gratulated by the media and the goverment as heroes back home. But one question always remained unanswered. Where does all this money come from? Well, to make a long story short it ended in disaster and regrettably many countries warned Iceland, including Denmark with it's Geyser crisis report but Icelandic prime minister did not listen and called them jealous! So of course Iceland doesn't listen either in my story.

Icesave: Iceland to war with England and Holland?

It was not a war with England and later Holland but an international dispute over the dreaded Icesave accounts ( in Iceland they were nicknamed Iceslave). At stake in Britain were hundreds of millions of pounds of British owned deposits trapped in Icelandic banks that led to UK government to invoke "hostile" anti terrorism legislation to freeze Icelandic banks' asset in the UK.I was referring to a news article where it was highly exaggerated (many thing were these strange times) that sadly I can't find but instead I found this on BBC UK, where the Cod war is also mentioned. Britain v Iceland: Fish now finance.

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Faroe Island was the first one to loan Iceland, followed by Polland.

Norway did in actually refuse to loan or have a swap agreement with Iceland at first till he had resolved the matter with the ice save accounts and Denmark did as well, stopping the loan from IMF. Iceland felt very betrayed by it.

To the surprise of many in Iceland and abroad, Russia came to us and agreed to loan us and the Icelandic prime minister said at a press conference: "We have been trying all year to get our friends to make swap agreements with us or get support of a different kind under these abnormal circumstances. We have not received the support we wished for from our friends, and when that happens we have to seek new friends." Jebb, he actually said that. He emphasized though that he was not referring to the Nordics.

Phew! This author comments was longer than thought. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it. Sequel has been posted.