Chapter 15

This Bitter Earth

This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope. The LORD'S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning;Great is Your faithfulness. "The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "Therefore I have hope in Him." The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, to the person who seeks Him. It is good that he waits silently. For the salvation of the LORD. ~~Lamentations 3:21-26

"So tell me all about it, Shawn," said Linwood.

He resembled a little boy begging for an extra slice of cake, giving Shawn a glimpse of how Lincoln might look when he got older. Even though his eyes had the characteristic slant of one with Downs Syndrome, he had enough of Linwood's other features. Shawn glanced at her son who was crawling and rooting around on the floor amongst a pile of geometrically shaped 3D solids that Liv brought for him. She spared no expense on anything she read that would stimulate his mind and increase his hand eye coordination. Shawn moved from the sofa to the floor and pulled Lincoln onto her lap. When he protested, she let him crawl back to the shapes.

She knew she'd have to talk about her meeting with Mrs. Blake. Linwood had been hounding her for days about it.

"Come on Shawn. My mother just says, 'Oh she's a nice girl' and 'I can't wait to see that grandson of mine again.' You have to tell me how it went. It's been a week since I saw you all. And you still haven't explained what's going on around here with Olivia. Is she finally leaving her husband? What does that mean for you and Lincoln?" Linwood said.

Shawn moved back to the sofa next to Linwood. She sighed and turned to face him straight on. "The meeting with your mom was fine. We talked about the weather first. She was disappointed I didn't bring the baby. I asked her about her work and your family. She asked me about my life. She apologized for what happened to me. She said she'd like me to meet your dad and the rest of your family. I called Edison and asked him to bring Lincoln so she could meet him. She did most of the talking. That's it."

Linwood regarded her intently. "Baby, that can't be it. Did you like her? Did you feel comfortable with her?" he asked.

"Yes...Not really...I don't know. I think, until I find out who tried to kill me. I'm going to be skeptical of everyone. It was okay. I can tell she was really trying to be nice to both of us. She seemed to genuinely adore Lincoln, but I can understand that since he's so adorable. I agreed to meet your dad too. I don't know when though. I have to be here for Liv now," she explained.

"So she is leaving her husband..." Linwood guessed.

"I don't know if she is or not. Fitz's wife told the Board of Ministers at Grace they were having an affair. Liv didn't go to church Sunday. She's been teaching her class, coming home, and locking herself in her room. They are supposed to have some meeting this evening to decide what to do. I'm sure Edison knows what's going on, but they haven't talked about it as far as I know. It's really strange. When I try to talk to her about it, she refuses by changing the subject. She looks so sad. I don't even think she's called her best friend about it," she said.

"Wow. They both should quit, get divorces, and be together. They can start their own church or -"

"Well, it is not that simple, Linwood," she argued.

"It is that simple. But I can understand how you would think that since it would also be simple for us to be a family, but I'll wait until you think it's less complicated between us. Now what's not complicated is the kiss I'm going to lay on you right now," he said, leaning toward her.

She chuckled trying to dodge his lips. The kiss was a welcome diversion from everything that was going on. She didn't tell Linwood how much she disliked his mother after that meeting. How Mrs. Blake assessed her outward appearance and didn't seem to really see her. Even though her gushing over Lincoln seemed genuine, Shawn did not trust it. She had other motives. Shawn was sure of it.

Olivia sat in her office at church. It smelled differently, empty, vacant. She hadn't been there in 7 days. She was the empty and vacant one, maneuvering through life like a robot. She recalled her meeting with Harrison from last week.

"I'll resign Harrison...immediately," she said.

He shook his head. "I and all of us on the ministry team support you. I am disappointed and angry that this happened since we are just getting the church back on its mission since Reverend Blake died. Membership is back up. The capital campaign is going well. All these are due in large part to you and Reverend Grant. I'm not judging either of you, especially not you, Olivia. You are my friend and I'm not going to ask you to step down or stop coming to church. Honestly, I'm hoping we can contain this somehow so the members won't find out. Maybe there are some changes in positions-wait are you two still together? I have to ask as it does make-" he said.

"No, we...are over. But Harrison...I...I thank you for your support. I'd rather stay away for awhile. I'm deeply sorry for everything," she said.

Nothing had been resolved in that meeting, really. Olivia had stayed away, ignoring everyone's calls. She still hadn't called Felecia. The hardest to ignore had been Fitz. She'd erased his voicemails and e-mails, even left unread a letter he mailed to her university mailbox. Instead she carried it around in her purse. He was sure to be at this meeting. This is where it would all come to an end. She planned to resign before anything could be said. How could she bear to look at him? Be in the same room with him?

She looked at her clock. In thirty minutes, she would have to face her colleagues. She flipped on her office light to freshen up her make up.

"Reverend Wright, she's here, I think," said Marjorie.

Olivia swung around and peered between the blinds to see Marjorie, Harrison, Abby, and everyone on the ministry team. She didn't see Fitz. Perhaps he was in the conference room already or en route to the church. Harrison broke stride with everyone and headed for her office. Before he could knock on the door, she pulled it open.

"Hello, Reverend Pope, its good to see you," Harrison said. Olivia stuck out her hand for a shake, but Harrison gave her a hug.

"It's good to see you. I guess this is it," she said, pulling back, "Is Reverend Grant here yet?" she asked.

A look of puzzlement crossed his face. He titled his head. "Have you spoken with him since you and I spoke?" he said.

"No...well, he has tried to contact me a number of times, but I didn't answer. I have a letter from him that I've yet to read, why?" she asked.

"He resigned last week and addressed the congregation on Sunday," said Harrison.

Olivia felt the breath leave her body. "He what? What was the reason he gave for resigning?" she managed to say.

"He gave this beautiful sermon, 'From Despair to Hope'. The scripture was from Lamentations 3. He then shared that he and his wife were divorcing and he didn't feel equipped to lead the church. Since then he's been working with us to find an interim. We were able to get someone whom we introduced to the church last night, Reverend Sharon Parish. Reverend Grant won't be here tonight. Actually this meeting is more a strategy meeting between us and the interim to talk about moving forward," he said.

Olivia looked lost. "But how did this happen so fast? I've only been gone for 7 days," she said.

"You weren't responsive to anyone's calls. I am in awe of it all myself. None of the ministers shared what Mrs. Grant told them about the affair. I've never witnessed that type of loyalty, Olivia, inside or outside of the church. Everyone is interested in moving forward, not looking back. I regret losing Reverend Grant, but he wanted to do what was in the best interest of the church and, I think, you too," he said.

"Where is he...Reverend Grant now?" she asked. She had more questions. Had Mellie really given up so easily when she was out for blood? How had this all happened so quickly?

"He's moving back to California and taking his children. I think Mrs. Grant is going to stay here," he said.

Olivia sat because the dizziness would surely fell her if she remained standing.

"I think I'll reserve my anger at you for not calling me, O, because I know how you get," said Felecia with a sigh. "Your parents trained you well. You really know how to punish yourself. You do self-flagellation well, sweetie. You walled yourself up for 7 days and the world kept revolving on its axis and orbiting around the sun despite you."

Olivia listened to Felecia's voice comforted by the sound if not by the words. The meeting with the new pastor was over and she was crouched against the olive tree in Lullwater Park alone.

"I wasn't trying to punish myself and I don't think I'm the center of the universe Felecia. How could he do that...resign? I was going to resign. Now he is just running away. It's obvious he didn't really love me if he's able to-"

"O, do you hear yourself? He tried to reach you all week? Have you even looked at the letter he wrote you?" Felecia pleaded.

"I can't find it, Felecia. I either lost it or Edison took it out of my purse. I don't know what to do. Things have gotten way out of hand. I feel out of control of my life. I don't know how I got to this place. I feel like he made me fall in love with him, and when I wouldn't do what he wanted he snatched it all away," she said wearily.

"He didn't make you do anything, O. And you wouldn't even talk to him. Olivia Pope, you need to stop acting like a child and make some decisions about Edison, your feelings for Fitz, and your job at the church. I would come to be with you, but I can't get away. Johnathan is at a conference and I'm sick-"

"Sick, Felecia. What's-"

"I'm pregnant and I have to stay very close to a toilet," she explained.

"Oh my God, Felecia? Why didn't you tell me...never mind...I'm so self-involved that I didn't even know you were pregnant. I just really hate who I've become. Felecia? Felecia?," Olivia said, hearing a guttural noise on the other side of the phone. It was obvious that Felecia was retching.

After awhile, she returned. "I'm sorry, sweetie, I hope this passes soon. I have an appointment tomorrow. But O, I have to go. I want to be there to help you through this, but I can't. You more than anyone know what you have to do, whether its really reconciling with Edison, being with Fitz...only you know. If you don't decide, It'll be decided for you," Felecia counseled.

After she hung up from Felecia, she dialed Fitz, filled with dread over the realization that it might be too late.

Thanks for reading, dear reader. How do you think Fitz will respond?

Until the cursor stops blinking and words appear...

~~ButterflyPages